Letters to Lizzie: The Story of Sixteen Men in the Civil War and the One Woman Who Connected Them All

One young woman’s correspondence with her community’s servicemen, maintaining connection and boosting morale throughout the Civil War

During the American Civil War, soldiers frequently wrote letters to friends and family members as a way of maintaining their connections to loved ones at home. However, most of the published collections of Civil War letters contain correspondence between just two individuals. Letters to Lizzie: The Story of Sixteen Men in the Civil War and the One Woman Who Connected Them All contains a collection of letters exchanged between 16 men—15 soldiers and a quartermaster at a military hospital—and one young woman, Lizzie Brick. Since Lizzie herself could not bear arms, she took up her pen and through ongoing correspondence helped these Union soldiers sustain their motivation for the cause.

The men served in 11 different regiments in the Army of the Potomac, and their correspondence reveals unique insights into the connections between home front and battlefront during the Civil War and into the dynamics of male-female friendships in the 19th century. The letters span the entire war, and within them, the soldiers share their opinions about the people of the South, describe their experiences on the battlefield, and voice their frustrations with their commanders and the conduct of the war.

Letters to Lizzie presents a complex portrait of a young woman during wartime as well as the concerns of soldiers, thus contributing to our understanding of the connections between servicemen and their communities and the role that women played during the Civil War in sustaining these relationships.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Kent State University Press
• Release date: Dec 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781631015014

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Letters to Lizzie

INTERPRETING THE CIVIL WAR

Texts and Contexts

EDITOR

Angela M. Zombek

University of North Carolina, Wilmington

Aaron Astor

Maryville College

Joseph M. Beilein Jr.

Pennsylvania State University

Douglas R. Egerton

Le Moyne College

J. Matthew Gallman

University of Florida

Hilary N Green

University of Alabama

Wiliam B. Kurtz

University of Virginia

Brian Craig Miller

Mission College

Jennifer M. Murray

Oklahoma State University

Jonathan W. White

Christopher Newport University

Timothy Williams

University of Oregon

The Interpreting the Civil War series focuses on America’s long Civil War era, from the rise of antebellum sectional tensions through Reconstruction.

These studies, which include both critical monographs and edited compilations, bring new social, political, economic, or cultural perspectives to our understanding of sectional tensions, the war years, Reconstruction, and memory. Studies reflect a broad, national perspective; the vantage point of local history; or the direct experiences of individuals through annotated primary source collections.

Letters

to Lizzie

THE STORY OF SIXTEEN MEN

IN THE CIVIL WAR AND THE ONE WOMAN

WHO CONNECTED THEM ALL

EDITED BY James M. Scythes

THE KENT STATE UNIVERSITY PRESS Kent, Ohio

© 2022 by The Kent State University Press, Kent, Ohio 44242

All rights reserved

ISBN 978-1-60635-452-0

Manufactured in the United States of America

No part of this book may be used or reproduced, in any manner whatsoever, without written permission from the Publisher, except in the case of short quotations in critical reviews or articles.

Cataloging information for this title is available at the Library of Congress.

26 25 24 23 22 5 4 3 2 1

For Chere, Isabella, and Brady

CONTENTS

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List of Figures

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

CHAPTER ONE

1861: You Will Fight for Washington

CHAPTER TWO

1862: A Soldier’s Life Is a Trying and Discouraging Life

CHAPTER THREE

1863: I Have Engaged to Kill for Uncle Sam

CHAPTER FOUR

1864: May I Meet You in That Good Old Place Called Bethel

CHAPTER FIVE

1865: They Can Look for Me Home

Epilogue

Notes

Bibliography

Index

FIGURES

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Fig. 1. Camden and Gloucester Counties, 1872

Fig. 2. Second Bethel Methodist Episcopal Church, 1880

Fig. 3. Thomas Wick

Fig. 4. Charge of Kimball’s Brigade at Fredericksburg

Fig. 5. Washington Township, 1876

Fig. 6. Bethel Methodist Episcopal Church, 2022

Fig. 7. Bethel Methodist Episcopal Church and grave of Lizzie Brick Thompson

Fig. 8. Graves of John Thompson and Lizzie Brick Thompson

PREFACE

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Letters to Lizzie: The Story of Sixteen Men in the Civil War and the One Woman Who Connected Them All describes how sixteen men (fifteen Union soldiers and a clerk at a military hospital in Newark, New Jersey) sought to sustain their social network during the Civil War by drawing upon information found in the 124 letters exchanged between them and a teenager named Lizzie Brick. Most of these men were from Lizzie’s hometown of Hurffville, New Jersey, or a neighboring town. Of the sixteen correspondents, two were cousins of Lizzie and one, Benjamin F. Young, was her uncle. The rest, except for the two men who befriended her cousin Edward Brick in the Ward US General Hospital in Newark, were people she either grew up with or knew from the Bethel Methodist Episcopal (M. E.) Church in Hurffville.

The correspondence between Lizzie Brick and her sixteen friends and family members is unlike any other large letter collection published to date. Many collections of Civil War letters have been published over the years, but those works typically contain the correspondence between just two individuals during the war. This work differs by presenting the Civil War from multiple perspectives, offering us a chance to view the war through the experiences of sixteen men and one young lady. Since most published Civil War letters were written from a man’s perspective, female voices have not been fully heard. But Lizzie is not silent in this work. She wrote three letters from this collection, and her voice can be heard in many of those written by her soldier-correspondents. The men often respond to questions she asked or statements she made in a recent letter, providing a rare glimpse into the thoughts and opinions of the woman at the center of this web of men.

The volume of mail going in to and coming out of Union army camps averaged 180,000 letters per day. Missives written by soldiers to their family and friends back home covered a wide array of topics, such as battles, health, weather, Southern people, and camp life.¹ But as historian Christopher Hager has explained, countless Civil War soldiers, and many of their correspondents, had little experience with letter writing prior to the war. Letters written by common soldiers are often difficult to read because they contain numerous misspelled words, little or no punctuation, and sometimes are barely legible, but the soldiers’ desire to connect with family members and friends back home compelled them to pick up a pen or pencil, no matter how rudimentary their skills.² Taking into consideration the spelling and sentence structure found in many of the letters written to Lizzie, it is clear that most of her correspondents had received little or no formal education and were marginally literate. At least one man, Isaac Clark, was illiterate and wrote all of his letters though an amanuensis. Despite their numerous grammatical errors, the letters found in this collection, like the ones consulted by Hager for his book or the thousands of letters transcribed by the creators of the online database Private Voices, demonstrate that the correspondence written by common soldiers during the Civil War, which is sometimes criticized for lacking the details that aid historians in answering the war’s larger questions, can provide us with valuable insights into the conflict and are frequently more powerful than ones by educated counterparts.³

There are two major stories found within the 124 letters of this collection. The first is about the relationship between Lizzie and the sixteen men. On numerous occasions they explained how her letters boosted their spirits and how much she meant to them; some may have possessed romantic feelings for her. An analysis of the correspondence between Lizzie and the men contributes to our understanding of male-female friendships in the mid-nineteenth century. Some of the soldiers’ letters, as well as those penned by Lizzie, focused on religion, since many of the men knew her from Bethel M. E. Church. She encouraged her friends to practice religion while in the military and to put their trust in God. The soldiers would reminisce about their meetings at church and Sunday school class, and many asked her to keep them in her prayers as they faced the dangers of the battlefield. The most unique aspect of this collection, though, is how the soldiers also used their correspondence with Lizzie to stay connected to one another during the war. In many of the letters, they asked her for updates about mutual friends who were in other regiments or passed along messages to her from other community members serving in the Union army. This contributes to our understanding of the connections between the soldiers and their communities as well as the role that women played during the Civil War in sustaining these relationships.

The second overarching story involves the experiences of the soldiers during the Civil War. These sixteen men served in eleven different regiments (some of them served in more than one regiment during the course of the conflict) that were part of the Army of the Potomac, experiencing its successes and failures. In their letters to Lizzie, the soldiers communicated their opinions about the people of the South, described their experiences on the battlefield, and voiced their frustrations with their commanders and the conduct of the war. Since these letters span the entire war, the topics covered within them offer us valuable insight into the lives of common soldiers.

Of the 124 letters in this collection, 123 are housed in the Civil War Letters Collection in the library of the Gloucester County Historical Society in Woodbury, New Jersey. No record exists as to when the society came into possession of the documents or who donated them. Lizzie’s daughter, Annie Williams, or one of Annie’s children was the likely donor; Lizzie lived with Annie at the time of her death, and her daughter surely inherited the letter collection. But there are no records to substantiate this theory. I purchased the other letter, written by David E. Eldridge and dated November 27, 1862, on eBay while writing the manuscript for this book. After this purchase, I began to wonder why it had not been donated to the Gloucester County Historical Society along with the rest of the collection and how many more of these letters to Lizzie had been separated from the bulk of them. These questions may remain unanswered. Unfortunately, I was not able to find a photograph of Lizzie and located only one photograph, that of Thomas W. Wick, of all the soldiers who wrote to her.

I was first introduced to this letter collection when I was an undergraduate in 1994 by the late Edith Hoelle, who was the librarian of the Gloucester County Historical Society. After looking through the documents, I decided to use some of them for my senior seminar paper, which focused on those written by three men—Edward L. Brick, Theodore Brick, and David E. Eldridge—who served in Company G, 12th New Jersey Volunteer Infantry Regiment. I revisited the collection in 2014 while writing my first book, This Will Make a Man of Me, and used a few of the letters written by Isaac Clark, who served in the 3rd New Jersey Volunteer Infantry Regiment. As I worked on these projects, I noticed that all of the men had written to the same person, Lizzie Brick, but I did not know anything about her. After the publication of my first book, I decided to read all of the letters written to Lizzie and became intrigued. I had never seen a collection like this, and I quickly realized that the letters not only recounted the experiences of the sixteen men during the Civil War but also demonstrated the role that Lizzie played in helping them stay connected to their community, and to each other, throughout the conflict. In May 2019 I made a presentation on the correspondence for the Society for Military History Conference at The Ohio State University. Afterward, a number of people encouraged me to publish the letter collection. Later that month I began working on the manuscript, slowly at first, but I found time during the COVID-19 quarantine of 2020 to transcribe some of the letters. I completed the manuscript during my sabbatical in the spring of 2021.

We are fortunate that Lizzie preserved all of the letters she received from these men during the Civil War, that her descendants kept the collection after her death, and that they then donated it to the Gloucester County Historical Society. As a result, we are now able to know the story of Lizzie Brick and her friends.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

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A number of people have helped me throughout the process of writing this book. I would like to begin by thanking the Kent State University Press Editorial Board; Susan Wadsworth-Booth, the director of Kent State University Press; and Dr. Angela Zombek, editor of the Interpreting the Civil War series, for their guidance while writing and editing the manuscript. I truly appreciate how much everyone at Kent State, especially Angie, believed in this project from the beginning. I am grateful for the comments given by the reader of my manuscript, providing valuable advice on ways to improve the volume and helping make this a better book. A special thanks goes to my copyeditors, Jill R. Hughes and Kevin Brock, for meticulously editing this work.

The staff and board of trustees of the Gloucester County Historical Society (past and present) have been very supportive and helpful throughout this project. The former librarian of the society, the late Edith Hoelle, introduced me to the letters written to Lizzie, and I will always be grateful for the help and guidance she provided. The current librarian, Barbara Price, has also helped me immensely, especially in finding the photographs included in the book. I cannot thank my parents, Mervin and Virginia Scythes, enough for all that they have done. They have always believed in me, and I would not be where I am today without their love. My other parents, Gary and Antoinette Garton, and my in-laws, Bill Parton and Kim Miner, have encouraged and supported me throughout the years; I am blessed to be part of their families. And my sister, Lisa Duffield, has always supported her little brother, while my buddies, Dolly Scythes and Humphrey Scythes, continue to bring happiness into my life.

My friends have been very supportive and helpful during this process, and I cannot thank them enough. Two of them, Kristopher Krid Miller and Ron Wheaton, traveled with me to the National Archives on many occasions and helped read through many of the pension files cited in the notes. My cousin Donald Kwasnicki helped me immensely as I worked on this project. He traveled with me to the National Archives to read through military and pension records and to the New Jersey State Archives to find the death certificates of many of the people mentioned in this book as well as Philip F. Littell’s divorce papers. Donald also worked tirelessly trying to track down information about Isaac Clark after the Civil War. Saying thank you is not enough for all of the help he has given me; I truly appreciate everything he has done for me. My friend Eileen Connors also helped me as I transcribed the letters, and I appreciate her willingness to always assist me in deciphering the soldiers’ terrible handwriting.

My colleagues and the administration at West Chester University have been very supportive during this process. I want to thank the chairperson of the History Department, Dr. Robert Kodosky, for supporting my application for sabbatical so I could complete this manuscript. Thanks also to the members of the Drayer Committee for giving me financial support to hire a research assistant while on sabbatical. I am indebted to Dr. Brenda Gaydosh, the graduate chairperson of the History Department, for connecting me with my research assistant and allowing him to work with me for the entire academic year. My colleague, friend, and former professor, Dr. Steven Gimber, was always willing to help as I worked on this manuscript. I truly appreciate all he has done to help me in my career and in my life and am fortunate to have him as a friend and mentor. I would like to thank Dr. Jen Bacon, the dean of the College of Arts and Humanities, for supporting my sabbatical application and the members of the Sabbatical Leave Committee for approving my sabbatical. I appreciate the guidance given to me by Dr. Hyoejin Yoon, associate dean of the College of Arts and Humanities, in finding funding to finish the manuscript, and I am grateful that the members of the RACA Committee approved my application for financial support.

This manuscript never would have been completed on time without the help of my research assistant, William Kaiser. He helped me transcribe and annotate the letters, then proofread the entire manuscript after it was finished. I enjoyed working with him and truly appreciate all of the work he did in helping bring this book to print. Three graduate assistants at West Chester University—Thomas Stocker, Jeffrey Markland, and Virginia Mulligan—also helped with the transcription of a few letters, assistance I quite appreciate. Thanks also to Denise Giunta from the Bethel Methodist Episcopal Church, who always replied quickly to my questions about burials in the church cemetery. Historians Lorien Foote and Judkin Browning were early supporters of this project and encouraged me to publish Lizzie’s story. They were kind enough to write letters of support for my sabbatical and to provide support and encouragement numerous times as I worked on the book. The staff at the New Jersey State Archives, especially Jon Bozard, provided quality assistance during my numerous visits there.

Finally, this book would not have been possible without the love and support I received from my wife, Chere Parton Scythes, and my children, Isabella Izzy Rose Scythes and Brady William Smith. Chere and the kids allowed me to bring Lizzie and her sixteen friends and family members into our lives. They patiently listened as I talked about my research and tolerated me bringing my computer on family vacations to work on the manuscript. When I started this project, Isabella and Brady were still kids; they have now become two mature and intelligent teenagers. I am so proud of them and cherish every moment we spend together. Chere proofread parts of the manuscript and listened to my endless complaints as I worked on the book. I am truly grateful for the love and encouragement she provided throughout this process. I could not ask for a better partner to accompany me through life. I am blessed to have Chere, Isabella, and Brady in my life, and this book is dedicated to them.

INTRODUCTION

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During the American Civil War, many towns in the North saw most of their young men march off to fight between 1861 and 1865. This was true for Hurffville, New Jersey, located in the southwestern part of Washington Township in present-day Gloucester County.¹ Thomas W. Wick, a soldier in the 28th New Jersey Volunteer Infantry Regiment, noted in late 1862 that the Hurfftown [Hurffville] Boys is all down here together. Jakey Parkes and Bill Chew, Edd Brick, George Woodrow, David Eldridge, John Hall, John Jagard, Hiram Cramer, Tom Clark, and Mattie Chew and a grate many more from right around thare. Hurah for Hurfftown. it turns out quite an armey. it seemes like old times now. thare is more of it down here I gess then thare is home of the young men and I am Sirtain that the Girls wold turn out as Strong if it was thare duty.² Founded by Thomas W. Hurff after he purchased seventy acres of land in 1833 and constructed his own residence and three other dwellings, Hurffville was given its name in 1841 by John Hartley Brick, a local blacksmith. By the 1860s, the town had approximately sixty-five dwellings and included the original village as well as the settlement of Bethel, named for the Methodist church located there.³

The Bethel Methodist Episcopal (M. E.) Church was founded in 1770. The building that stood during the Civil War was the second to stand on that site. Members of the community had contributed lumber, shingles, siding, boards, stone, and nails and raised $990.27 to build this second sanctuary, which was completed in the summer of 1840.⁴ Its members prayed within its walls for forty-three years until the third church edifice was dedicated in 1883.⁵ Next to the church stood a small school, where Sunday school meetings were held beginning on May 13, 1849.⁶ Many of the men who worshipped at Bethel M. E. Church and attended its Sunday school joined the military during the Civil War.

Fig. 1. Camden and Gloucester Counties, 1872. This map shows Washington Township after it moved from Camden County to Gloucester County in 1871. The arrow points to the location of Hurffville. (Courtesy of Princeton University Library)

On April 15, 1861, just one day after the defenders of South Carolina’s Fort Sumter surrendered, Pres. Abraham Lincoln called for seventy-five thousand three-month volunteers to put down the rebellion. With this call to arms, the state of New Jersey raised a four-regiment brigade. One of the first men with ties to Hurffville to volunteer for service was Isaac Clark, who enlisted as a private in Company F, 4th New Jersey Militia Regiment on April 27, 1861. Born in August 1833 to John and Mary Clark, Isaac grew up in Millville, located in Cumberland County, but by 1860 had moved to Deptford, just a few miles from Hurffville. There, Isaac worked as a farm laborer.⁷ He was an active member of the Bethel M. E. Church and frequently attended Sunday school.

After enlisting in the army, Clark was praised by the Hurffville community for his early responce to your countrys call, and one of his friends believed that if it was nessary every man and boy in the neighbourhood would volenteer for the defence of his country, cowards excepted. During the war, the illiterate Clark sent a number of letters to his friends through the aid of an amanuensis, for which people would crowd around to here what you have to say and especilly the girls.⁸ He received many letters from male and female friends in Hurffville. John Down Heritage informed him, we often think and talk of you, and urged the soldier to give the rebels hell.⁹ One of Isaac’s closest friends, Jacob M. Park, assured him that he and the others had not forgotten him, reporting that he, Jeremiah Pearson, William Chew, Matthias Chew, and Edward Brick drank [to] your helth. We drink as much ale and porter as ever.¹⁰ By the summer of 1862, all of these men, with the exception of Pearson, would join Isaac in the Union army.

Fig. 2. Second Bethel Methodist Episcopal Church, 1880. The two men in this photograph are the Rev. J. T. Price and Elijah Watson. Watson was the stepfather of William Carr. (Courtesy of Gloucester County Historical Society)

As implied above, Clark was popular with the young ladies of Hurffville. Twenty-year-old Mary A. Davis told Isaac that it was very lonesome around here without him and that she missed seeing him in their Sunday school class. If i wrote you after every time I thought about you, she confessed, I would keep you buisy reading.¹¹ Shortly before Clark’s enlistment in the three-month regiment expired in July, Davis wrote another letter to him describing how his friends were looking forward to his coming home, espesily the girls.¹² But one girl in particular corresponded regularly with Isaac during his time in the army. Her name was Lizzie Brick.

Born on January 3, 1845, Lizzie was the eldest child of William and Ann Brick. The Brick family lived in Gloucester City, Camden County, New Jersey. In 1853 her father died, and two years later her mother married Jesse B. Thompson of Hurffville. Lizzie and her two siblings moved with their mother to Hurffville to live with the Thompsons. She started attending weekly services and Sunday school meetings at the Bethel M. E. Church, and over the next few years, she made many friends there. Lizzie remained in Hurffville with her family until the end of the 1850s, when she moved to Bordentown, New Jersey, to attend the Bordentown Female College, a boarding school dedicated to improving the manners, morals, health, and religious culture of its female students.¹³ When war erupted in April 1861, some of her family members and friends from Bethel M. E. Church enlisted in the Union forces, and she, like many others in her community, wrote to the men who went off to war.

Only two of the letters that Lizzie wrote to Isaac Clark survive, along with twelve that he sent to her. In one letter, written in June 1861, Lizzie told Isaac that she could never forget him since he had gon to fight for me, when you have given up every thing for the sake of saving your Country from destruction. She then made clear her own longing to march off to war with her friends, writing, Ike how I would like to be a man and dressed in uniform standing by your side fighting for this sweet land. I know it is hard to think of going to war and being killed by some of those old wreaches who would like to ruin us, but if you die you die in a good cause, and if you have the armor of Christ on you die in a good and happy way.¹⁴ Lizzie’s desire to be a man so she could fight against her nation’s enemies is reminiscent of the sentiment expressed by the fictional character Jo March in Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women, who wanted to serve in the army during the war and voiced her disappointment in not being a boy … for I’m dying to go and fight with papa.¹⁵ Unfortunately, Lizzie was unable to join the army and lamented being a girl and not made to fight. I told Mother I wished if they [the government] wanted any more men the[y] would take women and girls. She explained to Isaac that if she was allowed to join the army, then her parents would lose thy daughter for I would surely go.¹⁶ Many young women during the Civil War had a similar desire to go to war along with the men, and at least 250 disguised themselves as men and joined the ranks of the Union and Confederate armies.¹⁷ But for the vast majority of women in the United States in 1860, Victorian social and cultural ideals defined their gender role. According to historians Deanne Blanton and Lauren M. Cook, Men’s sphere [of influence] was in worldly pursuits and providing for home and family, while women were confined to bearing and raising children and overseeing the private world of the home.¹⁸ Since Lizzie could not join the army, she vowed to pray for Isaac and to do her part by writing to the soldiers.

Because Clark’s enlistment in the 4th New Jersey Militia was ending on July 31, 1861, the patriotic Lizzie encouraged him in the middle of that month to enlist in a three-year regiment. In the same letter, she mentioned hearing that "Lincoln had sent a great number of troops down in the midst of the rebles, or where Jeff Davis trater and Gen Beauregard trater are, on perpose of geting them," instructing Isaac to shoot the two Confederates if he saw them so that peace could be restored to the nation.¹⁹ But the Union army sent by Lincoln was unsuccessful, and peace did not return. Two days after Lizzie penned that letter, Brig. Gen. Irvin McDowell’s army was routed at Manassas, Virginia, by a combined Confederate force led by Gen. P. G. T. Beauregard and Gen. Joseph E. Johnston.²⁰ On July 22, the day after the Union defeat, President Lincoln signed a bill for the enlistment of five hundred thousand three-year soldiers; three days later, he approved a second bill authorizing another five hundred thousand volunteers.²¹ With this, more of Lizzie’s friends joined the army, including Jacob M. Park (sometimes spelled Parks), William Chew, and Thomas Clark, Isaac’s brother. All three of those men joined Company I, 6th New Jersey Volunteer Infantry Regiment. In September 1861, Isaac took Lizzie’s advice and enlisted as a private in a three-year regiment, the 3rd New Jersey Volunteer Infantry.

As more of Lizzie’s friends joined the army in the summer of 1861, the volume of letters written to her increased. For instance, by the middle of 1862, she received eighteen letters from four different men. But the number of missives sent to her rose even more dramatically after July 1862—to twenty-one in the second half of 1862 and forty-eight in 1863—as the number of her soldier-correspondents expanded from four to fourteen after more of Lizzie’s friends and family members joined the army. In 1864, two more men began writing to her, bringing the wartime total to sixteen, but the number of letters decreased significantly (twenty-two in 1864 and eleven in 1865). One explanation for this decline is that some of her friends’ enlistments ended in the summer of that year, and they returned home. Another factor is that two of the men died in 1864. Lastly, Lizzie’s marriage to her stepbrother John Jack C. Thompson on February 18 may have contributed. Some of the men possibly had romantic feelings for Lizzie, and her wedding ended any chance they had at having a relationship with her.

By the mid-nineteenth century, social constructs defined proper decorum in relationships and friendships between men and women, as etiquette manuals and novels offered advice designed to guide both sexes through these rituals, rules, and expectations.²² During the Civil War, publications such as Miss Leslie’s Behavior Book provided men and women with the dos and don’ts of proper letter writing, the rules they were expected to follow when socializing through the mail.²³ Men courting unmarried women were expected to be more reserved in their language than those whose relationship had blossomed into a formal courtship.²⁴ While courtship had been conducted through correspondence long before the Civil War, with men and women sharing their intimate thoughts with their prospective marriage partner in their letters, there were limitations placed on friendships between the sexes.²⁵ By the 1860s, friendship had been thoroughly devalued and delineated from love. As Ellen K. Rothman explains, Friendship was too powerful a vessel to contain the powerful feelings and expectations stimulated by male-female intimacy in a romantic age.²⁶ Victorian men were expected to hide their emotions in public but loosen their expressive controls in their private communication with women they loved romantically.²⁷ Although the men who wrote to Lizzie expressed in their correspondence how much she meant to them, most were unwilling to open up to her emotionally to adhere to the limitations imposed on friendship during this period. But our tendency to characterize nineteenth-century gender ideals as static and absolute may not be entirely accurate, as Victorian men and women sometimes defied these restrictions.²⁸ Some of Lizzie’s correspondents, and even Lizzie herself, may have violated the rules prescribed by Miss Leslie’s Behavior Book or other etiquette manuals in their letters. One man clearly crossed the boundary that existed in the nineteenth century between friendship and love by openly expressing his feelings for Lizzie.

In the thirteen letters he wrote to Lizzie between 1861 and 1864, Jacob M. Park made little attempt to hide his feelings for her. The content of these missives reveals that he was infatuated with Lizzie and was likely in love with her. Jacob (called Jakey by his friends) was born in 1842 to Jacob and Ann Park and grew up in Hurffville. He attended services at Bethel M. E. Church and was a close friend of Lizzie. Before the Civil War, he worked as a laborer on Jesse Thompson’s farm and lived with the Thompson family.²⁹ In the first letter he wrote to Lizzie after joining the army, Jacob confessed that he thought of her often if i am fare away and when i am in the battle field if such i should be and git shot my dying though will be of you.³⁰ A few months later, he wrote that he wanted Lizzie’s photograph and restated that if he should die in battle, he would fall for my country and for the Stares and Stripes and my dying thoughs will be of you.³¹ In another letter, he informed her that during battle, the thoughts of you seemed to cheer me through the deafening roar of artilery and musketry, and he kept her likeness in his heart pocket during the conflict so if [he] had fell it would have been with [him].³²

Jacob confessed that he had had many dreams about Lizzie since he joined the army. I often think of you and of home, he told her, and I often dream sweet dreams of you and wake up to find them not so and many atime tears have come in my eyes when I think of you.³³ On another occasion, he wrote, Dear Lizzie many of a sweet dream I have had of you and I would wake up some times and immagine you was standing by my side.³⁴ Dreams of loved ones back home were common for Civil War soldiers, but as historian Jonathan W. White explains, pleasant dreams of home could lead to disappointment after sunrise.³⁵ This was surely the case for Jacob. A few months later, he had another dream in which he and Lizzie talked, recounting, I am so glad and then I wake up and find it all a dream.³⁶

It is evident in Jacob’s letters that he had romantic feelings for Lizzie, and throughout his correspondence he was not afraid to cross the boundary between friendship and love. In his last letter to her, written on March 8, 1864, a month after Lizzie married John Thompson, Jacob reminded her of their last time together before he left for the army. He stated that his mind often went back to the happy day we Spent togather and the time we parted in the barn by the Old Grainery and you gave me your last kiss. He was likely disappointed after Lizzie married Jack, but he reassured her, you can drive all fears from your mind about me thinking hard of you… . and I Sincerly hope you will live happy togather.³⁷ By opening himself up emotionally in his correspondence, Jacob was likely signaling to Lizzie his desire to move their friendship to courtship, but it seems that she was not interested in taking their relationship to the next level.

None of her other soldier-correspondents made their feelings for Lizzie known as clearly as Park, but that does not necessarily mean they were not interested in her romantically. Some of the statements found within the letters they sent her, and even some within those written by Lizzie, can be interpreted as flirtatious. On twenty-six occasions, either one of the men or Lizzie mentioned enclosing a kiss in their missive or received a kiss included in a recent letter. While these comments may seem harmless by twenty-first-century standards, they could be considered as crossing the nineteenth-century line of limitations placed on male-female friendships.

Two of Lizzie’s friends exchanged kisses with her in their correspondence. One was Park, who clearly had romantic feelings for her. The other man was William Chew. Another of Lizzie’s friends from Bethel M. E. Church, William was born on April 12, 1842. He was the son of Michael and Sarah Chew and grew up in Hurffville. In 1860, he lived with Daniel Beakley’s family, likely working for Mr. Beakley, who was a carpenter.³⁸ A few months after the Civil War began, Chew enlisted as a musician in Company I, 6th New Jersey Infantry on August 29, 1861. Unlike Jacob, it is unclear if William had romantic feelings for Lizzie. In the eight letters he wrote to her during the Civil