The Miscreants, Collection 2: Magic and Mayhem Universe: The Miscreants

By R.L. Merrill

THE MISCREANTS COLLECTION - MAGIC AND MAYHEM UNIVERSE

Welcome to Assjacket, West Virginia, a town full of Witches, Vampires, Shifters, and…Rock Stars? All hell breaks loose when a cursed weather witch falls for a newly-turned vampire in the town magic rules and love conquers all.

 

FANG ME THREE TIMES

Cursed witch Wilma Wetter is proud to represent her magical Germanic ancestors as a weather forecaster. While tracking the weather before a historic lunar eclipse, she and her trusty camerawoman Jules come across three ridiculously attractive rock stars wandering in the woods. Gustavo "Gus Valens" Valenzuela has been living the dream since joining his cousins in forming The Miscreants, but a hazy meeting with insistent groupies leaves them forever changed. And hungry. Gus holds the key to awakening Wilma's latent powers, held in check by an ancient family curse. Can he help her break it without changing her life forever? And would change necessarily be a bad thing?

 

FANGTASTIC FOUR

After being cursed for a lifetime, weather witch Wilma Wetter's magical powers were unleashed the moment she was Turned into a vampire, and now she must manage them before her haunted mansion is washed away. With her mate—singer and fellow fanger Gus Valens—his cousins, her ghostly housemate, and her new familiar by her side, anything seems possible...until a ghost from her past threatens her fangtastic crew.

 

FIVE FANGER WITCH PUNCH

New vampires and life mates Wilma and Gus have had so much to learn that they haven't had any alone time to strengthen their mating bond. There have been countless interruptions and obstacles, including Wilma's foray into witchy MMA, so when warlock Roy Bermangoggleshitz shows up requesting help from Wilma to locate his missing children in Louisiana in the midst of a storm, she's determined to use her newly freed magic for good.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Celie Bay Publications, LLC
• Release date: Apr 24, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215803912

R.L. Merrill

Whether she’s writing contemporary romance featuring quirky and relatable characters or diving deep into the paranormal and supernatural to give readers a shiver, R.L. Merrill loves creating compelling stories that will stay with readers long after. Winner of the Kathryn Hayes “When Sparks Fly” Best Contemporary award for Hurricane Reese, and a Foreword INDIES finalist for Summer of Hush, Ro spends every spare moment improving her writing craft and striving to find that perfect balance between real-life and happily ever after. She writes diverse and inclusive romance, contributes paranormal hilarity to Robyn Peterman’s Magic and Mayhem Universe, and pens horror-inspired music reviews for HorrorAddicts.net. You can find her connecting with readers on social media, advocating for America’s youth, raising two brilliant kids, or headbanging at a rock show near her home in the San Francisco Bay Area! Stay Tuned for more…

Book preview

The Miscreants Collection

THE MISCREANTS COLLECTION

MAGIC AND MAYHEM UNIVERSE

THE MISCREANTS

R.L. MERRILL

Copyright © 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023 by Celie Bay Publications LLC

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.

This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.

The Author of this Book has been granted permission by Robyn Peterman to use the copyrighted characters and/or worlds created by Robyn Peterman in this book. All copyright protection to the original characters and/or worlds of the Magic and Mayhem series is retained by Robyn Peterman.

Written By: R.L. Merrill

Edited By: Kelli Collins – Edit Me This

Cover Design By: Black Ravens Designs

Vellum flower icon Created with Vellum

CONTENTS

Foreword

Fang Me Three Times

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Fantastic Four

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Five Fanger Witch Punch

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

For More Magic and Mayhem…

About the Author

Also by R.L. Merrill

FOREWORD

Blast Off with us into the Magic and Mayhem Universe!

I’m Robyn Peterman, the creator of the Magic and Mayhem Series and I’d like to invite you to my Magic and Mayhem Universe.

What is the Magic and Mayhem Universe, you may ask?

Well, let me explain…

It’s basically authorized fan fiction written by some amazing authors that I stalked and blackmailed! KIDDING! I was lucky and blessed to have some brilliant authors say yes! They have written brand new stories using my world and some of my characters. And let me tell you…the results are hilarious!

So here it is! Blast off with us into the hilarious Magic and Mayhem Universe. Side splitting books by fantabulous authors! Check out each and every one. You will laugh your way to a magical HEA!

For all the stories, go to https://magicandmayhemuniverse.com/. Grab your copy today!

And if you would like to read the book that started all the madness, Switching Hour is FREE!

https://robynpeterman.com/switching-hour/

FANG ME THREE TIMES

The Miscreants Book One/Magic and Mayhem Universe

by R.L. Merrill

1

Wilma

You got a little something on your neck.

I know Jules meant well. It was her job to make me look fabulous as the weather forecaster for Assjacket’s local TV station, W-ASS, but I didn’t need her to point out my many imperfections. Next thing, she’d be reminding me about my magical shortcomings.

It’s my birthmark, okay? I ran out of concealer. Give me a break.

Jules pouted. Sorry, babe. I forgot. It sure looks bigger tonight, though. Is that normal?

Goddess! Jules! You know it gets bigger on a full moon! And since tonight’s a lunar eclipse, it’s extra sensitive. 

The annoying mark had been stinging all day. It covered an area the size of a nickel on the left side of my neck and rose like a lovely, ripe bruised berry once a month, compliments of my Germanic witch ancestry. 

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, okay. Let’s have you stand over there and give me some right-side action, then. It’s your hottest angle anyway.

I rolled my eyes. Jules always did her best to make me feel like a badass weather chick, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

I brushed my strawberry-blonde hair out of my face, grateful I’d had it blown out earlier at the hairdresser. Tonight was a big night for our little news show, and I wanted to look great. 

It was a still night out in the woods, thankfully. There was no wind, a blessing after the series of thunderstorms we’d had that week. Typically the weather in Assjacket was pretty close to perfection, thanks to the high level of magical activity.

Not that I was responsible for any of it. I should have been, but that’s a story for a later time. 

I thought I’d have you stand on the bridge while the eclipse is happening. I can get some great shots beforehand.

The abutment will make a nice backdrop.

You said butt. Jules held a hand to her mouth and giggled. 

"I did say butt. I’m glad you’re amused, now come on, let’s get ready."

Jules had the best eye for camerawork. Many people lauded the impressive visual prowess of Cooper’s hawk Shifters, but Jules could back that up with mad creativity and skills. She should’ be more than being my cameraperson. I keep telling her she should go to film school, like she wanted to, but she waved off all compliments. 

Thank you, Jules. We need to go live in six minutes to give the weather update on the eleven o’clock news, and then we can take a break until we get the shots at midnight.

Right on, Jules said. Let me get my tripod set up.

I held my microphone confidently and waited for Jules to give me the signal. 

And three…two… She pointed at me, and I gave my best TV smile. 

Good evening, I’m Wilma Vetter, and I’m coming to you live from the Jacket Hole Bridge. The skies above our hometown are crystal clear, so be sure to join us at midnight for a special broadcast of tonight’s lunar eclipse! The blood moon will be perfectly visible with the naked eye and is sure to give you a thrill. 

I’d thought about going into the magical history of this blessed event, but there was always the chance a human could come across our broadcast, and we didn’t need them snooping around town. Unwanted visitors didn’t fare well with the Assjacket magical community. With my pedigree, I’d been welcomed with open arms, and I intended to deliver the weather forecasts this town deserves, even if I couldn’t deliver on my birthright. 

We’ll be back at midnight with footage of the eclipse. Stay tuned. 

And cut, Jules yelled. 

I exhaled and let everything droop. I spent so much of my life trying to be an upstanding citizen, a clever and productive member of Assjacket society, and a no-nonsense witch. It was a lot of work. Sometimes I wished I could have an adventure, find true love…anything that involved risks and coloring outside of the lines. But I had my family’s reputation to uphold, and the Wetters were known throughout the magical world as hardworking, serious magic users.

Love and excitement weren’t in my cards. And didn’t that suck?  

I looked in the mirror and pulled out my makeup kit, telling myself for the millionth time to stop scratching my neck. Why do we tell ourselves not to do these things? It was hopeless. My neck was going to be all red and splotchy for the broadcast and there was nothing I could do about it.

Though, Jules was a great friend and colleague, especially when she used her camera angles to cover up any imperfections in my appearance.  

I was standing next to Jules’s utility van, using her side mirror, when I heard a noise no one wants to hear when out on a deserted country road at night. Jules had insisted we come outside of Assjacket city limits to this highway because the views of the eclipse would be so much brighter, but I immediately regretted that decision, great abutments or no. 

There was a rustling in the leaves just inside the tree line and the sounds of moaning. Not like the kind of moaning folks do when they’re enjoying themselves. This was masked-maniac-in-the-woods kind of moaning, and it was getting louder.

I went to call for Jules, but I didn’t want to alert who or whatever might be out there. I tiptoed around the front of the van and started for the bridge, but movement in the trees caught my eye. 

Through the underbrush, I saw what looked like three people, dressed in black, staggering around like the zombies in Night of the Living Dead. 

Great. Assjacket was weird enough. We didn’t need zombies, too!

Since I’d moved here, I’d spent all of my time getting the Assjacket News program off the ground. In that time, I’d seen a lot of peculiar activity. Coming from a small village outside of Berlin, I’d met plenty of witches and warlocks in my lifetime, and wolf Shifters were plentiful, but Assjacket had a much more diverse population. It was one of my favorite things about the move, that and buying a house of my own; however, zombies were not going to endear me to the strange little town. 

Jules. My stage-whispering was pretty lame, but it succeeded in getting her attention.

Yeah?

But then she spotted the movement as well and quickly shifted to her hawk form.

I will never get tired of seeing her fly. 

Jules swooped down from the bridge and into the trees. As she flew in closer, the zombie-acting figures shrieked like little girls on a school playground and one of them ran full speed out of the trees.

And smack into me.

2

Gus

You know how you always hear that your life will flash before your eyes whenever there’s an accident? I thought it was bullshit. When I was a kid back in Pacoima, California, and a crop dusting plane crashed into the field near our school, I only saw flames. When my band’s bus jackknifed on some rural country road a few weeks ago and ended up catching fire, all I saw was smoke. 

But this time, as I ran to avoid being attacked by a flying beast in the middle of the woods on a cool fall night, I saw my life flash before my eyes. 

And she was beautiful.

Now, you might be shaking your head and saying, Dios. This fool here thinks he’s in love and he barely even saw her. I know. If I weren’t me, and I’d heard me saying what I just said, I’d agree with you. But I know what I saw. I just don’t know how I knew it. You know?

I knew I’d seen my life as sure as I knew my name was Gus Valens. Technically, it was Gustavo Valenzuela, but I gotta represent mi familia. I took on the stage name to reflect my heritage, you know? Ritchie Valens, the great Mexican guitar player and singer, was my ancestor, and my mama raised me to follow in his footsteps. My cousins joined me, and we tres primos had been to hell and back chasing our musical dreams. 

And right now, as my life passed before my eyes, I knew somehow, despite our missteps, we were right where we were supposed to be, as weird as that was. I was on a collision course with a woman and there was nothing that could stop this crazy train.

Ooof!

I managed to catch her weight and spin us in the air so we landed with her on top of me. She was soft in all the right places, so I didn’t mind much. I’m sure she minded getting bowled over by some strange dude in the middle of the woods, and if I were in her shoes, I’d probably mind it. But I didn’t. Not one bit. 

She scrambled off of me and I was…disappointed? She brushed off her skirt and blazer, now covered with leaves, and she stood on shaky legs. Gorgeous legs, more muscular than slender. Powerful. Like her mane of fiery hair that she flung back from her shoulders. I saw her in slow-mo as she shook it out, like a commercial on TV or a scene in a movie. Her plump pink lips were pursed, and normally that’s where I’d be looking, but my gaze was drawn to her milky-white neck…and the blood-red mark there.

Gus! You good, bro? Did you break anything?

Freddy helped me up and I shook my head, mostly to clear the massive craving that struck me, the fixation on that crimson blemish—

Yo, Earth to Valenzuela, Vinnie said. You good?

I righted my black leather jacket and tried to look cool. 

You got a little…

Vinny reached over and pulled a twig out of the curl that hung in front of my forehead, and all my plans to impress this woman, who was now staring me down with flames nearly shooting out of her eyes, vanished. 

What are you doing here? the lady in the suit asked with a thick German accent. 

I have no idea, I answered, a little irritated that she’d be yelling at me. Where is here, anyway? We end up in Germany?

She crossed her arms over her chest. You don’t know where you are? You’re on the outside of Assjacket, West Virginia. Did you wander into the woods and get lost?

I opened my mouth to speak, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember how we’d managed to get here. Wherever here was.

We were on the tour bus…we handed out some flyers at a shopping mall…

We met those women, Freddy said with a shrug. He ran a comb through his hair and twirled the front between his finger and thumb to correct his fall. 

We met those…what women? I don’t remember any women. It was true. I wasn’t just saying that to avoid more attitude from the fiery one. Hey, where’s our bus?

We parked our van out on the road and there’s no bus for miles. Now explain yourself.

I didn’t like her suspicious tone. As lovely as she was—que bonita—we certainly didn’t get here on purpose. I didn’t even know where here was. 

Explain myself? I started to give her what for, and then I held up my hands. I’m sorry, I’m just freaking out a little. Vinny? What happened?

My cousin, our bass player, was a man of few words, but he had a huge heart and couldn’t stand to see his friends hurt. He’d taken the disappearance of our band’s fourth member the hardest, and as the bandleader, it was my duty to make things right in the world of The Miscreants. 

I don’t know, man. I remember us being on the bus. I remember a bar and that one lady crawling all over you.

Sounds to me maybe you had too much to drink.

No. It’s not like that… I didn’t like the accusatory look this woman was giving me. I’d be willing to forget about it, though, if I could just get a closer look at that red, throbbing, swollen place on her neck. If I could just touch her—

A huge bird swooped down from the trees with a shriek—and suddenly a naked woman was standing between me and the woman in the suit. 

You better back up, friend.

The naked woman was frightening. She was not only unclothed, but she had the body of a world-class athlete and looked ready to tear us to pieces.

Jules! The woman in the suit yanked her blazer off and wrapped it around the smaller woman. I can handle this, she whispered to the—bird girl?

"Hey, what’s going on? Was she just flying?"

I’m asking the questions here, the suit woman said, poking me in the chest—and quickly pulling her hand back as though she’d been shocked, her gray eyes flaring. Then she touched my chest again. Up close, she smelled…delicious. Like…the first rain. Clean, fresh, new. Inviting.

In a much softer voice, she asked, "Who are you?"

Her hand remained on my chest. Ohhhh man she’s gorgeous.

She noticed and pulled it back. Her cheeks tinted the loveliest color of rose. My gaze lingered there for a moment, but then…that spot. 

She raised a hand to cover it, and I realized that I was making a complete idiot out of myself by staring. I’m Gus, and these are my cousins, Freddy and Vinny. I waited for recognition on her part. We never went anywhere without being mobbed these days, especially after the accident. It made international headlines. People fell all over themselves to wish us well and ask after Havoc, our missing drummer.

That hombre was a mysterious and stubborn dude, but an amazing musician, and without him, the three of us were kinda lost. We’d found him, and he’d completed us. We missed the dude. We’re looking for our friend—

In the woods? At midnight? Midnight! Oh! Jules, come on, it’s almost time!

The two women left us and ran for the bridge. The naked one, who’d just been flying, grabbed some clothes off the ground and yanked them on before scrambling over to a large camera on a tripod. 

The woman trotted up the gravel road and onto the bridge and over to the rail. She finger combed her hair, applied some lip gloss, and straightened her skirt. She cursed when she discovered there was dirt all over her. 

Jules, try to get me from the waist up. I’ll leave the blazer off, too. She glanced nervously in my direction before taking a few cleansing breaths.  Then she smiled, and it was brighter than the full moon in the sky. She lit up from the inside and became a confident, self-assured expert like you’d expect to see on TV.

It’s just about time, Jules hollered to her. She counted down as the woman prepared herself to speak. 

Time stopped momentarily. I wished I could take a knee and serenade her beauty. I couldn’t even be upset about her suspicious expression. It was my fault for interrupting her work, which I gathered was giving a weather report. However, when I looked around, all I could see was clear skies, bright stars, no wind. What kind of weather was she going to be reporting on? A swarm of fireflies?

Good evening, citizens of Assjacket. I am Wilma Vetter, and I’m coming to you live from the Jacket Hole Bridge, where we’re moments away from the total lunar eclipse. Now, this event can only take place when there’s a full moon in the sky. Thankfully we have clear skies over Assjacket tonight, so there will be no missing the show. The moon is going to travel through the Earth’s shadow and…look! You can see the moon is turning a reddish color—

Her neck. It called to me like a juicy steak after a long day of work in my tio’s auto shop with no lunch. My stomach clenched and I realized I was…hungry. And lightheaded. 

I turned to say something to Freddy and Vinny—and gasped at what I saw.

Both of them had solid black eyes. 

Ow! My hands flew up to cradle my jaw. A sharp pain throbbed in time with my heartbeat. It hurt so bad it nearly dropped me to my knees. 

Vinny hissed in pain, too, and Freddy cursed up a storm. 

Shit. 

What the hell happened to us on the way here?

And what you’re seeing is a reddish color. It looks almost like blood—

Blood. 

My vision sharpened suddenly, and though nearly 50 feet separated us, I was able to see her pulse pounding against the pale skin of her neck. Hear it as well. And all of my focus honed in on the blood-red mark. 

Jules threw out a hand and smacked me in the chest to stop my forward progress. I’m normally not a violent man, but I was ready to bite that hand off.

Bite? Really? Where did that thought come from?

Listen here, Romeo. You keep those fangs away from my friend. 

Fangs? What are you talking about?

There was some sort of tractor beam pulling me toward her. Wilma. If I could get near her, the pain and the hunger will end…

Isn’t it beautiful? Assjacket, I hope you’re someplace where you can go outside and enjoy this rare sight. From Jacket Hole Bridge, I’m Wilma Vetter.

And cut!

The weather girl’s shoulders slumped as the spotlight clicked off. She turned and looked up at the sky and raised her arms out to her sides. Her head dropped back, and I could see her lips moving. Was she praying?

I could be down with that. I was ready to worship this woman. She was everything, and I knew next to nothing about her, but for some reason—

A breeze blew by me, and it was as though I’d awakened from a hard nap.  All of my senses came alive. I heard a snake slithering through the leaves on the ground and the distant trickling water of the creek that ran under the bridge, quiet this time of year. I smelled the mildewing leaves and death, the decay of some poor unfortunate creature who’d become a victim of the circle of life. The moon’s brightness as it emerged from the shadow stung my eyes like the first spotlight at a club show before I adjusted. My skin felt tight, as if it were dry and in need of moisturizer, sort of like when we spent a few weeks touring Arizona and New Mexico. A constant sunburn that made me twitchy and all of us grumpy. The cure then had been aloe and witch hazel.

The cure for this feeling? Was standing in front of me, if I could just get past— 

Hey! Lover boy, the bird girl said.

It’s Gus. I couldn’t fight the draw, nor did I want to. I tried moving closer, but something solid was in my way.

Oh, no you don’t. Let her do her thing, and then let’s get you guys out of the woods before something—

My ears went fuzzy, like we’d just done a show without ear protection, and my mouth watered. The pain in my jaw, the gnawing hunger. If this…obstacle…didn’t move, I would move it. I would move Heaven and Earth to get closer—

That’s enough, fellas. 

Suddenly we were surrounded by seven shirtless dudes. Growling shirtless dudes.

One stood before me in cutoff jean shorts and tried to look scary. He only succeeded in looking foolish. We don’t want your kind here.

He actually snarled! I forgot my own misery for a brief moment and was entertained by his in-your-face, testosterone-fueled display. What’s this guy about?

Bode, what are you and your fleabag friends doing here? Wilma stalked over and stood next to Jules. Close to me. She smelled so good. Like morning dew in the strawberry fields. I wished I could bury my face in her hair and inhale that fresh, wet—

I told you to quit following us!

Following her? I was gonna murder this guy. 

The leader of the pack crossed his arms over his tan chest and flexed his biceps. He kicked his chin out at the three of us. 

"We followed them, Ms. Wetter. They are a threat and must be disposed of."

"It’s pronounced Vetter!"

Dispose of this, Freddy said, grabbing his package with a ballsy sneer. We were outnumbered, but that never mattered to him. 

I loved my cousins, but they totally liked to fight. They never cared about the odds. And I was the one who usually ended up a mess. 

Look, man, I said to him. We don’t know how we got here, but we’re leaving just as soon as we find our bus and our drummer. We don’t want any trouble with you.

The other shirtless dudes laughed their skeezy laughs, and Vinny and Freddy moved in to cover me. I was the tallest, but both of them had me beat when it came to fighting. 

You got trouble the minute you crossed into Assjacket.

Excuse me, is this place for real called Assjacket? You’re not making it up? Freddy’s big mouth frequently got us into those fights. Looked like it would happen again. 

These gentlemen were just leaving. Wilma gave me the slightest nod and then tilted her head toward the van. We’re taking them to their bus—

Too late. They saw Jules shift. They gotta go before Mac. 

More stupid laughing. 

Hi, Jules, one of them said to the bird girl. 

Jules groaned. Rex, how many times have I told you that you’re repulsive? Hmmm? What makes you think I’d say hello to you now?

Freddy snorted—and it was as if the slo-mo cam was back on. 

Rex launched himself at Freddy. Freddy stood at the ready. Jules kicked Rex in the nuts and he hit the ground. Two more guys ran for Vinny from opposite directions, but he stepped back at the last second and they ran into each other. 

It would have been funny, and I did start to laugh, but then Bode’s fist connected with my tender jaw, and my eyes locked once more on my life. Her.

No! she screamed.

I fully expected to hit the ground. I figured my head would snap back and the rest of me would follow. 

But I didn’t move. 

His fist bounced off my face and I barely felt the impact. 

What the—

I rubbed at the spot where he’d hit me while he and his crew stared.

Why aren’t you on the ground?

Why do you hit like my abuelita?

The women tried not to laugh at Bode’s frustration. 

We’ll take them to their bus, Bode. It’s fine. 

And then…Wilma smiled at me, and I wondered if maybe, just maybe, she felt just like I did. Maybe whatever happened to land us in these particular woods, where she’d be looking up at the moon, had happened on purpose. It happened to feel like a miracle.

3

Wilma

Whoever this tall drink of I-just-stepped-out-of-the-fifties was, the curious kitten in me wanted to know more. 

He stared at me like he thought I was beautiful, and that hadn’t happened in a long time. 

Bode continued to pursue me—despite my clear statement to him that I was in no way interested—because he thought I had a nice ass and he needed a mate. 

This guy looked as though he wanted to worship me or eat me alive. Or both. 

And I wanted to let him. 

What the hell is wrong with me? 

When he moved closer, he smelled like the inside of a well-maintained American muscle car. Maybe he was a mechanic. Maybe he was