The Dark Before the Dawn

By Carie Ageneau

Thalia, a senator's adolescent daughter, moves from Britannia to live amongst the late-first century Roman elite, separating her from her childhood slave love, Aledus, and leaving her to wonder if their paths will ever cross again. When she's forced to marry a former consul, she must choose between remaining amidst the elite world to which she d

• Language: English
• Publisher: Carie Ageneau
• Release date: Jan 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9781087913681

Carie Ageneau

Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago, I thirsted for more after graduating from Loyola University Chicago in 2000 with a BA in psychology and French. It's a good thing I wasn't bitten by the travel bug earlier or I might never have finished my studies. In the last twenty years, I've lived in France, Germany and England and six major cities including Chicago, Los Angeles, Austin, London, Hamburg and Paris. I could've spent all my time immersed in the culture, language, and history were it not for the need to eat, sleep, or earn a living. As a full-time high school French teacher, I needed a departure to channel my creative personal efforts. My writing journey began in 2011 after seeing the historical drama The Eagle, based on Rosemary Sutcliff's novel, The Eagle of the Ninth. To realize that I knew nothing of Roman Britain only served as a challenge to learn all that I could. The more I researched over the past eleven years, the more I wrote. The Dark Before the Dawn is the first book in my historical fiction novel series.

Book preview

I

Part One

Mid-September, AD 85

Chapter 1

The gods were punishing us for leaving Britannia. I was convinced the closer we neared Roma. Why else would the air be so stifling? It had to be an omen to turn back before our carriage became a roving sarcophagus.

Yet everyone seemed to ignore it.

If I fanned the swell of my tears, Aledus would see them. He hated when I cried. As they brimmed over my lashes, I turned away, maneuvering on my knees to peer from the window. Rows of towering trees flanked our path. Their skeletal limbs stretched high into the air, providing little reprieve from the late afternoon sun. Even the cone-shaped pines peppered in between seemed gaunt. It looked nothing like Londinium. I despised Roma already.

Aledus knelt alongside me and squinted at the horizon. Remember how cold you were when we camped in the garden?

I wish we were still there. How could I forget nestling with him under our makeshift tent of blankets, pretending to be Uncle Agricola and Aunt Domitia on campaign with the army? We won’t have the chance to do it again. Not anymore.

He tucked my loose hair behind my ear. I just wanted to see you smile.

Why would I? You’ll be gone before winter, I replied in the Briton tongue. Maybe I’ll convince Uncle to let me move with you. He said his estate was large. We could all live there.

"Your father’s the one in need of convincing," he muttered, slumping back in his seat.

Father can stay here as he was and visit whenever he wishes. Forum Julii’s much closer to Roma than Londinium.

Thalia! Stop talking like that, Iviacus chastised in the Briton tongue from across the carriage. Imagine disappointing your mother, were she to understand you.

He was right. My heart ached with regret when I glanced at her. It wasn’t her fault she’d never learned a slaves’ language.

She ceased her conversation with Aunt Domitia, hands cradling her belly. Now what?

Iviacus stopped fanning her. Return to resting, Domina, he advised in Latin. A bump along the road jostled him as he bent before me. What’s really troubling you?

She probably feels as I do, I said, refusing to speak in the Roman tongue. Father was fine for years on his own. Why did we need to move? Not for another consulship. I overheard his conversations at dinner. We had no reason to leave home.

The emperor insisted on it.

But why? He couldn’t know how happy we were before Father returned. An uneven paver knocked me against the wall. I wish he’d never come back for us. We should’ve run away in Londinium! Uncle can find another slave. He doesn’t need Aledus! Not like I do! I sank down, pouting behind the shelter of my bent knees.

You can’t live on your own, even with Aledus. Ten winters are hardly considered grown, no matter how clever you are. He swept the hair stuck to my damp cheek before swiveling toward Mother’s muted groan.

Stop worrying, she said, rubbing a slow circle over the side of her belly. He’s just unsettled. Perhaps he dislikes this leg of our journey. Even my unborn sibling didn’t want to go to Roma. But I dared not share my thoughts as she returned to cooing at the large swell.

Iviacus heaved a sigh. We all need you, as will the baby. I can’t do everything.

Curse him for being right again. He was only one slave, and the gods had already taken Mother’s childhood nurse last year.

A hint of a smile threatened his attempt at firmness. Learn all you can so that when you’re a mother, you’ll know what to do. Wouldn’t you agree, Aledus?

Y-yes. He fidgeted with the edge of his tunic, his face flushing scarlet.

Iviacus pulled me to sit straighter. Now, dry your tears. And no more of the Briton tongue. Others won’t accept a girl of your birth speaking as if she were a slave… and above all, not before the emperor. Do you understand?

"Ydw… yes," I replied, quick to correct myself.

Our carriage came to a halt, and without another word, he turned to assist Mother. From the shouts of the accompanying guards, I assumed we’d arrived. My brain clouded with questions that I’d been too busy sulking over our month-long journey to ask. Was Emperor Domitianus going to be outside waiting? What was I supposed to call him again? Uncle told me back in Londinium, but I forgot.

Perhaps Father would let us run ahead. After all, the palace was likely hard to miss. I grabbed Aledus’ arm, interrupting him from attaching his sandals. Race me.

It wouldn’t be fair, he said, not that it’s ever been.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Eleven winters don’t make you faster."

His gaze flicked up and down my body. No, only bigger. Standing at least a head taller, he had a much longer stride than I did.

Fine. I sank against the cushioned wall as he pulled my feet onto his lap.

It’s too hot, anyway. Give me your sandals.

My heart thundered whenever he showered me with such attention. Even if he was a slave, I was beyond fortunate to have met the boy I wanted to marry so young. "Dw i’n dy garu di," I blurted out in the Briton tongue.

His head spun toward me, his full bottom lip pulling into a smile. I love you, too.

Thalia! Iviacus snapped. What did I just say?

Sorry. I clutched Aledus’ arm, listening to Father bark instructions. We were to be escorted into a litter. I hated being carried as if I couldn’t walk.

When we stepped onto the road, I glanced around in surprise. No sign of the emperor or any fanfare, only scurrying slaves unloading our affairs from the carriages. Without bothering to shield my eyes, I stumbled, blinded by the fractured sunlight between the pines. My body slammed into Aledus, hands grasping at his tunic until he righted me.

"Careful, cariad." His arms lingered around me for longer than a slave’s should’ve. But I didn’t mind; I was his love. He moved behind me when Father approached, hiding our intertwined fingers at my back.

I stared at Father’s reddened face, beaded with sweat and grime from the dusty road. If he hadn’t insisted we move to Roma, I supposed he’d not look so miserable. Go with your mother, he ordered before flicking his gaze to Aledus, and you, to your domina.

I tightened my grip. Can’t I walk with—

Do as I say. His brow shot up in warning. I’ll not repeat myself.

Our hands slid apart, my heartbeat slowing to a lethargic thud as he dragged himself toward Aunt Domitia. Still glowering, I climbed atop the stiff cushion at Mother’s side before the slaves lifted the litter into the air and carried us away.

* * *

I didn’t spend seven years campaigning on that island for Lucullus to throw it back into turmoil. Uncle shifted elbows on his dining couch. And there remains nothing left to conquer. I accomplished that, as I vowed. Only the north needs maintaining.

He’ll not settle for governing in your shadow. He’s an arrogant man, almost as much as the emperor. Always has been. Father set his cup on the table. Never forget that I spent the last years tempering his impulsive advice and rendering it more suitable for the emperor’s ears. Otherwise, I assure you, he’d have executed him by now.

With each discussion, I became more irritated than fascinated by Father’s self-importance. Separated for most of my childhood while he fulfilled his appointments around the empire, I wasn’t used to his presence. I was even willing to forgo having a father altogether, if it meant I could go back to my old life. Iviacus had taught me more than enough. I didn’t need him.

Uncle tossed his napkin to the table. If arrogance compels him to continue construction in Britannia, then so be it. But it’ll require more resources for the forts, especially Pinnata Castra. So never forget that I, too, must render my assessment of affairs as I left them, more melodious for our emperor’s precious ears. You’re not the only courtier who placates him.

I glanced across the dining room to Aledus, flanked by Iviacus and the other slaves along the wall. The concern on his face had my mind reeling. Although I knew better than to interrupt with my excessive questions, I needed answers. I’d barely swallowed the remains of a stuffed date as I spun to Aunt Domitia. What if Governor Lucullus is jealous of Uncle’s accomplishments and ruins everything? If he angers the Caledonii—

That doesn’t concern you. She dabbed her linen napkin to her lips. And chew slower.

But it does, if the north becomes too dangerous for us to live there!

Finish your dinner. This day’s been too exhausting to argue.

It certainly has been, Uncle said, dropping his conversation with Father. He drained his cup and stood from the couch, stretching before making his way to me. We’d not spoken since our brief stop in the morning. I missed sitting at his side in the gardens, hanging on each detail of every story he told. But such times were over.

Uncle glanced at my dining clothes and smiled. You’ll be a proper domina in no time… just like your mother.

Before dinner, I’d changed from my favorite linen to a light blue tunic, the thin silk sticking to the layer of perspiration now coating my body. The corded belt encircling my ribs wasn’t helping, either.

Living here will be an adjustment. But with patience, it’ll become easier. His calloused hand rasped my cheek as he cupped it. Do you believe me?

I offered a feeble nod.

I thought not, he chuckled. For now, why don’t you look around the flowers in the peristyle? They always seem to cheer you up. Take Aledus.

Father sidled up to us, dark circles drooping under his eyes. Well, my girl, you must be fatigued. Perhaps you should rest.

I’m not tired yet. I sought the shelter of Uncle’s hovering body.

You should be. It was a long journey. Father’s lips curled into a faint grin before he pressed a kiss to my forehead and pulled Uncle away.

Come. Mother’s wilting face told of her own exhaustion. I want you in bed before they return from the palace. Promise me that we won’t need to look for you. And fix a plate for Aledus beforehand. I can’t say what remains in the kitchen once the others eat. She scanned the cluster of unfamiliar slaves along the wall.

Shall I make one for Iviacus, too?

I already have. Go on. With a rub of her belly, she craned her neck for a glance at him.

I piled up everything within my reach. And with a plate containing more than the rations of eight legionaries, I signaled to Aledus to follow me into the twilight.

From the garden bench, I skimmed over cascading honeysuckle and large urns bursting with assorted flowers before deciding that I couldn’t care less about any of it. I just wanted to be with Aledus. The warm marble had me squirming in search of a cooler spot. I rose to stand against the neighboring column, plucking the silk from my damp skin.

Don’t you like what I brought? With no one to chastise me, I reverted to the Briton tongue. I took as many stuffed dates as I could. Aren’t you hungry?

He dug his toe into the gravel before kicking it toward the hedge. Not really… no.

I hated when his sadness made him withdraw. Would you rather look around my new room instead?

Without answering, he clutched my hand.

Somebody must’ve told the slaves of my fondness for flowers. With so many arrangements, the bedchamber could’ve passed for a small indoor peristyle. It’d belonged to Grandfather before the gods took him the previous summer. I’d never met him but assumed from the figurines and glazed pottery between all the flowers that he’d been fond of Father’s time as governor in Aegyptus.

I didn’t share the same opinion. My stomach twisted when I spotted a vessel similar to one Father had brought me upon his return to Londinium. The expensive gift hadn’t excused his four-year absence.

That looks familiar, Aledus noted.

Another glance at Grandfather’s vase and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to inspect its detail or smash it on the tile. I wish Father stayed in Aegyptus.

I know. Come here. He whisked me to the bed, where we unlaced our sandals and sat face to face atop the linen covering, adjusting to the faint light of the nearby oil lamp. I want to take you far away. And one day, I swear it to the gods, I will.

Can we still go to Coria and search for your tribe, since it’s safe now?

Yes. He shifted closer, our fingers meshing. When we return to Britannia, we’ll be grown. And perhaps Dominus will have offered my manumission by then. His face glowed a bright red. When he does, I’m going to make you mine forever. I’ll kiss you all the time. So much so, that I’ll want to take you to our bed and kiss you there every night. And I’m old enough to understand what happens when a man kisses his woman in their bed.

My eyes never left his, my heart thundering. How do you know such things?

Dominus told me, Aledus gulped noisily. He said that if the gods approve of the union, they favor them and give them a child.

Do you think they’ll approve of us?

He nodded, his dark blond strands brushing his lashes. We’ll have many children, and they’re going to be beautiful like their mother.

Wild waves of untamed hair, freckled skin that seemed to burn from the slightest touch of the sun, gangly limbs too awkward to be graceful… for our children’s sake, I hoped they wouldn’t look at all like me. Instead, I studied Aledus’ face, hoping they’d resemble him. You make my heart feel strange because of the things you say. And because you’re so handsome. No other boy looks like you. Despite the humid air, I leaned closer. I really do love you.

May… may I kiss—

Our heads swung toward the opening door, sighing in relief that it was only Mother and Iviacus. He was holding the plate of food we’d left behind, an eyebrow cocked. You better go now and eat before resting. Your domina’s waiting on you.

Good night, Thalia. Depressed by his foiled attempt, Aledus gathered his sandals before leaving.

Mother only said to be in bed before Father returned. She didn’t say I had to be alone.

Indeed, I didn’t, clever girl, she laughed. You hear only what you wish.

At least you removed your sandals and avoided spreading dirt everywhere. Iviacus tickled my bare feet. What were you two doing in here that you couldn’t in the peristyle?

Just talking.

He squinted, the pale jade no longer visible. Rather closely.

"I hope the gods still offer a child no matter where a couple kisses. In or out of bed."

Mother stirred at my side before Iviacus asked, From where did you learn that?

Uncle Agricola said so. At least that’s what he told Aledus.

He ran a hand through his hair. You’ve many years before you’ll need to consider such things. Wouldn’t you agree, Domina?

Mother was staring off at the wall. Her thoughts must’ve been crowding her brain like mine did so often.

Hostilia? He reached across the bed to touch her arm. I’d only ever heard him address her by name once before, on her birthday, when he gave her a gift of gratitude for her kind treatment. He’d saved most of his earnings over his years of servitude and asked for my advice when we selected the amber ring Mother was now staring at on her finger.

Y-yes, forgive me. My precious girl…

Iviacus cleared his throat. "What do you know about kissing, anyway?"

Heat rushed to my cheeks as if I were standing alongside the hearth. I like Aledus’ kisses. When we’re grown and Uncle offers his manumission, he’ll take me back to Britannia and marry me, so we can kiss a lot, and then the gods will give us a child. Or perhaps lots of them… if we kiss all the time in our bed?

Bring your comb, Mother insisted. In silence, she raked through my tangled strands before turning me to face her. Sometimes you’ll have thoughts you mustn’t voice because they might upset those around you. You’re advised to keep them between you and the gods. When the moment’s right, they’ll reveal their will. If you share them aloud, they may choose never to honor them. Do you understand?

Yes. I imagined nothing worse than provoking them to deny me a life with Aledus. Does that mean I shouldn’t ask questions when I have them?

Seek answers from the gods alone, Iviacus interjected. They have a way of answering those who are patient.

I studied him, wondering how he’d always been so obedient to Mother without making a single request. Is that why you never ask for anything?

Chapter 2

Mother ushered me forward when I stopped before the statue of Apollo. How was Aledus right yet again? I flicked up another finger, the score tipping in his favor. I had to be quicker in guessing which god would be in the next niche we passed, but it didn’t seem promising. I’d already missed the last four along the palace’s entrance hall.

Mercury, I insisted, countering his suggestion of Neptune.

We rushed ahead, careful not to go too near to Father and Uncle and disturb their conversation. My mouth dropped open when the telltale trident came into view. Five in a row, I said, sore from losing. It can’t just be luck.

He shrugged. It was only a guess.

I think the gods favor you.

Me too. He smiled sheepishly, the blue flecks seeming to peek from behind the cloud of gray in his eyes.

Enough of your little game, Iviacus hissed. Come and walk at your mother’s side.

I pivoted, almost toppling Aledus to the tile, as we erupted in laughter. From up ahead, Father threw us a disapproving glare and resumed his conversation with Uncle. So much for remaining dignified. Afraid to instigate more trouble, I lowered my gaze as we passed under the solemn regard of Jupiter’s imposing statue. To appease the gods, I’d avoided asking all questions over the last several days. Yet my inelegance wasn’t going to win their favor. They had to be expecting a girl of my age to behave with more grace than I was demonstrating, especially at our private dinner with the emperor.

Lucius Julius Ursus and Gnaeus Julius Agricola! a Praetorian guard said, announcing our arrival. The others dispersed around us, revealing the imperial couple.

Though a distant cousin to Father, the emperor bore little resemblance to him. Average in stature with no particular build worth admiring, he seemed ordinary, unlike the extravagant woman at his side. Jewels sparkling among tiers of curls piled high on her head; the empress stood taller than her husband. Although with heavy-lidded eyes, she appeared just as tired. Perhaps it was the incessant heat looming about us in the late afternoon.

With Father and Uncle engaged in their greetings, the women moved aside, awaiting acknowledgment. I couldn’t help but notice that even the prefect of the guard seemed more fitting as emperor. An inexplicable sense of fear struck in my gut as he sidled over. Aelianus. I noted the name as it left Mother’s lips, already disliking the way he was ogling her. Sharply angled features adorned his tanned face, his brawny frame towering above us.

She remained graceful, faintly grimacing when Aelianus lingered in his eager embrace. You appear to be well.

"And you, more so. Praise to the gods, Hostilia. How beautiful you are with child. He all but salivated while his gaze roamed over her. I wanted to smack the obscene sneer from his face and watch Iviacus or Father pummel him for being so vulgar. You must be Ursus’ daughter. Aelianus tilted my chin, inspecting me with a deep frown. Be certain to thank them that you look as your mother does."

I clamped my jaw shut before Mother pulled his hand from me and held it in her own. How kind of you to say, her voice saturated with disgust. "Tell me, is your wife in attendance for such an occasion? What a pleasure to observe her loveliness."

I never mistook you for a foolish woman, but living amidst the barbarians for so many years has muddled your mind. You know very well that I no longer desire to marry. My loyalty is to the emperor, not a wife. He ripped his hand free to smooth the wrinkles in his white tunic. Yet how thoughtful of you to inquire on such an occasion as your long-overdue homecoming. I’d assumed Ursus hid you away for fear of losing his treasure to a more suitable man.

If that were true, what makes you so certain he’d be found in Roma? She maintained her pleasant smile and rubbed along her belly.

All my questions seemed to be screaming at once from inside my brain, but I didn’t dare to ask a single one. The gods had to be watching. I’d have to remember them all for later.

Before Aelianus could retort, Emperor Domitianus approached and caressed the slope of Mother’s arm. "Forgive me. I was commending Ursus on his irrefutable good fortune. I imagined your beauty as being parallel to that of Venus herself, and I was not mistaken. What a divine being you are." With a gentle tug of her shawl, he pulled away the voluminous material. His hands coveted her belly as if to claim the child she carried as his own.

Father shifted closer to her side. For the first time, I watched his pride turn to discomfort. My emperor, may I also present to you my daughter, Julia Marcia Thalia.

Indeed, Ursus, the gods have been generous. He bent his flushed face to kiss me.

I breathed through my nose until it was over. The stench of meat from his midday meal now lingered on my mouth. I’d have to wait to rid my lips of its traces when no one was watching. My Master and God, I replied, though he didn’t resemble any god I’d imagined.

The edges of his square face softened with another smile. "Taught so well by your father. But you needn’t address me as so. My emperor is sufficient."

The empress’ pursed lips opened wide enough to say, He spoke of you many times, but I couldn’t have envisioned your beauty as it is. May the gods forgive me for such a folly. She combed her fingers through my waves. I assume you’ll have heard it before, but your hair is akin to a golden thread spun by Minerva herself.

And your eyes. The emperor tilted my chin, examining them. The color of green sandstone fresh from the mines, wouldn’t you say?

I held myself rigid, trying not to wrinkle my face at their ridiculous flattery.

Exquisite, the empress nodded, her earrings chiming.

"Tell me, how is your own daughter faring since her marriage?" The emperor pivoted toward Uncle.

My presence forgotten, I turned to the massive fountain taunting me from only steps away in the peristyle. With a quick glance at Aledus, I drew to its edge, remembering us playing in the creek behind the palace in Londinium. We’d fallen in and returned home, soaked and laughing hysterically as we picked the leaves from my tangled hair.

I snapped to attention and dipped my hands into the water. Do you want some? When he nodded, I pressed my fingers to his cheeks and dragged them under his jaw.

Thalia! Iviacus hissed, rushing over. "This is not the time for play."

I’m only trying to stay cool, I countered. It’s far too hot out here. And we’re not bothering anyone.

"Latin," Aledus warned, gripping my arm.

What a queer creature you are. The emperor cocked his head as he slithered toward us, flanked by Aelianus and Father. Ursus failed to mention that his daughter had taken to the barbarians’ ways. Was that a slaves’ tongue you were speaking?

Iviacus’ hand trembled on my shoulder. Forgive her, I raised her in my charge.

I was speaking to your little domina. As Iviacus cast down his gaze and stepped away, the emperor turned back to me. It is true?

Yes. The gods wanted me to have the gift.

He squinted in suspicion.

So I might share the Roman ways with the Britons… just as they gave Uncle Agricola the gift of being a great general and governor to bring them into our empire.

Is that so? He stared down the straight bridge of his nose.

I could use it each day living in Londinium because there were so many Britons. Londinium is another offering of the gods. It’s beautiful, just like all of Britannia. Uncle told me so when he returned from sailing around the entire island. I want to go back and live there when I’m grown. Do you wish to see it, too? It’s very different from Roma.

Enough, Father interrupted. My emperor, forgive her. Her travels have exhausted—

"I find your daughter rather entertaining. As there exists a lack of children in the palace. He glared at the empress, engaged in her own conversation with Mother and Aunt Domitia. After seating himself on the fountain, he patted the space next to him. You must tell me how you have come to call Agricola uncle when you share no actual blood between you. But first, has he told you his stories from campaigning in the north?"

I sat down, the marble all but searing my backside through my silk tunic. I forced myself not to grimace. Yes. I tried to memorize them all so I might tell my children one day.

And did your father recount his tales of Aegyptus and Roma?

Yes. It wasn’t a complete lie. I just hadn’t committed most of them to memory.

What a knowledgeable girl you are. How old are you?

I’ll know eleven winters in November.

You’ve time yet to collect more stories for your children. I shall tell you some of mine.

Certainly, Father wouldn’t be angry any longer since I’d impressed the emperor.

* * *

I studied the brightly painted murals between the marble columns, each depicting a scene of flowers and birds perched atop fountains. The dining hall could have easily been the size of the entire governor’s palace in Londinium. It was far too intimidating. I had no desire to run with Aledus through the halls, discovering what lay in the alcoves.

The emperor reached for a plum, flicking the dates from his path. You’ve neither seen it, nor is it completed. How can you be certain it’ll be as grand as Agricola claims?

I studied Uncle from across the tables, proud of all I’d learned from him. He’d never lie. If it’s intended to house the entire Twentieth Legion, it’ll have to be rather large… enough for 5,400 men. And perhaps even some auxiliaries. And it doesn’t yet have a settlement around it, as the fort in Deva does. Pinnata Castra will be a marvel.

Certainly, Ursus wishes she’d been born a male, the emperor remarked to Aelianus before turning his grin on Uncle. And she knows as much as any son of yours might have.

Perhaps even more so. Uncle grimaced when Aunt Domitia lowered her head. Above a whisper, she thanked the gods for the brief fortune she’d known before losing both her sons in infancy. At least they’d found solace in rescuing Aledus as a boy.

One glance at Mother and my heart hurt to remember the shared sorrow from her miscarriage the same year Aledus arrived. Perhaps she’d finally know the joy of a son, too.

When Emperor Domitianus turned his gaze on his wife, she bowed her head. Many amongst us have known the loss of a son. To be favored and bereaved at once by the gods seems a torture too agonizing to bear… even more than the pain of an errant spouse.

The mood shifted, the slaves moving about in near-silence. I was too nervous to breathe, afraid to draw attention to myself. I fished my hand in the space between Mother’s body and mine and clutched her while she finished her prayer.

Instead, let us honor our girls and the joy they bring as they become the women of Roma and daughters for all. Taking his cup from his slave boy, the emperor gulped down his wine and glowered at Mother. Perhaps our wise Thalia can share with her sibling what wisdom she’s learned, not only from her uncle and father, but from her emperor, as well.

For the remainder of the time, he dominated the conversation with his mind-numbing stories. But his boastful account of the months he’d spent in the Moesian province had the others restless. My attention sparked. He spared no details of the bloodiness of the hard-won battles fought along the Dacian front, resulting in the death of Governor Sabinus—a name Father and Uncle had mentioned only days ago at our evening meal.

I turned to Mother. Father knew him before he became consul, right?

Yes, for many years, she whispered back, fanning herself with a hand. Now stay quiet and let them talk. Your recklessness will have already put him in a fine mood. You needn’t anger him any further.

But the emperor liked my stories and—

Please stop, she mumbled, her usual cheery eyes dull with fatigue.

I clamped my mouth shut and watched the men, hanging on every word as their staunch opinions clashed. The emperor, however, wasn’t entertained in the slightest. Rather, he seemed angry with them for disputing his claims of victory. But I was proud of Father for raising his voice, even though I was certain I’d not enjoy it later, if directed at me.

When Father grumbled as Aelianus spoke of the new general leading the legions into dangerous territory, I couldn’t help myself. How does Father know General Fuscus?

Oh Thalia. Mother put a hand to her forehead to wipe the beads of sweat along her hairline. They served as Praetorian prefects together before the emperor promoted your father to consul. She sat up straighter, a groan rumbling in her chest. She’d already prepared a plate, eating only half, the rest for Iviacus. Give the remains of your meal to Aledus, and have him take it to the kitchen with the other slaves. You’re to stay here.

I was far too fascinated with understanding Father’s world than to argue. Besides, it seemed Mother needed me at her side. She was more restless than before, breathing labored, her skin flushing from its usual pallor.

She arched her back to rub under the swell of her stomach. Hand me my cup.

The emperor’s young slave insisted on filling it first. Another swooped in to remove my plate, but I stopped him before he could rush away with it. I’d never seen such frantic service, the other slaves scurrying about the more heated the men became.

Iviacus darted to us, Aledus in tow. If all this is bothering you, Domina, would you prefer to walk?

The anxious slave filled her cup again to the brim, almost spilling when he grimaced at the men’s escalating voices. With a wave of his hand, Iviacus took it and shooed him away.

It’s bothersome, but I’d rather rest. Mother looked as though she’d doze off, were she to lie down. Both of you go eat.

Iviacus bent to my ear. "Watch her, not this nonsense. And come find me immediately should she feel any worse."

When they left with our offerings, I tried imagining what Mother felt. I remembered the slight knocking she’d shown me months ago. She’d said he was greeting me and moved whenever he heard my voice. With a hand to the swell, I leaned in. I promise to tell you everything I know after you’re born. I know lots of things, and even if Iviacus doesn’t teach you the Briton tongue, I can. But he probably will because he’s the most wonderful slave you’ll ever meet. Though I waited for a sign of acknowledgment, there was nothing. It had to be the surrounding men who were too loud.

Mother winced. Listen for once, and don’t anger me. Stop speaking in that tongue.

"I don’t mean to anger anyone when I do. I don’t even think about it."

Therein lies the problem. You should, since you feel indifferent to matters of girls your age. And I hardly discourage you from concerning yourself with affairs of men, since they affect you, too. But I advise you to observe and grow wiser from what you learn… silently. Her hand settled over mine, pressing inward. Curse the gods.

Shall I fetch Iviacus?

No, let him be for now. With my help, she stood from her couch and stretched. It’s only a bit of cramping, and my throat is parched, she explained when the other women inquired.

Aunt Domitia cued the nervous slave to fill another cup for Mother and glanced at the men. "The children have forgotten how to play together. Perhaps we should go."

"This