The Omission of Her Majesty's History

By Jonathan Dunsky

Professor Reginald Nelson Thackery is having a very bad day.

His loyal secretary of many years, Mrs. Finnibottoms, has informed him that his book on the history of the greatest English monarchs has been printed without the chapter on Her Majesty the Queen.

The book is due out today, and a copy has been sent to Buckingham Palace.

Thackery fears the Queen will consider his leaving her out of the book as a major affront. And he will be the laughing stock of the entire university.

Facing imminent professional ruin, and seeing his hopes for a long-sought-after knighthood dashed, a desperate Thackery is willing to try anything. Including turning to a mischievous Indian demon with a cruel sense of humor for help.

The omission of Her Majesty's History is a laugh-out-loud fantasy short story for anglophiles and people who like to laugh.
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lion Cub Publishing
• Release date: Dec 14, 2016
• ISBN: 9789657795354

Book preview

1

Professor Reginald Nelson Thackery, an English History professor of some repute, a lifelong Tory, and a jolly good amateur cricket player, was in his office sipping sherry and perusing a book on the Battle of Hastings when he got the bad news.

Mrs. Finnibottoms, his secretary of twenty-four years, burst into his office without knocking just as Thackery was relishing the grisly details of poor King Harold’s dismemberment at the hands of the Norman invaders. Thackery saw that his secretary was agitated—her ample bosom was heaving, her breathing was rapid, and her cheeks were redder than one of Margaret Thatcher’s coal mine strikers. He hadn’t seen her this emotional since early news of the invasion of the Falklands was broadcast on Channel 4.

Mrs. Finnibottoms, whatever is the matter?

She shook her head as if to deny some awful reality, wringing her hands. Oh, Professor, something terrible has happened.

The Queen, thought Thackery. Had she finally died? He would never admit this to anyone, of course, but he had oft considered how he might benefit from such a tragedy.

He rose to a respectful, solemn stand. Is it Her Majesty?

Mrs. Finnibottoms’s eyebrows shot up. How did you know?

Thackery tried to imbue his voice with as much compassion as possible, but in his mind he was already envisioning how sales of his book would skyrocket from the unfortunate, yet timely, demise of Her Majesty. True, it might delay the knighthood his book was destined to earn him, but Her Majesty’s successor would surely be eager to honor such an able chronicler of the late Queen.

I know how much she meant to you, he said. How did it happen?

As Mrs. Finnibottoms threw her hands up in a gesture of helplessness, Thackery caught a whiff of her peachy perfume. Some mistake with the book.

Thackery blinked. What? What are you talking about?

"Your book The Greatest English Monarchs of the Past 500 Years. There was some mix-up and…and…" Her breath hitched as she began to sob.

Thackery grabbed Mrs. Finnibottoms’s shoulders and gave her a shake. What? Tell me what has happened, Mrs. Finnibottoms.

She looked at him, teary-eyed, one hand pressed to her chest. The section on Her Majesty was omitted from the book.

Omitted? What do you mean omitted?

"I was just riffling through the complimentary copy the printers sent us this morning, and the