Bedlam: The Pale Beauty

By Kurt Knittel

Walking with the gods, Elias rediscovers a beautiful yet traumatic past. He was once in love, joined a dangerous Cuban revolutionary group and was left to die after bring betrayed.

Now these higher beings demand revenge but does more death give Elias a second chance at life or does it condemn him?

 

For fans of literary fiction and magical realism. Bedlam poetically examines the fragile soul of a man who has experienced the beauty of love and the inhumanity of those that seek power at any cost.

The debut novel spans over thirty years during three tumultuous periods in Cuban history: the Cuban revolution, the Castro dictatorship and the fall of the Soviet Union. Blending mythology with a tragic story of love and loss, Bedlam is a 77,000-word novel.

Excerpt 1:
Ignacio's cheeks rose in disgust as he knelt to leer straight into my eyes. "What are you looking at you dirty thing?"

     At that moment, I wasn't interested in engaging him, instead, I was too distracted. That strange erratic light had now come closer. The size of a baseball, the orb moved like a wild bumble bee just twenty feet away. It fluttered to and fro, up and over as it streamed across the palm trees, floor and sky. Was it a large firefly? A group of fireflies?

     Stranger yet, it seemed like I was the only one distracted by its presence. Everyone else ignored the pulsating orb while it repeatedly, and hectically, flew right past or hovered near them. At an angle above the water it suddenly stopped. The object spiraled and turned in place until it grew still. For some reason, I got the feeling that it was staring right at me.

     Eventually, I became more certain as it slowly moved in my direction.

Excerpt 2:
For you see, my muse is pink hair bouncing off the sun. Tender kisses that hum'" I love you," long after they're gone. It's a song, a beat, a rhythm. It's a butterfly that speaks pigeon in a world full of penguins. Mine is the fantastic; it's the world when it skips a beat: click, click, ti-click. And me? All I wanted was to rip you away, steal you from some beautiful reverie only to see the expression I must have had so long ago.

About the author:
A first generation American, Kurt's family emigrated from Cuba and Germany. He grew up immersed in American, Cuban and German culture. Bedlam is his first novel.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kurt Knittel
• Release date: Jul 8, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201091712

Kurt Knittel

A first generation American, Kurt's family emigrated from Cuba and Germany. He grew up immersed in American, Cuban and German culture. Bedlam is his first novel.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

AS I SAT LOOKING UP and down this pristine, caramel colored beach in Havana, I realized it had been days since I last saw another person... or was it weeks? Even that chubby Canadian, who was remodeling the Rosario hotel, was absent. Normally I would catch him glaring at me from the far off and distant ridge. In fact, only once did he ever come closer.

Calling me names in English, French, and broken Spanish, he precariously and delicately moved along a nearby sand dune as he grunted. You! You filthy man... get out of here!

While panting and waving his pale arms, he tried his best to shoo me away from my corner on the beach. Maybe he didn’t understand that I claimed this spot long ago after erecting my home, this tiny metallic shed that I now lean my back against.

Instead of explaining myself, I simply sat with my legs crossed while he shouted obscenities in my direction. Growing frustrated over my ambivalence, he hissed something foul in one of his native languages and took a swing at the air, only to end up tripping and rolling into the ocean.

While I watched his blond hair and chubby arms thrash in the water, some tourists rushed to help him onto his feet. Perhaps they were worried that the tides would carry him away, but I knew, even back then, as I sat against the warm sand covered floor, that the currents weren’t strong enough for that yet.

That was months ago... at least I think it was. Today, as I sat fidgeting with the tiny holes scattered across the bottom of my pale blue shirt, I realized that the water would now be fierce enough to take someone like him, or even me, away....

Feeling uncomfortable, I dug my feet deeper into the hot, sun-drenched sand and shifted my back against the patchwork of aluminum that formed the walls of my house. While taking a deep and shaky breath, I began to hope for some distraction. That something or someone would steal my attention long enough to prevent a rising and familiar melancholy from crashing over me, but it didn’t, and I couldn’t.

As I stared blankly at my front yard, the ocean, the hollowness of the swishing winds and crashing waves echoed all around. Magnifying how empty everything around me was, especially now that I was alone. Emptiness for the living was dangerous, particularly here. If you weren’t careful, a darkness could seep into you. Crawl up your legs until you were consumed with the notion that nothing was left, nothing but some dead thing.

I angrily slammed my hand to the floor. Clenching my teeth, I grabbed a chunk of sand and squeezed until the wedge of sparkling beach turned hard as a rock. My entire arm tensed and trembled until a few specks slipped from my grasp. The tan earth fell finely from my loosening grip like grains in an hourglass....

It looked like I was coming apart. As if the shedding sand were really pieces of me that were just flaking away from the open edges of my fist. Dropping only to be carried heartlessly by the wind until I completely disappeared... until I faded from this lonely world....

Growing exceptionally anxious, I walked twenty feet across the pulsating Cuban sand and found a dry enough spot to rest. With my head craned towards the ocean and hands dangling over my inner thighs, I felt like I could breathe again. As if everything that once troubled me was lifted away until I became weightless, focused and a bit more certain.

I didn’t know why, but sitting so low and close to the water’s edge calmed me. In truth, it shouldn’t. The throbbing sea always had an eagerness to it, almost as if it wanted to consume me. Each glossy blue wave that leapt and fell seemed to reach out with the threat of pulling me closer....

Feeling an unhealthy urge as my eyes welled up, I abruptly turned my head, only to nearly jump up from fright. Clenching the dry earth under me, I was left startled by, and trying to make sense of, a beautiful stranger just thirty feet away.

Where did she come from?

Standing with her naked feet along the ocean’s crest, the woman’s white dress swayed gently above the surf and dark skin glowed even though the sun had long begun to settle. Shaped like the furls of a rose, her black hair fell just past her shoulders. Each sable curl, almost perfectly, repeated as if they were links in a delicate chain.

The rushing water should have tickled the stranger’s feet, yet her expression only showed concern. Her smooth cheeks, not yet worn with wrinkles or scars, vibrated slightly under sad, dark brown eyes. It seemed unnatural for someone who appeared so young, perhaps no older than nineteen, to carry so much worry.

As her wide, sullen gaze continued to stare off into the water, I was reminded of something. For many, peering into the great expanse typically brought terror. Especially since so much was grander in the world of the sea. The weight of it would often collapse one’s confidence, eventually leading them to hurry away and return their senses to land.

However, for others, like this one person, the ocean presented an option. A chance to explore their minds and utilize the blue escape as a canvass. Nothing would be greater for such people than to turn away from everything. Forget the dirt, the toil and all the problems that plagued them. I think she wanted to die.

I wondered, was she even real? Why didn’t I hear her walk by? It was almost as if this stranger appeared out of nowhere.

It had been so long since I saw another person. Could this woman be a figment of my imagination or something worse: a spirit? There was something about her dress, whiter than foam, that sent chills down my spine. The way it danced above the water and against the wind.... She shouldn’t be here.

Feeling ridiculous, I shook my head and tried reasoning with myself. She couldn’t be a ghost. When I was staring into the ocean and having... negative thoughts, she must have slipped by me. It made sense. It had to. After all, I had never seen anything that looked like a ghost, maybe only––Suddenly, about sixty feet from the water and to my far right, a jeep filled with obnoxious laughter streaked across the sand. I recognized the Mayor’s son, Ignacio, and his friends as they emptied themselves on to the beach. Per usual, they gleefully yelled and screamed while shoving and tugging at one another.

Not wanting to attract their ire, as I had done in the past, I quickly turned away. Yet, just before, I noticed Ignacio staring in my direction. Luckily, however, I was passed over. His playful, scheming eyes were instead locked onto the young woman, who was still staring out into the water.

Like a seal shuffling over the sand, I adjusted my seat away from his field of vision, when, in the distance, I spotted the strangest thing. About two hundred feet away, a speck of bright light danced against the old Rosario hotel. In random patterns, it franticly shot up then down or moved from left to right. Disappearing for seconds when it met with the sun’s direct light only to reappear and continue its chaotic movements.

Dismissing it as just some kids goofing off, I decided to ignore everything: the strange woman, Ignacio, and that light. Before I could head back into my shed, I heard the scattered and uneven footsteps of horrible people approaching.

Hello beautiful. Want to share a drink? Ignacio, now less than ten feet away from the woman, dropped his Walkman as he confidently raised the bottle of rum, spilling some onto the beach floor.

She turned with each hand atop her stomach, revealing a nascently pregnant belly.

Oh, looks like you got started early, said Ignacio, as he smiled and continued to walk closer to her. It’s okay. We can still have some fun.

Grabbing her by the waist, Ignacio pulled the shocked woman towards him.

No! She fiercely hit him on the chest as he and his gang laughed.

Look, boss. It’s that guy. One of his goons raised his hand and pointed at me.

Letting go of the woman, Ignacio glared in my direction and slowly walked over to me. His face always seemed stern and now it was colored with a look of disgust as he kicked a plume of sand toward me. The sparkling bits of beach fell lightly over my face and nearly covered my legs completely.

Ignacio’s cheeks rose in disgust as he knelt to leer straight into my eyes. What are you looking at, you dirty thing?

At that moment, I wasn’t interested in engaging him. Instead, I was too distracted. That strange, erratic light had now come closer. The size of a baseball, the orb moved like a wild bumble bee just twenty feet away. It fluttered to and fro, up and over as it streamed across the palm trees, floor and sky. Was it a large firefly? A group of fireflies?

Stranger yet, it seemed like I was the only one distracted by its presence. Everyone else ignored the pulsating orb while it repeatedly, and hectically, flew right past or hovered near them. At an angle above the water, it suddenly stopped. The object spiraled and turned in place until it grew still. For some reason, I got the feeling that it was staring right at me.

Eventually, I became more certain as it slowly moved in my direction.

Still sneering, Ignacio turned his head to discover that the pregnant woman had disappeared.

With a devilish smirk, he stood back up, only to lean down slightly as he dropped the nearly empty bottle of liquor. It’s okay. We just wanted to see what we had to clean up.

Just before the glowing object reached me, Ignacio waved over one of his men. The next thing I saw was the heel of a boot followed by the whitest and most beautiful light I had ever seen.

CHAPTER 2

LOVE. IT CAME TO ME cruelly at first. Hovering all around as she sat just twenty feet away, near a large crimson tree, with her head bowed, reading a book. Even though I knew what I wanted, I suffered as to why. All my senses were seemingly tossed into the air, only to jumble and crash while my foot repeatedly tapped the lush green floor. Leaving me on this park bench, in a state of beautiful confusion.

Every once in a while, she’d remove her eyes from the page. Sometimes tilting her head to the side or completely raising it. Graciously granting the sun some time to gently pat her neck as she contemplated some point her story was making. I wondered if she knew I was watching. If that book was truly boring and her momentary gasps of reflection were really meant to tease me for being so coy.

Just when I had the urge to walk over to her, I couldn't. No matter how much I tried, I was unable to stand up or control any part of my body. I still moved and could feel everything. My right leg shook from nervousness, my head paced back and forth, but... I was trapped. Just an observer unable to command this body, my body. This didn’t make any sense. 

Almost like a flash, I could recall when and where I was. She was eighteen by a few months and I was seventeen. We were so young, and this was so long ago. Thirty-three years should have passed. Somehow, I was no longer on the beach. Instead, I was reliving events which had already happened back in 1955. Events that I had forgotten until now.

Even though I remembered seeing her here in this tree-filled park for the first time, no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t recollect her name or picture if I ever saw her again after this day. Even trying to recall what would happen five seconds from now proved fruitless. It was as if I was reliving every second of this moment all over again.

I looked back to where the young woman sat as she unconsciously brushed the side of her book. It all must be a dream. Yet everything seemed so real. The wind, the ground... and her.

As she pressed each finger upon a page, a slight nudge from a breeze caused her wavy brown hair to gently come alive. Each vibrant strand elegantly draped her side, folding in slightly at her neck only to subtly obscure her face. Teasing my imagination with fantasies of a delicate nose, soft lips, and an intoxicating gaze.

Unlike her hair, her eyes were still a mystery to me. If only I could fall into them and become lost in a haze of brownness, a sea of blueness or, if more exotic, a bed of emerald greenness.

Flowers, flowers, flowers for lovers. Flowers, flowers for lovers. A vendor gently interrupted us, diverting both our attention towards the cart filled with half a dozen roses.

The flower lady stopped in front of her and, while grinning, extended a single rose. A flower for your love?

She shyly smiled and brushed back her hair, revealing beautiful brown eyes. No, thank you. For the moment, my only love is this book.

Gracefully nodding as she performed half a curtsy, the old woman clutched her cart and returned to her seller’s cry.

Brown! I admit, if asked a second ago, I would have foolishly confessed that I preferred blue. Yet, it was easy to see how wrong I was and how perfect her eyes were. Large bunny browns that caused ripples in the air wherever she turned. Forcing the cheeks of any admirer to swim with blushing redness.

Her nose had a delicate slope that could pacify the most aggressive men, and her lips... her lips danced with me. They shot me away, then pulled me close, only to leave me twisting and turning within its lush red field. While the world swirled like a crimson inferno, her lips consumed every thought. I obsessed and imagined just how soft was their touch, how electric would they feel.

Seeing an opportunity, I purchased a flower from the grateful old woman. While spinning the rose by its stem, I finally summoned enough courage to make my way to her bench. The distance between us couldn’t have been over twenty feet and the moment should have never been greater than ten seconds.

However, time slowed. The earth in some cruel game must have stretched because it felt like a century and the road between us seemed to grow into a mile. Within that time and distance, she became even more rare and precious. Before I even knew it, I was standing speechless before her.

Yes? she asked sweetly while smirking mischievously.

Without answering, I extended the rose as she continued to smile. Taking it under her nose, the flower gently pressed against her mouth. I became envious of the satin petals that fell upon her lips, each fluttering with joy as she inhaled. I would have traded everything for that fleeting sensation, even if it meant that the entire world would become numb to me.

May I take a seat?

Laying the rose and book on her lap, she replied, Yes, you may.

As I sat, I noticed the air had a sudden and unidentifiable sweetness to it.

Before I could even try to guess the scent’s name, she said, I’ve seen you around. Here, and there, and everywhere. As I began to blush, she smirked. My friends think you are a quite the lady’s man.

She laughed as I squirmed wide eyed in my seat.

Smiling, I answered, I have no idea what you are talking about. Even if I was, I’m nothing but a gentleman. Especially here, and there, and everywhere.

Mm hmm. She nodded as she picked up the rose again. It’s so beautiful here.

Curious, and overly eager to continue the conversation, I asked, Do you come here to read a lot?

No, I’m not from here.

Really. Where are you from?

I guess I’m not from anywhere. My father was in the military, so we always moved from place to place. But he just became sheriff, so I guess I’m staying put for a while.

That’s good to hear. I mean, I’m glad... you know... more stability... and things. I felt like an idiot as she laughed.

Whenever the conversation paused, one of us would occasionally steal a glance. Only to smile shyly and blush foolishly whenever our eyes met. We each looked away, slightly embarrassed, but more than eager to capture another glimpse when the chance presented itself.

I turned to her as if shot from a cannon and said, Let me take you somewhere, anywhere.

Taken aback, her eyes darted in wonderment while she considered all the possibilities that the word anywhere entailed. Thankfully, she settled on a night at the movies, but only if her friend could chaperone. Agreeing to meet here in a week, we parted ways. Greedily, I would have preferred ten more minutes tonight than an entire day a week from now.

Just as she neared a corner, I realized I still didn’t know her name. I screamed the question, desperate to find out before she disappeared.

Rising on the tips of her toes, she warmly laughed then yelled back an answer, but I couldn’t hear it. I stepped forward onto the street and loudly asked again as she giggled with embarrassment. Before she could reply, a car took me off my feet and into its windshield. Hold on. Did you hear that? I heard whispering.

CHAPTER 3

IT SEEMED AS IF ONLY seconds had passed. When I awoke, Ignacio and his gang of misfits had just started to walk away. They laughed all the way back to their car, tossing sand into the sky as they sped off.

With an aching head, I lightly swept the remnants of beach off my chest and legs while trying to make sense of everything. Was any of it real? The girl from my dream, the car accident and that strange ball of light. I turned my head, scanning the area, but could not find the glowing orb.

I couldn’t even remember anything else about the girl from the park or ever getting hit by a car. In all honesty, most of my memories were fleeting and faded. Whenever I tried to remember anything about my past, all I saw were fragments of colors. Flashing jigsaw pieces that frustrated me. Did the car accident do this to me? Did it even happen?

Desperate for some distraction, I picked up the warm bottle of liquor Ignacio had dropped. I turned it against the faintly lit floor and watched as the glass twisted the world around me. Stretching the familiar beach and sky into a distorted foreign landscape.

Before my translucent reflection curled around the glass, I threw the container into the ocean. The foaming waves hungrily carried the bottle away until it disappeared. Closing my eyes, I started to remember how easy a thing it was to be stolen by the water.

To live the remainder of a life at the edge between two points, only to be called one day by some delusion into the wide, suffocating ocean. Cleanly and carelessly snatched away. Perhaps to the sea floor or who, except those that were gone, could ever truly know. Leaving whomever remained with a sudden and heartless swiftness. Stunned, yet fully convinced that the world was cruel.

Everything but my mind grew quiet as the dim light of the evening sun covered the beach in a lonely grey. Muting the once golden hue of the sand into a colder, indistinguishable mass of dark clay. As the darkness continued to creep forward, I headed back into my home to rest.

Before I could even fully close my eyes, an unintelligible voice startled me awake. Jumping up from the floor, my heart pounded like a drum as I turned my ear towards the door.

Hello.

This time I heard the voice more clearly, but still faintly, just outside my house.

Skeptical that an actual person was there, I hesitated as I replied, He-llo...?

It wouldn’t be the first time I was tricked. Nearly smothered by the beating waves, faint unsettling sounds regularly travel with the night air. Unearthly laughing, footsteps, voices... they were all too common, and they all terrorized me. Once I even heard a tapping on my door. When I looked out, there was nothing. Even the sand below was undisturbed.

The worst was the sound of a heartbeat that swelled from the floor of my home. It always began in the same north-west corner of my shed until it eventually enveloped everything. Like a panic that grew and flooded away all other senses, the pulse swallowed my little world. I learned to just lay there until it didn’t matter anymore.

This beach has always had a memory. A windswept collection of hauntings that dangled over this place like long neglected spiderwebs. And what were ghosts if not memories? Nothing but thoughts and emotions cursed with intangible form. Doomed to repeat what they once did, whatever they once said.

These phantoms were always stronger here, stronger at night. Traveling with each wave and falling over this place like strands of hair that were whipped and tossed about without care. The faint memory of laughter, sighs and sobbing spill as they bleed into the air. Carried far from the mud filled streams, crystal blue seas and unforgiving oceans where they were born. Each inevitably crashing against those left waiting along the shores. Into people that were already wasting away, people like me.

Until today I never saw, only heard them. Until that ball of light.

Hello, smiled the young pregnant woman from a few hours ago.

Not only was I relieved the voice came from an actual person, but I was also surprised. After what happened with Ignacio, I never expected her to return here. In fact, most people avoided this part of the beach after meeting me. I hardly ever saw the same person twice.

I nodded briefly in her direction as I sat down in front of my shed. Unsure what to do or say, my hands fidgeted anxiously while I stared out into the ocean. More delicately, she took a seat at an angle across from me as both of us faced the water.

The girl spoke nervously and quickly. It’s nice here. I really like it. It’s calm and quiet. Or at least it was.

Bowing her head,