Too Wise to Be Mistaken, Too Good to Be Unkind

By Cathy Steere

A book with a different perspective on the subject of autism than you'll normally find. In Too Wise to be Mistaken, Too Good to Be Unkind, you will join David, Cathy, and Drew Steere on their difficult, yet remarkable journey into the complex world of autism.

More than a "how-to" manual on dealing with a special needs child, this is the heartwarming testimony of two parents who placed their trust in their faithful Heavenly Father and lovingly persevered in training Drew in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. A powerful testimony to the sufficiency of Scripture in all of life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Grace and Truth Books
• Release date: Jan 19, 2012
• ISBN: 9781930133129

Book preview

Praise for

Too Wise to Be Mistaken, Too Good to Be Unkind

An honest, heart-wrenching story .... I began to understand this elusive thing called ‘autism,’ and I found hope and help for parents of all types of children, even those with other special needs. I couldn’t put it down! I highly recommend this book.

-LORRIE FLEM, TEACH Magazine

Although not every child will be able to respond as dramatically or as fully to intervention as Cathy’s son did, I wholeheartedly agree with her encouragement for families to think biblically and not abandon consistent discipline and moral teaching for our special needs children. No matter what approach, or what level of ‘success’ we attain with teaching our children, the development of obedience and character will allow them to go as far as possible within their own unique blend of abilities and disabilities.

-SHARON HENSLEY, author,

Home Schooling Children with Special Needs

It stands out as one of the only books on the market that seeks to demonstrate from a distinctively biblical, psychology-free perspective that parents of autistic children can meet the needs of their children at home.

-DOUG PHILLIPS, President, Vision Forum

Copyright © 1999, 2005

by Cathy Steere and Grace & Truth Books

First edition 1999

Revised second edition 2005

ISBN 9781-930133-129

Front cover photo and cover design by David Hammermaster

e-Book conversion by Gerald Mick

Published by

Grace and Truth Books

3406 Summit Boulevard

Sand Springs, Oklahoma 74063

Phone: [phone]

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for brief quotations in articles or reviews, without written permission from the publisher.

To every parent who is trying to find

his way through the maze, to the way of hope,

far away from the monster called autism—

and to every child imprisoned in its grip.

History Behind the Title

Samuel Medley was considered a great preacher and much-loved pastor during his years of ministry in the late 1700s. In addition, he penned nearly fifty hymns that were often written upon a significant event in the church or lives of church members or which pertained to a particular sermon he had prepared. The hymn with the phrase ending each verse, Too wise to be mistaken, too good to be unkind, is believed to have been written upon the tragic death of a little child as a comfort to its mourning parents. Medley directs the parents to find their comfort in the wisdom and kindness of God.

Contents

Foreword

Preface to the Second Edition

Acknowledgments

1. A Foundation of Truth

2. The Valuable Routine

3. Attempts at Socialization

4. From His Head to His Toes, A Perfect Creation

5. Rite of Passage

6. Our Genius Son

7. Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing

8. The New Addition

9. For the Love of Bear

10. Echoes in the Wind

11. The Monster Appears

12. God Shall Alone the Refuge Be

13. Whate’er My God Ordains Is Right

14. He Leads Me By the Proper Path

15. He Is My God, Though Dark My Road

16. What Though I Can’t His Goings See

17. He Holds Me That I Shall Not Fall

18. Yet Am I Not Forsaken

19. Sweet Comfort Yet Shall Fill My Heart

20. And So to Him I Leave It All

Conclusion

Afterword

Autism: A Neurodevelopmental Approach

Resources

Scripture References and Endnotes

Foreword

Too Wise to be Mistaken, Too Good to be Unkind takes you into a strange world of unusual abilities, odd perceptions, peculiar interpretations, and bizarre responses: autism! The book you are holding is the account of the journey of a Christian family into the world of autism. Told through the eyes and even the thoughts of Cathy Steere, it is the story of the family’s passage from the initial inklings that something was wrong to the diagnosis of autism through their growing understanding of how to shepherd their precious autistic son.

The book is a fascinating story of discovery and faith. Parents who have autistic children will find much encouragement, perhaps even deepening their understanding of this sensory dysfunction with its abnormal perceptions and abnormal behaviors. If you have an autistic child, you will not need to be persuaded to read this book; you read everything you can find. But even if you do not have a special needs child, you will find this book a must-read. There are perspectives here that will serve and encourage anyone with children.

Cathy Steere understands that the sovereignty of God is not a doctrine for the ivy-covered halls of theological seminaries, but practical truth for the bedrooms and bathrooms, kitchens, nurseries, and hallways of life. Cathy and her husband, David, knew that even when we cannot comprehend the purposes of God and we think that our backs are up against an unknowable abyss, we are in the hands of a loving God who is at work in all things for our good and His glory. Such solid truth is a rudder in the storms of life.

One can imagine people being put off by the references to human depravity in the first chapter. But without facing the problem of evil, parents are left clueless in seeking to understand their children. The Steeres embraced the truth that their son’s profoundest need was not merely perceptual or sensory. His profoundest need was a heart that required the gracious renovating work of God. His need was a heart transplant—the replacing of a stony heart with a heart of flesh. This realization gave them the clarity to address sinful responses as sin rather than indications of a need for therapy. As a consequence, Drew learned obedience and self-control to a degree unheard of in autistic children.

Related to the problem of evil is the need for grace. Cathy Steere and her husband understood that since Drew is like other children—part of a fallen race of people—his needs are the same as his parents and all other children. Drew needed grace. Grace to bring forgiveness and new life as well as grace to empower. So the Steeres put their hope in the pure goodness of God, who changes hearts and empowers people to obey—even people with autism.

The fourth perspective that makes this book valuable is never mentioned but shines through on every page. Cathy and David Steere had the compassion and wisdom to look at the world through Drew’s eyes. They imitated the incarnation in their caring for their son. They loved him enough to enter into his world, to understand the sensory and perceptual world in which Drew lived. Jesus did for us what the Steeres did for Drew. He entered into our world. He lived in a body like yours and mine; He had a human psychology; He experienced life like we do. We see Him tired and hungry at Jacob’s well, weeping at Lazarus’ tomb. He looks at the world through our eyes. As our High Priest entered our world and sympathizes with our weakness, Cathy Steere understood her son’s world well enough to sympathize with his weaknesses and help him in appropriate ways.

This is a wonderful story of God’s grace in giving uncommon wisdom to parents. It is a story assuring parents of the truth of I Corinthians 10:13, No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. There are marvelous lessons here for all who wish to shepherd the hearts of their children.

—Tedd Tripp, pastor, author of Shepherding a Child’s Heart

Preface to the Second Edition

When we were confronted with the knowledge that our son was on the autism spectrum, we were desperate to learn all we could to help him. But while there are reams of books available that provide helpful, practical, and specific guidelines and methods for teaching children with autism, we were hard-pressed to find one that spoke on the topic as it related to our child as a whole—both his physical self and his inner self, his heart. My husband and I never saw him as a child with a neurological disorder alone. We viewed him as the Scriptures teach: that he has a soul that can never die, and though fallen in nature and dead in sin, he was made in the image of God. Because of this, he was designed to have a relationship with God.

In the following pages you will read our story of how we tried to come to grips with reaching the heart of our autistic son. You will see our struggles, our pain, and our failings. You will see how we wrestle with how to parent him within a biblical context. And, hopefully, what you will see most of all is what we learned along the way: that when we fail, God is gracious. When we despair, God is our Comforter. When we are lost, God is our Guide.

I’m sharing our story so that others may be encouraged to think about their autism spectrum children the way God thinks about them—to consider that they are more than children with neurological deficits and limitations that need addressing. I want to offer hope to hurting families who think they are all alone, or to those who think that nobody understands what they are going through. I’m writing to Christian parents who are confused by all of the conflicting messages they hear concerning how to parent their child with autism—from You can’t discipline him, he doesn’t understand, to If you would just spank him more, he wouldn’t act that way.

This book was never intended to function as a manual, and my message is not, If you just did what I did, your child will recover. This is our story, plain and simple—what we did, why we did it, and the outcome. And while I believe our parenting can have a great effect on our spectrum children, I don’t believe that whether a child recovers from autism or not is the marker of how well we parented. We are not able to recover our children from autism any more than we can save their souls. God does not call us to be perfect parents; He does, however, call us to be faithful parents. It is this message that I hope you take with you when you are done reading.

The Lord has given us tools for this journey with autism. We may utilize the means of biblical parenting, education, and therapies to the very best of our abilities, yet any fruit, any reward, any good that comes from them is not ours to claim. To God alone be the glory for ever and ever.

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank Lorie Ann Grover, who inspired me to write this book and gifted me along the way with input and, especially, her friendship.

Special thanks goes to our elder, Mark McCormick, who graciously spent his time to research the history behind the writing of the hymn that, in part, was used as the title of this book.

I’d like to thank Pastor Tedd Tripp for his time in reading the book and writing the foreword.

Thanks goes to Sharon Hensley, Lisa Poole, and Dr. Laura Hendrickson for their time and for sharing suggestions to help better the book.

Special thanks goes to David Hammermaster for his time and work on the cover of this book. The kindness your entire family has shown ours will always be remembered.

Thanks goes to both Cyndi Ringoen and Kay Ness for their never-ending support of the book, their help with some of the more technical portions, and for writing the article which appears at the end. Most especially, thanks goes to Cyndi Ringoen for her work with Drew over the years. You have been a constant source of encouragement to our family, and we count you a treasure for your understanding of our son’s unique needs.

I’d like to give special thanks to our pastor, Tom Lyon, for his faithful preaching of God’s Word and, especially, for his unrelenting reminder that all things are disciplined by theology.

Deep and sincere gratitude goes to Tom and Jayni Lyon, Dr. Jonathan Bacon and his wife, Sandra, the Bye family, and to Frank and Janice Wells. The love you’ve shown to us and our children, in very practical and tender ways, has been an enormous blessing to our whole family.

To Jill jones. You are not merely an editor, I count you a true friend indeed.

I’d like to thank Pastor Dennis Gundersen for his encouragement and advice. I am grateful for your personal interest and care for our family, as well as your support of this work.

My very special thanks goes to my dear husband. You are a loving and unselfish husband and father, a truly honorable man. You have my respect and love forever.

Lastly, I would like to thank all of our friends and family who have been faithful to offer up prayers on our behalf to the sovereign God of the universe, who holds all things in the palm of His hand.

ONE

A Foundation of Truth

The screaming in the night was intense. We had never heard him cry like this before. We sped to the nursery of our nine-week-old baby boy. My heart raced faster than my feet. Adrenaline pumped through my veins. My husband, David, and I pushed past each other. Who was making Drew scream so? What was terrorizing our son? An intruder? A monster? Not sure what we expected to find, David and I burst into the nursery together.

There was nothing unusual in the dark room. No monster that we could see. Drew’s teddy bear grinned on the dresser. The mobile above the crib waited to be wound. All was exactly as it had been left just hours before when we had kissed our baby good night and tucked him in.

But when I looked down into the crib, I saw the reason he was so disturbed. Normally, we placed Drew on his tummy. He always preferred sleeping that way. Now here lay our tiny baby, feet kicking madly at the air, arms shadowboxing, lying face up—on his back. He was screaming his loudest and his cries were unmuffled by his sheets.

How could this possibly be? I wondered, scooping up my son to comfort him. I knew I was a novice at this mothering thing, but I was sure I had read somewhere that he still had several weeks before he should be able to roll from his tummy to his back.

David collected all the tousled receiving blankets strewn throughout the crib. His face reflected my own feelings of concern. Drew’s screams were those of sheer terror. He was too young to experience such intense fear. The light from the hall shone on his tear-stained face. His head bobbed about as he tried to continue his flight for safety. His body was arched and stiff and he pulled away from me. A terrible sense of fear gripped me. C’mon, honey, I cooed, Mommy’s here. Everything is okay.

Why couldn’t I quiet my own baby? What was I doing wrong? My baby needed me. Why couldn’t I give him comfort?

He didn’t relax into my hug or lay his tiny head on my shoulder, but at last the intensity of his crying lessened. David and I worked together to wrap him up like a burrito in the receiving blankets. Nice and tight—that’s how he liked it. We gently lowered him into the crib on his stomach. We put his head at the opposite end, away from the wet spot where his tears had soaked the crib sheet. After we left him, we could still hear him whimpering in the dark of his room. David held me in his arms in the hallway outside Drew’s door. We listened. Drew finally settled down and fell asleep for the rest of the night. Gradually, our breathing calmed too. We had experienced his terror. How couldn’t we? He belonged to us and we loved him.

· · ·

David and I had diligently prepared for parenthood. We were as prepared to be parents as we thought we could possibly be‑not just in the practical matters of caring for an infant, but also in our realization of the serious responsibility we had been given to train him. Throughout the pregnancy we had studied the different parenting styles and philosophies available to the new parent. We determined to utilize parenting materials which espoused these principles:

The husband and wife relationship has first priority in the home.

Parents are responsible for the moral development of the child.

Routine is a benefit in the emotional, physical, social spheres and in the development of character.

We firmly believed that the most important issue in our new roles as parents was an understanding of the nature of God and the true nature of man. As to the nature of God, He is holy and sovereign! For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be the glory for ever. Amen (Romans 11:36, KJV).

In his book The Sovereignty of God, Arthur W. Pink answers the question, What do we mean by this expression [the sovereignty of God]?:

We mean the supremacy of God, the kingship of God, the Godhood of God.

To say that God is sovereign is to declare that God is God!

To say that God is sovereign is to declare that He is the Most High, doing according to His will in the army of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth, so that none can stay His hand (Daniel 4:35).

To say that God is sovereign is to declare that He is the Almighty, the possessor of all power in heaven and earth so that none can defeat His counsels, thwart His purpose, nor resist His will (Psalm 115:3).

To say that God is sovereign is to declare that He is the governor among the nations (Psalm 22:28), setting up kingdoms, overthrowing empires, and determining the course of dynasties as pleases Him best.

To say that God is sovereign is to declare that He is the only potentate, the King of kings, and the Lord of lords (I Timothy 6:15).

Such is the God of the Bible.

To say that God is sovereign is to say that He exercises His will in the lives of each of His creatures‑even in the life of our child. It is His sovereign will if He chooses to make our child deaf, dumb, blind, or handicapped in any way. He is the potter, we are but the clay. And because God is holy, We can rest assured that all of His decrees are perfect and just and right.

How one views the nature of God impacts his perspective of everything that occurs in the world and to him personally. David and I recognized God’s holiness, coupled with His power and control, in all events of life. This sovereignty is what makes Him God.

The other theological truth we considered as new parents