Adtenatus' Odyssey - Bedsheet Crazy - Volume 1

By quentin DUGAND

Climaxpa and her two husbands live comfortably in Velgan city, a lush city-state surrounded by water and exclusively ruled by women during the Bronze Age.

Even though she has it all, something is amiss in her life, and she can't seem to find happiness. It's springtime and she wishes for everyone to get more out of living, to experience lif

• Language: English
• Publisher: DUGAND PUBLISHING
• Release date: Sep 2, 2022
• ISBN: 9782958345723

Book preview

THE FLORENTES GAMES

VOLUME ONE

1

Running for his life at top speed, despite all odds, he hiked his long animal-hide garment up under his armpits. Buck naked from the waist down, he was barely keeping pace with his prettier-than-ever mate. Women just look much better when they’re scared, he thought.

He started to grasp her wrist, taking hold of the robust, hippopotamus-tooth bracelet he'd given her that afternoon as a token of his unwavering love. Gathering up what little strength was left in him—after their arduous rendezvous—he managed at last to pull her alongside him while remembering his latest feat, how he'd ingeniously and single-handedly heaved that giant hippo out of the water three days earlier.

His survival instinct never failed him. Making the most of a decisive kick to her right shin, followed by a light, gentle push on her shoulder—the upward slope taking care of the rest—he was now again ahead, guaranteeing her a sudden and rapid death. But he still couldn’t understand why women always had to make so much noise in so many situations!

Hissing louder and louder, a saber-toothed tiger crept up from behind, closing in, ready to jump in for the kill at any moment, her long, curved, canine teeth wide open, indicating her instinctive need to hunt. She would also have to be fed. He resigned himself to the fact that you can’t always do everything in life—both give and save a life. Besides, what’s more valuable to society than a thirty-year-old male, his guts told him.

Clearly ahead of his mate, he stopped at the top of a small hill, desperate to find the whereabouts of the tiger. He could see that the predator had seized his mate and was silently devouring its prey, gnawing with difficulty each time it crushed a chunk of soft cartilage, blood sputtering and lingering on its whiskers. He concluded that some cats are simply a lot quieter than others. At any rate, he’ll come back later to crack open her bones and get the marrow; he loved the tissue of the spongy portion in the bones.

Catching his breath, he crouched down to pluck a handful of wild raspberries and replenished himself, arduously admiring their perfectly shaped droplets, casually eating them as he trotted down the hill toward his city-state several miles away.

Walking backward at times, he gazed at the burning red clouds and fiery sun setting behind the hillside he had just crossed, amazed at all that nature can offer. He’d have to get more giant hippo teeth soon, he thought, if he wanted to get laid again, as this may well be the only way. It was perhaps the only flaw women had, he concluded. It was becoming more and more difficult because all his friends did the same thing, and this hippo-tooth frenzy compelled every living male in the Velgan archipelago to offer more hippo teeth to outbid unlucky competitors, making them all break their backs.

Taking care not to be seen, walking head down with his animal hide now fully in place, Adtenatus entered the city. He was back in his mother’s house. She was the head of the family, the domina mater familias, and the gentlest woman he had ever met. He knew that tomorrow morning, he would have to clean parts of her multistory house, which was comprised of many wings with small rooms. This would include dusting the large staircases and lightwells, filtering clean water, and making sure the drainage system was fully operational; Velgan feminae detested bad odors.

The entrance was particularly elaborate and was cleaned twice a day. It required the utmost attention as the stone walls were plastered and decorated with frescoes painted directly onto the damp lime paste. They often needed to be changed and repainted, depending on the latest fads and the owner’s quirks. When you opened the front door, the main fresco of four Velgan feminae chatting and sharing a light meal on the beach could be seen. Two of the feminae giggled as the wind blew gently in their hair. In the background, the waves had been intentionally flattened by the painter.

Adtenatus’ chores would almost always end with cleaning the most important room in the house: the culina, the most spacious room in the house with numerous kitchen counters perfectly laid out. Only the balneo, the bathroom, was somewhat similar in size. No Velgan feminae could possibly go to sleep at night with a dirty culina.

Adtenatus’ wife would come to pick him up after lunch the next day to do some urgent handiwork in her house—specifically, unblocking the bathroom sink—and he would be able to see his son. For the moment, Adtenatus was lying comfortably on his single bed just below his mother’s large and luxurious apartment, peacefully reflecting on his catch of the day.

One of Velgan’s marvelous wonders, its moon, was clearly visible from his bedroom window, perfectly exposed because there was no glass; Velgans lacked the necessary technology to make panes. He often did not bother to draw the thin, semitransparent linen curtain at night, as Velgan feminae often revealed their true colors only after sunset.

Safe in the dark under a brilliant starry sky, he could observe Velgan feminae taking their never-ending baths and performing their nightly rituals. That night, yoga was on the menu. After taking a few pills made of natural superfoods to ward off degenerative diseases and applying various lotions and oils to her hair and body, his neighbor, Curael, slathered quite a lot of Velgan crepito on her face, just like they all did every night. It was a moisturizer made of non-animal products with nourishing ginseng and other natural ingredients, which was mass-produced in the city. Now she was doing the halasana, the rather long and awe-inspiring plow pose. The delectable view in the window let him gradually drift off to sleep.

The next day, he kissed his elderly mother goodbye in the proper Velgan manner, by holding both of her hands then moving her arms up and down as if he were flapping two oversized wings. At this point, Adtenatus’ wife, Climaxpa, arrived right on time—barely smiling. The couple left the house and walked through the orderly, spotless streets. Overlooking the sea, the dazzling city had been built on a series of small mounds that filled every Velgan femina with a deep sense of fear, protection, and wonder. Neither entirely urban nor entirely rural, it was both city and countryside, which made it an ideal place for its inhabitants. Charming aqueducts and neat underground clay pipes were everywhere and fed into numerous public fountains. They satisfied all personal uses as a gurgling stream of the purest volcanic water crossed the city, enabling all Velgan feminae to stay almost forever young.

Zigzagging through the winding streets, the couple strolled alongside Adtenatus’ sister’s radiant three-story house. Only Velgan feminae had access to property rights to own a house in Velgan City, he remembered. High in the sky, the