Room at the Table: Encouraging Stories from Special Needs Families

By Stephanie Pavlantos and Starr Ayers

Do you have a special needs child or know someone who is?

 

Room at the Table: Encouraging Stories from Special Needs Families is rooted in the 2 Samuel 9 account of King David, who extended kindness to Jonathon's disabled son, Mephibosheth, and granted him a seat at the king's table.

 

Author Stephanie Pavlantos, the mother of Matthew with cerebral palsy and Starr Ayers, the mother of Ashley with Down syndrome, co-authored the collection of real-life experiences from families, guardians, caregivers, and individuals with special needs. These stories of hardship, courage, and blessings will encourage, enlighten, and equip readers for ministry in their communities. Room at the Table also contains a light-hearted look at life through the eyes of these extraordinary individuals.

 

Stephanie and Starr's vision is to increase awareness of the impact of mental and physical disabilities on families and caregivers. They aspire to promote understanding, diminish fears, and provide suggestions for ways people who know and love special needs individuals and families can minister to them.

 

Those with special needs are compassionate individuals who love freely and desire love in return. There is no need to fear them or allow their disabilities to intimidate you. As people made in God's image, their wants and needs are the same as yours and mine.

 

We are all children of God with special needs. Only Jesus knows

the battles we have fought and won or lost, or the ones we are still fighting. When life or insensitive people hurt, wound, or leave us bitter, Jesus is the One who heals, loves, and restores us.

 

Room at the Table: Encouraging Stories from Special Needs Families will inspire and instill in you a greater desire to show the kindness of God to "one of the least of these." (Matthew 25:40 NIV). Whether you shed tears or laugh out loud, these stories will touch your heart. 

 

*****

 

Stephanie Pavlantos and Starr Ayers speak from personal experience, and they rightly note that this is a book of stories from special needs families. As Matthew (Stephanie's son who has cerebral palsy) writes in the Foreword, "Sometimes God uses those who are 'differently abled' to show His love in a way that differs from anything else."

 

All stories in this book are deeply personal. Yes, there has been pain, but there is triumph. Always triumph. As you read these stories—each written by a parent, grandparent, sibling, therapist, or themselves—you will be emotionally touched and spiritually blessed. Each story ends with a "What You Can Do" challenge and opportunity. One that has deep meaning for me is, "Don't compare the special needs individual with those who are not—see them for who they are and the gifts God gave them."

 

Bravo to Stephanie and Starr for this "labor of love," compiling stories of grace and acceptance that remind us that there is Room at the Table for YOU.

~ Dr. Michael C. Blackwell

President, and CEO

Baptist Children's Homes of North Carolina

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mt. Zion Ridge Press
• Release date: Nov 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781955838436

Book preview

Room at the Table:

Encouraging Stories from Special Needs Families

Stephanie Pavlantos, Starr Ayers,

and Friends

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Mt Zion Ridge Press LLC

295 Gum Springs Rd, NW

Georgetown, TN 37366

https://www.mtzionridgepress.com

ISBN 13: 978-1-955838-43-6

Published in the United States of America

Publication Date: November 1, 2022

Copyright: © 2022, Stephanie Pavlantos & Starr Ayers

Editor-In-Chief: Michelle Levigne

Executive Editor: Tamera Lynn Kraft

Cover art design by Tamera Lynn Kraft

Cover Art Copyright by Mt Zion Ridge Press LLC © 2022

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including photocopying, recording or by any information retrieval and storage system without permission of the publisher.

Ebooks, audiobooks, and print books are not transferrable, either in whole or in part. As the purchaser or otherwise lawful recipient of this book, you have the right to enjoy the novel on your own computer or other device. Further distribution, copying, sharing, gifting or uploading is illegal and violates United States Copyright laws.

Pirating of books is illegal. Criminal Copyright Infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, may be investigated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and is punishable by up to five years in federal prison and a fine of up to $250,000.

Names, characters and incidents depicted in this book are products of the author's imagination, or are used in a fictitious situation. Any resemblances to actual events, locations, organizations, incidents or persons – living or dead – are coincidental and beyond the intent of the author.

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The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®)

Copyright © 2001 by Crossway,

a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.comThe NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE(R), Copyright (C) 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

What others are saying...

Stephanie Pavlantos and Starr Ayers speak from personal experience, and they rightly note that this is a book of stories from special needs families. As Matthew (Stephanie’s son who has cerebral palsy) writes in the Foreword, Sometimes God uses those who are ‘differently abled’ to show His love in a way that differs from anything else.

All stories in this book are deeply personal. Yes, there has been pain, but there is triumph. Always triumph. As you read these stories—each written by a parent, grandparent, sibling, therapist, or themselves—you will be emotionally touched and spiritually blessed. Each story ends with a What You Can Do challenge and opportunity. One that has deep meaning for me is, Don’t compare the special needs individual with those who are not—see them for who they are and the gifts God gave them.

Bravo to Stephanie and Starr for this labor of love, compiling stories of grace and acceptance that remind us that there is Room at the Table for YOU.

~ Dr. Michael C. Blackwell

President, and CEO

Baptist Children’s Homes of North Carolina

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Touching. Heartwarming. Poignant. Room at the Table: Encouraging Stories from Special Needs Families, is a book filled by the hearts of those who live with or manage individuals with disabilities. Being a mom of a mentally challenged adult, this book struck a chord, first, that we are not the only families blessed by these children, but that their stories can be shared to show the amazing love and compassion they hold.

Starr Ayers, Stephanie Pavlantos, and their contributors bring home the joy, tremendous love, and yes, even heartache that follow a disability. This must-read work is valuable to anyone abled or disabled in order to see God's perfection in all His children.

~ Cindy K. Sproles

best-selling award-winning author

and mom of a special needs child

Room at the Table: Encouraging Stories from Special Needs Families fills a large void in the publishing industry, providing empathy, encouragement, and Bible-based hope to families with special needs. More than just stories, each devotion reminds us to look beyond our circumstances to God, our Creator and Redeemer.

~ Ashley L. Jones

Author, Blogger at BigSisterKnows.com

and proud mama of a boy on the Autism Spectrum

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As a mother of a child with different abilities I cried, I laughed, and I understood most of what these parents go through. Since every child is different and every parent reacts differently, this book is vital so family, friends, and others may begin to understand the joys, heartaches, and triumphs of raising a child with different abilities. Thank you, ladies, for making Room at the Table: Encouraging Stories from Special Needs Families available.

~ Cherrilynn Bisbano

Award-winning writer

Bible counselor

ordained minister

and lover of her special needs young man, Michael

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As the mother of an adult with disabilities, I am delighted to have Room at the Table: Encouraging Stories from Special Needs Families as a resource, both for my own encouragement and to share with others.

The sibling essays included in this collection touch on this tender area and blessed me greatly. Being entrusted to care for an individual with special needs is holy work. It is life-giving work. It is exhausting work. And it is often lonely work. Having friends who will come alongside and provide support, humor, and unconditional love is so crucial, which is why I love the What you can do suggestions at the end of each chapter. Many people want to help, but don’t know how. Room at the Table is filled with practical applications that will be a fantastic starting place for the friends and loved ones who want to reach out to those in the trenches.

~ Lynn H. Blackburn

Award-winning author and

faculty and Scrivener instructor at

Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference

Dedication

To Matthew, Ashley, all families who have children with special needs, and our Heavenly Father, who created us all with an innate need—Himself.

Welcome to Holland

Emily Perl Kingsley

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I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability—to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this...

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, Welcome to Holland.

Holland?!? you say. What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

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©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

Foreword

Your limitations will not be a barrier to what God has planned for you.

~ Vijesh Sunkor

Several years ago, a missionary visiting my church spoke these words to me, and they meant so much then and still do. I have cerebral palsy, and although I can be almost as mobile as anyone else, I cannot drive because of a visual impairment.

Sometimes I still wonder how I will move forward in life with the limitations I have. I wonder how God will use me, what my purpose is for having these disabilities, and what good can come of them. Hearing these words gave me hope that despite my disabilities, God could and would still do something in my life. Even now, in my twenty-five years of living, I know God has done more than I could have imagined.

But more so than myself, my mom has done so much for our family in raising my siblings and me despite all the hardships (and sometimes frustration) she went through during that time—a lot of which I was unaware of until she shared the stories you will read in this book.

Not only her stories, but stories from other families like ours who had a child with a disability. Although each person has different struggles, which in the beginning brought pain and grief for lost hopes, in each story you’ll find that even though some hopes were dashed, others were born as God "works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purposes" (Rom. 8:28, NIV).

You will see that sometimes God uses those who are differently-abled to show His love in a way that differs from anyone else.

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Matthew Pavlantos

Introduction

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

—Galatians 6:2, ESV

Do you have a special needs child or know someone who is?

I never called myself a special needs mom. I was just a mom with a child who had cerebral palsy.

Matthew is twenty-five years old now, but there are still times I get emotional talking about what life was like during his first ten to twelve years.

Matthew is a twin of my daughter, Alexandria, and they were born at twenty-seven weeks—that’s thirteen weeks early! While both had their fair share of complications, Matthew’s were long-term. He is very high-functioning—he can walk pretty well and uses a cane. However, there were many surgeries and doctor appointments over those years.

At thirty years old, I didn’t know the emotional toll his disability would have on my family, marriage, and my other children.

Thank God, most of that is behind me, but sometimes I mourn for my younger self. I tried to be so strong, put a smile on my face, and always said, I’m good, when someone asked me how I was.

When in truth I was lonely, afraid, and weak. I had guilt about my frustrations and the anger that would erupt out of nowhere. I felt exhausted most of the time—but I didn’t want to complain.

However, children with special needs are special in many ways. Matthew is such a kind-hearted person. Children with special needs are compassionate individuals who love