Finding them

By Lorna Stevenson

Summer is the time for road trips, beach days and bonding with friends. That’s exactly what Will has in store, but with friends like his, the experience will be anything but ordinary.
Adam is back and he wants the life he walked away from. The others can do a lot but they’re going to need Will’s help this time.
Join Will and the others as they fight to find their way back to themselves and each other in the sequel to “Knowing Them”.
 
Lorna Stevenson is a psychology graduate from Dundee University, raised in Edinburgh, who finds happiness in her writing. In 2020 she published ‘Knowing Them’, and has now written its sequel. The characters in these books have travelled with Lorna to every cafe she writes in, every Scottish city she lives in and are a part of her. She is thrilled to share them with you again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Europa Edizioni
• Release date: May 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9791220141659

Book preview

Preface

Ivy

I stand in the doorway watching it. Part of me wishing for it to burst back open and Will to say, Got ya! and everything to go back to normal. But it won’t happen. 

We had to make Will forget, we did, we agreed that was the plan a long time ago and if we changed it now it would be selfish. Will came into our lives by accident, he walked in and we didn’t want him to walk back out again. We’d been drifting through time, most of us rarely leaving the house, except for Cara who got easily bored and filled her time with University, simply to have access to each generation right when they were just beginning to grow up. Cara separates people from her by treating them like toys, but she never managed to do that with Will, he returned her words with friendly banter and made her care. 

We all cared about Will, Cara and I cared about him like a friend, Lily and Sam cared kind of like parents, with a familial distance, and Danny cared, despite doing everything he could not to show it. Then there was Ella, the one who made sure he didn’t disappear from our lives before we got the chance to know that would be a mistake. Somehow from one glance she knew she wanted to know him, the first person outside the six of us she’d wanted to know for a long time, and I got to watch her love him. 

Love him in a beautiful and healthy way that allowed them to support each other. Ella had supported Will more than any of us during his little sister’s down spiralling health, and he supported her more than he can never know, through the last of her recovery from a very toxic relationship.

It was that relationship that caused us to cut ourselves off from people, we used to be a group of seven, bound together through time, before Adam, Ella’s partner, had betrayed that, betrayed the humanity we’d fought for, for power. 

We manifested as nothing more than spirit before we found our way to bodies and lives and meaning. Adam thought we limited ourselves by living as humans and wanted us to go back and be more. I don’t think even he knew what he meant but he was determined, and he threw us all aside to try. He left Ella, and she spent years missing him and years more coming to terms with the darkness of their relationship. We’d thought it was okay, the way he treated her, because we lived on the wrong end of history, and emotional manipulation didn’t mean as much as it rightfully does now. We grieved the loss of our friend before learning how bad a friend he had been. 

While Ella licked her wounds, we gathered around her, and shut out the rest of the world, until Will. We met him and introduced ourselves to him, watched him accept who we were and slowly invite us into his life, with his friends and his family. He accepted who we were, but that didn’t mean he could really live with it, time came with the cost of him aging and us not, you cannot face your own mortality while spending time with people who have none. We agreed Will could only truly know us until a certain point and then he must forget everything that makes us extraordinary, everything that draws the line between him and us in the sand.

I knew the day was coming when the Will I knew would shift into the Will that now is, the one who is my friend and my confidant, but only to a point, but I wasn’t ready for that to be today. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Will as he left our house and have it be me saying goodbye to something I was losing forever.

Closing my eyes against the door I push the boring small entrance hallway back into the way we normally have it. I feel the ceilings and walls push out, away from me, like an explosion. I exhale and sense the colours fading into the pure white of the room. I open my eyes again and it’s exactly like we like it. Exactly like Will isn’t allowed to see it anymore. I have to wipe my eyes. 

There’s a knock on the door. 

Oh no. In a sudden inhale I turn the room back to the way it was again, almost fumbling over the phone table I put in as I head to the door. There’s a reason we keep our entrance empty. My clumsiness is real.

Rearranging my face into a smile I open the door, trying not to let Will see the jumble my head is. I fought Cara for days about this, we screamed each other down trying to prove we were right. In the end she hadn’t convinced me, but Ella had asked us to stop. It was only the look in her eyes that made me. I swear sometimes that Ella knows the power those blue jewels in her face give her. 

It’s not Will standing in our doorway.

My head tilts to the side and my smile becomes more genuine as I take him in, a tall dark stranger, must be a new plaything for Cara. Maybe to help her deal with losing Will today, I almost feel bad for him. 

Hi, I’m Ivy. I say brightly, extending my hand out to him. I’m wearing a lot of thin gold bangles and they jangle on my wrist as it reaches out. I really need to remember that despite liking the look I can never stand the jingling. As soon as this guy is out of sight, I’m saying goodbye to the bracelets.

He doesn’t reach his hand back to me, instead he tilts his head like mine before he even speaks, that move makes his mocking tone ring out loud and clear. Just as I’m thinking of all the ways to tease Cara for her taste in boys, the bangles disappear from my wrist.

My arm shoots back, I retract it into my chest like I’ve been burned and my other hand closes around my now bare wrist. None of the others are nearby, we keep a little part of ourselves open to feeling the others all the time so we can’t sneak up on each other, it’s caused far too many fights in the past.

I stare at the person in front of me, knowing my eyes are disks right now, but I can’t blink or stop looking at him.

His head straightens up from its tilted position and he shakes it while tutting softly and takes a step forward. The room behind me blinks into white, I see it in my periphery but still can’t look away, especially when he starts talking. 

Still changing faces Ivy, some things never change. 

I recognise the honey dripping through his voice like a sense memory from childhood. It feels like a punch to the gut, forcing me back through time, back through everything.

But a lot has changed since then. 

I slam the door without bothering to touch it. 

Half my mind starts thinking of every kind of lock I’ve ever seen and adding it to the door. The other half screams out for the others to get their asses here. 

Everyone but Ella, Ella can’t come here, Ella can’t see this. Him. Adam. 

We don’t have emergencies very often so luckily that means it freaks everyone out when it does. From the doorways around me I hear people banging into the room. But I still don’t turn away from the door, I can’t bring myself to. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder, from the tall shadow cast over me and the lack of words whispered in my ear, I know it’s Sam. The pressure he puts on my shoulder seems to push into my eyes and a lone tear escapes. It feels warm slipping down my cheek. I finally let myself look away from the door and close my eyes, answering the question Sam is silently asking and everyone else is about to start yelling.

I only just manage to choke out the words. My mind can’t wrap itself around this, it became a truth, the fact he was gone. We made it into a fact, the way we thought about him, it became all past tense. But now…

It’s Adam, he’s back.

Then, like a cue, the door bursts open, locks splintering into pieces like plywood, and everything becomes darkness and Sam’s hand and the sense of everyone around me disappears like smoke.

Ella Black.

Where am I? I can barely move.       Where is everyone?

Black.

This feels like a cage.  Is there a door? How long have I been here? 

Black.

Chapter 1

Will

Ian is an idiot. I’ve been aware of this for a long time and yet he still never ceases to amaze me. Currently his idiocy is on display as he tries to build a pyramid, deck-of-cards-style, out of sugar packets, he is yet to make one small triangle stay upright but it’s still amusing. It’s also quite distracting, I’ve been able to completely tune out Jackie’s monologue about the evils of coffee.

Since it’s the Summer holidays, our lunch table in the university cafeteria has recently been traded in for a mixture of café and bar tables. For the first week of this, Jackie was thrilled, she had just gotten into coffee, but that quickly spiralled and now she is fully informed on all the reasons we should all stop drinking it. Ian suspects she is just sensitive to caffeine but doesn’t want us tempting her to the dark side. I’m enjoying the café trips though, as much as they might be depleting my Summer funds every day or so, I have finally mastered my order and am waiting for the day I get to just say ‘the usual’ to the barista and they know what I mean. So far, no luck but I have gotten three funny looks for ordering my coffees with syrup, I think because they assume it’s a girly order, but personally I think it simply more characteristic of a sugar addict and I’m okay with that. 

The group varies a lot between days, Jack is away on holiday with family for a few weeks so he’s out, but Ian has been a constant with me, neither of us have enough going on to miss any social opportunities. Ian and I have invited Ivy, via text, but haven’t heard anything from her, I assume she must be on holiday as well but don’t remember her mentioning it before. I’ve invited Ella along as well as suggesting things for just the two of us to do but again no response. I’d be worried but I’m pretty sure if a negative expression crosses my face then Ian is going to throw his sugar packets at me, anyway he’s convinced Cara has taken their group, the girls at least, on some kind of no-tech trip. It makes a certain sense since Cara has an admittedly blasé attitude towards organisation and other people’s feelings.

A sudden jolt to the table causes Ian’s pyramid, which had been close to three triangles wide, to collapse and brings my attention back to Jackie, who is glaring pointedly between us. Am I just talking to myself?! She asks, eyebrows so raised they are almost blending into her hairline. Jackie can be kind of scary.

I think the cute barista was listening. Ian smirks as he nudges his head behind the counter, where a student-y looking guy has just ducked behind the traybake counter.

I think he is actually just rearranging the brownies, which are almost all gone and looking a bit sad in their display, but Jackie believes him enough to start whispering about him to the other girls with us. Ian gives me a sly wink and returns to his sugar, while I glance down into my almost empty mug. As much as I do like syrup in my coffee, if you don’t drink it fast enough then the dregs of the drink become overly sweet. 

No one looks close to leaving so I quickly empty my cup and lean over to Jackie, feeling a bit bad for ignoring her earlier. If I go get a new drink, do you want me to do some recon? I ask, grinning at her. 

Jackie gives me a torn look, she’s against me drowning my system in more poison but is also intrigued by my suggestion. How obvious will you be? I can’t even pretend to be hurt by her feeling the need to ask.

Probably quite, but he’ll either think I’m asking for me, or not know which one of you I’m asking for. So, you’ve got a safety net. The fact I’m leaning halfway across the table to talk to her, is probably lowering my subtlety, but the guy is still busy with brownies. 

Go for it then. Jackie relents, with a small smile. 

Get me a cake. Chimes in Ian, not even looking up from his task. 

The barista stands upright when I reach his station, the brownies now all placed up front of their decorative plate, so they’re tantalisingly close to the customers, I spot one of them has lost a gooey corner in it’s reshuffle, a small price to pay, but I feel bad for the recipient of the slightly smaller treat. 

Hi. Says the barista, who I can now see is called ‘Toby’, he has his name written in white on a black name tag next to a small drawing of a pumpkin.

Why the pumpkin? I ask, probably not the kind of details Jackie was hoping for when I suggested recon, but I’m curious. 

Toby glances down and smiles, I started working her in October and it seemed like a good idea.

I chuckle, Fair enough. I give him my order but attempt to keep the small talk going while he makes it, there’s no queue behind me, and he responded well to the pumpkin question. Do you work here with Uni? Or am I being rude assuming everyone our age goes to Uni? I ask, quickly backtracking from the start of my question. 

Luckily, Toby smiles again, It’s probably a little presumptuous, but I am at Uni. Just finished my second year of Physics. 

I’m about to make a comment about how I could never do a science subject, but I’m distracted when Toby brings my finished coffee over and we make eye contact. He has shining green eyes which, I swear, are a double of Ivy’s eyes. A stab of worry washes over me, as the colour blinks at me and makes me miss Ivy incredibly. With that, I’ve completely forgotten what Toby just said and can’t even manage to get a word out. Smiling sheepishly, I just take out my card and tap to pay before retreating to the table. My mind made blank by a strange fog of strong déjà vu settling in. 

So? Jackie asks, as I regain my seat. 

Ian interrupts her with a quiet, Cake? 

I had completely forgotten to get something for Ian, and only manage to open my mouth like a goldfish in apology for it. His eyebrows crease together in a show of worry and he quickly gets to his own feet to grab himself something, patting my hand as he does so. 

The look on his face makes me feel guilty. It’s new to Ian’s repertoire of expressions but has become common place quite quickly. He makes that face whenever he thinks I’m thinking about Katie. A lump of coal settles in my chest, as it always does when I think about her, fizzing out into black dust coursing through my entire system, but I try and swallow it down. Normally he’s correct in his assumptions but I feel awful whenever he’s not, like I’m using my grief against him.

The feeling worsens when Ian comes back to the table and drops a slice of red velvet cake in front of his seat and a brownie in front of me. One thing I love about Ian is his predisposition to solve any issue with food. I feel a little better when I see that my brownie is the slightly broken one from the display, and pick up my fork for a bite while Ian leans forward and updates Jackie on everything he learned from Toby, which was a lot more than me. 

I’m quiet the rest of time we’re at the café, though I do start to feel a sugar buzz when I’m most of the way through my second sugary coffee, and my brownie has been reduced to mere crumbs. When we’re finally on our way out, Jackie is resolved to attempt flirting with Toby and a few of our group are informing her where they’re going to wait for her outside while she does so. Ian and I bid farewell, and start walking to my flat. I could’ve moved home for the holidays, but something feels too wrong when I’m home now, I can’t even bring myself to go upstairs and see Katie’s room. I try and meet my parents out and about as much as possible these days. Ian’s home, but he spends more time at mine than his, which I think annoys Isaac, him and Ian have never quite made it to being friends. 

Is it the kind of thing you want to talk about? Ian asks, when we stand at our third set of silent road crossings, waiting for a green man. 

I don’t look at him but focus on the red man across from us. Didn’t that barista remind you of Ivy? I ask, the odd feeling of déjà vu still heavy in my mind. 

His eyes were like hers. Ian says. I’m surprised for a moment that Ian noticed but then I remember how much he’d liked Ivy when they first met, like really liked her, and my surprise fades. Are you still worried about them? He continues after another moment of me not talking. 

I don’t know how to tell him that that’s not it. I had thought for a moment that he was Ivy, a thought so ridiculous my brain has now turned against me and shut down. An eye colour resemblance means nothing, and for a lot of people is quite common, maybe it’s because my eyes are green, but I can rarely see a difference in brown eyes beyond light and dark brown. Green is a little more varied to me, but I still made a funny leap. I can’t even explain why one little thought has completely taken over me, why I can’t just shrug it off as nothing. It’s such a stupid feeling but I can’t escape