Heaven Rules: Take courage. Take comfort. Our God is in control.

By Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Dr. David Jeremiah

Two words are sometimes all it takes to upset and overwhelm us. 

Treatment options, work layoffs, election season, pandemic spikes, family trouble, car repairs. They take up so little room, just two little words, and yet they can fill the whole day, the whole house, our whole lives with anxiety and fear.

Heaven Rules is the two-word answer for every two-word worry. The promise we need for every wave of trouble, every assault on our peace of mind. Heaven’s rule is God’s rule: His rule over nations and nature. His rule over renegade viruses, cancer, and concerns about your marriage, your kids, your job, and everything else. The Bible says God is personally, purposefully involved in all that’s taking place here on earth. He’s reigning over each tear and scar and crisis and conflict. Heaven is ruling, always ruling. That doesn’t mean we won’t experience distress, but it does mean we can find a refuge by looking upward and letting His peace rule in our hearts.

Using the timeless book and example of Daniel as a guide, author Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth reveals how seeing our lives and world through the lens of Heaven’s rule can shield us from panic and give us renewed hope and perspective. 

Job worries. Deadline pressures. Deep regrets. Culture wars. There will always be alarms screeching. But two simple words can quiet them, calm our fears, comfort our hearts, and give us courage to press on: Heaven Rules!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Moody Publishers
• Release date: Sep 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9780802473561

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is the host and teacher for Revive Our Hearts, a daily radio program for women heard on 250 stations. Since 1979, she has served on the staff of Life Action Ministries in Niles, Michigan. She has authored or coauthored eighteen books, including Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, A Place of Quiet Rest, and Seeking Him.

Book preview

PREFACE

Samuel’s Story

Saturday, June 12, 2021

KATIE BOLLINGER was doing some of the few things a pregnant woman can do when she’s two days short of being forty weeks along. She spent the morning swinging with her three other littles and snuggling with them around her belly, trying to fill up their love buckets with special attention. Always a mom, she wanted to do everything possible to help with their adjustment to a new baby in the house—a new baby brother, Katie and Nathan’s second son. They knew it was a boy. In fact, they’d already given him a name: Samuel Ethan.

Finally, late in the afternoon, Katie was able to find a quiet enough spot in her day to lie down and take the weight off her swollen calves and ankles. Usually when she’d stretch out that way, she could feel the baby doing the same, as if glad to be given the extra space. She wasn’t sure she felt him doing it right then, but hey, there wasn’t really much space left there for him to find! Katie drifted into sleep thinking about little Samuel, eager to see him, looking forward to finally holding him.

Yet even as she was slowly awakening an hour or so later, she realized the baby still wasn’t moving. A chill shuddered through her body. Was she imagining it? Surely he was fine.

She got up and ate a little something, a granola bar. (It’s crazy how sugar makes babies move! Katie says). No movement. She lay down and stretched out again. Still nothing. She couldn’t feel Samuel kicking at all.

Nathan called his parents, who live nearby, and asked if they could come over to watch the other children so he and Katie could head to the hospital, just to check, to be sure the baby was okay. Once at the childbirth unit, they were taken to a triage room. With Nathan at his wife’s side, holding her hand, the nurse placed a monitor on Katie’s belly. They listened for the familiar strong heartbeat, but all they heard was silence. A loud, throbbing silence.

Nathan texted a handful of close friends to share what they had just learned:

Please pray for us! We just went into the hospital to check on our baby boy. Samuel Ethan Bollinger is in Jesus’ hands. The doctor confirmed that there is no heartbeat. We will communicate more soon as we are able. Katie will be induced soon.

Within a short time Katie found herself in labor, then deep into the delivery process. Nearly twenty-four hours later Samuel came, all eight pounds and ten ounces of him, just one day short of when he’d been due to arrive. But now grief filled the room where gladness and celebration were supposed to be.

It was the hardest day, the hardest moment, that Katie and Nathan had ever endured.

Sunday, June 13, 4:33 p.m.

• • •

The Bollingers have been friends and ministry colleagues of mine for over a decade. Along with the rest of our team at Revive Our Hearts, I had watched God bring their lives together and then grace them with three precious children. The reality of this devastating news stung at a deep place for those of us who had rejoiced with them at the news of this fourth child and had eagerly awaited his birth. We felt crushed for them. With them.

For years I’ve opened God’s Word and taught that things don’t just happen, that our God is in control. He knows what He’s doing. The events that touch our lives are purposeful. It’s a truth that runs all through the Scripture. But then a moment like this comes along, when it’s so painfully hard to understand. Can this biblical belief, this anchored truth, offer comfort and courage to someone who is right in the middle of life’s worst?

Another incoming text interrupted my thoughts and prayers that night. This one came from Nathan’s mom, an update on the situation at the hospital. Embedded beneath her few words was a picture Nathan had sent her of a whiteboard. You’ve seen these in hospital rooms. You know: nurse and doctor names, contact numbers, instructive messages, all written and erased a thousand times.

Across the top of the board in the room where Katie was still in labor, one new message, printed by Nathan with a red marker, was impossible to miss:

Heaven rules!

And Samuel is there!!

Seeing that image and inscription on my phone took my breath away. It was a sacred moment for me—as it was for those in that grief-filled hospital room. Katie later wrote and told me she’d read those words hundreds of times during the labor process. It helped reframe my perspective on a continually needed basis, she said. It’s been amazing to see how God has gone before us and given us truths to cling to.

You see, over the previous three weeks, Nathan had been the video producer helping to record a teaching series for the Revive Our Hearts podcast. During these recordings I walked through the book of Daniel, looking at each chapter through the lens of its proclamation that Heaven rules. (Yes, the podcast was the genesis of this book.) So over the course of those sessions, I must have repeated the phrase dozens of times.

From his position seated in the control room, watching the sessions on monitors, Nathan had taken in this teaching, which was already deeply imprinted in his and Katie’s hearts. He had listened to me introduce this series by reminding the audience that

God is sovereign over rulers, over nations, over geopolitical affairs in our world. He is also sovereign over the events and the happenings and the details in our individual lives. It’s true even when the script turns out far different than what we would have written if the pen had been in our hands….

Heaven rules is not a trite thought. This is not a throwaway line. This is huge! And this is what will anchor your heart when you’re being tossed and thrown in the storms of life.¹

Now, back in that hospital room, my precious friends were in the middle of the storm of their lives. The loss, too fresh to quite believe and absorb, was raw, aching, gripping. The hours of intense labor only to deliver a fully formed, lifeless baby. The FaceTime call to tell Samuel’s siblings that the little brother they had been so excited to meet was in heaven and would not be coming home. Then the couple of hours in the hospital room with parents, grandparents, and small sisters and brother each having a chance to hold Samuel’s body.

It was too fragile a moment to want to touch.

Yet as Katie and Nathan described in a poignant letter to Samuel several days later, That delivery room was a holy ground of worship amidst the deepest of heartache.

Worship? Intermingled with weeping? Yes.

My husband and I joined hundreds of heartbroken friends for Samuel’s service. You never forget those kinds of funerals. Robert and I sat among the other mourners, heavy tears pooling at the corners of our eyes, transfixed on the tiny casket resting at the front of the church.

The hush in the sanctuary expressed unspoken words in our hearts: How can this precious couple and their children just go home and go on with their lives, having held death in their arms, having seen it in the face of their sweet little son, of their tiny brother?

And then the service began—with worship. With singing, exalting the High King of heaven.

On the front row stood the bereaved couple, with their three children and two sets of grandparents on either side of them, their eyes, hands, and voices lifted to heaven. In worship.

The letter Katie and Nathan had written to their son was read by their pastor during the funeral. It was a stunning statement of faith, declaring God’s goodness and Heaven’s rule, and included these tender words:

Our precious Samuel Ethan. Your first name means God has heard, and your middle name means strong, safe. We had no idea, when God led us to that name, how perfect it would be for you! You are now completely strong and safe in the arms of God, who heard our prayers.

Underneath these unplanned, tragic circumstances, supporting and carrying this sorrowing family, stood the One whose reign over every situation—and I do mean every situation—could take even this situation to its knees in worship.

Heaven rules!

And Samuel is there!!

Heaven rules, and there is nowhere He is not.

Comforting us. Giving us courage.

Through our tears, through our fears, calling and leading us to worship.

CHAPTER ONE

A Single Lens

The sovereignty of God is the one impregnable rock to which the suffering human heart must cling.

—Margaret Clarkson*

IF ONLY THE KING had believed the truth years earlier. The truth might have kept him from going crazy.

It’s what keeps any of us from going crazy.

• • •

Tucked away toward the end of your Old Testament is a smallish book you may have checked off in your Bible reading plan more than once without ever pausing to dig deeper into its message. The narrative portions of the book of Daniel are familiar enough to many that it’s tempting to gloss over them. Perhaps you’ve heard these stories since childhood, as I have. Interwoven through those accounts are a number of complex dreams and visions, along with some of the most detailed prophecies found in the Bible. These portions seem incomprehensible at points, making it easy to skip over them in favor of passages that make more sense to us.

I hope you won’t, however, because the book of Daniel has so much to say to us.

The characters, historical details, and timelines we encounter in this little book may appear to be archaic, confusing, and relatively insignificant, especially against the backdrop of events that loom large in our world today. But this inspired record—both the well-known stories and the prophetic maze that winds its way through them—could not be more relevant or timely for your life and mine.

Take, for example, a striking scene found in Daniel 4, in which we come across the two words that I chose for the title for this book—the words that touched all of us so deeply on the occasion of baby Samuel’s death:

Heaven rules.

No phrase pulses more frequently in my mind and heart than this one. It’s on the screensaver photo that pops up every time I look at my phone. It’s printed on the mug I use each morning for my tea. It’s featured on artwork hanging in my study. It’s engraved on a gold necklace hanging around my neck, a gift from a dear friend who is battling terminal cancer.

Heaven rules is a right-sizing truth—putting our view of God, our view of ourselves, and our view of our problems in proper perspective.

I love being surrounded by reminders of this simple but profound truth. It has become for me an overarching, undergirding meta-theme, foundational to how I view all of Scripture and all of life. And over and over again, when I have found myself in tumultuous waters, it has been both an anchor and a life preserver for my soul.

As you read what follows, I pray that these two words will take hold of you and that they will stay with you long after you’ve closed this book and returned it to the shelf. My hope is that the promise and the perspective contained in the phrase will become deeply and forever ingrained in the fabric of your being, that it will bring you comfort and courage in every painful season and perplexing circumstance of your life, and that it will become your reflexive, trusting response to every crisis and troubling development in our upside-down world.

THE KING AND HIS DREAM

Now, travel back with me to the sixth century BC, to the capital of the vast, sprawling Babylonian empire, as we make our way into the palace where we will meet a powerful man who was forced to learn the hard way that Heaven rules. He tells the story himself in Daniel 4, years after it happened to him.

You’ll get the most out of this book if you read it with your Bible opened to the book of Daniel. In fact, before moving on, let me encourage you to take a few minutes to read Daniel 4. As you read, highlight each reference to God as the Most High. And ask yourself: What did the Babylonian king’s life look like before—and after—he acknowledged Heaven’s rule?

Flushed with success and renowned for his legendary accomplishments and military exploits, Nebuchadnezzar, the reigning monarch, experienced a distressing dream. He instantly recognized that it possessed significant meaning—that it was not just the quirky remains of an unprocessed memory from earlier in the day. But he didn’t know what that meaning was until he consulted the prophet Daniel, known as the wise man Belteshazzar in his court.

In the dream Nebuchadnezzar had seen a tree—a tall, towering, massive tree, lush and full, beautiful and abundant. Happy birds and forest animals had come from all over the earth to sleep under it, eat from it, and nest within its branches, deriving nourishing pleasure from its fruit and shade. This tree, as he now learned from Daniel, was a visual image of Nebuchadnezzar himself, the most powerful and influential figure in the known world at the time.

But the scene with the awe-inspiring tree had suddenly been shattered by the loud, commanding appearance of an angel soaring down from the sky and shouting out an order to cut down the tree and chop off its branches, to strip off its leaves and scatter its fruit, leaving nothing but the stump and its roots in the ground—a shocking blow to the king’s mighty strength and standing.

Worse, the angel had described the tree-king descending into madness, being drenched with dew from the sky, pawing wildly at the ground for food, his mind changed from that of a human to that of an animal (Dan. 4:14–16).

And it happened! The events the dream foretold took place just as the angel had described and Daniel had interpreted to Nebuchadnezzar. What a comedown—from hero to zero. From universal acclaim to utter humiliation. Stripped of prestige and power. Reduced to grinding out an existence as a brute beast.

Why? To what purpose was this dramatic takedown? As Nebuchadnezzar recounted his memories of this whole series of events—the dream itself, the prophet’s warning, a year’s reprieve, then seven years of insanity—he remembered well the why, having heard it spoken more than once throughout his long ordeal:

This is so that the living will know that the Most High is ruler. (4:17)

The Most High is ruler. (4:25)

The Most High is ruler. (4:32)

Or, as Daniel had declared when explaining the meaning of the dream to the king:

"Your kingdom will be restored to you as soon as you acknowledge that Heaven rules." (4:26)

Yes, the sooner we know and believe this truth, the saner we all can be.

CORRECTION, COMFORT, AND COURAGE

The seeds for this book were first planted in my heart in 2020. Who could ever forget 2020? It was a sad, unsettling, disturbing year. A crazy-feeling year. The news about the COVID-19 pandemic became a daily drip—both fatiguing and frightful. And the stress it created spread to other elements of our society: polarized politics, racial tensions, underlying distrust of government and the news media, and embittered disagreements along partisan lines. Even families, churches, and longtime friendships felt the splintering effects.

And the turmoil was hardly limited to the United States. Economies staggered throughout the world, unemployment soared, public dissension exploded, political and social issues festered. Wave after wave of crises—many COVID related, others not—came crashing in upon the shores of our collective emotions and values, until every day felt as though the sky was falling. This tree of civilization we’d been growing—so proud, so expansively self-assured, so illustrious in appearance and in its representation of the kingdom of man—was being shaken to its roots by the might of another kingdom. Another Ruler.

Yes, whether we recognize it or not, whether we concur or not, the truth remains:

Heaven rules.

By Heaven rules, of course, I mean God rules. The God of heaven rules. He rules over every tide of history, over every king and kingdom, over every activity we undertake, over

Reviews for Heaven Rules

[dawn.zimmerer · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Interesting premise and incredibly helpful...BUT also incredibly Christian centric and ABSOLUTELY cis-gendered and hetero-centric.

[jaleesa_rbtbc · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Really good book. I recommend this to anyone that wants to not only work on improving their relationship with their husband, wife, or boyfriend, but also with their family and friends and even co-workers. Everyone has a love language and Gary Chapman outlines it in a way that is easy to understand. He also give you examples that you can mirror and put into action. 4.5/5 stars

[jorgeousjotts · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It's been a dozen years since I first read this, so I felt I was due for a reminder. These ideas have really influenced my understanding of affection and relationships, I highly recommend it.

[marquis784-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

The book is divided into several sections describing the Love Languages. Each chapter is thoughtful and filled with experiences that are relatable. There are questions for thought at the end of each chapter. He had adapted his book for several readers but his message is the same whether you are married, single, young or old. Communication with other people is an active, fluid process. When we choose to have relationships with people it's important that we speak a mutual language. Once we understand the process it takes commitment and attention to nourish the connections through the years.

"Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving."

This book is helpful regardless of your marital status. It is mostly a book about effective communication. Any relationship we have needs attention and commitment for its continued success. Recognizing our own needs can help us to identify the needs that others may have.

"It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction—the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another. It does not require the euphoria of the “in-love” experience."

"Remember, emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. They are simply our psychological responses to the events of life."

[sanyamakadi · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Chapman's philosophy --that there are five love languages, and if you speak the language that your spouse identifies with, all will be well in your marriage-- is simple and straightforward. He approaches it very practically, for example he's a big fan of lists: If your spouse's love language is "words of affirmation," make a list of things you could say to her/him, and everytime you hear something on TV or from someone else that you could use, jot it down as well. Then every time you use one of them, cross it out. It almost seems silly, to treat relationship building like a school assignment, but this method would make it easy for people to follow and be assured they are doing it "right." It is also based on the idea that if you want your relationship to improve, you have to be the one to change. That means, if your partner's love language is "act of service," then you ask them what they would like you to do, and you do it, even if you don't want to. It makes a lot of sense, but what happens when, as in one of Chapman's examples, the partner's love language is physical touch, and he tells his client that she should initiate sex with her husband once a week, then twice a week, even if she doesn't want to? It doesn't quite sit well. And some of the content hasn't aged well, despite the book presumably being updated with each reissue....there are many examples of wives who "nag" and define physical touch as sexual intercourse for men yet "cuddling" for women, etc. Chapman's counseling is rooted heavily in his Christian faith, and his clients feel similarly, so without this frame of reference many points in this book may not resonate.

[kamgeb · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It was an OK book. The basic idea is interesting, but I had heard about it before. The idea that you need to understand the way in which you want to receive love and you need to understand in a relationship the way the other person wants to receive love. The problem is that while this is one important aspect of relationships, it isn't the only thing that makes relationships turn sour and the book definitely tries to make the statement that this book will solve all relationships. Also it starts off non-religious and then becomes faith based by the end.

[nicholasjjordan · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I really like the basic theory at work here: different people receive and give love in different ways. It's also very down-to-earth, simply written, and therefore easily recommendable. The major flaw is a lot of language that is based in gendered stereotypes, but it's a pop book from 1995 and reflects pop values and language from 1995, and it's certainly not John Gray territory.

[withlightandlove · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Life and relationship changing! Everybody needs to read this book. Everybody.

[libraryhead · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Rings mostly true and seems useful. Could do without the Jesus stuff.

[justagirlwithabook · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book is part of my collection that really focuses in on Biblical Commentary more than anything else (including some well known authors in the theological world). All of these books haven't been read cover to cover, but I've spent a lot of time with them and they've been helpful in guiding me through difficult passages (or if I desire to dig deeper).

[neverstopreading-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

It would overstate this book to say that it saved my marriage, but the concepts in here, applied to our relationship, certainly helped us out of some rough spots. For the past several years since we read this book, my wife and I have given it as a wedding present to couples in lieu of the typical registry gifts. Our rationale is that the couple will receive plenty of gifts for their *home*, but this is one for their *life.*

[lukeherche · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

While his basic premise is true (we want to love people in a way which communicates love to them), his underlying psychology is unbiblical and ultimately fails to get at the heart of people’s problems. Loving people in the way they want to be loved may “work,” but it also may only enforce their selfish desires. If my “love language” leads me to sin, it has become an inordinate desire, an “over-desire” which I have placed above God. Sometimes our desire to be loved in a certain way needs to be lovingly challenged, not appeased.

[lycomayflower · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I don't read a lot of self-help type books, but I often have the same problem with the ones I have: they have a center of good information wrapped up in annoying presentation. The 5 Love Languages fits that description. The idea at the core of the book--that different people communicate love differently--seems like a pretty good one, but I found that "save your marriage by learning your spouse's love language" presentation irritating, both because it's oversimplistic and because it unnecessarily limits the usefulness of this information--this approach to thinking about communicating would work with anyone you care about and certainly isn't relevant to couples only if things are bad between them. I also found Chapman's discussion of some thorny issues (like abuse, like depression) waaaay too simplistic and lacking in the appropriate level of outreach (which could be as simple as offering contact information for support groups) to readers who might need help. If you can get past those presentation irritations (or if they don't bother you), there's some good info here. Over years of counseling couples (it's unclear to me whether Chapman has any training in counseling or if he just has a lot of experience through religious organizations--I think it's the latter, and while that means I probably wouldn't seek him out for therapy, it doesn't, in my mind, disqualify him from sharing what he's learned through that experience), Chapman realized that not everyone expresses love in the same way and not everyone "hears" expressions of love in the same way. He lists the five ways he's observed couples express (and receive) love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. He claims that for most people, one of these ways will be more effective than the others (and that one or two of them will have little effect whatsoever). Problems can arise if one tries to express her love in a way (a "language") that is ineffective for the recipient. So, if one's "love language" is quality time and one's partner (or mother or friend or whoever; I maintain that there's no reason this should be limited to romantic partners) spends very little time with one but gives one lots of gifts, one will not feel very loved. It's kind of a simple concept but I can see how individuals could easily miss that their way of saying "I love you" just isn't being heard.I picked this up because it is everywhere, and my curiosity about it eventually just wore me down. Not a bad read, and does have some good advice at the center. Worth a spin through, but probably good choice for taking out of the library.

[fluidmindorg_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This really was excellent. It was a fairly simple read. Nothing technical. But just the kinds of things every couple in a long-term relationship needs to think about, discuss, and put into practice. I highly recommend this for everyone in a committed, long-term relationship, whether you're just starting out or have been together for decades. It will make a world of difference in how you communicate your love for one another.

[shulera1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I really enjoyed what Chapman had to say about love and communication. Many of his ideas were based off common sense, making them easy to utilize once they're in your mind. I plan on implementing some of his concepts immediately.

[deusvitae · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A guide to effective expression of love and care in relationships specifically geared to marriages.The author, through his work in counseling, has discerned five "love languages": words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, and acts of service. It is not as if only one of these is important to any given person, but everyone has a primary love language, the one thing which they more earnestly desire than the rest. The difficulty, of course, is that one person's primary love language may not be the primary love language of their spouse, and vice versa. It is easier for a person to think and act according to their love language; as the author does well in expressing, to truly show love, one must work at communicating and expressing in the primary love language of the beloved.Chapman goes through each love language in some depth and provides a way forward for working through difficulties that one encounters in relationships because the "love tank" has been emptied and people are not speaking the "love language" of the other. He also has recommendations for those who find themselves in a relationship where one partner is not as on board as the other. Some questions and answers and a love language test are in appendices.I have now gone through the book twice; once early in marriage, and now again. I have found three books/principles most useful in terms of relationships: Love & Respect, Boundaries, and these 5 love languages. Very much recommended, not only for those in marital or pre=marital relationships, but also the later derivative works for those who may be single, parents, children, etc., for understanding communication of love.

[thornton37814 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This updated edition (2015) of Dr. Chapman's classic work on communicating love to a spouse makes the book just as relevant today as when it was first published. Couples need to identify each other's love language and express their love to the other through the recipient's love language. He discusses the temporal concept of "falling in love" and shows how lasting love is not built on this euphoric state but rather by expressing love to your spouse through his or her love language. A test to help determine one's language is included, but the author discusses other ways of determining it throughout the book. Sometimes the simplest concepts are the most difficult to learn and put into practice. The book stands the test of the time and would be beneficial to married couples everywhere. Editions for singles and children also exist.

[engpunk77 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A wedding gift from my sister, who claimed it was a "must-read" for everyone married. I have to admit, it was probably the most important book I've read in many years, as it teaches you how to make a marriage successful again after you've "fallen out of love." Fortunately, I read it while I was still in the fairytale "in love" phase (which fortunately I'm still in) so that I'm not disillusioned when humdrum reality sets in, which is inevitable.

Chapman has identified that we all have a different way of expressing love and different ways that we prefer to receive love. If your "love language" does not match up with your partner, you're in for some trouble. Identifying your "love language" (and your partner's) allows you to communicate effectively what you need, and what you need to do for your partner, to "keep the love tank filled". Sounds corny, totally. But I found it very insightful and true.

[martinbodek · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Want to make a bad marriage good? A good marriage very good? A very good marriage great? Wanna go straight from bad to great? Read this book, preferably in tandem with your mate, absorb the information, and it most likely will net the results you want. I promise. This book is worth its salt.

[kr_patterson · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

What's the deal with having to choose a PRIMARY love language? I like them all, I think my primary love language is all 5 categories. I'm either very easy to please or very high maintenance--I haven't decided which.

[juva_3 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I think this book clearly articulates what many married couples have instinctively sensed about their relationships but have perhaps never fully understood. That is essentially this: what makes me feel loved may not actually make my spouse feel loved. People experience love and caring in a number of different ways. When you might be trying to love your spouse, they might not be interpreting it that way. Mr. Chapman says that all expressions of love fall into five different categories: 1) Affirming Words, 2) Acts of Service, 3) Physical Affection, 4) Gift Giving, 5) Quality Time. The key to a good relationship, is finding which of these inspires the most love in your partner and focusing your loving efforts in that direction. I found a lot of food for thought in this book and will be sharing some of my thoughts with my husband.

[anietzerck · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was actually a pretty good book. A few other couples have recommended it to my fiance so in the last month we have both read it and learned each other's love language. I will now recommend it to other couples, happy or not, just to help you learn the easiest way to your other half's heart.

[krista.rutherford · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

My husband and I read this book before we got married (STRONGLY recommended by a Chaplain). I read it first and wrote notes in the margin for my husband, and then he read it and added his thoughts too. The theory makes sense and is useful, even if it is one of many different perspectives on relationships.

[mark_oszoli · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was another book given to me on my wedding day. By my pastor friend who did our wedding. My wife has read it as a single woman and told me about it. I guess it was meant to be that it was given to me on a very special day. Men - it will save you a lot of headaches by just reading this book and knowing your partner's love language. Women - it will save you tears if you just knew what your man's love language is. Must read!

[nmarun-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is the first book on relationship that I've read after my marriage and I'm feeling that I should've read this before.The book starts with explaining the 'in-love' feeling which spells out why people begin to love less and less after marriage. Though some of the tips the author provides are specific to an American relationship, you can easily revise/convert those according to your culture.There is a part of the book that tells you do an exercise of defining what emotions you were going through during a particular event. I could quickly relate to this because even before I started this book, I started asking myself the below questions:How am I feeling right now?Why I am feeling so?And what am I going to handle myself well through that situation?I now know that I'm on the right path and that I have do to more of that throughout the day.I have requested my wife to read that as well and she gladly obliged after I told her - please do this, not for me or for you, but for us.As I was reading the book, I started making some (minor) changes in how I would behave / react to things that my wife spoke. As soon as the book ended, I made my list of things that I HAVE to do in my relationship with my better-half.Yes, some of the points that the author mentions are very common sense-ish. But once an argument starts, common sense is one of the first things leaves the room. Tips provided at the end of each of the 'Love language' chapter, IMHO, help people to get back, if not, retain their composure during a squabble. I also agree that simple does not always equate to easy.

[oldman_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

The 5 languages of love by which we communicate our love for each other, but some of us speak one language and some another. We need to find the language our loved speaks in and learn that way of communication as a second language.

[silva_44 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

My husband and I enjoyed reading this book together for our Christian book club at church. We feel that the information is good for those who do not intuitively know how to love their spouse in their own love language.

[jnut1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Great book on figuring out how best to relate to the differnt people in your life

[vonze-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This should be required reading for all couples. Seriously, they should pass free copies out when you apply for a marriage license, sorta like the driver's license manual.

Before I read this book, I thought love is love, right? Not necessarily. Some people feel most loved when their significant other uses positive words of affirmation, some feel that the amount of quality time equals how much they are loved, while others believe that the amount of gifts, acts of service, and physical touches represents how loved they are. Once a person learns which of these "love languages" is their significant other's primary love language, and vice versa, they have the key to a more emotionally satisfying relationship.

I am very impressed with Gary Chapman's theory. I received this book as a bridal shower gift, and I certainly will be giving other copies as gifts in the future.

[ashishg_50 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Like most self-help books, this is verbose and repetitive beyond comprehension. What is presented in over 100 pages can be easily summarized in less than 2. In fact, reading book cover will provide the same information. It simplifies lots of things, invokes Jesus God at every other page, and has conversation which hardly look realistic. However, like some self-help books, this may be useful, if applied correctly.