Suicide: Unforgivable?

By Dr. Thomas Perchitti

A Grace Manual for You!

Suicides happen every second. That means that someone loses a loved one, a spouse, an aunt, an uncle, a brother or sister, a son or daughter, or a parent in those seconds. People need spiritual guidance from experts who can help them answer the difficult questions they have. They might not verbalize it, but they won

• Language: English
• Publisher: River Birch Press
• Release date: Aug 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9781956365283

Dr. Thomas Perchitti

Thomas Perchitti (ED. d, Grand Canyon University) is the senior pastor at Tyre Ref. Church. He is an NAMB endorsed Army chaplain (reserves) and Adjunct Professor. He holds M.A., M.Div. and TH.M., degrees from Liberty University and an M.A., in Apologetics from Houston Baptist University. He was born and raised in Miami and currently resides in Waterloo New York. He is married and has three boys and two granddaughters.

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Suicide: Unforgivable? by Dr. Thomas Perchitti

Copyright ©2022 Dr. Thomas Perchitti

All rights reserved. This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. This book may not be copied or reprinted for commercial gain or profit.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Bible in public domain.

Scriptures marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright ©1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Scriptures marked ESV are from the ESV®Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright ©2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scriptures marked RSV are taken from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright © 1946, 1952, and 1971 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scriptures marked YLT are taken from Young’s Literal Translation in public domain.

ISBN 978-1-956365-27-6 (print)

ISBN 978-1-956365-28-3 (e-book)

For Worldwide Distribution

Printed in the U.S.A.

River Birch Press

P.O. Box 868, Daphne, AL 36526

Table of Contents

1The Reality: Many Questions, Few Answers

2On a Clear Day

3Clergy Matter

4Clergy Answers: Is my Loved One in Hell?

5Is Suicide the Unforgivable Sin?

6How Can the Church Help Me?

7Where Can I Find Hope?

8Is It My Fault?

9What Can We Say Now?

Selective Bibliography

Appendices

Foreword

The statistics of suicide and the anguishing grief and shame it leaves behind is something that has been long avoided or rarely approached in discussions, lectures, and counseling. Suicide is often met with hushed whispers, sideways glances, or societal abandonment for lack of knowing how to respond.

The Mayo Clinic website reports that most often, suicidal thoughts are the result of feeling as if one can’t cope when one is faced with what seems to be an overwhelming life situation. If someone does not have hope for the future, they may mistakenly look at suicide as the only solution.

Families are left not only with their grief but also shame and often societal blame for not recognizing the needs of the one who committed suicide. Families also report that the general religious views of those who have committed suicide cause further pain and suffering for those already attempting to grieve.

The spiritual consequences of suicide for loved ones left behind are often filled with misinformation and misconceptions. Dr. Perchitti has written a contemporary work that shares the truth for loved ones and for clergy who find themselves offering pastoral counseling services to those in their grief. This work is valuable to bring about holistic grief and remove the shame of survivors’ guilt or the shame society places on them. This work is monumental in allowing clergy, and those they care for post-suicide, to understand that societal misinformation has no place in their grief.

Jesus often dealt with distorted reports or messages and always presented a clear and concise response to such misinformation. The Bible does not condone suicide; however, it does not call it the unpardonable sin. Knowing that God is the author and perfecter of life, we often find the grieving families confused and judged. This burden adds to the mourning process. Dr. Perchitti has quite successfully given the reader, especially professional clergy, insight into how to offer support and care so that functional grieving without complex shame can be accomplished. He further delves into the aspect that all our sins have been forgiven and wiped clean; thus, we are not to judge those who have committed suicide.

Of all the works related to suicide and the support of the clergy, Dr. Perchitti has managed to offer the most insightful and well-researched support that clergy will be able to employ while offering grief counseling to the survivors. In addition, this work will be a useful pastoral tool when dealing with depression and suicidal ideations in those they counsel, hoping to prevent another statistic.

This beneficial guidebook will no doubt be held on every library shelf of the clergy, paraprofessionals, and the licensed. May your professional experience be supported and may survivors be comforted in gratitude and hope for tomorrow.

—Rev. Dr. B.A. Sullenger, ordained Minister and

Certified Thanatologist in central Florida.

1

The Reality: Many Questions, Few Answers

Suicide is an epidemic in our nation and our world. According to the World Health Organization, close to 800,000 people die due to suicide every year. Suicide is a global phenomenon and occurs throughout the lifespan. Effective and evidence-based interventions can be implemented at population, sub-population, and individual levels to prevent suicide and suicide attempts. Reports show that for each adult who died by suicide, more than twenty others may have attempted suicide.¹

What this means is that every forty seconds somewhere in the world, a victim of suicide leaves loved ones behind. When I was ten years old, my older brother, Joseph, suffered a gunshot wound to the head. He died less than a week later. The investigation into his death yielded no conclusive evidence, and I was left wondering, Did Joe take his own life? Since he was just twenty-three and in the prime of life, it was hard for anyone to fathom that Joe would shoot himself. At the age of ten I had to suffer the cruelty of other children saying, He didn’t know the gun was loaded. This was a play on words associated with a popular commercial at the time for bubblegum. My thoughts went beyond their insults to wonder, Is Joe in heaven?

Being raised Catholic, my family and I believed suicide was an unforgivable sin, and the person went straight to hell. This hurt me far worse than the catchy jingles contrived by other kids. It hurt me to know that my brother was now suffering for eternity. No remedies were accessible to me, no priest or pastors available to help. I felt alone, ashamed, and lost because this type of death was something so unspeakable that I could not share my feelings with anyone. They would not understand.

My life would be forever changed, my family would be forever changed, and those whom I spoke to about this were more than likely already holding pre-conceived notions about suicide, associated with things they had learned through culture, family, and religious circles. Where could I turn for understanding about my brother’s supposed suicide? Did anyone understand my grief? Who could help my mother, father, and the rest of my family? Many questions and few answers.

People who suffer the effects of the loss of someone in their lives to suicide need support and compassion. The fact is that questions without answers and the stigma resulting from suicide for family and friends has been around seemingly forever, and these are things that impact society on multiple levels and in multiple ways. From rich and poor, to famous and infamous, suicide confuses, bewilders, and cries out for a compassionate response from all of us. Just the other day, I watched a clip from The Tonight Show, where the late actor Charlton Heston was the late Johnny Carson’s guest.

It amazed me because they talked about suicide back in 1974.² The late actor Heston adamantly admitted that suicide was an epidemic, and that no one was even considering the friends and family members who were left behind. This was in 1974, and it is absolutely amazing that here we are some 47 years later and the issues are worse and still no one is adequately addressing the needs of friends and families of persons who have committed suicide. If you fall into that category, then this book is written specifically for you. You have hope and there are answers today for the questions you have and the hopelessness you may be feeling.

You Are Not Alone

The biggest and most heart-wrenching question for those who have lost loved ones to suicide appears to be, Is my loved one in hell? This existential and essential question from family members is one that is both understandable and important. When my brother died, I heard it asked over and over again, Where’s Joe? by family, friends, and in the deepest recesses of my own ten-year-old mind.

It is totally understandable for family members to wonder about the souls of their loved ones. This is mainly because they have had it planted in their psyche that suicides go to hell, and there is no eternal redemption for them. This leaves a gaping wound of hopelessness, discomfort, and a sense of great despair for families of suicide victims. Years after my brother had died, it often circled around in my head (although the cause of death was inconclusive), as I wondered about his soul burning in hell, and I was left feeling hopeless, helpless, and completely distraught.

The very nature of a person having an eternal destination carries with it an importance and an understanding that life is short and eternity is forever. The overwhelming anxiety, associated with concluding that one of the people I have held most dear in my life is suffering in hell, is something that lingers and leads to depression and other life-altering conditions. I remember my mother crying herself to sleep at night and seeing the devastating effects of uncertainty and loss, which lingered for years and helped to produce both psychological and general health scars. When confronted with the reality of knowing the eternal destiny of someone I love is secure in Christ or lost in hell, it is comforting to know they are with Christ.

This book is not an all-encompassing look at suicide, but rather a manual of hope—hope for people who have lost loved ones and hope for communities and churches as they seek to minister and provide resources for those individuals. In the chapters to follow, we will look at the five most asked and most troubling questions that people who have lost a loved one to suicide ask the clergy. We will get their responses, look at what the Word of God says, and you will be able to have answers for the questions you have about your loved one. Nothing in this book condones suicide in any form. Life is a gift from God, is precious, and needs to be lived as such.

The psalmist praises his Maker in Psalm 139:14 (NIV):

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Hope

The headline, Veteran Marathon Runner Found Dead Amid Cheating Allegations Committed Suicide, Coroner Says, speaks to the loss of hope associated with shame and guilt, which could and has led people to commit suicide. The family of a veteran marathon runner found dead in a California river believe he took his own life because of the bullying he received upon being disqualified from a Los Angeles race over his impossible finish time.

The Los Angeles County Coroner ruled that 70-year-old Frank Meza died from multiple blunt force traumatic injuries and ruled his death a suicide. Authorities found his body in shallow waters near the Cypress Park area of the Los Angeles River.

His wife, Tina Nevarez, added that Meza never cuts courses, and that he was an honest man with integrity.³

People with little or no hope in life often suffer from depression and have suicidal thoughts. If effectively implemented by clergy members, aspects of religious interventions, such as interjections of hope and meaning, are beneficial for persons suffering from suicidal thoughts and can help in suicide prevention.

When individuals experience life difficulties and ubiquitous stressors such as illnesses, relationship issues, job loss, or the loss of beloved ones, feelings of hopelessness and depression can result, increasing the likelihood of suicidal thoughts to enter their minds. Families of victims of suicide often find themselves wondering about the hope for an afterlife in heaven for their loved ones, as having been told in the past that suicide is unforgivable has dampened that hope for many people.

According to the Leading Causes of Death Reports in 2019 released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS), suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of over 47,000 people. Suicide was the second-leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 44. Nearly two and a half times as many suicides were reported in 2019 (47,511) in the United States as there were homicides (19,141).⁴

In 2020, suicide was the tenth leading cause of death in the United States (the second leading cause of death for people between the ages of 10-34), and on average 132 Americans died of suicide each day.⁵ What can be concluded is that from 2019 to 2020, especially in the United States, suicide rates remained stable, and suicide is indeed a major problem and a leading cause of death in the United States.

COVID Suicide Rates

Some people say that since the COVID pandemic started suicide rates in general may have increased; while still other people are saying that the suicide numbers are down. I do not know either to be the case, but several factors have or may have contributed to an increase in suicides associated with the pandemic. One is isolation: many people have been isolated in their homes, and often separated from loved ones. Isolation can breed panic, fear, depression and often may be associated with suicidal thoughts.

A 2017 CDC article addressed part of their role in reducing suicide rates, as viewed by them as a public health problem, by stating that, Ongoing work by the CDC in suicide prevention from a public health perspective, such as programs that focus on middle-aged men, a group experiencing one of the greatest increases in suicide rates, is an important step in decreasing overall suicide rates in the United States.⁶

While this was pre-pandemic, it indicates that suicide already was a public health issue prior to the COVID pandemic. Organizations such as the CDC now are fighting both issues (increases in suicide and the pandemic), which are, of course, recognized as broad-ranging public health and societal alarms threatening many individuals. The pandemic does not discriminate and has impacted rich and poor and crosses all socio-economic, race, and class distinctions. Therefore, we all need to be cognizant of the need to quickly identify and help people who may be suffering from depression associated with the pandemic and isolation from others.

Actress Taraji P. Henson, speaking on her Facebook Watch series, Peace of Mind with Taraji, said that she had thoughts of wanting to take her own life.

She told her audience in a conversation with co-host Tracie Jade and licensed psychologist Dr. LaShonda Green that she couldn’t get out of bed and didn’t care for a couple days.

Henson took a deep breath and added that she felt so much better after sharing about it. Henson said that opening up about her thoughts helped her overcome them.⁷

Suicidal thoughts and feelings during the COVID pandemic do not discriminate between rich and poor, men and women, what side of the street one walks on, or how apparently healthy one might be. They are real, and people need religious support in this time of crisis.⁸ The answer is that pastors and priests want to help you and your loved ones in dealing with your suffering and loss, and most importantly to let you know beyond a shadow of a doubt: You are never alone!

We are now going to look at suicide and hopefully answer your questions about it in a biblical and compassionate manner. The clergy interviews for this book were taken from my dissertation on suicide, and they comprise clergy members of the Catholic and Protestant denominations.⁹

Something To Ponder