A Penny Saved: A Romantic Comedy

By Joselyn Vaughn

Penny Pounds is sure marriage is the perfect answer.

But finding Mr. Right proves harder than crashing into a snowbank.

Despite searching the mechanics replacing her tires and combing through the church bachelors, her list of potential mates is limited to two gentlemen: a kindly widower, Harold, with a soft spot for his dearly departed and saintly wife, and her brother’s best friend, Ken, a former drill sergeant with an infuriating ability to annoy. Even the winter weather thwarts her plans by trapping her at home with a broken ankle and a pain in the butt. The ankle will heal, but Ken won’t go away and keeps sniffing into her secrets and offering his own answers.

If only she could remember the question.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Joselyn Vaughn
• Release date: Nov 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005423148

Book preview

A Penny Saved

A Romantic Comedy

By

Joselyn Vaughn

Revised and updated.

Copyright © 2021 by Esther L. Jiran

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

For all the women who wish they could be Penny when they grow up.

Chapter One

#

I’m getting married.

The perfect solution to all her worries. A husband would fix everything. Penny Pounds glowed at her own brilliance.

Her brother, Buck, choked on his beer. What?

Penny patted her freshly dyed pink hair. The bottle claimed strawberry blond, but when layered over her whitened hair, the color produced a delicate rose. The curls had been tamed at the hair salon to prepare for her nephew’s wedding this evening.

I’m getting married, she repeated the statement, liking how the words felt. She’d waited sixty-five years to say them. It was about time.

But... Buck sputtered. Who? At your age? The bewilderment on her little brother’s face amused her. His suspicious attitude wouldn’t dent her happiness. Bliss existed in discovering a suitable answer. Why haven’t I met him?

She lifted her cup of soda and took a long drink. Sidney and Joshua’s wedding cemented the idea. As the happy couple had recited their vows, the idea dawned on her. ‘In sickness and in health.’ A married couple supported each other through everything, all the ups and downs. She should have thought of it before, but with getting her nephew and her tenant together and aiding their wedding plans, she had been losing details left and right. You haven’t met him because I haven’t met him.

Buck’s graying head still sported an unfair proportion of black, although his middle, despite the recent chemotherapy, was inflating a second spare tire. The charcoal suit disguised an expanding waistline almost as well as the pleated chiffon gown she’d chosen to wear.

Buck eyed his beer. The liquid sloshed just below the bottle neck. I haven’t drunk nearly enough to be imagining this conversation.

You’ve been nursing that beer all night. You’d think you weren’t celebrating your lone son’s wedding.

Her own champagne glass bottomed out long ago. Refilling it was not an option—unless she wanted her brother as a co-pilot on the way home.

A piece of cake sat at the place next to him, where Sidney’s sister, Bailey, had abandoned it to join a rousing line dance. Usually Penny would be in the dance's mix, but the day plumb-tuckered her out. The signs she was no longer a spring chicken were not reassuring.

Since the chemo, beer has lost its attraction. Buck pushed the bottle away. It still tastes funny. So, is it an online dating thing?

Penny shook her head, wondering if Bailey would notice if she swiped the cake. The sugar boost would get her through the last hour of the reception. I think it’s time for me to find someone to share my life with.

What man would be that stupid?

Just because you are sixty-two doesn’t mean I can’t kick you into next week. Penny checked the dance floor. Sidney and Bailey were leading a conga line through the tables. Bailey would never notice if her cake disappeared.

Penny inched the plate in front of her. Lemon cheesecake shouldn’t be abandoned without a bite. I would hope anyone I marry would have better sense than to choose you for an acquaintance.

I don’t know him then. I didn’t know you were seeing anyone. Buck tugged at the label on his beer bottle.

I said I wasn’t. Penny’s imagination roamed through the prospects. The greeter at grocery story: employed, always pleasant. Her postal delivery man: always walked, had to be healthy. The man who studied stocks at the library: intelligent, possibly wealthy. She would need to write these down...after she finished Bailey’s cake. Sidney had chosen the creamiest cheesecake she’d ever tasted. Better make a mental note to ask Sidney about the bakery. Better yet, a reminder on her phone, then she wouldn’t forget…a task too easy these days.

Now I’m really confused. I haven’t met the guy, you haven’t met the guy, and he isn’t on the computer. Is he a ghost?

I haven’t lost that many marbles yet. She’d hold on to them as long as she could, but the bag was getting holes. Penny stared out at the dance floor as the younger people hop-stepped to the music. She’d miss having Sidney rambling around upstairs. Sure, she could get a new renter, but she wouldn’t be able to pop in whenever she needed to discuss the happenings in town. No, it was time to find a life partner. Someone required to stick around by more than a lease. I don’t want to live alone anymore.

Chocolate candies and mixed nuts filled fabric bowls in the center of each table. Sidney’s creative touch was in every detail, from the calico garland twisted with twinkle lights to the scented sachets in her wedding colors as favors for the guests. Each detail made the bland church reception hall colorful yet elegant.

Couldn’t you get a dog? Buck reached across the table for a handful of peanuts.

At least he hadn’t suggested moving in with him. That had worked fine and dandy when Joshua was growing, but now it would just be weird. She had no intention of sharing a bathroom with her brother ever again. Do you think that would help?

Walking a dog would be a good way to meet men. The dog park was always crowded on Saturday mornings. There had to be a single feller or two. Men with dogs were excellent prospects for husbands. Their dogs had already trained them to care for someone.

Dogs are supposed to be good companions. Buck popped a couple peanuts in his mouth, then hesitated. Although...aren’t you allergic?

Penny pounded the table. Well, there goes that idea.

Whew, Buck said. You had me going with all the marriage talk.

Finding a suitable man might take more than a week or two, but she wouldn’t be deterred. She’d faced tougher challenges. Taking care of Buck and Joshua and her ailing mother at the same time topped the list.

Sidney and Bailey led the conga line around their table, giving them each a high-five as they circled. Joshua brought up the rear of the dancing train, swinging down to plant a kiss on Penny’s cheek.

Oh, no. I’m still going to get married. I just won’t use a dog to meet a man, she said when the line slipped around another table. I’ll need another strategy.

Penny, you’re talking crazy. Are you sure you have soda in that cup? He picked up her cup and examined the sloshing liquid.

I’m tired of being alone. Look at them. She snatched the cup back and downed the remaining soda. Then she sighed. It’s so beautiful.

Watching her nephew and her tenant plan their wedding over the last six months awakened her thoughts of romance. Only tonight, she realized how perfect the arrangement would be. Since Buck’s wife, Annette, passed, Penny had put her own romantic notions on hold and forgotten to pick them up again. They are so happy. I don’t want to miss out.

But who will you get to marry you? Buck shifted to watch the dancers circle the far side of the hall. Bachelors of a certain age are bachelors for a reason.

Like you? A widower too chicken to put himself on the market? I could arrange three dates for you within a week.

No one could replace Annette. He shot Penny a pained expression.

It was true. Annette had perfectly combined Betty Crocker and Holly Homemaker. It was a shame she had died so young. Buck had found a treasure when he’d proposed.

I might not find someone as wonderful as Annette, but I will find someone. Penny shrugged. You have some single friends, right?

Buck shook his head. Not any men I’d introduce my sister to.

Penny scowled. We’re not in high school anymore. Men have more than one thing on their minds.

Buck’s friends from high school weren’t the leading contenders for making an able-bodied young lady swoon. All smart and capable men, but she needed a little muscle with her brains. The friends he had now were all married, happily or unhappily, and she wasn’t interested in someone recently divorced. It would complicate affairs too much.

You’d just pick whoever comes along first? Buck made a face like he’d just bit into a rotten apple.

I’ll be a little more discerning, but at my age, time is not in my favor. Maybe I’ll try one of those online dating sites. Can I use your account?

I have an account on an auction site, not a matchmaking one. An online account is a good way to meet a serial killer. Buck lifted an imaginary fishing pole and spun the reel. They lure you in with charm and lies, and before you know it, they’re filleting your skin to make a dress.

Thanks for that graphic picture. Brothers may be good for a lot of things, but dating advice wasn’t one of them. She dug through her purse and found her phone. I’ll write it down. Make sure they don’t purchase plastic wrap and duct tape in large quantities. She tapped the note into her phone under the reminder about the bakery, then flashed the screen at him.

Buck groaned and reached for his beer.

Really, Buck. What’s so bad about me getting hitched? Penny asked around a mouthful of cake.

You plow ahead without studying the ramifications. Remember the kayaking trip?

You bring that up every time I have an idea that isn’t on your fuddy-duddy list of appropriate things. That adventure was unforgettable.

In that Joshua almost drowned and developed a fear of water he didn’t overcome for thirty years. He took a swallow of his beer and made a disgusted face. She wasn’t sure whether it was because of the taste of the beer or the memory of the kayak trip.

But I helped him there too. He wouldn’t be where he is now without those rapids. He would have never met Sidney. At least the kayaking trip hadn’t slithered away into the recesses of her mind. Yet.

If you hadn’t tossed him in another boat without his consent.

But look how happy they are.

Buck regarded the dance floor. Joshua and Sidney swayed to a country love song, their hands clasped together and Joshua leaning his forehead against Sidney’s.

Buck sighed, and she knew that while he might not agree with her, he would not argue anymore. It was as good as winning the battle.

I’d feel a lot better knowing who the groom was going to be.

Penny pressed her fork into the remaining cake crumbs, then licked it clean. Well, I would too, but sometimes you have to set a goal and worry about the details later.

When the festivities ended, Penny nosed her car out of the church parking lot. The four-foot snow piles on either side of the entrance made seeing oncoming traffic impossible until her matronly sedan was halfway into the road. At least darkness could provide the glow of headlights. After a quick prayer, she inched farther into the road, then turned down the main route into town. Her rear tires did their usual fishtail slide so common this winter. If the roads weren’t choked with snow, they were black with ice. The treacherous driving conditions weren’t improved by her smooth as a baby’s bum tires. She kept meaning to go to the tire store, but the wedding plans occupied her days. That’s what she told herself, anyway. She hated the rubbery smell of the store and the fact that everything—even in the waiting room—appeared to have been washed with a greasy rag. Those excuses were better than the truth that the errand had slipped her mind.

Soon she would have a husband who could take care of these things for her. The car and the yard and the hot water heater...all the guy stuff. She had been capable for the last thirty years, but it would be nice to find someone who would remember garbage day. Maybe she’d be lucky enough to find one that would do laundry too.

Whew, it sounded like she was hiring a slave. Not a slave, a helper. A helpmate. They could fold socks together, play cribbage in the evening. Something to keep her brain active. That’s what she wanted. Someone to share the burden. Take the edge off the lonely nights when no one kept her company but the creaks and groans of a hundred-year-old house.

She should make a list of the qualities she needed. It’d make sorting out the riff-raff a lot easier. Hard-working, considerate, friendly, easy-going, financially stable, healthy, her age. She shook her head. As long as she was wishing, she might as well limit her prospects to the Sexiest Man Alive, 1972 edition. No wonder she hadn’t found anyone in sixty-five years.

She’d have to compromise on a few things on her list. The question was how to go about finding Mr. Almost-Right.

Before she formulated any plans, her car swerved to the side. She wrestled for control, but the tires caught a patch of ice and spun the car rear first toward the ditch. A terrifying thumping replaced the crunching of tires against the snow. Her car would have slipped down into the ditch if it weren’t for the substantial snow bank edging the road. Her vehicle came to a stop against the snow pile as smoothly as if she had parallel parked it—or as if someone else had parallel parked it. Parallel parking, or parking in general, were not among her skill set.

She blinked, realizing her eyes stretched as wide as they could. Penny’s heart pounded against her ribs. Parallel parking. Her mind made crazy leaps these days.

The passenger side was flush against the snowbank. Penny exhaled in a gust, thankful the driver’s side door could open. The car wobbled, then lurched toward the driver’s side rear. Adrenaline burned through her veins. She couldn’t believe she was still in one piece. Another inhale and release, then she sprang her fingers from the steering wheel one digit at a time. Another breath and she dropped her hands to her lap, mentally taking inventory of her body. Legs in one piece. No bumps or bruises. Her seatbelt locked across her chest. Nothing wrong except her racing heart. Her fingers trembled too much to release her seatbelt.

She should have let Buck follow her home. She should have replaced her tires. Well, it was on her agenda now. First thing tomorrow morning.

Since her heart had settled to a normal rhythm, she triggered the seatbelt, and it shot away from her lap. Better get out and inspect the damage. Penny checked her mirrors for other traffic as she zipped up her coat to her chin, then stuffed her hands in her mittens.

The road was clear, so she climbed out, bracing for the bitter cold. The subzero temperatures froze her nose and iced her breath. Penny tucked her face into the collar of her coat as she trudged to the rear of the car. Her pumps skittered on the patches of ice. She’d forgotten to change into her boots. The cold seeped through the thin soles and chilled her toes. If she was stuck out here more than an hour, she’d have to change into her boots...if she hadn’t left them at the church.

Bits of shredded tire clung to the rim. In the dark, she couldn’t see the rest of the rubber littering the road, and the broken bits wouldn’t do her a bit of good, anyway. She wouldn’t sit in the middle of the road and superglue the chunks back together. She wasn’t that nutty. The car rested on the rim which was no longer round. Where the wheel had skidded across the ice, it must have slid on the bare rim, gouging and flattening the curved metal. That wasn’t good.

She stared at the deformed rim for a moment, wishing she had purchased a new set of tires before the snow flew.

But standing here would not get her home and warm. Changing the tire wouldn’t be any easier in a snowstorm. Another reason to have a man around. They enjoyed doing this stuff. Must be able to change a tire in extreme conditions, she added to her mental list of future husband requirements.

Would it be silly to have them audition various tasks along with an interview? She could have the applicants cut the grass, shovel the driveway, replace the furnace filter, and change the oil in her car. It’d sure beat chasing down a handyman to fix a leaky faucet or clear the snow off the roof.

Penny reached inside the car and pulled the trunk latch. The tire would not change itself. Road service or a tow truck would take more than thirty minutes to get here. She could have the whole shebang done and be snuggled in her electric blanket in half the time.

Chapter Two

#

Her emergency kit held a flashlight and a couple road flares. She fished a flare out of the bag, lit it, and placed it behind the car. With the piles of snow creeping into the road, she’d tossed the flare in the center of the driving lane but that would create more visibility. Thankfully, the flashlight