No Stinkin’ Grammar Ii: An Essay on Learning Modern English

By Joseph M. Nixon Ph. D.

The Author’s work reflects researching the intricacies of the English language. The section about spelling reinforces the point that learning to spell words is a matter of memorization, given the immense number of exceptions to every rule of spelling. One cannot simply spell a word by using the letters that one hears when saying the word.

English is an exceptionally difficult language both to learn and to teach, as clearly pointed out in both No Stinkin’ Grammar I and the current volume. I urge English teachers to read these books, not only for further knowledge of the English language, but also to remind themselves that the teaching of English grammar, writing, and spelling is a monumental and essential task.

No Stinkin’ Grammar II delves deeply into the intricacies of the English language. The Author’s insight is presented in an easy-to-read, sometimes humorous approach. He presents information from the viewpoint of a writer who is challenged by the “stinkin’ grammar” of the exceptional English language.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9781665545617

Book preview

© 2022 Joseph M. Nixon, Ph. D. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 02/02/2022

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4562-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4560-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4561-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021924138

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Dedication & Acknowledgements

Introduction

THE SPELLING BEE

MODERN ENGLISH COMPREHENSION

LETTERS: Sounds & Symbols

The Arc of Modern English

Pictographs & Abjads

By the Letter

Olde & Middle English

WORDS: Accumulated Letters

Keeping Up with the Nyms

Spelling

Assorted Guidelines

PHRASES: Accumulated Words

Recess: Recalling Rules in Right Field

The Nyms Revisited

The Deferred Referent

SENTENCES: Accumulated Phrases

Sentence Anatomy

Sentence Anomalies

Your Audience

PARAGRAPHS: Accumulated Sentences

Paragraph Anatomy

Transitions

Paragraph Tools & Traps

ESSAYS: Accumulated Paragraphs

Literary Devices

QAQC

THE ETHICAL EDITOR REVISITED

KNOW THY Enemy

The Rodeo Clown

Write! Write! Write!

The Three Editors

MODERN ENGLISH EVOLVING

The Schizophrenic Apostrophe

Perps & Unsubs

Shell shock, Combat fatigue, PTSD

Quill vs Keyboard

FINAL WORDS

APPENDICES

NOTES to the TEXT

Lists of Illustrations

Figures

Figure 1. Linguistic Event Time Line

Figure 2. Phoenician Alphabet (after Slabosz 2020)¹⁹

Tables

Table 1. Rule Applicability - Letters

Table 2. Branded Names

Table 3. Rule Applicability - Words

Table 4. Selected Homonyms

Table 5. Rule Applicability - Phrases

Table 6. Rule Applicability - Sentences

Table 7. Rule Applicability - Paragraphs

Table 8. Rule Applicability - Essays

Table 9. ‘Shell Shock’ Taxonomy

Table 10. Rule Applicability – Composite

Appendices

Appendix 1. Additional Common Homonyms

Appendix 2. Sample Silent Letters

Dedication & Acknowledgements

Beyond all others, I acknowledge the English Teachers who launched my linguistic curiosity. Though the many rules they dispensed were distasteful at issuance, charisma mellowed them from sour, experience relegated them harmless, and curiosity inspired creativity. Only those Teachers can look at a gaggle of unruly elementary schoolers and see instead a chorus of writers. None more rightly can appreciate the young minds they stirred. In memory of one in particular who had a phrase for any situation, Requiescat in pace, mi Magistri.

I dedicate this book to all who continue to learn through life such as Desiree Engle of Orange County, California who completed a Bachelor’s degree at 50 and a Master’s degree at 70. Ms. Engle, a holocaust survivor, turned 100 years old this year and took 3rd place in the virtual National Spelling Bee Championship. Go you Girl¹.

Acknowledgements as well to all who read and commented on serial versions of this text (GAS, AP, MCH). Minus occasional side stories and reminiscences, pertinent comments are considered; changes effected; clarity refined.

Appreciation is extended to ESL² students, many haunting acquaintances from decades past. None better understand the difficulties learning modern American English. Hope you have adjusted and found success whatever your ultimate destination.

The roots of Modern English extend deep in time. Influences from Semitic, Greek, Latin, Scandinavian, and Norman all figure in the story. Nearer to the present, Early and Middle English illustrate its evolution. To reference stages in linguistic development, previously used designations for ‘eras’ or ‘periods’ are maintained recognizing the actual unbroken succession along the linguistic ramp as opposed to a stepped progression. Appreciation is extended to those whose linguistic curiosity came before.

To distinguish earlier versions of English from that in use today, the term Modern English is adapted to refer to American (US) English early in the first century of the second millennium. This designation is arbitrary, but useful.

Introduction

Gale A. Suttles

Jan 2021

As a former English teacher and counselor for grades 7 - 12, I have a special regard for grammatical correctness. I do, however, appreciate certain 7th grade spelling/grammatical errors. When I asked Kenny to use the word pruned in a sentence, he confidently responded, ‘After swimming all day, his face was all pruned up.’ On another occasion, specifically a writing lesson, I posted various pictures throughout the classroom. One student chose to write about the picture of a horse who appeared to be having surgery. He wrote that the horse was having a hit-the-rest-of-me. Apparent from these examples, I share an interest in Modern English grammar and syntax, this characteristic encouraging me to review No Stinkin’ Grammar II.

The Author’s work reflects researching the intricacies of the English language. The section about spelling reinforces the point that learning to spell words is a matter of memorization, given the immense number of exceptions to every rule of spelling. One cannot simply spell a word by using the letters that one hears when saying the word.

English is an exceptionally difficult language both to learn and to teach, as clearly pointed out in both No Stinkin’ Grammar I and the current volume. I urge English teachers to read these books, not only for further knowledge of the English language, but also to remind themselves that the teaching of English grammar, writing, and spelling is a monumental and essential task.

No Stinkin’ Grammar II delves deeply into the intricacies of the English language. The Author’s insight is presented in an easy-to-read, sometimes humorous approach. He presents information from the viewpoint of a writer who is challenged by the stinkin’ grammar of the exceptional English language.

THE SPELLING BEE

Life cannot be taught

Teacher, parent, friend or foe.

But it must be learned.

May 2020

In elementary school, we studied assorted subjects all hinging on reading and its corollary, writing. At first, I found reading difficult, confused by odd marks called letters. Unlike the cognitive symbolism which served well for family conversation, the writing of ‘coded’ letters waxed mechanical. Sensing the dilemma, the English Teacher told us ‘If you want to read better – Read! Read! Read!’ Reinforcing the wisdom of her generationally transferable counsel, sometime later at an airport, I noticed the same advice on a schoolgirl’s back pack.

Mastering reading invoked writing – the recording of thoughts for the enlightenment of others. Now chronologically more mature, I paraphrase my teacher, ‘If you want to write better – Write! Write! Write!’ Mimicking her ‘phrase for everything’ proclivity, my conclusion in retrospect: ‘Practice makes better but seldom perfect.’ Write anyway.

Grinding through the education mill, I considered writing a chore best avoided. My instructors believed and behaved otherwise. They published books, prepared articles, assembled presentations, which, like my earlier gestalt, all hinged on writing. Admiration of their achievements stimulated emulation. I recognized and internalized their example. But with little warning, my newly adopted linguistic interest collided abruptly with grammar and syntax and symbols and a swarm of rules governing their application and manipulation.

From our fold-top desks, we often visited the edge of rule driven protocol where anomalies emerged – double meanings, sarcasm, wit – to our delight, all tinkering with Teacher’s rigid rules. My thoughts return to confronting her with these nether dwelling exceptions, to which she reluctantly acknowledged, ‘Rules are made to be broken’ counselling when confronted with anomalies, ‘Just learn ‘em.’ Hence this ramble to the fringes of language where rules and exceptions cohabit. Childhood fascination with linguistic peculiarities superimposed with witnessing ongoing evolution in Modern English ripened into adult curiosity.

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I crouched behind the open top of my desk, seeking invisibility. To my right Albert, left Jerry, front Diane, all similarly in defilade. The English Teacher summoned me to her makeshift cardboard-box podium at the front of the room. Nervously tapping her foot, with a stern eye, she turned to me,

Your word is ‘phlegm.’ Spell the word ‘phlegm.’

Pondering the very real possibility of shameful and embarrassing elimination, I raced through comparable words, homonyms, applicable grammar and syntax rules, exceptions, spelling, declensions, tenses, borrowed words, and letter sequences seeking clues. The recess bell rang; I was momentarily spared.

MODERN ENGLISH

COMPREHENSION

Language is my hobby.

I try to use it everyday.

Anonymous

I am not alone in the institutionalized school experience which standardized confusion about Modern English for everyone. Entrenched into the curriculum festered the germ of a federally mandated education initiative known as No Child Left Behind.

At issue - the notion of learning. As I grew, Teachers earned esteem not only for their straightforward (empirical) presentation of lesson plans but for the subjective (experiential) personalities they invited to the acquaintance of youth and experience. Beyond just memorizing the mechanics of construction, they stressed comprehending those rules and understanding how to use them creatively. A mix of empirical and subjective learning. Memories of science class still conjure the image of Mr. Reynolds; English class, Ms. Wade; addition and subtraction, Mrs. Wheeler. Rote memorization on my part, combined with enthusiasm and example on theirs, formed a memorable whole. It set the stage to learn Modern English.

Prepare yourself, we were cautioned. The success of the federal program needed conclusive demonstration to appease detractors. The measurement of success would be students’ scores on national standardized tests. We had few doubts – we were told – such tests lurked along our collective educational arc. These inquisitions probed the depth and breadth of the lesson plan segment of teaching using scoring tools designed for empirical analysis. They rarely considered the personality element of education. Sharpen your #2 pencils.

Through the array of the curriculum; embedded in discussion topics; paramount on Teachers’ agenda: the test. ‘Learn this because it will be on the test’ Teachers counseled. ‘Do your long division because there will be test questions like this.’ ‘Learn this vocabulary so you will understand the test.’ To insure success, Teachers were instructed to ‘teach to the test;’ the test assumed an invisible but lurking identity.

To motivate Teachers to drill the test into our conscious and subconscious minds, incentives rewarded good performance. A Teacher might receive a commendation when her class outscored the national average on math or science. Eschewing positive reinforcement, the mood soured as the same Teacher who won accolades for his/her class’ performance on the practice test, could be chastised when students did NOT meet the national average on the actual instrument. The program marched onward.

So motivated, Teachers offered up Science, Health, Mathematics, Reading, English, and other courses. Selectively absorbing these, once in command of an alphabet and rudimentary tools to build communications, reading and writing became core to progress. Though interest in linguistics would lay dormant for many years, on return to these realms, the same exceptions, fractured rules, and anomalies noted at my fold-top desk – empirical vs. experiential elements of teaching - rose like an awakened Phoenix.

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In retrospect I envision a hierarchy in Modern English. An accumulation of elements spurred by consensus, borrowing, and other measures chronicling the journey from ancient scratches to become marks abstracted into letters serving as symbols to represent thoughts.

In Modern English, letters are the foundation of this accumulation paradigm. In groups, letters form words and from clusters of words, phrases presage the beginnings of compound and overlapping constructs. Sentences formed from these clusters yield paragraphs designed to transfer complex meaning from Author to reader.

Often manifest within Modern English text are influences of contemporary culture. Most often they are expressed as subjective and experiential information. The language/culture interaction is debated, one side maintaining culture determines language, the other, language molds culture. Regardless of origin, individual linguistic styles emerge as accumulated paragraphs are stitched into an essay with explanatory, illustrative, comparative, influential, entertaining, amusing, marketing, historical, a surfeit of functions.

The Teacher assured us none of this was possible without rules. Her position: Whether as a group or an individual, language and writing must be accompanied by rules.

Some of Teachers’ rules migrated