X

By Robert Blair

"X" follows Jaxon, a senior in high school who prefers fleeting encounters with women and shying away from lasting connections. However, one night alters the course of his life forever when he crosses paths with Xayne, a mysterious and charming young man living in the heart of the woods who reve

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robert Blair
• Release date: Oct 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798868907234

Robert Blair

Robert Blair grew up in the small town of Sweetwater, Texas, but he now calls Dallas, Texas his home. The journey from Sweetwater to Dallas wasn't just about changing locations for Robert. It was a personal voyage from feeling misunderstood and rejected by his family to discovering his true self, embracing it, and turning it into powerful writing. When his family disowned him for coming out as gay, it was a difficult and challenging time in his life. However, instead of giving in to despair, he turned that experience into inner strength and found acceptance among his genuine friends, who continue to support him.Robert's life experiences have not only influenced his writing but also cultivated his wisdom. His best advice is to always stay true to yourself. For 18 long years, he struggled with his identity and harbored self-hatred due to societal pressures regarding his homosexuality. Yet, once he broke free from those constraints and embraced his truth, he discovered a renewed sense of joy in living and a peacefulness that now shines through his literary work. Today, Robert proudly stands as a testament to his belief that being authentic to oneself is the ultimate path to liberation.Even though there were disagreements about Robert being gay, he's grateful for everything his adopted mom, a pre-K teacher, did for him. She played a huge role in his life, guiding him and showing him love during his formative years. Despite their differences, he appreciates the impact she had on his upbringing. Their relationship proves that love and understanding can overcome challenges.

Book preview

Chapter I

Gazing up at the flaking ceiling above my bed, I had no particular thoughts in my mind. Instead, I found myself fixated on the paint flakes and how close they were to falling. Breaking up with my girlfriend didn't bother me at the moment, as I had little faith in school relationships lasting anyway.

Turning to my side, I admired the open window letting in the cool breeze that I found comforting when I slept, although sleep wasn't something I managed much lately. Glancing at the bedside clock, it indicated that it was almost three in the morning.

Feeling another refreshing gust, I discarded the covers and approached the window to enjoy the view. The world outside seemed peaceful, devoid of the usual neighborhood noise. A shadow caught my attention near the garden's tree line, likely my neighbor's shy cat. He occasionally greeted me, although he wasn't much of a people person.

Since the night was pleasant, I considered going for a walk. It was my go-to method to calm down and tire myself out when sleep evaded me. Tonight, I figured it was worth a shot. Although using the front door was risky with my mom around, I opted to sneak out through the window instead. I grabbed a jacket and slipped on some shoes. As I climbed onto the window ledge, I accidentally knocked over a can, leaving a puddle on the windowsill.

I looked all around once again, admiring the view. Everything was so calm, the shadows of small furry animals moving through the night being the only since the earth wasn't frozen still. The streets were empty, lined with parked cars and lit street lamps, but free of people. I could see woods for as far as the eye could see at the end of the garden, the tops of the trees peeking out in the horizon. It was quite relaxing out there and I often felt drawn to a walk around the forest trails. However, I'm not quite dumb enough to stalk the woods at night, so I settle for the park instead.

I began my routine of shimmying across the window ledge, balancing along the roof and sliding down the drain pipe at the edge of the garage. I had done this a million times, so I was practically an expert at it by now.

Feet finally on solid ground, I set off walking down the dimly lit streets. I plugged in my earphones and nodded my head along to music as I grooved down street after street, just enjoying the night. I found myself at the edge of the forest, stood at the tree line, and I could see the outline of what looked like a large deer, seemingly looking right at me.

This town was full of wildlife- due to it bordering a massive forest. That's why I love this town so much. Ever since I was a child, I had loved animals and at the young age of eleven, I had demanded to go vegetarian because the deer in the garden were 'cute'. I waved at the deer, before moving on down the tree line path.

I strolled towards the rusting kids park that sat on the forest edge, spotting Marc and Mason in their usual spot on the swings. They nodded at me when they saw me coming and I did the same, settling down in my spot on the slide. Marc and Mason were twins, sort of annoying and one-track minded, but- as you can imagine- not many other people are up at three in the morning. Company's company as far as I'm concerned.

Haven't seen you in a while, Jax. Mason greeted me, taking a long puff from a cigarette.

Where have you been? Marc took his own drag of the same cigarette, barely glancing at me for even a second.

Here and there. I shrugged, deciding to lay back and focus on the stars instead of the nicotine-breathed twins.

Ever the mysterious loner, Marc teased, How's her majesty, anyway? We barely see you during your relationships.

We broke up.

The words left my mouth effortlessly, no twang on my heart strings or thick-feeling in my throat. One glance at the boys revealed sympathy, shock and incredulity. I could tell what's going through their head: why on earth would you break up with such a hot chick? All they think of is sex. Marc wasn't that bad, but Mason was consumed by it.

What happened? Mason asked cautiously, ceasing his consistent swinging.

The usual. Stop going out at night, put more effort in, say I love you, do this, do that... I trailed off, listing all the usual problems with all of my past relationships.

I glanced over at the boys and both of them were sat with the same confused face, motionless. At moments like this, you couldn't really tell them apart. I only knew which was which because they were sat in their designated swings. One more glance at their faces and I could tell they wouldn't understand, so I just shrugged.

Clingy too. I gave the excuse that every guy accepted instantly.

They both nodded, finally understanding. Well, thinking they understood. I don't really understand it myself. The more relationships I enter, the more I realize they're just not for me. I don't click with people, they don't understand me and I just don't feel anything. Not a spark, not love, nothing.

Does that mean she's single? Mason chirped after a moments silence, making Marc slap him over the head.

Go for it. I reassured him, knowing he's not her type anyway. Too talkative.

You go through girls like Mason goes through boxes of tissues. Marc teased, making me grimace at the thought.

At that, the boys started chatting away about who in our sixth form they would 'smash'. I zoned out, counting the number of stars I could see. In the countryside, we don't get much light pollution, so I can see them a lot more clearly here than I could in the city. I don't know any constellations, but I think they're pretty anyway. I found my thoughts drifting. Maybe I'm not built for relationships, just not into that kind of lifestyle. I'll be a bachelor forever; it can't be that bad. Yet, deep down, I found myself craving somebody. I didn't want to be with anybody in particular, but I don't want to be alone.

Worst comes to worst, I'll just get a dog. Two dogs. Okay, maybe three. Depends how I'm feeling.

I had been so zoned out that I hadn't noticed a shadowy figure approaching the park. I looked up in curiosity, peering through the darkness to try and make out who it was. The big, beefy, red face of my good pal Dan came into view. I cringed, this was never good. Marc and Mason looked absolutely terrified and I sighed deeply, sitting up straight on the slide. He was marching towards us with determination, glaring at the boys intently. They must have done something to piss him off. Big mistake.

Dan! I greeted with fake enthusiasm, making his thick neck turn towards me. He looked worse than usual.

Don't try that shit with me. He snarled, spit flying through the air, You think you can chat shit about me? I will always find out. I have people everywhere.

I haven't chatted shit? I frowned, wracking my memory for a time when I had even bothered uttering a word about this waste of space.

You said I looked like a bulldog with rabies. He deadpanned, snarling again with a crazy look in his eyes.

Well, shit. Yes, I did say that... I trailed off, seeing the beefcake get angrier, But I meant it in a positive way! Somebody's twisted my words, clearly. I meant you have the intellect, strength and poise of one. You know?

He furrowed his eyebrows for a second and I drew in a sharp intake of breath, hoping my bullshitting had worked. I really thought he was dumb enough to buy it, but Mason ruined it by sniggering. Dan sent them a hot glare, matching my own one, before turning to face me with a face like thunder. He took a step towards me and I gulped, backed up against the slide already. I jumped to my feet and edged around the slide, ready to run and abandon those idiots.

Don't fucking move. Dan threatened, reaching into his pocket.

My face paled at that moment and so did the twins'. I wasn't sure what he was reaching for, but I certainly didn't want to hang around to find out. The twins looked, wide eyed, from Dan's hand deep in his pocket to me. They scrambled to their feet and darted off in unison, leaving me in the dust. How dare they abandon me... Well, I suppose I would have done the same. Also, I wasn't an idiot and I wasn't going to do as Dan said and wait around, just to be shanked anyway. I turned and sprinted like my life depended on it (which it probably did). I could hear Dan's yells and I glanced over my shoulder, checking he wasn't behind me.

What I saw surprised me.

Dan was in the middle of a fist fight with some guy dressed in black. It looked like he could handle himself, but with whatever Dan had in his pocket, I wouldn't be surprised if it ended pretty badly. A feeling swirled in my stomach, making me feel sort of nauseous and I almost gagged for a second. That wasn't a good sign.

I didn't question the guy who came out of nowhere, relieved for the opportunity to run. I did feel a bit bad, though. That guy could get stabbed. I pulled out my phone, anonymously reporting the incident to 999 as I continued to run. I must have sounded like a lunatic, out of breath and panting that a bulldog looking guy wielding a knife was brawling with a black clothed figure in an old kids park.

I didn't stay on the line for long, quickly hanging up and running home, holding my aching chest.

I finally reached home, climbing up my drain pipe as quickly as possible (which with my poor upper body strength, took a while). I clumsily shuffled along the window ledge and through the open window, slamming it shut and drawing my curtains. I definitely will not be sleeping with that open tonight, no matter how calming it usually is. I kicked off my muddy shoes, tore off my jacket and dove into bed. I pulled the covers over my head, panting from running like a lunatic all the way back here. I was struggling to calm my breathing, not used to exercising in any capacity.

I had a painful stitch in my side and my lungs felt like they were going to collapse, but I still didn't peep out from under the covers for fresh air. As cocky and confident as I act sometimes, tonight scared me. If it hadn't been for that random person fighting Dan, tonight could have ended quite differently for me. God knows I'm not the fastest runner and Dan plays sports, so he would've had me in no time. I couldn't help but wonder who told him what I said? It was only a side remark, some banter in the hallways which couldn't have been overheard. I'm surprised Dan took it so seriously.

I rolled over to the side and looked over at the angry red clock numbers. They say it's almost five in the morning. The sun would be rising in a few hours, and I couldn't wait. I had never wanted daylight more. As I laid there, my mind kept spinning, replaying tonight’s events. Sometimes it would end with me in bed, but sometimes it would end with me bleeding out in the rusty old park. I shivered at the thought. I should find out who that person was and thank them... If they're still alive.

Chapter II

When I say I hadn't gotten even a wink of sleep last night, I mean it. My eyelids hadn't even touched once. I'd spent the last few hours staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning. I've always had problems with sleeping, which is one of the reasons I go out every night, but it had never been quite that bad. I couldn't stop thinking about that guy. Had I left him for dead last night?

A strange feeling ate away at my chest for hours, whizzing around my brain, so that I couldn't sleep. I wasn't one hundred percent sure what it was, but I would bet that it was guilt. I felt guilty for running. It wasn't the first time I had ran away from something like that, but I didn't know the guy this time. What if he couldn't protect himself?

Something about the way he was fighting yesterday told me he could handle Dan, but that didn't matter. The feeling still refused to go away.

When the angry, red clock numbers read eight in the morning, I decided to just accept the fact I wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon and dragged myself out of bed. I looked in the mirror and cringed at my reflection. My hair looked pretty greasy and the bags under my eyes were prominent; I looked like I hadn't slept in a month.

I didn't feel like it, but I knew I had to shower. I doubt Ellie would appreciate me showing up smelling like sweat and ciggies. Washing my hair didn't take long, but it was much needed. It just seems hard to muster the effort to shower sometimes.

I pulled on some boxers, wandering back into my room to find clothes. Mom did all my clothes washing, which I was pretty grateful for, so everything in the drawers was neatly folded and ironed. I fished out a clean pair of black, ripped skinny jeans and a grey, long sleeve band tee, pulling it on quickly and heading for the front door.

The walk to the skatepark wasn't very long, since everything in this small town is close together. I had come here to find Ellie, hoping she'd be able to offer some kind of advice about how I was feeling. I knew talking to the twins would be useless, especially when they had ran off before anything had even happened.

Ellie was my best friend, always had been. We'd had a brief stint where we'd tried a friends with benefits thing, but I didn't want to string her along when all I felt was love for a friend, so we ended it as quickly as it began. I was grateful for the fact that our weird experimental phase had never effected our relationship. In fact, it had made us better friends. We were as thick as thieves, now.

I waved a quick hello to a few mutuals hanging out on the skate ramps and scanned for Ellie; she usually hung out here because it pissed her Mom off. Plus, she had some kind of thing going on with one of the guys who frequented here. It wasn't long before I spotted her leaning against one of the ramps, with said guy leaning over her, flirting.

Jaxon? I feel like I haven't seen you in a while! How's your girlfriend? Ellie exclaimed as she saw me, dismissing her guy and rushing over to give me a hug hello.

We broke up, actually. Don't worry about that, though. I came here because I need to speak to you about something else. You got time? I asked, rubbing my neck anxiously.

Always for you, hun. What's wrong? Ellie frowned, pulling me to sit down on one of the benches away from everyone else.

Last night, something happened. Something bad. The twins and I were in the park, minding our own business, when Dan came out of nowhere accusing me of talking shit about him. I began, making Ellie quirk a knowing brow, Yes, I was chatting shit, but who told him? Anyway, he pulled out a fucking knife.

You're joking! Ellie shrieked, her eyes full of concern as she raked my body for cuts, Are you okay? The twins?

We're fine, but I'm not so sure about the guy who intervened. He came out of nowhere, decided it was a good idea to take on the maniac with the knife... I ran off before the fight ended, so I don't know if he's okay or not. Called the police, though.

Jaxon, it's not your fault. She cooed, engulfing me in a hug instantly. She always knew what I was thinking, You can't blame yourself. Anyone in your situation would have ran. Dan's unhinged. What did the guy look like?

I wasn't close enough to see, but he was wearing all black... I was actually thinking about walking past the park, just to see if there's any police tape? I just need to know.

Want me to come with you?

I nodded and she gave me a comforting pat on the back, jumping to her feet. Together, we set off towards the kids park on the other side of town. It was nice to catch up with Ellie, since I hadn't seen her much while I was dating that girl, but my mind was slightly preoccupied.

What happened with your girlfriend? The usual? She queried, making me laugh bitterly.

It kind of sucks that what happens can be referred to as 'the usual'. She wasn't wrong, but the truth hurts. Even I had said 'the usual' to the twins last night. Maybe I need a break from relationships for a while- they're clearly not working out.

She said I wasn't passionate. She thought that I seemed unbothered as to whether we stayed together or not, so she gave me an ultimatum. Fix up, or else. I chose not together. I gave minimal details of yesterday's argument, not really that bothered by it.

I was more focused on the feeling that was gnawing on my insides. It was eating me up inside and I wasn't sure how to stop it. If I knew he was okay, maybe it would go away. It was strange, especially since I'm not usually an emotional person- definitely not towards a stranger. Dan must have really shaken me.

I thought you said she broke up with you? Ellie quirked a brow.

She did. She gave me no other option, so she clearly wanted to break up.

Your thought process scares me sometimes. The idea that you could just try a bit harder never occurred to you?

Whatever. I dismissed the conversation, spotting the park come into view.

Both of us went silent, scanning the park with worried eyes. The park was empty, per usual (due to it being rusted and pretty unsafe for children). I took this as a good sign, rushing to the gates to get a better look. I was expecting police tape, blood, whatever else a crime scene had to offer. I was relieved to find absolutely nothing; Not even a muddy footprint or patch of flattened grass.

Well, I hope that puts your mind at ease. Nobody was murdered here last night. Ellie declared, ready to wipe her hands of this situation.

I suppose you're right. I agreed after a while, feeling chills go down my spine.

I glanced around, feeling uneasy. I wasn't sure why, but I suddenly felt like I was being watched. I felt like there was something in the tree line, watching us investigate the park. I grabbed Ellie's hand silently, feeling the chills intensify. I didn't feel normal and I wanted to leave.

Let's go. Right now. I hissed, backing out of the park cautiously.

I couldn't see anything in the tree line, but I just knew it was there. I didn't know how, or why, but I was practically certain about it. Ellie could see the seriousness in my eyes and nodded, following me hastily. I jogged away, pulling Ellie by the hand around the corner. With every step, the uneasy feeling grew and I felt flighty. I wanted to run.

Earth to Jaxon! Ellie finally grasped my attention again, What's up? What happened?

I don't know. I need to go. I need to get away. I panicked, feeling jittery.

Let me walk you home. I think you're sleep deprived- this isn't like you. Ellie looked genuinely concerned, scanning the bags under my eyes.

I'm fine. I can walk myself home. Thanks for coming with me, though. I had a noticeable edge to my voice, but she chose to ignore it.

We hugged goodbye and set off in separate directions. The jittery feeling suddenly went away and I felt like I could breath again, which was a relief. I glanced over at the tree line and shuddered. Weird. I decided to avoid it, taking the busier streets to get home. I caught myself yawning as I walked and decided Ellie was right- I should take a nap. Mom was at work, so it should be pretty undisturbed.

I fumbled with my keys, unlocking the door and locking it properly behind me. I felt paranoid. It was probably caused by the lack of sleep. I flopped onto my bed, kicking off my shoes and crawling under the covers. I must admit, now that the worry had worn off, I was beyond exhausted from not sleeping the last few nights. The cool breeze from my open window circulated the room and I let my eyes droop shut.

Jaxon! Wake your lazy butt up now. The familiar angry tone of my mother woke me from my nap.

I looked up and saw it was dark outside- I must have been asleep longer than just a few hours. I felt like I'd transcended into another universe I was so groggy- Mom shouting at me didn't help it either. I rubbed my eyes, rolling over to bury my head back into my pillow. All I wanted was a few more hours sleep, but I knew that would be impossible now that I was awake.

Jaxon, if you're going to sneak friends in, tell them to exit using the front door instead of climbing in and out of your window. Our neighbor just told me she saw your friend leave by shimmying down the garage drain pipe! How embarrassing- My mom started to rant.

I paled, rolling over to look at the now closed window: someone was here? I hadn't invited anyone round and all my friends knew that they couldn't just pop in whenever they wanted- my mom hated my friends too much for that to happen. So, who the fuck had been lurking around my window... Or even worse, had possibly come into my room while I slept.

I'm going to bed- I have work in the morning. My Mom sighed, leaving my room, Disrespectful kids think they run the world-

Mom left my room, still muttering to herself about how I should know better. I was too busy freaking out to listen to her, though. Somebody was watching me; I'm sure of it. I don't know who, but I was sure as hell going to find out.

I worked up the courage to peek through my closed window, my eyes scanning every inch of scenery for any sign of who had invaded my privacy. I couldn't see anything, but I got that same feeling in my stomach from the park when I looked at the tree line. I looked a bit closer, trying to make out any shapes in the dark. My stomach twisted and I took a step back, quickly drawing the curtains.

Whatever was going on, I didn't like it. I scrambled for my phone, texting Ellie to let her know what happened. She replied, letting me know she'd come see me tomorrow to check on me. I glanced at the window again, feeling an urge to look. My phone beeped with a text, making me forget my urges.

Ellie: Order a damn lock for your window.

Chapter III

Jaxon? A voice called from outside my door.

I unlocked the door, beckoning Ellie inside quickly. She looked around the room cautiously, eyeing the pen I had jammed into the broken lock of my window to stop it from sliding up. She pinched her nose, kicking some stray dirty clothes out of her path.

Are you okay? When I said to get a lock on your window, I meant a real one. It's probably nothing, I didn't mean to panic you. Ellie tried to convince me.

I put a finger to my lips, heading to my computer and throwing a top over the camera. I wasn't sure what I could trust, so we had to keep our voices low until I find out if they'd tampered anything while they were inside. They could be listening.

Okay, this is literally ridiculous. If you're that worried, just go to the police. Ellie whisper yelled, gesturing to the shirt covering the camera.

What will the police do? Literally nothing. I'm just being cautious. I whispered back, feeling defensive of my paranoia, Plus, they'd know if I went to the police. They're watching.

I still think you should report it, but whatever. Ellie shrugged, You said you needed to go to the store, right? I'll come with you. Safer in twos.

I nodded, thanking her for coming. I double checked my window was jammed shut before leaving, locking the door behind me. We left the house and the second we did, I felt like I was being watched again. I pulled my hood up, putting my head down. I debated going back inside, but opted for just sticking to busy roads instead.

It's so much quicker down the tree line route. We don't have to actually go in the forest, if that makes you feel better. Ellie groaned, following me down the long route to the shops.

The tree line makes me uncomfortable. I don't trust it. I mumbled, keeping my voice low, just in case.

You're actually off your rocker. I feel obliged to tell somebody- this can't be good.

I'm fine. I know something's going on, though. I'm certain.

All of a sudden, the feeling subsided. I relaxed, looking around. Nobody was watching me anymore. I couldn't feel their eyes on me, scrutinizing my every move. It was so sudden; it was so obvious to me that they'd left quickly. I breathed a sigh of relief, enjoying my temporary freedom.

They're gone. I grinned, facing Ellie.

You've definitely lost your sanity. Are you feeling alright? Ellie asked, placing her hand to my forehead, You haven't got a temperature. You can't sense eyes on you, Jaxon. That's not normal.

I can. I protested, If they're gone, there's nothing to worry about, though. I'm fine now.

Whatever you say. Ellie sighed, a worried look still on her face.

We chatted about school while we walked down the streets. I still wanted to avoid the tree line, just in case, but I felt a lot better. We have school tomorrow, so I need to get my homework done tonight or else I'm fucked. It would probably be best to stay in right now, anyway.

I'm convinced your mom made the whole window thing up to scare you into staying home at night. Ellie speculated, making me chuckle.

Now that you mention it, that definitely sounds like something she'd do. I grinned, all paranoia gone, I bet she did.

What are you gonna do when you see Dan at school? Ellie cringed, thinking about that beast.

Call me a rat, but I might tip off the school. I don't feel like being stabbed in the back in the urinals.

Caught with your trousers down takes on a whole new meaning. Ellie giggled, Honestly, you should. I don't exactly feel safe being your friend with that maniac targeting you. It might be him watching you.

"Would you