Valiant Man - Participant's Manual

By Allan Meyer

Male sexuality is problematic, a reality underlined by the fact that in excess of 95% of all sex crimes are committed by men against other men, women, and children.  Why is it so? There are many factors; some are internal and connected to biological issues, while some are external and the consequence of living in a highly sexualised world without adequate character development. The pressure to develop distortions in male sexuality is high. Learning to handle the pressure of male sexuality is one of the skills a man must acquire if he is to be successful in his personal life, his home life, and his spiritual development. This manual is designed to assist men undertake the 10-week Valiant Man course and should be used in conjunction with the 10 Valiant Man video sessions which can be accessed through Careforce Lifekeys and is an adjunct resource to the book From Good Man to Valiant Man by the same author.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Allan Meyer
• Release date: Apr 8, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201673277

Allan Meyer

Allan and Helen met in high school, marrying in 1968 while completing their teacher training. Allan has a Lutheran background, and Helen has an Anglican background. While teaching, students’ struggles, and self-destructive behaviour saw them open their home to local high school students. They shared their faith in Jesus and helped young people see a deeper view of life. The impact on many students resulted in a call to youth work in 1978, serving the Life Ministry Centre, until 1982. In 1983 Allan and Helen were invited to lead a local Church of Christ, Mt Evelyn Christian Fellowship, where they served for 26 years. At the coal face of pastoral care, they established Careforce Lifekeys in 1992. Their teaching skills helped create courses focused on bringing healing and recovery to ordinary people through a teaching and small group process. They set up a Small Group Leadership Training Program and 14 courses addressing the challenges people face worldwide. From recovery of sexual abuse to financial management, the role of Lifekeys is to lead people into a restoration of life and hope. In 2004 Allan completed his doctorate with Denver Seminary creating the Valiant Man course to restore and fortify men’s moral and spiritual integrity. From Good Man to Valiant Man is an added resource, translated into Russian, German, Czech, Indonesian, and Swahili. Over 100,000 men in Australia have undergone the course that includes a manual and 10 video-produced teaching sessions. A prime focus of Allan’s work is speaking at men’s conferences and bringing the Lifekeys material to people worldwide. Helen is the Director of Careforce Lifekeys and a trained primary and high school teacher. She has a Master in Education, Master in Counselling, Master of Science in Medicine (Sexual Health), and a Grad Dip in Human Relationships Education. She has founded two counselling centres in semi-rural and urban areas servicing the community and offers internships for counselling students. Helen’s story of being raised in a household with chemical dependency issues, and the early loss of her mother, assisted in sharing the healing process with insight and best practice. Allan and Helen travel in Australia and worldwide, training and sharing the Restoration themes of the Bible and coaching churches and counselling groups to use the Lifekeys programs.

Book preview

valiant man - session one a vision for manhood

The Valiant Man

See the broken warrior rise again

To fight the foe that overcame;

And watch the tide of battle change,

to flow and flood against the bane.

Then marvel as the tarnished armour starts to gleam,

on One who’s not content with just the dream;

But rises yet while it’s still night,

to take his place, to stand, to stand and fight.

Who, with courage, faces down the dark,

Refusing to let go of Hope’s small spark;

But stands with valiant heart ablaze,

Picks up his sword, prepares, and stays.

Then on the front rank once again awaits the call -

to advance, go forward – though his strength be small;

But in the eyes of Christ, his Captain-King,

That he stands again is no small thing.

‘Cause Jesus saw the blow that took him down –

watched, as the enemy tried to steal his crown.

And well He knows the price he’s had to pay

Just to get back on his feet, refuse retreat, and stay.

For He heard the tiny groan that matched his own.

Get up, one more time – come on, we’ll make it home.

And Heaven watched with pride, a smile on Father’s face,

As he stood to his feet and hobbled to his place.

While he readied his heart to once more join the fray,

Jesus stood beside him, and called him by his name,

"Thank you, My Valiant Man, for standing up once more,

And finding courage again to join me at the fore."

"Rest on me now, stand here close to Me,

Together, yoked, we’ll show them, what it means to be free."

(Chantale Meyer-Gleaves, 2004)[1]

it helps to have a vision

Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint ... Proverbs 29:18 (ESV)

Where there is no vision (no redemptive revelations of God), the people perish... Proverbs 29:18 (AMP)

Every man needs a clear picture of what true manhood looks like, what a man is intended to be. We need a prophetic vision or we will cast off restraint.

Jesus Christ is that vision. We are called to follow him.

Jesus in his human form had all the same hormones that we have, had all the same body parts and inward drives – went through puberty. Yet he never touched a woman dishonourably. He never looked at a woman dishonourably. The Bible can say of him:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Heb 4:15-16, NIV)

the four faces of manhood

Jesus exemplifies true manhood. He exemplifies the multi-faceted life that we as men are called to embrace:

●  Face of an ox – carrying burdens, labouring, serving

●  Face of a lion –‘ bold protector‘, courageous, guarding his home

●  Face of an eagle – a man of prayer & worship; man of God

●  Face of a man – human needs, capacities, physical bodies

Ministers don’t fall because they forget they are Christians, they fall because they forget they are men. (Dr. Archibald Hart)

our goal

Part of our goal in life must be to understand who we are as men; understand why we feel the way we do, understand how a man’s sex drive actually works, understand what it is that can twist it out of shape, and understand the frailties and limitations of our humanity and not push ourselves beyond that. We need over the next weeks to get a vision of what it means to be a man who knows how to:

●  Carry responsibilities

●  Be brave and stand up for those we love

●  Be a man who knows how to see the face of God; and also

●  Be a man who can face up to his own weaknesses and recognise his own humanity

In Genesis 2:15 Adam was told to work and take care of the garden given him:

●  abad – to work, to labour, to serve

●  shamar – to guard, to keep, to protect

If our sexuality is distorted and out of control we will never guard and protect those we love. When a man’s sexuality is distorted it is women and children who pay the price. God did not call us to be predators – to bring down those we love – he has asked us to lift them up. We are called to be men of sexual purity.

a valiant man understands:

●  Called to Serve: The call to serve rather than being served

●  True Headship – (Ephesians 5:25) it begins with me and I must be the first to die

●  The ewe lamb principle (2 Sam 12:1-10)

●  The priority of sexual purity

how important is sexual purity?

Jesus had been crucified, he had risen from the dead and ascended to heaven. The Holy Spirit had been poured out and the new church was born. Jews were coming to Christ, Gentiles were coming to Christ.

What was to be asked of these new believers?

The leaders of the early church gathered at Jerusalem to resolve this question. The conclusion they reached was sent all over the world by letter:

It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements: You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things. (Acts 15:28-29, NIV)

If you deal with the issue of sexual immorality you will do well.

Later the Apostle Paul explained in greater detail what this entails:

Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to live and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. (1 Thessalonians 4:1, ESV)

This verse reveals that sexual morality and purity is progressive. It is not just about outward behaviour. It extends to the thought life of a man.

For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in passion of lust like the gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. (1 Thessalonians 4:2-8, ESV)

So we begin our journey in pursuit of a growing personal purity.

As we undertake our discovery process we can be sure that this is every man’s battle.

distortions in male sexuality

We have all been subject to distortions in our sexuality, the result of numerous pressures. These are listed briefly below but they will be covered in later sessions in greater detail:

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a lesson from the life of Ezra:

Ezra returned to the city of God after the Babylonian captivity with the aim of rebuilding and restoring the walls, the city, and the temple.

We all come to this moment with the walls of our self-control damaged to some degree and our life is in need of repair to some degree.

What was the first priority in the process of rebuilding?

Before any attempt was made to clear away the rubble of the past losses, before any attempt was made to rebuild walls and re-construct areas of the city, before they attempted to rebuild the temple, they found the site of the old altar. There they rebuilt an altar to the Lord and began to offer on it the morning and evening sacrifice (Ezra 3:3).

Your first priority is not to make bold promises about what you will never do again. Your first priority is not to quickly attempt to make the building site look better than it really is. Your first priority is to meet with God in a moment of devotion, prayer, and quiet reflection both morning and evening.

A key part of this 10-week process is your commitment to personal daily reflection. You will be introduced to the Valiant Man Journal after the Session 2 teaching. Make this journal your first priority. Sharing from the daily journaling will form part of the small group process from week 3 onwards.

what if I don’t believe in God?

There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation. (Herbert Spencer, quoted from Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 569-570)

If you are at a place in life where you have no faith in God or in the Bible then we invite you to conduct an experiment. Open your heart as best you can, do your morning and evening contemplation honestly and with this simple attitude:

Humbly I come to this moment of reflection and ask for help. My heart is open and my mind is ready to learn.

We step into this journey together.

My simple prayer is this: "Lord, make me a Valiant Man."

group time

1.  Icebreaker/Introductions

Each participant to share the following with the group:

●  Names (first names only)

●  Suburb where you were born

●  One thing you enjoy doing

2.  Group Agreement (found at the end of this section)

3.  What are your expectations of the Valiant Man Program?

4.  Introducing Information Update – INFORMATION UPDATE: Understanding The Pleasure Centre of Your Brain at the end of Session One. Read together.

5.  Explanation of how the program runs.

group agreement

Both participant and facilitator to retain a copy.

Facilitator’s copy must be signed by the participant and kept in a secured place.

The Group Agreement contains guidelines that everyone agrees to follow in order to make the group a safe place.

1.  Confidentiality

I agree that what is spoken in the group stays in the group. Confidentiality is essential and a sacred trust. I will honour that trust.

2.  On Being Personal

I agree to be personal, not abstract, when sharing needs, attitudes, feelings and