Solomon Grando vs the Jupiter Witch

By Andy Silvers

ONE TOUCH CAN KILL YOU…unless you’re already dead. Solomon Grando, a 187-year-old vampire, can survive the Muyser virus epidemic that’s ravaging Florida. However, when his best friend succumbs to the virus, he takes it upon himself to steal a magic potion from a powerful witch. Along the way, he teams up with a snarky teen and an even snarkier witch. To get the potion he needs, Solomon will have to travel around the world, fight unforeseen foes, and battle the demons inside his own mind. Explore this magical action adventure about fatherhood, forgiveness, and friendship from the author of Red Sprites and Blue Jets. Content warning: contains language, violence, and sexual innuendos

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781365286322

Andy Silvers

Andy Silvers is a Russian American author and filmmaker who combines screenwriting technique with the world of novel writing. Born in Luga, Russia, Andy has always had a love of writing. He wrote children's short stories called Terra Menara and later wrote a children's novel called Red Sprites and Blue Jets in 2020. In 2021, he got a Bachelor of Science in Cinematic Arts from the Zaki Gordon Center. There, he wrote, produced, and directed an award-winning short film called "Snapshot". He plans to adapt his novels into feature screenplays and, hopefully one day, feature films.

Book preview

SOLOMON GRANDO vs the JUPITER WITCH

BOOK 1

ANDY SILVERS

Dedicated to the loving memory of my friend.

OKSANA FREEMAN (1976-2021)

Copyright 2021 by Andrew Silvers

Published using LULU. Hendersonville, NC.

All rights reserved. No part of this novel may be reproduced, sold, or copied electronically or otherwise without express written permission by the author. Brief excerpts may be used for critical reviews or articles.

The characters and plot are entirely a product of the author’s imagination. Any similarity to real persons or events is coincidental. All images including the cover photo are owned by the author and may not be copied or reproduced for any reason.

Cover Photo by Andy Silvers

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Learn more at www.andysilvers.com

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-365-28632-2

ISBN (Hardcover): 978-1-0878-8058-7

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CHAPTER 1

The world knows of magic. All types of creatures, imaginable and otherwise, populate the Earth with the mortal populace. Humans, called drosophiles by one haughty British researcher, make up the majority of the population.

Living amongst the vast population is Solomon Grando, a tall vampire who owns a rather upscale laundromat. That’s right – a vampire that owns a laundromat. Co-owns, really, with his wife, Catherine. They don’t live like many ‘drosophiles’ expect. They don’t drink the blood of young lovers on prom night or wear dark capes. And they definitely don’t sparkle.

Solomon typically sports a red velvet suit jacket and matte-black pants. He keeps his collar popped up creating the appearance of a cape. A tiny broach clings to his jacket, its deep purple color twisted into the shape of an olive tree. He also wears a titanium wedding band. His largest fashion statement is his round belt buckle shaped like an oak tree sporting a black, red, and gold color scheme. A chain connected to his pocket holds a small, nickel-plated pocket watch. Solomon doesn’t spend much money, and he doesn’t have much money to spend. But that’s the way he likes it – simple.

Magic solves many problems. When a flick of the wrist can make a skyscraper vanish, one might think that magic can do anything. However, magic is only as powerful as the witch or wizard using it. Or government. The US government found itself in a crisis it could not easily control or spend itself out of. An epidemic.

One touch of a contaminated surface could mean certain death, especially for those advanced in years. Leaders on every side of every isle look to the greatest of witches and wizards for a solution.

Could Solomon’s status as an undead individual protect him? Likely so. But not his business, and not his customers. While hundreds of cases of the novel Muyser virus spread across Florida, the government and its citizens look to magic as the answer during the first outbreak to occur after The Great Unmasking.

XXXX

A cool breeze whirled the hair of a blond woman leaving the laundromat. Her left hand tightly grasped a full laundry basket. Her other hand contained her smartphone, shoved flush against her cheek.

It was nearly 7pm at Grando Coin Laundry. Since he didn’t have any work to do, he found himself staring at a drawing from one of his great-grandchildren. He tried to remember if the blue blob was a cat or a hippo. No luck.

Solomon peeked through the one-way window of his office, hoping to have witnessed the last customer leave. It’s too early to switch off the dusty OPEN sign, but twelve minutes is just too long to wait. After all, Solomon had a game to attend to.

That’s it, he thought. The place opened again at 8am. Better luck with those stained sheets somewhere else. After switching the sign off, the vampire of nearly six and a half feet flicked the lock into place. Solomon stretched to eliminate the stiffness of sitting in a beige rolling chair for nearly half an hour.

He headed to a tall cabinet loaded with cleaning supplies. Disinfectant spray, glass cleaner, and paper towels filled the area across five shelves. The machines must be washed regularly. Not only was that a CDC recommendation, but it made the customers less nervous. The door was left open to avoid customers having to touch it. The free baskets that had once been there for customer use were removed. The bathroom was still available – mostly due to regular complaints. Soon, Solomon would need to buy rubber gloves for customers to use. Another necessary pandemic expense.

After grabbing the evening’s cleaning materials, a soft voice startled the century-old vampire.

Hello, a little girl whispered. Do you know where my mom is?

Relieved to see that the noise wasn’t a man in a black suit wielding a memory eraser, Solomon waved gently.

Hey there, he said, closing the cabinet door. I’m not sure where your mother is, but I’d be happy to help you look.

His warm smile revealed his two pearly fangs. The girl gasped and covered her eyes. Don’t bite me, please. I don’t taste good.

Solomon wasn’t used to people being afraid of him. Everyone knew of vampires and the like. This girl must have been very isolated. Nevertheless, Solomon was a gentleman. Relax, sweetheart. I’m not going to bite you.

The girl peeked her eyes through her fingers. She seemed to be checking if Solomon’s position betrayed his words.

How do I know for sure? Don’t vampires have to drink blood to live? she asked.

Yes, but I would never hurt a human being. It wouldn’t be right. Especially not a precious girl like you. Stand up. Help me find your mom, Solomon said, reaching out his arm. She extended her hand. After being pulled to her feet, she began to liven up.

Aren’t you like a thousand years old? I heard vampires can live forever. She glared at Solomon with her large hazel eyes.

Actually, no. I’m not old at all. I’m only 187. Hopefully, I’ll live another 300 years or so.

What? the girl exclaimed. "You’re 187? That’s pretty old, sir. My dad is only thirty-two. I’m only seven. If I live to be ninety, that’d be crazy long."

I hope you do live to be ninety. Life is a lot of fun. Say, was your dad in here with you? Do you know his phone number?

No. I came here with my mom. We usually go to the one closer to our house, but they closed.

Okay. Well, can you tell me your mom’s phone number? Solomon walked the girl to the front of the store. She sat in a chair facing the machines.

No. I don’t know it. I just know her name. Her name is Tina. My dad’s name is Harry. Guess what my name is. The girl held up three fingers.

Uh. Mariah?

Nope. Two more.

Okay. Kelsey?

No. One more guess.

Oh. I got it. George!

No, silly, she giggled. Hannah.

Oh gosh. That’s what I was gonna say next. Solomon slapped his knee.

Really? You’re really smart. You’re funny too. A silver sedan pulled up outside the building.

Thank you, young lady. It’s great when you get to know people. Sometimes they aren’t scary at all.

Yeah. You really got to change your outfit, though. You look like you’re going to the prom. The old people prom, I’d say, Hannah stated, examining Solomon’s unique outfit. Then, the blond woman from before knocked on the door. Solomon let her inside.

Mom! Hannah yelled. The girl embraced her mom with a bear hug.

Baby, there you are. I am so sorry, the woman said. She appeared to only be about twenty-five at the oldest. Thank you, sir.

You’re welcome. She was a delight. I can assure you, Solomon said, opening the door for both of them. Hannah ran to the car and hopped into the back seat.

Thanks again, the woman said. Here, I’ve got ten dollars. It’s not much, but I ain’t loaded with cash at the moment. The woman held out a wrinkly bill. Solomon didn’t want her money. His mind raced with memories of his youngest son, Oliver. The precious child had only lived to be twelve years old. His memory had glued itself to Solomon’s mind; his spirit bolted to his heart. Solomon felt he needed to say something to the young mother.

Ma’am, Solomon began. What would you do if anything happened to your child?

What? I would be devastated. I promise I didn’t mean to leave her here. I just got so worked up. My boss called. He went on complaining like he always does. I didn’t sleep last night because the neighbor’s mutt wouldn’t shut up. I haven’t been able to—

Ma’am, that stuff doesn’t matter here. I get that you’re busy, but your daughter has to be your number one priority. There’s only one Hannah. Please be careful with her. She’s the greatest gift you’ll ever have. Solomon waved at the girl in the back seat. She had a large pink stuffed animal in her grasp. The woman nodded. She took her cash and left. Solomon knew there were so many like Hannah out there. He was worried to think that she could become an Oliver.

After locking the door, Solomon cleaned his laundromat. Finally, he was ready to leave. Eddy was certainly waiting for him at the house.

XXXX

Damnit, Saul, Eddy teased. I was sure you’d chickened out. I knew you were thinking about living in Vegas. I was worried you were halfway there. Eddy broke out in laughter.

No, Solomon responded. I’d never miss a chance to school you in another game.

Plus, who’d keep me company if Solomon was out there? Catherine added.

I’d keep you company, Cathy, Eddy remarked. We could play card games here. I play for money, though. I must warn you.

Yeah, Catherine said. Well, I’ve been known to have an ace or two up my sleeve.

You mean literally? Eddy asked. Catherine winked. Ah. Feisty one you are. I see why you married her.

Solomon grabbed a handful of chocolate cookies and sat down across from Eddy. I married her cause she was the only one who could keep me under control. Without her, I’d probably be in prison right now.

You don’t say, Eddy commented.

And I’d be a mental wreck. Before I found Catherine, I was in la la land. I drank after dinner until I collapsed under the stars. Not to mention I looked like a bum in my torn knee breeches. I needed a slap from a tough lady to get me to see life the way a person ought to. I’ve been happy ever since.

I was just gonna say that Solomon makes good waffles, but that stuff about life is good too. Catherine laughed. She put away the chocolate cookies, likely to keep her husband from taking any more before dinner. Give me fifteen minutes, gents. The food is on its way.

All right. Tonight, I thought we’d try crazy eights. I haven’t played in years, so you’ll have to go easy. Eddy removed a deck of cards from his pocket. They were white with textured gold embossing. Eddy began to shuffle the deck.

Hold on there, Solomon insisted. "You aren’t trying to tell me you don’t know how to