Surrendered Balance: Daily Living for the Modern Christian Woman

By Hermina Krista Pettiford

Women are busier now more than ever before. We are mothers, wives, volunteers, churchgoers and friends. We work at home, away from home or both. We are finishing degrees and/or starting businesses in record numbers. With such full lives it's easy to become unbalanced and get distracted from the things that matter most in life like family, self-care

• Language: English
• Publisher: MAKK Publishing Co.
• Release date: Dec 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9780982380543

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PART 1

SURRENDERED BALANCE

THE PLAN

SETTING GOALS

MY PATH TO A LIFE OF SURRENDERED BALANCE

I know what it’s like for life to pull at you from every direction while you struggle to stay centered in Christ. Sometimes even now, busyness gets the best of me and I feel as if I’m losing the battle. But I have learned to walk in a surrendered balance that brings peace in the midst of my busy life by using my time wisely and not taking on more than I can handle so that I don’t become distracted from my priorities.

I work fulltime, I have four children, and I am active in my local church. Yet with all this and other responsibilities, it is important for me to make time to spend intimately and undisturbed with God. I did not always see that taking time to spend with the Lord affected every other area of my life and was the key to the life I longed for—one of simplicity and balance. At one time I spent the majority of my time trying to fit everything and everyone, including myself and the Lord, into a very full to-do list.

Though I was raised Christian/Catholic, and went to Catholic school for my early education, Christ was not at the center of our home life. It wasn’t until I was married and had four children that I became a born again Christian. Before that, I was a very worldly woman. When I was born again my life began to change radically—I went hungrily after the things of God, but my husband and I began to walk down two very different paths.

Despite the fact that I loved my new life in Christ, and my husband, our marriage did not survive the change. My husband was not ready to deal with or accept the changes in me, nor was he ready to change. I was young in the Lord and had zeal and passion but I lacked wisdom. I tried to win him to the Lord with much talking, but this just pushed him away more. I became a single mother after a separation and eventually divorced three years after I was born again.

It was shortly after that time that my life began filling up with stress and struggle as I tried to balance all my new responsibilities, and to deal with the pain and trauma of my husband leaving. I began to immerse myself in the things of God. As I did this, I saw how other Christian women took such care in building a Christian home. Some even home-schooled their children, others grew gardens and cooked most of their meals.

I wanted to be like these women. I wanted what they had. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother again, but this time, as a Christian, so that I could care for my family in a godly way. While I had the opportunity, I had missed it because I had not realized the gift of caring for a family and the opportunity I had. Then I became a Christian and my life went in another direction, one filled with busyness.

Somehow in starting a new life of work and responsibility, I had missed it. Other things got in the way, and in all my getting, I lacked the needful things. I had a deep relationship with the Lord, but my life lacked order and godly disciplines. I did not understand the value of my time and strength or the significant effects of not using them wisely.

Too much of a good thing can be bad if it’s not done with balance. At times I focused so much in one area of life that other areas of my life were neglected. Other times I took on more than I could handle, desiring in earnest to find my purpose, to fill the void of missing my husband, or to make others happy.

I remember a time when I was working fulltime Monday through Friday, going to school part-time at night, and then coming home to my children and their afterschool activities. Saturdays were for housework and sports and then Sunday, of course, was saved for church. I was a children’s church teacher at the time and had to have my lessons and my props ready for my class, plus I had my homework from seminary to get done, not to mention whatever projects my young children had due for school. I spread myself too thin and I burnt out fast. I had no quality time to give anything or anyone.

As I prayed about this the Lord told me I did not have to be like those women to have a godly life. He showed me that His Word would work for me in my situation just as it worked for them in theirs. Holiness and a consecrated life are a decision of the will and an attitude of the heart. I found out that the busyness of modern life doesn’t have to rule me. It’s up to me to make time for God and the things of God.

One day, while having my time with the Lord, I read my Bible and came across Proverbs 31:16 (AMP), She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. Though I had read this many times, I was suddenly enlightened by it and received a revelation in this verse of Scripture. It became relevant to me while I was going through this time in my life.

The first portion says, She considers a new field before she buys or accepts it … To consider a thing is to think about it, mull it over, reflect on it, and judge it. I had to start considering what I was doing and why. The next part of this verse says, …expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties. I had not expanded prudently. I had not been cautious and sensible and had said yes to too many things before praying about them. I was filled with responsibilities in an effort to do well and be good, so much so that I was overwhelmed. My life was out of balance.

I was going to seminary two nights a week and teaching Sunday school, my children were involved in sports, and I had a job and a prayer life. Somewhere in there, I had also started selling health and beauty spa products for women. My sleeping pattern was off and my eating habits were bad. My kids suffered through this. I would fall asleep on the couch and wake up in the middle of the night after my family had gone to bed.

No one knew I was in over my head except God and me. As I went to God, He began to give me instructions on how to get my life in order. I was in church service on a Wednesday night, and as I stood there worshipping the Lord with my eyes closed, caught up in heavenly worship, I ministered unto the Lord and beheld the beauty of His presence. He ministered back to me the love and peace found only in His presence. I could hear no one else; I was caught up to the Lord. All the weight and tiredness fell off in His presence. There I surrendered and said, Lord, whatever you want of me and whatever you want from me I will do and I will give.

I had to go back and look at what God had given me to do, hold onto only that and make some decisions about how I was going to let go of the rest. I had to first surrender my plan to the Lord; it wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last, but I learned valuable lessons.

My priorities came down to my relationship with the Lord, my children, and not necessarily every sport and activity they wanted to play. I could not give up seminary because God had called me to it on a 21-day fast. I considered my job. I did not have to work at the time, (my husband still provided for us financially) but I did so because having the extra income helped keep us comfortable. Everything else had to come to an end for a season.

The next day I was on my way to work still basking in His presence when He spoke to me in my spirit and told me to make two phone calls, the first to the children’s ministry leader to let her know I would not be able to continue teaching. I gave her a month’s notice and explained to her that I had said yes without thinking and praying about it when I had already committed before the Lord to going to seminary. Next I called the woman from the direct selling business that I was working under. I never really did sell anything. I just bought a lot of stuff. They were nice products and I did not know how to say no when I was asked to join. But because the Lord had spoken to me, I knew I had to call her and end it. I wanted to do the right thing by everyone, and that was to be up front and honest about quitting. I did not give them all the details, but I did give them the courtesy of a call and some notice and explanation.

That day when I got to work, I was given a ten-percent raise I had not asked for, and was not even thinking about at the time. This was a significant increase in my pay. I had obeyed God without knowing what He was up to and He increased my wages. The Bible says, Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need (Matthew 6:33 NLT).

As for no longer teaching Sunday school, the blessing was that I had more time for other things at home and I got to be in the Sunday morning services again. I also slowed down in school and took more classes online so that I could be home more.

In my surrender I found balance. When I gave up my own right to do life my way and let God take over, balance began. When the things I thought I needed were gone, I did not miss them and I caught up on the more important things I had missed in my state of busyness by putting them back at the top of my list.

(As I have shared my life example, I want to add that I don’t use busyness as an excuse to be uninvolved if God has called me to do something. Now, however, I try to make sure it is Him leading me; whether it is at home, church, work, or even outside of those relationships and responsibilities. And if I do say yes to something, and later find out that I cannot do it, then I make it right both with God and with those to whom I have committed.)

I firmly believe that a balanced life only comes as a result of surrendering to God and making His priorities our priorities. What is important to us is also important to God because He cares for each one of us and wants us to be prosperous and do well. However, He wants each one of us to know what is important to Him and give those things a place of prominence in our lives. Have you considered the list of your present duties lately? Are they all necessary, or are some of them a waste of your time? The last part of the verse from Proverbs 31:16 says, "With her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in