The Playful Life: The Power of Play in Our Every Day

By Julie P. Jones and Jed Dearybury

Do you find yourself wanting more out of life? It’s time to bring play to your every day

Play is not just for kids! There are many reasons we need play in our lives. The Playful Life shows you why and how to bring more playfulness to all aspects of your life. You’ll explore how to create meaningful, relevant, and fun experiences for yourself and others through both a playful mindset and playful behaviors. Through research and 20+ years of teaching children and adults, authors Dr. Julie Jones and Jed Dearybury have found that play is not only fun, it’s essential to a full life. In this book, they share their knowledge and inspire you to reflect on the need for connection and joy for healthy living through play.

This book will equip you with new definitions, ideas, and ways of thinking about play for your daily life. With a relaxed tone, comical banter, and real talk, the authors encourage new understandings about what play is and empower you to make more playful choices. If you strive to find balance, overcome stress, and enjoy each day through play—The Playful Life is a must read for your life journey!

• Learn what play means and why it’s so essential to our everyday lives—at every age
• Discover the incredible benefits of play to your physical and mental health
• Get ideas for incorporating play into your everyday life at work, at home, or when you’re out and about
• Begin healing past traumas and grow into the person you are meant to be—through play and playful living!

Building on the popular book The Playful Classroom, this is a new and exciting take on what play does for all of us-- physically, socially, emotionally, and cognitively.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Wiley
• Release date: Nov 16, 2022
• ISBN: 9781119882022

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Wanna Play?

Schematic illustration of Jazzercise.

So we've gotten you excited and now you wanna be playful, do ya?

A lot of us have want in our lives. We want abs, to own a big mansion, to travel around the world to exotic places, etc. etc., but we don't always wanna reckon with the work that it takes to get there. All these aren't always easy for the average person to achieve. They take a lot of time and effort, and often money that many of us don't have.

I (Jed) confess that I have wanted nice abs as bad as a mule wants a pickle patch for my whole life. I have always had this adorable little spare tire around my waist, and I would love to be able to do yoga without my belly gettin' in the way, but I have done literally nothing in my life to get them. Julie and I had a great laugh as we talked about my stomach prohibiting my doing advanced yoga. We know many of you will relate. I am not sure why my girthy abdominal area has always been such a nuisance for me, but alas it has. Even when I was at the peak of my own personal fitness journey from 2009 to 2018, a flat stomach eluded me. I ran almost every day during those years. Some days I ran one mile, some days 26. I put in the training to run seven full marathons over that time period, but not once did I ever lay in the floor (in the South we say in the floor) and do crunches or planks. All of the books I read about running said that a strong core would help me. I knew that the abs I always dreamed of were in that floor. But alas, I never got down there to get them. I guess I don't want those abs so bad after all, do I? Of course I want them, but the reality is this: their importance wasn't/isn't significant enough to drive me to the floor to work out and get them. Maybe one day.

Schematic illustration of I love pickles cover.

Why am I talking about abs in a book about becoming more playful? This is why:

A playful life takes work, y'all.

Wait! I need life to be more fun and peaceful, not more work and stress.

We hear y'all yellin' that at us. We agree. You do need play in your life—we all do. But to get it takes some intentional work and reflection on the things in our lives that are keeping us from fun and peace.

Julie and I have to work at being more playful every day. Sometimes we get to our coffee shop and the world is caving in on us. Writing deadlines, work ridiculousness, financial stress, family drama … all the things you deal with, too. The exhaustion of it all can be overwhelming. The instinctive reaction that many of us have when life brings All. The. Heaviness. is to curl up in a ball and pull the covers over our head while we ignore the world.

Sometimes, that is exactly the best thing to do.

When we began to research the effect playfulness had on our brains (that's coming in Section Two), things began to change for us. When the woes of life tried to interfere with our days, we would seek out moments of play to help us through. Some days we would walk on our local rail trail. Some days we would go to Target. Some days we would play rock, paper, scissors just for the fun of it. Our favorite thing? Doodlin'. Many days we get out our bullet journals (Leuchtturm 1917, size A5, if anyone wants to know) and doodle. Yes, doodle—not draw. Draw is a word that can be intimidating to many folks. I can't draw is a common phrase we hear. But have you ever heard anyone say I can't doodle? No way. Anyway, we'd start doodlin' and things would start to turn around in our day. We love to do collaborative doodles too. Julie will draw something, then I'll add to it. Her turn, then my turn again. We do this in our journals, on scrap paper. Lawd, we've even used small beverage napkins. After just a few minutes, we have a fun page of art. Y'all know what else we created? A moment of playfulness that helped us forget about the heaviness for a bit. Notice I said a bit. It is not that playfulness made the hard things go away. It didn't solve all of our problems by any means. The angst that we brought into the coffee shop was/is still there, but what did go away was the unfocused mind, the overwhelmed heart, the anger, the bitterness—all the emotions that were holding us back from figuring out how to live in that moment.

What came from the doodlin?

A better mood.

A bit of clarity.

A bit of strength.

A bit of courage.

The energy we needed to help us face the challenges of the day arrived as we giggled at the fun that came to life before our very eyes because we took a moment to play. Imagine if we had just sat there sulking, pouting, fussing, whining… . Our moods would have worsened, headaches would have likely arrived, and the problems still would have needed our attention. All the while we would be in pain and in a pissy mood.

Schematic illustration of a cow sleeping.

Think of all the people who could be negatively impacted by our unchecked mood (moooooed, we do love a cow!) that day had we not found some playfulness. The drivers we encounter on the roads, the clerks at the stores we visited, the strangers we stand beside in line at the grocery store, those we text, call, or email, our friends, our family. As I think about interrupting someone's good day with my bad attitude, I think of my friend Tabitha Brown. Yes, I call her a friend even though I don't know her very well. She and I did speak at the same conference one year, and she does follow me on Instagram, so that makes us besties, right? Anyway, she has the best saying when it comes to this very topic. She says, Have a good day, and if you can't … don't go messing up nobody else's. She's so wise, y'all. If you don't know her, look her up right now. Seriously, put this book down and find her. She embodies a playful life. When we watch her, listen to her, read her book, or engage with her on social media, we always feel that she is taking a playful approach to life. Julie and I both read her book Feeding the Soul (Because It's My Business): Finding Our Way to Joy, Love, and Freedom while writing this book. Her work impacted us both and we were texting constantly about the inspirational words she was sharing. We loved it so much that we began to listen to the audio version so that we could hear her voice. Even the way she speaks is playful. It must be our Southern bond that attracts us to her fun speaking voice. She mentions that she was often made fun of professionally because of her Southern twang, and Julie and I both relate to that deeply. But the way Tab handles it exudes the playful life. She doesn't run from her accent—she embraces it. In fact, the way she embraces every trial and tribulation that comes her way has an element of playfulness to it. She looks for ways to press on through the heaviness with laughter and fun. Don't mishear us here, though. Tears are absolutely gonna happen, and sometimes the heartaches will still be bigger than we can handle. As Adele said in her recent interview with Oprah, sometimes you gotta sit in those feelings (of course, she said this in a British, not a Southern, accent) (CBS, 2021). It boils down to this: a playful spirit will pull us through.

The gift that Tabitha's work brings to the world and how it connects to the power of play in our lives is this: feed your soul, honey. Play feeds every part of who you are. Playfulness and the positive effect it has on us as humans is so deeply intertwined in our DNA that our brains have adapted to release all the feel‐good chemicals we need to thrive as a species while we play. It's true. Catecholamine, dopamine, norepinephrine, anandamide, serotonin … all of that floods our minds when we experience moments of play (Basso & Suzuki, 2017). And one of them, serotonin, even helps you poop (GI Society, 2022)! Who isn't happier when they are having good poops?

JULIE:

Lawsy, Jed! Y'all, the last time we talked about serotonin and poop was in a restaurant. That's not proper. Not at all.

JED:

Julie, who cares about properness? Why isn't poop proper? We all poop. It is a necessity of life, and if we don't poop there is no way we can live a playful life.

JULIE:

Um … you can talk about poop with your mama, but not here. This is not the place. Y'all, just excuse him.

JED:

I love to poop. I feel better after I do. I will not apologize. That is all.

JULIE:

While Jed has run to the potty (bless his heart), I'm taking over. Julie here.

As you are about to read in the next chapter, there is a framework of developing a playful mindset that will help us look into the nooks and crannies of our lives. The places that could use a pick‐me‐up. Right now there may be cobwebs there. Maybe a speck or two of dust. Possibly a dead possum if it's been a while since we looked into these spaces of life. But in these spaces lies lots of potential for us to experience playfulness. To do that, we must first become aware of their presence and the possibility that they have. Becoming aware often starts with reflective questions.

Before we get to that part (we see some of you skipping ahead—stop that. Get back here!), we want a bit of a disclaimer here. We are very intentional in our writing about saying we and us instead of you, you, you. Sometimes books talk at you instead of with you. They feel a bit preachy. A bit off‐putting.

We need you to know that we are in this with you. We're trying to figure out how to make our lives more playful right alongside you. But for this next little bit we want to use the upcoming questions to reflect on ourselves. We acknowledge that we are not all in the same boat, and that many of us have privileges far above others to create a playful life. The fact that we're writing and you're reading these words shows privilege for us both. How?

We're sitting at a table writing these words on laptops with a hot beverage beside us.

We bought that beverage with money we earned.

We have money in our bank account (not much, mind you … we are educators in the United States).

We have the freedom to carve boundaries and creative time in our day.

We have access to playful spaces, playful people, and playful ideas.

Because of all these resources, we recognize our privilege and we know that our readers may or may not relate.

Please hear this: no matter the resources in our lives, we all have access to our minds, moods, and mojo. A bit of self‐reflection will help us all to focus on what we do have and how these personal resources can help or hinder our individual playful lives.

Like Tabitha says, Get into it, y'all.

Schematic illustration of people learn accept you text.

As we mentioned, the nooks and crannies need some attention first. Let's consider the following questions together. We'll answer them honestly. Write your answers here if you want, or maybe even grab some paper and doodle your thoughts as you read. Right now is a great time to create a playful moment.

People

Who are the people around you most?

How do they inspire you to be more playful?

Do they wanna play with you, or do they think it's silly?

Are they keeping you in a box or helping you transform the box into a really cool homemade rocket ship so that you can zoom to the stars?

Learn

Are you willing to learn new things?

Are you willing to apply new learning to multiple areas of your life?

Are you willing to help others around you learn what you are learning?

Are you willing to unlearn all that you have been taught about the way grownups should behave in regard to playing?

Accept

Can you accept people for who they are?

Can you accept that this journey may be uncomfortable at times?

Can you accept that we all play differently, and that this difference is beautiful?

Can you accept that what you have always been taught about play may be wrong?

You

Have you noticed that all of the questions here have something to do with YOU?

Being playful, whether you are at work, at home, or out with your friends, has everything to do with you. Your mindset, your mood, your mojo, your mates (like they say down under)—YOU.

And guess what, it's different for everyone. That's what's so jazzy about it. (Jed here—Jazzy? I'm picturing you singing in Rose Apothecary alongside Moira and the Jazzagals right now. Those ladies were the epitome of the playful life!)

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Jed and I play differently, but there's enough overlap that we enjoy a lot of time together. Enough differences that we bicker like siblings.

We all play according to our personalities because we are all uniquely designed, playful individuals. We've got a lot of ground to cover, a lot of diggin' to do. We're gonna get real personal.

We hope you're honest with yourself.

We're gonna lead you to water, but doggone it you gotta put your head down in it and take a big ole drink drank (Yes, drank.)

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<< Jed nods his head and sips his herbal tea.>>

Schematic illustration of two people sitting on a table.

CHAPTER 2

Defining Play

All of us have played, we hope. Despite our location, our culture, and our socioeconomic status, life brings us moments of play whether we seek them out or they seem to manifest randomly.

A funny noise. (Tell us a poot doesn't make you giggle.)

Tension broken by a chuckle. (We always seem to get tickled during a prayer.)

That little dance you do at a door if you leave when someone else tries to enter a room. (Imagine if you really dance while doing it.)

The sudden smell of fried chicken in your office at 8 a.m. (Gimme a biscuit, y'all.)

The times where laughter erupts, where smiles are big, where hearts are tingly, where our minds are distracted from the conundrums of life. (Have you played the game Taco, Cat, Goat, Cheese, Pizza?)

Regardless of what we all know about the definition of play, it's safe to say most of us could describe the feeling of it rather than wordsmith an actual definition. Before we get too deep here, we must tell you—academics have yet to agree on a definition of play. Some say it is merely the work of the child. Some say it's all fun and no rigor. Some say that it has to come after the serious work. Some even think that it's just a bunch of toys and games (you read that intro, right?). We've got opinions about all these definitions and those will come out more as you continue to read this book.

As we were writing this work, we stopped to ask people on the streets of our hometown how they define play.

Here's what we got:

Having fun.

Board games with friends.

What you do at recess.

What kids do.

What is that? (laughs)

I can't define it but I know I'm too tired to do it.

Something I used to do when I was little.

Something kids these days don't know how to do.

Something you don't do in the street. LOL.

Dressing up a Barbie.

Building a sandcastle at the beach.

Even Google has an opinion. The first definition offered in our quick search says play is an activity engaged in for enjoyment and recreation, especially by children. Another definition in these results implies that play is an activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than for a serious or practical purpose.

Y'all. We've clearly got some work to do. We'll go ahead and step a toe up on our soapbox. Play is definitely is these answers, but gosh it's so much more. Play can be free. But play can also be calculated.

Play. Can. Be. Rigorous.

Have you ever experienced a chess match? That experience is most definitely playing, but think about the amount of brain power it takes to win a round of that game. We get a bit fired up when someone tells us that play isn't for the intellectual. You can guarantee we'll make eye contact with each other across the room and silently bless your heart. Not to be snooty here, but we are talking to those of you who are so high in the ivory tower that you've forgotten the true power of play in your own life. That's why we have a whole section titled Memory. Way too many of us have forgotten all we learned from play and its benefits in our lives.

Schematic illustration of the text play.

Regardless of what the doubters, the naysayers, the uppities, the misinformed say about the actual meaning of the word, the connotation of play we all tend to agree on is the resulting feeling of lightness, both in attitude and in work. Read that again—we did not say the work is light. Rather, the feeling of engagement is light. Play and work can be synonymous, and for those who love their jobs, play and work are often the same. Play is definitely one of the most elusive words out there. In English, we use it in so many ways, there's no wonder we are so confused. We don't know whether to scratch our watch or wind our butts (yes, that's a nod to Dolly Parton as Truvy—we're big fans). Let's take a look at some of the possible meanings of play we've heard.

Y'all wanna play? (a behavior).

Stop that playin' now! Straighten up (acting up, being silly).

Oh, that's nothin'. I was just playin' (joking).

They play guitar pretty well—you should take a listen (making music).

She plays first base (a position in a game).

Let's take a play break (a moment of respite).

Let's go watch a play tonight (a theater performance).

You best not be playin' with me (messin' around).

He made the game‐winning play (sports move).

He played the peacemaker in that meeting (assume a role/act as).

They play the races (bet on).

How did that play out? (happen).

He played his cards right (handle a situation well).

That was a play for sympathy (an attempt to obtain).

It's no wonder the definition of play is so elusive. We seem to use the word to mean so much, yet the responses from our simple question are focused on childhood behaviors.

When most people hear play, they think of the behavior—check back to the list of answers we got on the street. They think of monkey bars and swings.

Hide‐and‐seek and Red Rover. Red light, green light, and Doggie Doggie Who's Got the Bone?

Four square.

Freeze tag.

Mother, may I?

A tisket, a tasket.

Sardines.

Pickle.

Yes, they're right. But let's expand this concept—there's play. Then there's playful. One describes a behavior, the other a mindset. We're going to talk about both.

Play is throwing a frisbee in the yard or painting what you see or reading for pleasure.

Playfulness is the tendency to smile or laugh during all of these activities.

Play is looking through 3D glasses.

Playfulness is the way we see the world.

Play is skipping or frolicking.

Playfulness is the inclination to do so.

Play is a behavior—the act of singing or competing in a race.

Playfulness is a mindset—an approach to each situation with intentional fun.

Jed and I each have a need to put more movement in our days. The pandemic has added some girth to our frames that we're trying to say goodbye to. We also get really chatty when we meet, and need to work through life events before we start the writing process. We found that starting our days on the rail trail, a paved path through the trees that follows a retired railroad track in town, is actually a crucial part of our writing—it gets the ideas flowing and puts us in a creative space. Through walking this path side by side, we get our heads on straight. Writing a book is playful for us in general, but sometimes it gets a bit heavy. The walks we take allow us to share stories and giggle about life. There are fun little games posted along the trail—hopscotch, spot‐a‐shape, etc. Squirrels scare the mess out of us with their sneakiness. We look for pareidolia in the cracks of the asphalt and the bark of the trees. We don't walk long, maybe 30–45 minutes, but the payoff of that small amount of time playing along the trail is exponential.

The walk is our form of morning play.

The act of making this a part of our routine is purposefully inviting playfulness into our lives.

While playfulness and play are two separate concepts, both are needed and reap maximum benefits. Read on.

CHAPTER 3

Play as a Behavior

If you're a write‐in‐the‐book kind of person, we'd like you to circle the images below that show play. If you're a writing‐in‐the‐book‐are‐you‐kidding?! kind of person, just touch the images below that show play.

Photographs depict shells, people jogging, women painting.

Okay, that was a trick. The answer is that all of these represent play—yes, even collecting seashells!—as do making art, exploring, storytelling, and cracking jokes with your friends. As Julie and I write this section, there are strangers all around us. It's a Saturday morning in May and the weather is beautiful. We're sitting at an outside table by our favorite coffee shop and bookstore. One day, we hope y'all can join us here. We had a deep discussion with each other about what the people around us assumed the definition of play was. We started assuming they would say things like walking in the park, chatting with friends, reading a book, doodling in a journal, coffee dates, etc., but then we realized . . . most of them probably didn't think of play as that kind of behavior because of the way our society as a whole defines and understands play only as frivolous activity. Think back to some of the definitions we shared … especially by children. That perspective couldn't be more wrong. Yet, we are told to act like grown‐ups, and it discourages us adults from thinking that play could or should be a part of our everyday lives.

So, after a mutual pep talk for social courage, we got up and asked them. You've already read the results of that question, in Chapter 2. Their responses are all behaviors. This aspect of play is one we all clearly understand. Play as doing.

Although their responses were not as holistic as we hoped, we felt empowered and validated in our quest to help our fellow humans better understand play. We knew, based on their responses, that we had met our audience in real life. These are the people we are writing to. The popular opinion of play from everyone we talked to on the street, and in our daily lives, simply mirrors the need for this book—the work that needs to be done. In looking around, we see so many examples of play. And all of them are playful behaviors.

Sit with us a minute and take a look around right here on Main Street, USA. There are teams dressed in fun costumes—red, orange, and green tutus—running around holding clipboards on a scavenger hunt as part of their day of team building with a local organization. Friends are crowded around cafe tables filled with steaming cups of joy and pastries, laughing and telling stories. A couple walks by with their dogs on leashes and others stop to give the canines a little rub. They wave to someone on a bike riding by. Another friend strolls up be‐bopping to whatever is playing in their headphones. A group walks out of the nearby bookshop with a bag of delightful hardbacks—they're clearly excited to get started on a reading adventure. At the table next to us, a man in a suit makes careful notes on his paper. He's not distracted at all by the busy‐ness that surrounds us. (He's in flow—more about this