I Am Enough: A Journey of Self-Love and Self-Acceptance

By Kamini Naicker

It is not how you fall but how you stand up on your feet afterwards. 

 

For her 21st, Kate had an extravagant party which was planned for months in advance. Kate told her dad she was never going to get married, convincing him to go all out for this occasion. She would wear full red and arrive in a

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kamini Naicker
• Release date: Nov 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9781739100315

Kamini Naicker

Kamini Naicker was born and raised in Johannesburg, South Africa but now lives and works in the UK. She holds an honours degree in Pharmacy and an MBA. During her spare time, she loves going out with friends, writing, artwork, the outdoors, traveling, meeting new people and relishing life's adventures.

Book preview

It was late September 2003 that it was arranged for Kate to go on a blind date by a friend of her aunt’s, Jane. She would often visit at Kate’s family home over the weekends and wondered why Kate was not seeing anyone. Jane worked with Dick and had shown him a photo of Kate, and he was keen to meet Kate in person.

Kate was a very shy person and was quite content with being single at this stage of her life. She was focused on achieving good grades and completing her pharmacy degree the following year. Most people would describe Kate as having the perfect figure, not too tall and not too short or 1,64 meters to be exact. Kate’s hair was highlighted with a bronzed tint and when blow waved, the layers fell softly just over her shoulders. Her most striking physical features would be her beautiful smile, immaculate feet and shapely behind.

In exchange, Kate had asked for a photo of Dick. Jane believed that Dick was the perfect person for her–very homely, highly successful, funny and good looking. Kate had not dated anyone for almost two years and was still heartbroken from her first relationship and the breakup. Dick looked cute in the photo, and so she happily agreed to meet him.

Kate and Dick met on a Sunday afternoon at a coffee shop in a shopping mall. Kate had a sense of calm about her as she stood by the elevator waiting for Dick. A very skinny frame approached her, and her initial thought was is this the same person in the photo? Dick shook her hand, and they introduced themselves and made their way to the coffee shop. There was no initial attraction or interest in Dick. On the contrary, Dick was very engaged and showed interest in Kate. She did not feel drawn to him, nor did she enjoy much of the conversation. At the time, South African Idols was on television, and Kate opted to use this as a reason to leave early. Dick teased her about this as she lived ten minutes away from the shopping mall, and there was plenty of time before the show aired.

In days to follow, Kate received emails and phone calls from Dick, and he persisted in asking her out on a second date. During this time, Kate was writing final exams in the third year of her pharmacy degree. After a stressful day at the university, Kate agreed to a second date. Dick was to fetch her from home and meet her parents. Dick arrived in his work attire and was wearing reading glasses. Kate’s dad was the typical proud father as he asked Dick outright, who he was, what he did and where he worked. The silence was awkward and, not long after, the brief introductions ended with her dad asking where they were going, and stating that Kate had to return home by 22:00 at the latest! Kate was surprised as she had never been given a curfew before.

The intention was to have dinner, but Kate and Dick both ended up having desserts for the time that they were out. The evening was filled with much laughter and enjoyable conversation. After a wonderful evening, Kate was receptive to perhaps a potential relationship being established with friendship forming the basis. Perhaps it was not necessary to have the initial attraction.

On the 17th October 2003, Dick asked Kate out to lunch. After lunch as he walked her back to her car, he took out a letter which he read to her, describing his initial feelings for her, and proceeded to officially ask Kate to be his girlfriend. Kate thought it was sweet, and so she agreed!

In the weeks to come, Kate met Dick’s immediate family, his mother, elder brother and younger sister. On the first day that Kate met his family, Dick drove extensively to accommodate family commitments and spend time with her. Dick lived in the South of Johannesburg, and Kate lived in the North of Johannesburg, which meant it was at least a forty-five-minute drive to see each other. Kate was pleased with Dick’s commitment and effort in wanting to spend quality time with her.

On the 23rd November 2003, Kate turned 21. In the months leading up to her birthday, Kate convinced her dad that she was not going to ever get married and requested that he throw her a big 21stparty instead! Kate was of course unaware in preparation for her birthday bash that she was going to meet Dick two months prior to her birthday.

Going into her 21stbirthday, Kate was a noticeably confident university student that was content with life. Her former years were filled with a passion for cricket and photography and, as a result, she had made a few friends at the store at which she printed out her photos. There was a guy at the photo store that was always super eager and enthusiastic to assist Kate when she walked into the shop. He agreed to be her photographer, and so she went ahead and set up a photo shoot to be done at home. Kate had an idea that the invite for her party would also serve as a gift for family and friends to take away. She created a CD that contained all her favourite song tracks at the time. Her favourite picture from the photoshoot was used as the cover of the album that she created.

Kate’s birthday fell on a Sunday. On the morning of her birthday, Dick arrived with a big bunch of red roses and white lilies. She also received a frame with a sketch entitled Armour of Faith with a message on the back which read as follows:

"Moments will exist when we are apart

moments will exist when you miss me

moments will exist when you forget me

moments will exist when you feel scared

moments will exist when you wonder,

‘Does he feel the same as I do for him?’

in those moments there is, more than ever,

an invisible Armour of Faith that holds you

in love, this armour, created from love,

love for you, a love that is as strong as

your love for me, in every single way,

an indestructible, impenetrable, secure

suit of armour, for which you are the only host,

because you are the ‘one’ no other can fit it,

because no other deserves it more than you,

so, when these moments exist, remember

that his love is an Armour of Faith

that will never fade or disintegrate,

that will never submit to external forces

that can only be broken by the bearer,

you have created this armour and it will

be there for as long as you want it,

for as long as you love and cherish it!

I LOVE YOU

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY"

Kate had never had someone write such deep and special words before. The words were overwhelming to a degree. She could not believe that there was someone that was highly committed to building a relationship with her. Could she trust this? Was this real?

Kate was invited out for breakfast by Dick, and her best friend from the university joined them as well. This was followed by a special home-cooked meal prepared by her mum which consisted of the most amazing spread and Kate’s favourites! Kate’s mum is an incredible cook and baker and no matter what she made, it always turned out delectable. The evening was followed by yet another surprise planned by Dick. Kate had expensive taste, and she cheekily would make subtle hints to Dick to test the waters and see just how committed he was to win her over. Kate was already dressed for the occasion in her bottle green, figure-hugging, just over the knee-length dress which was complemented by an elegant pair of strappy black high heel sandals. Kate was intrigued by what the evening might hold, and her mind began to wonder as they began the drive to the special surprise! Dick was driving toward the direction of her university, and the only place she could think of out in that direction was the luxurious hotel that was perched at the top of a hill and overlooked Johannesburg. It was a beautiful hotel with the most magnificent views of the city! Kate’s wishes had been granted, and they shortly drove into the grounds of the Westcliff Hotel in Johannesburg. Kate was completely blown away and extremely delighted to be dined by Dick in a romantic five-star restaurant. The three-course meal was delicious, and the ambience impressive as the musicians serenaded Kate and later sang Happy Birthday to her. The final course of the evening was a personalised chocolate ganache cake, and her birthday gift from Dick. Kate could not wait to open the small, gift-wrapped box.

As she unwrapped the paper, she could not help but blush and feel extremely shy as Dick watched her unwrapping the gift. Kate’s gift was a promise ring. A promise ring is a symbol of a pre-engagement commitment to a monogamous relationship. Kate was totally blown away, and in high spirits. But what exactly did this promise ring mean? Kate was extremely naïve and did not know where this was headed.

Kate’s 21st party took place on the Friday evening after her birthday. Dick stayed with her dad at the venue to complete the set-up and ensure that all was in place before returning home to get showered and ready for the party. It warmed Kate’s heart to know that Dick was now getting along with her dad. This was the first time that the two most important men of her life were spending time alone together. On their way home, Kate’s dad mentioned to Dick that she had extremely expensive taste and was accustomed to high standards when it came to choices or preferences in life. Her dad had worked very hard and done his utmost to ensure that Kate had the perfect launchpad for her future.

Kate was on an absolute high; she was getting ready to enjoy an evening spent with her family and closest friends celebrating, and boy did Kate’s family know how to have a good party! Kate picked out a two-piece, deep red wine, flowing outfit that accentuated her figure. The top crossed over in the middle with many gathers and elegantly sat slightly off each shoulder and extended to just above her belly button. The waist band on the pants similarly had many gathers which crossed over in the midline and flowed downwards, with two slits on each leg. Kate looked absolutely stunning and was most certainly the lady in red for the evening. As a result of this sassy outfit, it was decided the week before that Kate would arrive at her party in a fire engine!

In the months leading up to her birthday, Kate had gone for dance lessons with her dad and they had practised the fox trot with which they would open the dance floor that evening. Kate was not joking when she said she was not getting married, and so she wanted to have the first dance with her dad, her protector and provider. Kate’s brother- in-law was extremely kind and decided to include Dick in the family formalities and invited Dick to say a few words. The gesture caught Dick off-guard, and it was very out of character for him to be at a sudden loss for words. Fortunately, he had Jane assisting him in the audience as he explained to everyone that he had known Kate for just over two months. Kate’s family and friends were captivated by Dick and interested to see the new budding romance between the young couple blossom. It was an awesome celebration filled with lots of laughter, dancing and happy memories. Priceless photos were captured from the evening and clearly depicted Dick’s deep infatuation with Kate.

In the weeks to come, the excitement and thrill dissipated as reality kicked in. Dick was not allowed to see Kate during the week, as he needed to go home to have dinner with his family each evening. Dick would see Kate on a Friday and Saturday evening, and Sunday lunches were again set aside for Dick to spend time with his family. It was an exceedingly difficult concept for Kate to understand why Dick’s mom would insist that a grown man would be required to spend so much time at home whilst he was in a committed courtship with the intention to marry. Prior to meeting Kate, Dick spent most of his time at home playing computer games and being there for his mom and sister. Dick’s parents divorced when he was in grade eleven. At the time, his elder brother had just gotten married, and so Dick assumed the father figure role in their household.

Dick and Kate had many arguments and fights about the way his time was split. Kate had to live with the fact that a great amount of time was still to be dedicated to his family although they were newly in love, and she was wanting to spend more time with him. It felt like a continuous tug of war for Kate. Whenever Kate mentioned the yearning for his time, Dick would support his mother’s view and explain that he was always there for his mother and sister, and that they were struggling to adapt with Kate being around.

In December 2003, Dick and his family were going on a summer holiday to Cape Town. Both his brother’s girlfriend and Kate were invited to join, but the girls ended up not going and remained in Johannesburg. Again, it was a difficult period for Kate as Dick could not speak much to her over the phone since he was preoccupied with his family both during the day and in the evenings. When Kate compared this to her first relationship, she did not experience any of this and was not accustomed to being second priority after a guy’s family! Kate was a mature young lady and understood that this was Dick’s family and time still needed to be spent with them; however, the honeymoon phase of the relationship came to a quick halt following Kate’s birthday. Kate was longing to get to know Dick better and spend more time with him, but first she needed to get through his mother and sister!

Dick was highly successful at a very young age, and all due to his own strength and drive. Dick’s parents got divorced when he was in his second last year of secondary school. They got back together for a brief period whilst his brother got married for the first time, and then finally split again. Dick was the middle child and most definitely his mother’s favourite; yet on the contrary, he was very independent and instrumental in his own success. Kate had always been extremely proud of his career successes and how quickly he climbed up the corporate ladder.

Dick returned from Cape Town just prior to New Year’s Eve. He bought Kate a special gift that was an intricate sculpture of a boy and girl with angel wings on their backs, standing on a tree branch kissing each other through a vine adorned with flowers. The gift most certainly made up for the lonely preceding two weeks!

Within three months of Kate and Dick meeting, he returned home one day and shared with his mother and sister that Kate was the woman of his dreams. He wanted to marry her, and she was to be the mother of his children one day. Prior to this, Dick only had one meaningful relationship which lasted a full three months. Based on this, you can only imagine how the news brought additional insecurity and anxiety to Dick’s mother and sister. How was it possible that he had decided this early into the relationship that Kate was the one?!

The initial meeting with Dick’s family was fine. Although Kate felt very shy and self-conscious, Dick’s family seemed nice enough. The relationship between Kate and Dick’s mother and sister became estranged as the continuous disagreement on how Dick split his time between his family and Kate became an issue. Kate was constantly fighting an uphill battle, and Dick just would not stand his ground when it came to his family.

Moreover, Dick was the only guy that Kate had met that still had friendships with previous ex-girlfriends. This made Kate feel awkward, as she believed that it could not be possible to be friends with someone to whom you were previously attracted. Kate met Dick’s ex-girlfriend, the longest and most meaningful relationship that he had prior to meeting Kate. Even though there was no reason for her to feel insecure, it still made her feel extremely uncomfortable.

A few months into their relationship, there was a lady that Dick had brought up in conversation often. Her name was Zara. Although Zara was dating a guy at the time, she was very close to Dick. Kate was invited to attend the first of many of Dick’s work functions, and Dick had to excuse himself from the table to take a call from Zara who was in desperate need of relationship advice. Kate was quite annoyed that the call had to be taken even though Dick was at a function. Kate was also then left for a considerable amount of time with Dick’s work colleagues as he spent at least an hour counselling Zara. Kate was shy, especially around new people that she had not met before, and Kate was the new buzz word in Dick’s circle of friends. This made her feel as though she was under the spotlight.

Kate’s family were having their traditional family New Year’s Eve party, and so Kate’s mum extended the invite to Dick and his family. Dick’s brother was going to his girlfriend’s house, and so Dick’s mom and sister joined Dick and Kate for the evening. At the stroke of midnight, as everyone wished each other well for the New Year, Kate could not find Dick. Eventually, Kate stumbled upon Dick in her bedroom consoling his sister, who was crying uncontrollably. Dick asked Kate to give them a few minutes, and he would be out. Dick never shared with Kate what was being discussed and why his sister was crying, but Kate came to the educated deduction that she was upset that he had not been giving her the same time and attention as before Dick meeting Kate. Not long after that, Dick’s sister left the party and went out to a nightclub with her friends.

Kate always chose to avoid situations in which she would have to voice her opinion, as this would lead to an argument with Dick. Kate was quite afraid of Dick. In very tough arguments, Kate would end up crying and this would very often be accompanied by an anxiety attack in which she would gasp for breath. Kate struggled to share her true thoughts, emotions and feelings with Dick. Dick would get frustrated and angry with Kate when she experienced an anxiety attack, and he would complain that they could never have a discussion because of her reaction. Kate, on the other hand, felt that she was never heard and that her opinion did not matter. Dick had an extremely strong character. He was very confident and not shy to share his point of view or opinion,