Autobiography Of A Failure

By Marcelo Ortiz

I wrote this book hoping that it might awaken somebody from the slumber of mischief and allow his or her possible assets to achieve their American dream, which I am still looking for.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 19, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662487859

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Autobiography Of A Failure

Marcelo Ortiz

Copyright © 2022 Marcelo Ortiz

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2022

ISBN 978-1-6624-8787-3 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-8785-9 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Unholly Christmas

Twin Sisters

Love of Country—Premonition of Death

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

P. Is Gamble

The Ambivalence of My Life

Merry Christmas to All

My Christmas Wishes

My Little Lady Had Five Babies

Hopelessness

Our Island

Wondering

Nearness of You

Your Love Is…

Our Separation

Vagabond of Love

A Distant Thunder

Nearness to You

Our Separation

Nearness of You

Our Island

A Distant Thunder

Streak of Champions

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

1983–1985

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Of the Infinite

Chapter 28

In My Retirement

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Part II

My Baptising

Conclusions

About the Author

Unholly Christmas

Short Story by Marcelo R. Ortiz

It is Christmas Day, and Gregg Thomas sits in the living room of his sparsely furnished apartment, thinking of the events that transpired during the day before. His heart heavy with grief, his eyes full of tears, Gregg figures that happiness is not going to be part of his life in the future, but he must go on, even if he is not to smile again.

Gregg was one of three sons in the Thomas family. His father, George, with a limited education, hardly brought home enough money to support them, so his mother, a sickly, frail woman, had to go to work as a maid to help support the household. Living in a poor section of the city, George Thomas and his family had to do with what he could get, for he was a very proud man, and although he could get welfare assistance, he never asked for help from anybody to support his family.

Gregg had just celebrated his fourteenth birthday when the hard work and poor nutrition took its toll and his father passed away. Things got worse at the Thomas household, and although Gregg was the younger of the children, he was the only one that came to his mother's assistance. Dropping out of school, he went to work doing odd jobs in the neighborhood, passing on his wages to his mother toward the upkeep of the family. The family didn't stay together long after the death of the father. No sooner had his brothers come of age than they left Gregg as the sole responsibility for his mother's welfare. He was working as a truck helper now, and since there were only the two of them, they moved to a smaller apartment. She had become quite sick now and unable to work, so Gregg did the best he could to make her comfortable. After a while, and because the rent he was paying was very low, Gregg hired a young woman to look after his mother and to keep her company while he was at work. It did not take long for the old lady to start thinking of her young companion as her future daughter-in-law. The relationship developed between the old lady and Estell, as the young woman was so close, that they became like mother and daughter. During their days together, they shared the pains, the worries, and in the evening, the joy of having Gregg return from work.

There was love in the Thomas family, and Gregg admired his mother's companion greatly, but he only thought of his mother's needs. There will be time for romance later, he thought; after all, he was still too young to think of marriage. Many a time his mother had brought up the topic, saying that she wanted him to marry a good woman such as Estelle, now her dear friend and companion, but he had put her off by saying that there would be time for that later. For now, she was the only woman in his life. I am not long for this world, she used to say. I miss your father dearly, and very often I beg our Lord to take me to his side, so if God answers my prayers, I want you to make sure that Estelle is not left out of our family. In Estelle you will find the love and tenderness for you and your children that nobody else could give you. Because of her compassion and love for his mother, Gregg's feelings toward Estelle had grown, and he knew that if his mother's wishes of dying were satisfied, he would certainly ask her to marry him. He didn't express his feelings to his mother in words, but kissing her on her cheeks and smiling at her tenderly gave her the answer she desired. She smiled sweetly, knowing that her son would be well taken care of when her time to join her dear husband came.

A few weeks passed, and everything was normal for the Thomas family. Then one day, as Gregg was at his job, he became uneasy and fearful that something was wrong in his house and asked his boss for permission to go home early. His boss, knowing how responsible Gregg was when it came to his job, gladly gave him the rest of the day off. As Gregg turned the corner on the block where he lived, he saw a crowd of his neighbors gathered in front of his home and an ambulance parked at the entrance to his house. O dear God, no, he thought as he sped his steps, thinking of his mother. As he reached the entrance to his house, the ambulance attendants came rushing out with his mother and, placing her in the ambulance, sped off, sirens blaring on their way to the hospital. Estelle came out following the ambulance attendants and, meeting Gregg in the sidewalk, joined him in a taxi following the ambulance to the hospital. As they reached the entrance to the emergency room, Gregg noticed that the attendants were not rushing now, and his mind came to the dreadful conclusion that his mother was no more and that she had finally joined her beloved husband as she had wished for so long. Oh my God, my dear God, he said, she is dead, my mother is dead, as he buried his face into Estelle's shoulder and began to cry. Estelle, up to now in a daze, realized that she has lost her dear friend and, seeing Gregg crying in pain and agony, also began to cry, realizing as well that she loved him and that his mother's death could cause their separation as well, since his mother was the reason for her to be in his house. But what could she do? Gregg was a young man whose actions were well measured, and he won't make his mind about her while mourning his mother. I hope he realizes that I love him, she thought, that I need him and that I would be lost without him. At the moment, Gregg's thoughts were of his mother; he also felt lost and worst, yet he couldn't control his emotions.

The funeral was three days after her death, with the whole family in attendance, with their respective companions, but whom they never would have courage to bring around while the old woman was alive. Perhaps because they were ashamed of their mother and also because of the possibility that she would have run them out of the house, them knowing the kind of a person she was when it came to family values. Gregg, knowing the kind of people his brothers associated themselves with, felt ashamed of them as well. As soon as the ceremony was over, they said their goodbyes and took their leave. Gregg rarely saw them after that day. Estelle was walking away from the crowd that accompanied them to the cemetery, sad and depressed, thinking that she had lost her two loved friends, one to God and the other to destiny. Gregg wished to stay by his mother's grave a few more minutes, but when he looked to his side, he saw Estelle walking away. Running after her and taking her by her arm, he asked where she was going.

I need to find a place where to stay. With your mother gone, I have no reason to stay around here, said Estelle.

Are you going away when I need you the most? said Gregg.

Do you need me to stay? asked Estelle, her heart now full of hope after hearing him say that.

I need you, and I love you, but I held back on telling you before because of my obligations to my mother. I want to marry you if you consent to be my wife.

Estelle's sadness was injected with a spark of happiness as they kissed and walked arm in arm away from that place of sadness, with their minds set on planning their lives together.

The wedding ceremony and reception was a very brief and simple affair, attended by some of their neighbores and Estelle's relatives. Everything took place in the small apartment that Gregg shared with his mother. By eleven o'clock that evening, Estelle had set herself on finding ways to make Gregg's life a bit more bearable, with love and compassion that would make him happy for the rest of his life. The love in their humble household was immense. The undertaking of each other's problems was accomplished with love and understanding of each other's needs. Their honeymoon was to last forever, they both knew. It was several months before the first moment of unhappiness entered the home and Estelle Thomas.

The owner of the firm he worked for sold to another trucking company. The new owner's policy was that the truck drivers were to handle the workload by themselves. No freight handlers were needed. Gregg had never bothered to learn to drive a truck, so along with many others, he was cut off his job, and for the first time since he was a teenager, he was out of a job. No matter, I will get a new job, maybe a better one, he tried to encourage himself, not realizing the hardships of a Black man with a limited education could have advancing in a prejudiced society. When he reached home, Estelle was anxiously waiting to give him the most beautiful news she thought possible. For three months, she knew she was carrying their first child, but she wanted to wait until the tests proved conclusively that she was pregnant; she didn't want to give her beloved man any false hope. Today she had gone to her doctor and received definite proof that she was with child. She was really pregnant; their first child was on the way. When he entered the apartment, she noticed a little apprehension, so she thought of giving him her cheerful news in order to make him happy.

I have some news that will make you very happy, sweetheart, she said.

I have some news for you too, honey, but if yours will make me happy, let's hear them first.

For a second, Estelle reflected on what her husband had said, not thinking his news would be bad; she still had an overwhelming desire to make him happy.

I went to see the doctor today, she said. As a matter of fact, I have been seeing the doctor for the last three months.

Doctor? What for? Is anything wrong? he asked her excitedly.

No, silly, nothing is wrong. On the contrary, everything is beautiful.

Then why did you have to go see the doctor?

The most wonderful thing on the world, she said happily, we are going to have a baby.

Gregg's heart filled with joy; his excitement was ecstatic. A baby, he said, the most important creation in this world.

With this, he jumped to his feet and, grabbing his beloved wife around her waist, twirled her around passionately, forgetting his problems for the moment and kissing her feverishly and lovingly for giving him this moment of happiness. While doing this, he realized the magnitude of his problem. He was to become a father, and he was unemployed. Was this the beginning of a new cycle? Like his father, was he to be able to give his family only the bare necessities of life?

No, Lord, please, he said to himself as, with tears in his eyes, he set Estelle back on the sofa.

What is wrong, sweetheart? she asked when she noticed the anguish on his face.

Oh, my dear wife, he said. What have I done to offend my God so? That I can't live a happy life? That every minute of happiness is followed by years of grief and despair? Here you give me the most beautiful news a man can have, and all I can give you is news of sadness and sorrow.

Estelle's chest felt like it was going to burst. Her man was being punished for no apparent reason at all. Here was a loving man whose humility and love for God didn't allow him to get ahead in life, while other men vile and dishonest were enjoying their lives happily.

What is the matter? she asked. What is hurting you so badly that makes you cry?

You are giving me a baby, you are bestowing on me the fruit of the love we feel for each other, and today my boss gave me a present ahead of time, he laid me off. I am without a job.

Estelle's heartbeat returned to its normal rate, and with a reassuring voice, she said, So what? You can find another job, a better one, I will bet. If not, we will be alright, you can always collect unemployment insurance you find work. Don't worry, my love, we will be fine.

With this they embraced and, with a kiss wetted by the tears that were rolling down their cheeks, leaned back in the sofa, forgetting for the moment their sorrow and enjoying the thought that in the near future, they were to enjoy the happiness of parenthood.

Ricky was born the first week of September, a brown-skinned boy whose dark black eyes showed the humility of his father and the tenderness of his mother. Gregg was still out of work, so his birthday was marked with simplicity; just the joy of having him was enough of a celebration for Gregg and Estelle. Gregg did odd jobs in the neighborhood, helping out in the grocery store, painting apartments, cleaning out basements, but what he was taking home was scarcely enough to pay the rent. He collected his unemployment checks until they ran out, then he really set himself out to find a job. He wanted a good job but ended up taking a job in the shipping warehouse of a textile company. His wages were quite low, but at least he was bringing home a regular paycheck. With Estelle leading the way, they stretched his pay as best they could in order to give Ricky everything he needed.

Ricky's first Christmas was uneventful; a little sweater suit and a small stuffed bear will do fine. For Estelle he couldn't get anything, but she will understand; household bills and the baby's needs took all the money he was bringing home. This made Gregg feel sad, but what else could he do? These were hard times. Let's enjoy what we have and thank God for it, he thought.

It was two years befor he could get his wife a secondhand washing machine. When it was delivered, Estelle was excited to the point of tears. Now she will be able to spend a little more time with her husband, who had been largely ignored because of the baby's needs. Gregg had been working very hard in an effort to impress his boss favorably. But he is the kind of a man that is very demanding of his employees, demanding more and more production, but never letting go of his money bag. His wages are a little more than what he received when he first started in the job, but he doesn't want to quit it, remembering how hard it was to get it after he lost his other job. He stays at it and feels fortunate to be able to bring home something to his family.

Another year went by, and things were getting better now. He found a part-time in a hardware store, and they were starting to make headway now. Ricky was four years old, and pretty soon he will be starting kindergarten school, and he was very excited about it. On his fourth birthday, they had invited some of the kids on the block to help celebrate it. It was something simple, but Ricky was having so much fun that Gregg and Estelle had cried of happiness. Everything was beginning to work out. They began to get some furniture, a piece at a time, the bills were being paid, and there was a little left over for a little pleasure expence. For the first time since they were married, Gregg was acting happy and relaxed, and this made Estelle feel wonderful.

School started, and Ricky began his education. Both Estelle and Gregg had promised themselves that they would do their best so that he could go to school as long as possible, college perhaps. Why not, they said, if we try hard enough.

Near Thanksgiving Day, Gregg was coming home from work, and Estelle was waiting for him on the building stoop. It was a nice November day, and a lot of the tenants came out to enjoy it. As Gregg approached them, he saw Ricky trying to get a ride in another boy's tricycle. His mind went back to his childhood and his hand-me-downs of clothes and toys. The neighbor's kid refused Ricky his ride, and he began to cry. When Gregg reached his son, he lifted into his arms and reassuringly told him, Don't worry, my dear boy, you will get your own tricycle. You just write Santa and tell him that's what you want for Christmas, and I am sure he will bring it to you. Please don't cry, my love. With his little boy still crying, Gregg carried him up the stairs thinking of how happy he will be having his own tricycle, something he never had, and although his boy was crying, he felt happy.

The week before Christmas, Gregg went to the toy store and bought the much-thought-about tricycle. The store was just a few blocks away from his home, so he carried it happily home. Ricky was sleeping when he got home, so he had no problem hiding it in a closet to wait until Christmas Day. The expectation of happiness was great for Estelle and Gregg, but they promised each other to wait until Christmas to give Ricky his present. All week long, Gregg worked with the thought of enjoying a beautiful holiday with his son when they gave him his present.

Gregg went to work on Christmas Eve with the thought of coming home early to help Estelle set up the Christmas tree. For the first time that he could remember, he was enjoying the rush of the holidays. The excitement of Christmas was in the air, and for the first time, he was part of it. His boss had decided to close shop early, so it fit with Gregg's plan of getting home early. After having a good-luck drink with his coworkers, something he didn't do too often, he left for home, expecting that his wife and child would be happy seeing him come home. When he reached the corner of the block where he lived, he didn't have to turn it before he saw a large crowd gathered about. The scene reminded him of the day his mother had died. He wondered what had happened, but he didn't stop to investigate; he was going home to his family. When he reached the floor of his apartment, it was crowded with people. There was a police officer in the doorway to his home. For the second time, he had the premonition of death in his family, this time prematurely, he thought. Feeling faint, he walked into his apartment, where he was led to a chair by the police officer. What happened, dear God, he said to himself. What happened to my family? he asked for everybody to hear. His church pastor was there and tried to explain, but Gregg was in a daze and couldn't hear him.

Early that morning, after Gregg had left for work, Ricky had gotten up, went looking for his shoes into the closet, and found the trycicle instead. His joy was so great, his happiness so contagious, that Estelle never thought of the promise she had made Gregg and gave in to his wishes to take it for a ride. It won't hurt if I take him out for a little while. After all, he waited for it for so long, his first new toy. I know Gregg won't really mind. With this in mind, she took the little boy outside the building to ride his tricycle. She was keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn't hurt himself, until a neighbor woman came about and started a conversation with her. Somehow she had become distracted from what Ricky was doing. She could never imagine that in the next few seconds, her family would suffer the worst tragedy that could befall a loving family.

And today, Christmas Day, Gregg sat in the room he shared so much with his loving wife and son and reflected on the happenings of the day before, as explained to him by his pastor.

Estelle had taken her son out to ride his new tricycle. Unfortunately, a woman neighbor approached and drew her attention away from what Ricky was doing. He was playing with a boy from the next building. For just a second, Estelle saw the neighbor's boy push Ricky down the sidewalk. The next thing she heard was the screeching sound of a car's brakes, the tires trying to stop, as the driver of the truck tried desperately to avoid hitting the little boy that was carried by the push of his playing companion and the incline of the sidewalk on his vehicle's way. Estelle had become hysterical at seeing her son under the tires of the truck. Next, her sanity gave way, and she was lost to the world.

Little Ricky was taken by ambulance to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead on arrival. Estelle was also