You're Not Dead Until Someone Finds Your Corpse: Book 2 of the Mel Dread Series

By John Kaufman

The Melvin Dread saga began with two young detectives on a hunt for buried treasures in "Three Gold Coins or Too Young to Die This Rich!"

This sequel starts out with Mel and his best friend in a movie theater. They have been at odds with each other for weeks now, today was no different!

The movie they are about to see, sets the pac

• Language: English
• Publisher: Great Writers Media, LLC
• Release date: Aug 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9781961416970

John Kaufman

I was born into a family of dairy farmers. I was living in a world, not of my making. Trapped in place, I could never escape. So many times, I prayed for God to answer my cries of oh lord, why me? Years of living in a cruel, mean, and hateful place had left me mentally ill and suicidal. Then after a lifetime of searching for God's reason for this life of hell on earth, I began to receive sublimal messages. Messages that changed my life forever. The day I stood before death, witnessed a soul speaking to me above his dead body, what I saw and what he said will leave you like me, believing in God and the eternal soul in us all.

Book preview

Ebook_cvr.jpg

Copyright 2023 by John Kaufman

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotation in a book review.

Inquiries and Book Orders should be addressed to:

Great Writers Media

Email: [e-mail]

Phone: [phone]

ISBN: 978-1-961416-96-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-961416-97-0 (ebk)

Contents

Statistics

Chapter 1 It’s A Doggone Mystery? Or Oh, Is That Blood All Over Your Face?

Chapter 2 Boo Boo’s Missing! Or Are You Off Your Rocker Feller?

Chapter 3 Putin In All The Right Places! Or Be Careful Where You Walk!

Chapter 4 Black On The Market Or Too Many Spies In My Bedroom!

Chapter 5 Running To Catch A Ride Or There Goes My Baby Without Me!

Chapter 6 Sorry, I Didn’t See You Standing There! Or Always Wear Your Hard Hat!

Chapter 7 A Grate Deduction! Or Surprise You’ve Been Cremated!

Chapter 8 Voices In The Dark? Or Happiness Is A Run Down Motel!

Chapter 9 Fueling The Fires Or Till Death Do Us Part!

Chapter 10 Dread Man Walking Or It’s My Way Or The Highway!

Chapter 11 Good Plans Gone Bad! Or There’s Not A Fat Chance In Hell!

Chapter 12 Cold Cuts Or Wieners And Bum’s?

Chapter 13 Beware Of Falling Rocks Or I’m Not Feeling That Well!

Chapter 14 Gravity Combined With Water Equals Rain! Or An Original Van Go Gone?

Chapter 15 Out Of Sight Out Of My Mind! Or Is This Any Way To End A Good Mystery?

Statistics

O

ver 750 thousand American’s on average disappear

each year and the American Humane Society estimates over 10 million dogs and cats are lost or stolen in the U.S. every year.

You’re Not Dead Until Someone Finds Your Corpse!

Chapter 1

It’s A Doggone Mystery? Or Oh, Is That Blood All Over Your Face?

"F

irst of all, let me be clear

for the umpteenth time, my dear friend; some situations are just too dangerous for a fellow like me to let a pretty girl such as you get involved with. How many ways do you want me to say it Missy?"

Mel drastically lowered his voice as Bonnie led them into the movie theater. She was carrying a humongous bag of popcorn under one arm and a large bottle of cold water tucked under her other; her backpack was at her side. Mel followed closely behind Bonnie with his giant bag of popcorn, covered with lots of saturated fat, and enough salt to tan the hide of a small cow. Once again Mel had unsuccessfully come to any rational logic. He was carrying a fountain cola instead of a healthy bottle of Pure Colorado Mountain spring water. Mel again made a silent promise to try harder to choose bottled water the next time, instead of a cup filled with sugar; it was the monkey on his back. He was determined, for the next hour or so, not to ponder fat, caloric intake or the ongoing battle he was trying to avoid with his best friend Bonnie. It was important to Mel to stick to his guns when it came to knowing what was best for his best friend, including the movies they watched together whenever he could.

Bonnie, moving far more quickly, had found two seats up in front and center of the big movie screen. The house lights dimmed as the main feature was about to begin. Bonnie was already eating popcorn off the top of her bag. She was not using her hands, she used her lips to pick up the salty kernels of freshly popped corn with skill, deliberate speed, and with bullseye marksmanship.

Mel followed Bonnie as she led them to two seats in the front of the big movie screen.

How nice Bonnie. A very good choice of seats. Right here in the very front row, where we won’t miss a single thing.

Shud-dup Mel. The way I see it you got the best seat in the house, the one next to me. That said, lets both just eat our popcorn drink our drinks, while I do my best to sit here and watch another bad movie you’ve so kindly dragged me to. So you better listen to me very carefully Mr. Melvin Porter Dread III, pretend-private-eye-detective-keeping-everything-to-yourself-smarty pants, you don’t always get your way, but I always do."

Sinking low into her chair, Bonnie settled into her seat. Her eyes were glaring at the movie screen, no longer thinking about her newest arch enemy, she’d placed into friendship purgatory. He’d stay there until she could convince Mel she was not a liability, but was rather, a benefit to have as his partner. Maybe then he would give up on all his secrecy. Bonnie despised secrecy, she knew in her own mind Mel would be brought down, like she was David and Mel was Goliath. Without realizing it Bonnie had been seduced into the movie by the sound of soft music playing, which began to fill the theater like air in an overblown balloon. Then silence.

Mel had good reasons for not telling his best friend about his latest case. It was one he had been working on for some time. Ainsville was not a town laden with mystery’s to dive into. One had to be diligent and careful to find that rare obscure randomness that seemed to always show up for Mel; once again, he was onto something. Mel had few hard facts, but he did have several leads. Enough information for him to use his uncanny ability to get involved. Just like always, Mel had stumbled onto some unanswered question; oddities that for some uncanny reason told him, that only he had the persistence to solve this case. (Uncomfortable eerie silence) The theater was black as night. Bonnie and Mel sat with their eyes wide open toward the darkened screen, when suddenly there was a loud deathly scream just as screen came to life. There in the opening scene was a woman pulling at her hair and screaming uncontrollably at top of her lungs; blood was spattering all over the woman’s face. It was also hitting the lens of the camera, soon turning the entire movie screen bloody red, as bold italic letters You’re Not Dead Until Someone Finds Your Corpse appeared.

Bonnie was horrified. She had a love hate relationship with scary, frightening movies; splattering blood-intertwined with horrific screaming was not what she her considered preference, which was warm and cuddly. It was no longer a mystery, why she would always close her eyes during the really scary parts of any movie. But she was determined to watch as much as she could with at least one of her eyes kinda open!

Bonnie muttered, Oh my Gaud. Too dang darn icky; no bloody way! Jeez, Mel squirmed in his seat with visual recourse.

Then hoping it was a premature maneuver Bonnie put her left hand over her mouth hoping that what she was seeing did not make her throw up all that popcorn in the middle of the movie.

The story had numerous twists, turns and life-threatening, hair-raising, moments. It mostly depicted cruel and gruesome scenes which were graphically depicted and designed to keep anyone from sitting still in their chair. No Guts no glory Mel thought. There was a gun battle between the Russians and their FBI counter parts. The Russians were in a violent shoot out with the FBI men who were trapped in an old warehouse and running desperately short on ammunition.

Mel loved all the guns and violence, he was happy to be at the movies, especially one that labeled itself as a provocative movie mystery, set in the old Soviet Union, with American voices dubbed in; it had been recorded and filmed by a low budget Russian movie company. The movie was basically about a notorious foreign mob on a mission to wipe out American undercover agents who had infiltrated the Soviets secret undercover world of espionage.

With luck Mel would get his money’s worth of adrenalin thrills. His heart would race and he could feel his pulse beating through his veins, as another horrific scene of terror lit up the movie screen. It was always bigger than life to Mel; sitting fixated, his eyes staring at the giant canvas screen. Totally lost in his mind full of unlimited imagination, he was Mel Porter Dread the famous private eye who was on that big screen playing the starring role of Detective Samuel Davis, a tall, handsome, strong and muscular agent. He was at this moment a counter-spy turned secret agent to a gang of crooks that was threatening America’s Government Individual Protection Program. Without any warning Mel was sucker punched back to reality as Bonnie gave him a hard right elbow to his triceps, while simultaneously getting the armrest back, which Mel had claimed sometime during her frenzy to consume her popcorn. The empty carton was under her seat, out of sight, out of mind, as she instructed her movie companion to, Calm down Mildred, pull back on your throttle detective. Elbowing him again because it was so much more fun than the movie was.

Boy’s, why do they always have to be spying, stealing chasing one another and all that other crap? She thought as she got up and walked to the bathroom. She needed a break from all those irritating, heartless, renegade, out-of-control Russians, acting like the uncivilized race of people they still were. She had totally lost interest in the movie, it made no sense to her. She had come to the conclusion that, maybe in a trillion years, she would ask Mel to tell her what in the hell was he thinking when he dragged her to see a mess of a movie like this one. She was upset she had been lunatic enough to sit through a moronic foreign movie that had been filmed on the back lot of some movie set. To make matters worse, it was not only boring, it was too complex and, please God, it was just far too long. It was a mad producers manifestation of total infraction on the lack of value in the area of creative entertainment, with sub-titles, voiceovers and a bunch of crappy Russians. Pulling up her pants washing her hands she made her way back to her seat next to Mel. No sooner had Bonnie’s butt hit the movie chair cushion, than she was memorized by the images on the big screen. Feeling as though she had been hypnotized, she could not take her eyes off the screen. It was so real everyone in the theater had