Being Grace

By Judy Lawless

Orphaned by the death of her parents when she was only four years old, Grace was raised by her maternal grandparents, on a small farm. She left school as a young teenager to look after them when they became ill, and until their passing. When her cousin, Meredith, and husband, Carl, offered her room and board in exchange for housekeeping duties and looking after their two children while they went out to work, she accepted. She enjoyed her job and being part of the family, until the day Carl took advantage of this now beautiful, but naïve young woman. Grace knew she had to get away, but leaving on a bus the next day to seek employment she had no idea where she’d end up.

This is an historical novel about survival, growth, and finding family and true love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781312809482

Book preview

Prologue

August, 1920

Four-year-old Grace was perched at the sitting room window of the old farmhouse, as her grandmother had instructed her, watching for the familiar big green car that would signal the return of her parents. A smile spread across her face when she saw the lights coming up the laneway, but it quickly turned upside down when a black and white car stopped in front of the window. Turning her gaze towards the sitting room door, she saw her grandmother in the hall, wiping her hands on her apron before answering the knock.

Mrs. Turner? a tall man dressed in dark blue, a hat in his hand, asked.

Yes? her grandmother replied as she pulled the sitting room door closed.

Grace resumed her watch in silence. She knew better than to interrupt. A moment later the muffled voice of her grandfather, followed by the sound of sobbing, drifted under the door. Through the window Grace watched the black and white car turn around and head back down the lane. She didn’t give up her vigil until the room got dark and Grandma called her for supper.

When are Mommy and Daddy coming? Grace asked.

They won’t be coming back, Gracie. They’ve gone to be with God. You’ll be staying here with us now, Grandma replied. Eat your dinner.

Although she sometimes caught her grandmother wiping a tear from her cheek, no further mention of her parents was ever made. Grace wondered what she’d done to make them go away without her. She missed their hugs terribly.

Grace’s grandparents loved her the only way they knew how. They raised her to be a ‘good girl’. When Grace was old enough, her grandmother taught her how to cook, and sew and keep a clean house. They took her to church every Sunday and made sure she knew right from wrong. They paid for her piano lessons, and when she was older, she sometimes played the organ in the church. Her grandmother taught her all the skills she needed to one day become a good wife and mother, but affection wasn’t something they were capable of showing. She walked to school at the one-room school house down the road, where she made some friends.

Grace had just finished her first year of high school in the city, when her grandmother’s health began to fail. She soon became bedridden. Grace’s Aunt Audrey, her mother’s sister, had married and moved away by that time. Although she visited occasionally, she was busy with her own family and couldn’t take responsibility for her parents. The household chores fell upon Grace. Instead of spending her summer outdoors in the garden or with her friends, Grace was up early each morning to gather the eggs from the hen house and prepare her grandfather’s breakfast. Then she sat at her grandmother’s bedside to coax some warm porridge into her.

In August, her sixteenth birthday came and went without any notice. When fall arrived, returning to school was no longer an option. Her grandmother passed away before the year was over. Grace continued in the role of taking care of her grandfather until he too succumbed to the illnesses of old age, nearly a year later. The farm was sold, the money divided between family members.

Having nowhere else to live, nor means to support herself, Grace accepted the offer of room and board at the home her cousin, Meredith, in the village of Lansdowne, near where the rest of her family lived.

Chapter  1

Meredith had two children, eight-year-old Henry and six-year-old Sarah. In return for her room and board, Grace looked after them and kept house while her cousin went to work. Meredith’s husband, Carl worked only sporadically and was often loitering around the house, watching Grace.

Here, let me help you with that, Grace, Carl said one day, reaching around her while she stooped to remove the cast iron skillet from the oven of the cook stove. Grace could feel his breath on the back of her neck and it sent shivers down her spine. As she stood, she tried to turn away, but he caught her by the arm and spun her towards him.

You look lovely today as usual. His dark brown eyes smiled down into hers and she felt a hot flush on her cheeks. Come, sit down for a bit and talk to me. You’ve been working hard all day. You can take a few minutes to relax before the kids get home from school.

Grace had shared a few dances at the church hall with boys from school, but she was uncertain how to respond to this attention from Carl. She could feel some unfamiliar stirrings from inside. She let herself be led to the chesterfield. Carl pulled her down beside him.

"So how do you like us? Is it better living here than on the farm? 

Grace raised her gaze from her hands folded in her lap, up towards Carl’s face. Their eyes met briefly before she dropped her head back down.

Yes, it’s Ok I guess. It’s better than digging potatoes.

Carl gently took one of Grace’s delicate hands into his own and caressed it. Yes, your hands are too tender for such hard work. They’re meant to play the piano. How about playing a tune for me, Grace?

Grace blushed and began to protest, but Carl was already on his feet, pulling her towards the piano. She sat on the bench and slowly started to play.

Music was her passion and she was soon drifting into the peaceful spot it always took her, completely free of her fears and inhibitions. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds her own fingers were creating as they glided up and down the keys.

Suddenly she felt Carl’s presence close on the bench beside her and she was dragged back to reality. His arm encircled her slender waist and she stiffened.

Don’t be afraid, Grace, he said. You’re so beautiful. I just want to give you a kiss. Have you ever been kissed before, Grace?

Graced looked into his eyes, then turned her gaze away. No.

Carl placed his fingers alongside of Grace’s chin and gently pulled it toward him. When he leaned in and touched his lips to hers Grace closed her eyes and held her breath. She felt her body begin to quiver. She didn’t understand what was happening to her. She tried to push Carl away, but he held her firmly.

It’s ok, Grace. Now you’ve been kissed. That felt good, didn’t it?

Grace wasn’t sure what she felt, but she knew Carl was her cousin’s husband and this should not be happening. She garnered all her strength to break free of his embrace, and retreated to the kitchen. A minute later the back door opened and in ran Henry and Sarah.

Hey, my kiddies, how was school? Carl bent down to give the children a hug. Over the tops of their heads, Grace caught his wink. She turned back to the stove to finish preparing dinner.

That night Grace had trouble getting to sleep. She was wrenched with all kinds of emotions, not the least of which was guilt. She also remembered Carl’s lips on hers, and the sensations that had surged through her entire body.

I must forget that. It was wrong. It should never have happened and I mustn’t let it happen again.

For the next week Carl was away during the day, to Grace’s great relief. She spent her days busy with laundry and cooking and baking. In the evenings she’d give piano lessons to Henry and Sarah. Afterward she and Meredith would share a cup of tea and chat, but Grace found it difficult to look Meredith in the eye and often feigned fatigue to withdraw to her room early.

By the time she encountered Carl again she had almost convinced herself it had all been a terrible dream and she had nothing to feel guilty about. She had not even considered the possibility of it ever happening again.

Good morning, Gracie. How are you this lovely day? Carl’s voice sang out behind her as she stood over the porridge pot on the stove. Grace felt her face flush and her heart skipped a beat.

Good morning, Carl. I’m fine thanks, replied Grace with a quick glance over her shoulder. There’s still porridge left. Would you like some?

Carl smirked. Sure.

Grace ladled the piping hot cereal into a white ironstone bowl and placed it on the wooden table in front of Carl. She could feel his eyes surveying her from the top of her up-swept blond hair down to the hem of her gray damask dress that caught the edges of her black ankle-boots. She avoided his gaze. As she was pulling her hand away, Carl reached out and held it. With his other hand he lightly lifted her chin until she was staring into his eyes, eyes that danced with mischief. She tried to pull away, as she knew she must, but she was enchanted by the attention and his good looks.

Hey now Gracie, don’t push me away. You know I’ve missed you. Sit down a spell and tell me what you’ve been doing while I’ve been gone.

Grace glanced at the pile of dishes in the sink, awaiting her attention. She reluctantly sat down. There isn’t much to tell, she said. I’ve just been doing my usual chores and giving the kids their piano lessons.

You haven’t told anyone about our little kiss the other day, have you? Carl scraped the last spoonful of porridge from the bowl and pushed it aside.

No, no, of course not! Grace felt her cheeks grow hot once more as the memory swept over her. She glanced back at the dishes.

I really must get on with my chores.

Ok, I’ll help you. I haven’t much else to do today anyway. I can dry dishes.

Grace dumped some soap flakes into the sink, added a few ladles of hot water from the wood stove reservoir, and handed Carl a striped dishtowel. She couldn’t imagine a man doing dishes, but Carl was unlike any other man she knew. Certainly her grandfather wouldn’t have dried a dish. She wondered what he would have thought of Carl’s behaviour.

They worked in silence until the last dish was dried and put away. Grace concentrated on the task before her; Carl concentrated on her. When she finally removed her reddened hands from the soapy water, Carl wrapped his dishtowel around them and gently patted them dry. Grace looked up and before she knew it she was swept into his arms and his lips were pressing against hers. She tried to resist but her five-foot frame was no match for his six feet of muscular strength.

Ah Gracie, you are so sweet and innocent. Don’t fight it. You know you like it. I can feel your body, tense and quivering. Relax and enjoy it!

Grace tried to deny it to herself, but she could feel the blood pounding through her veins and the warm tingling in her groin that had been unfamiliar to her a few weeks ago.

No, no. This is wrong, Grace. You must make him stop! Grace’s conscience screamed at her.

She tried to push him away, but her body was winning the struggle. She was aware of the firmness of his body as it pressed tightly against hers and even through her thick skirt and undergarments she could feel his heat. When he parted her lips with his tongue, she didn’t resist. Instead she felt her own tongue exploring his lips and mouth. Her hands were around his neck, holding him to her. Carl bent down and scooped her up into his arms. He carried her towards the little bedroom off the sitting room, the room that held her few personal possessions. When he laid her down on the single white iron bed, Grace protested.

Struggling to get up, she said, No, Carl. You mustn’t.

He held her tight, pressing his fingers softly against her lips. Gracie, it’s alright. You know you need this as much as I do. I promise I won’t hurt you. With one hand he slowly began to unfasten the many tiny buttons on the front of her dress while his other hand was finding its way up through her layers of clothing and pulling at her panties.

Grace lay still, eyes closed, her hands now pinned above her head. She felt her nipples harden and her body arch. He lowered himself into her. The pain tore through her like a knife, jolting her from heaven to hell. She struggled to get free.

Carl, you’re hurting me. Please, please stop. Tears cascaded down her cheeks, but Carl kept her down, thrusting until he gave a loud gasp. He rolled away from her with a smile on his face.

Gracie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just because it’s your first time. Next time will be good for you too.

Grace couldn’t look at him. Just go away and leave me alone, she said through her tears.

Now Gracie, don’t be like that. You know I love you. By now he was on his feet and his clothes were back in place. He leaned down and gave Grace a kiss on her forehead. You’d better get yourself cleaned up before the children get home for lunch. And remember, this is our little secret, right Gracie?

I just wanted to be loved.  I should have tried harder to stop him. I should have.

In the morning Grace lifted the corner of the cotton-stuffed mattress on her bed and pulled out a flattened canvas sack that contained her meagre savings. She added it to all her personal belongings that she could fit into her black carpet bag, before making breakfast for everyone. It was Saturday so Meredith was home for the day. She prayed Carl wouldn’t make an appearance that day. That prayer was answered. She wished she had someone to talk to, but Meredith and her family were the only family she had left and she’d had no time to form any close female friendships.

While she drifted through her daily chores, her mind was everywhere.

I know I can’t stay here any longer. I have to make a plan. What will I tell Meredith? Can I leave without saying goodbye to Henry and Sarah? I will miss them so much. But I must go!

After dinner that night with Meredith, Henry and Sarah, Grace gave the children an extra squeeze before Meredith put them to bed. She waited for Meredith to return to the parlour, thankful to learn Carl was away again.

How have you been, Grace? You’ve been very quiet lately. Is there something wrong? asked Meredith when she sat down beside her on the sofa.

I do have something to tell you, Meredith. I just didn’t know how. I turned seventeen in the summer, before Grandpa died. I appreciate you taking me into your home and giving me a place to live, but now I think it’s time for me to start taking care of myself. I’m old enough to get a full-time job. I’m sorry I won’t be able to help you with Henry and Sarah anymore, but this is what I need to do.

Meredith’s face revealed her surprise, and disappointment. Where do you plan to go?

Grace took a deep breath and then did something she’d never done before. She knew her grandmother would be very disappointed in her.

I’ve written to the Water’s Edge Hotel in Ivy Lea and have been offered a position in housekeeping, she lied. They provide room and board. I start on Monday. I’ll be leaving here in the morning.

Chapter 2

Sunday morning, Grace was waiting for the bus that would get her out to the highway near the hotel. She would walk the mile down the road with all she owned in her bag, and hope she would be given a job.

There were few people on the bus that early, and Grace was grateful for it. She didn’t want anyone asking why she looked so sad, or noticing the tears sliding down her face. She felt bad about leaving everything behind, especially Henry and Sarah. And she was frightened, uncertain what the future would hold for her.

Fortunately for Grace, the Water’s Edge Hotel was gearing up for its busy summer season. The manager greeted her with a broad smile and a twinkle in his eye, extending his hand and offering her a seat in his office. Grace had expected a much older manager, not the young, dark-haired man who sat across from her.

Thank you for seeing me, Mr. Ford. I was wondering if you might have a job for me in the hotel this summer.

His steel-blue eyes looked directly into hers. "How old are you Grace?’

Um, I’ll be eighteen in a couple of months.

A flicker of  disappointment slid briefly across his face. He dropped his eyes to the papers on his desk when he realized she was much younger than her looks and demeanor had indicated.

Without looking up, he picked up his pen and began asking the standard questions he’d asked all of his new employees.

Grace, have you ever worked in a hotel?

Grace hung her head for a moment, then took a deep breath. She needed this job.

No, but I have cooked and cleaned and done laundry for my family members since I was very young. Surely you might have a job that I would qualify for?

Bob glanced up to see the gleam of tears forming in her blue eyes and a look of pleading on her face, that pulled at his heart strings.

Hmm, I think you’re right Grace. How about we start you in housekeeping for now? Do you have somewhere to stay, or do you need room and board?