The Broken Road: Story of our Son's Drug Addiction and Mental Illness

By William Sobolewski and Mary Sobolewski

We titled the book The Broken Road: Story of Our Son's Drug Addiction and Mental Illness because of the difficulties and struggles Mary and I faced during our sixteen-year effort to help our son who was mentally ill and addicted to drugs. Many times we thought we were headed in the right direction in dealing with Frank's mental illness and drug addiction. But that was not always the case. We were given directions that were misleading. Frank made promises that he did not keep. We have a legal system in Washington where guardians have little or no authority in making decisions for the incapacitated person. We have a health system in Washington that is inadequate in helping the mentally ill because the incapacitated person can only be hospitalized involuntarily if they are a "danger to themselves, others, or property." And we have a legal system that does not severely punish drug dealers. These difficulties and struggles led to a road that did not help Frank enough with his mental illness and drug addiction. It was a road that was difficult to navigate. It was a road that was not smooth and straight, and it was a road with many roadblocks. It was a broken road!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9781685266103

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Preface

Chapter 1: Introduction

Chapter 2: Letters to the Editor (2007)

Chapter 3: Frank's Youth and Teenage Years (1985–2004)

Chapter 4: Use of Drugs Discovered (2005)

Chapter 5: Frank's Mental Illness Diagnosed (2006)

Chapter 6: Granting Legal Guardianship (2007)

Chapter 7: Working with Federal and State Agencies (2007)

Chapter 8: Other Related and Unrelated Issues (2007)

Chapter 9: Frank's Arrest and Mental Health Court (2008)

Chapter 10: Working with the Clark County Mental Health Court and Lifeline Connections (2009)

Chapter 11: Relapse into the Use of Drugs (2010–2013)

Chapter 12: First Petition to the Court regarding Guardianship (2013)

Chapter 13: Second Petition to the Court regarding Guardianship (2015)

Chapter 14: Other Guardianship Problems (2014–2016)

Chapter 15: Psychiatric Breakdowns of 2016 and 2018

Chapter 16: Final Petition to the Court regarding Guardianship (2018)

Chapter 17: Overdoses of 2020

Chapter 18: Credit Card and Debt Problems (2020–2021)

Chapter 19: Last Psychiatric Breakdown (2021)

Chapter 20: Week of July 18–24, 2021

Chapter 21: Final Guardianship Report (2021)

Chapter 22: Concluding Comments of 2021

Appendices

Appendix A First Guardianship Report (June 9, 2010)

Appendix B Second Guardianship Report (February 6, 2013)

Appendix C Third Guardianship Report (January 5, 2016)

Appendix D Fourth Guardianship Report (January 1, 2019)

Appendix E Fifth and Final Guardianship Report (August 19, 2021)

Bibliography

About the Authors

cover.jpg

The Broken Road

Story of our Son's Drug Addiction and Mental Illness

William Sobolewski and Mary Sobolewski

ISBN 978-1-68526-609-7 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68526-611-0 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-68526-610-3 (Digital)

Copyright © 2023 William Sobolewski and Mary Sobolewski

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

To all those families who struggle to cope with drug addiction and mental illness of a family member.

Preface

In 2009, Mary and I drove to pick up our son Frank at the Clark County Mabry Corrections in Vancouver, Washington, where he was ordered to do ten days of community service for using hashish and marijuana in California. I told Mary I am going to write a book about Frank's mental illness and drug abuse.

I wrote several draft chapters in 2009. At the time, there was no end to the book. Frank still had his mental illness and was still addicted to drugs. I placed the draft chapters in a large brown envelope in my home office. The large brown envelope sat for several years. I thought if Frank died after me, a family member could finish the book. Little did I know in 2009, I would finish and publish the book in 2023.

We titled the book The Broken Road: Story of Our Son's Drug Addiction and Mental Illness because of the difficulties and struggles Mary and I faced during our sixteen years of helping our son who was mentally ill and addicted to drugs. Many times, we thought we were headed in the right direction in dealing with Frank's mental illness and drug addiction. But that was not always the case. We were given directions that were misleading. Frank made promises that he did not keep. We have a legal system in Washington where guardians have little or no authority in making decisions for the incapacitated person. We have a mental health system in Washington that is inadequate in helping the mentally ill because according to Revised Code of Washington (RCW 71.05), the incapacitated person can only be hospitalized involuntarily if they are a danger to themselves, others, or property. If the incapacitated person is addicted to drugs, RCW 71.05 generally does not consider the incapacitated person a danger to themselves, even though drug addiction is defined in RCW 71.05. And we have a legal system that does not severely punish drug dealers. These difficulties and struggles led to a road that did not help Frank enough with his mental illness and drug addiction. It was a road that was difficult to navigate. It was a road that was not smooth and straight, and it was a road with many roadblocks. It was a broken road!

Though I wrote most of the book, I show Mary as a coauthor because she wrote parts of chapter 1, including the poem, the letter to the editor in chapter 2, and parts of chapter 3 and chapter 5. She reviewed the draft manuscript, made suggested additions and corrections to the manuscript, and she encouraged me to finish the book. And she traveled on the broken road with me in dealing with Frank's mental illness and drug addiction.

I hope this book provides you some insight into mental illness and drug addiction and how Mary and I tried to help our son with his mental illness and drug addiction.

Parts of my book may provide you a starting point on how to help a family member with their mental illness and drug abuse. It may also provide you a different direction that may be better than ours in helping a family member who is mentally ill and addicted to drugs.

Though the book has helped heal my anger, depression, hurt, and disappointment as it relates Frank's mental illness and drug addiction, the book has done little to heal our sadness of Frank's death or the frustration dealing with Frank's drug addiction. The book has given me some peace of mind that Mary and I did everything we could to help Frank overcome his mental illness and use of illegal drugs. Though I feel we did our best, a question that will remain with me for many years is, what else could I have done to make the situation better? We will always remember Frank as a loving son regardless of the broken road that Mary and I had to travel.

Chapter 1

Introduction

Our story begins with a poem written by Mary C. Sobolewski. She wrote this poem in 2008. The poem is titled Love Is a Mystery. The poem says that as we meet people in our lives, we should see the Christ in them. This includes those people mentally ill and addicted to drugs. Each of them including us are created in the image of Christ. And it is through the image of Christ that each of us are equal in the eyes of God.

Love Is a Mystery

When the Christ in me,

Meets the Christ in you,

And we embrace,

Christ becomes Incarnate,

Love is born anew.

Christ becomes present.

Love is a mystery.

Love covers a multitude of sins.

Love forgives.

Love, penetrates the walls of isolation.

Feels the pain of rejection.

Love accepts and renews,

Lifts up and gives hope.

Love reaches out and heals.

Love makes two, one.

Love is a mystery.

Love and death,

Seem intertwined.

When we die to self,

Love is poured out,

And reaches perfection,

At the moment of death,

In the relinquishment of self.

We are able to throw ourselves,

Into the arms of love.

Love is a mystery

(Mary C. Sobolewski)

It is a difficult job for families to help a family member who has a mental illness. Families dealing with mental illness know that you can't solve their problems. We encourage family members to look into the educational programs of National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Their family-to-family education program was free. It gave us an opportunity to learn about mental illness and learn that you are not alone in dealing with this tragedy. It also allows someone to listen to your frustrations and concerns. It also allows family members to vent their feelings about the mentally ill.

The difficulties of the job are further compounded when the family member is addicted to drugs. There are many resources to help the family member to stop using drugs. Whether these resources are useful depends upon the individual and whether the individual wants to stop using drugs.

Following Frank's death, I reported to the Clark-Vancouver Drug Task Force the location of a possible drug house in Hazel Dell where Frank may have purchased drugs. I felt this house may be a drug house after Frank requested me to drive him to the house in April 2021. Frank stayed in the house a short period of time and then returned to the car. After Frank's death, we also turned over Frank's cell phone to a detective with the Vancouver Police Department. Frank's cell phone has potential messages regarding his purchase of drugs and his desire to sell methadone and food stamps. The Vancouver detective confirmed the house in Hazel Dell is a drug house. Hopefully, the drug dealers will be arrested, and the house will be shut down.

As parents, Mary and I tried our best to deal with Frank's mental illness and drug addiction. This was affirmed by one guardian ad litem who, in her opinion, stated we were doing an exceptional job and truly love their son. She made this statement in 2013.

We found it frustrating to deal with Frank's dual diagnosis of drug addiction and mental illness. We found it difficult to set and enforce boundaries…that is, to make Frank accountable for his actions. If Frank was only addicted to drugs, we would have no problem setting him free and letting him experience any and all consequences of using drugs. However, since he had symptoms of schizophrenia affect and other mental issues, he did not think of the consequences or think things through. It's like part of his brain was not properly wired. So instead of thinking things through, his mind goes off on a tangent in a totally different direction.

When you live with someone who is mentally ill, you really appreciate the friends and family that provide you support to deal with the mental illness. I am particularly grateful to my wife's commitment in taking care of Frank. She was a great support to me. Our marriage endured a lot of stress because of Frank. There were many times when we were unable to reason with Frank. This was when it was important to have a joint husband/wife team to work out our differences with Frank.

Frank's drug addiction and mental illness was difficult on other members of our family. His brothers and sisters didn't want him around their children as long as he is doing drugs. They were also concerned about his thinking process and had concerns about whether he would ever hurt their children. While Frank did participate in our family functions, the children were never left unattended in his presence.

I know Frank would not survive on his own without our love and support. Without our love and support, he would probably be either one of the many mentally ill in our prisons or homeless. Mary and I were fortunate not to see Frank imprisoned or permanently homeless during the sixteen years we spent dealing with his mental illness and drug addiction.

So let's travel together on the broken road that Mary and I took during our sixteen years dealing with Frank's drug addiction and mental illness.

Chapter 2

Letters to the Editor (2007)

In 2007, Mary wrote a letter to the editor of The Columbian in Vancouver, Washington. The letter which was titled Bring Illness Out of Closet appeared in the January 12, 2007, edition of the newspaper. The Columbian is a local newspaper published in Vancouver, Washington. Her letter was as follows:

To the Editor:

It's sad but true: The mentally ill are the people that we choose not to see on the streets. They are our invisible population, much like the lepers were in the time of Christ. I can understand why a person looks away. There is nothing a single person can do to address the issue. However, everyone knows someone, or some family, who is dealing with mental illness. We need to form a coalition that will petition our legislators for a mental health hospital in our area. Most of our jails have become the holding cells for the mentally ill. Mental illness is a brain disorder; it is not a crime. If a mentally ill person is taken to a hospital for treatment, he is not held against his wishes. That is a problem because most mentally ill patients are not cognizant of their illness. They are not held unless they are a danger to themselves or to others, meaning either they are suicidal, or violent. We need mental health hospitals, group homes, and help for all the families that are trying to cope with this illness alone. The National Alliance