Other-Centered Leadership: How to Treat Ministry Colleagues

By John R. Strubhar

After fifty years of being a leader in various capacities, author Dr. John R. Strubhar has concluded that the most important aspect of leadership is how the leader engages and serves his/her ministry colleagues and the larger church constituency.

In Other-Centered Leadership, he calls all leaders back to the basics of leadership, teaching pastors how to engage with others in a relational capacity that reflects the clear teachings of God’s word. Focusing on putting others first, Strubhar discusses how leadership rises and falls on the ability of the leader to treat ministry colleagues with love, acceptance, and accountability. The ability to respond biblically to a ministry colleague is the prerequisite for a healthy ministry team.

Strubhar offers simple principles, gleaned from God’s word and interaction with hundreds of leaders, to stimulate a new generation of pastoral leaders who will treat others better than themselves for the glory of God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Feb 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9781973684473

John R. Strubhar

John R. Strubhar obtained his theological education (M. Div, Th. M & D. Min) at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He served fifty years as a leader in various capacities including lead pastor, executive pastor, district superintendent, adjunct college and seminary professor. Strubhar and his wife Sandy live in Buckeye, Arizona. He is the author of Life Worth Living: What the True Story of Jonah Teaches Us about God and Living on His Terms and In Pursuit of the Greatest Gift: What the Love Chapter Reveals About Godly Living. He is also the co-author of Evangelistic Preaching: A Step by Step Guide to Pulpit Evangelism.

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Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8446-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8448-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8447-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020901479

WestBow Press rev. date: 02/26/2020

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 Other-Centered Leaders Are Devoted

Chapter 2 Other-Centered Leaders Are One-Minded

Chapter 3 Other-Centered Leaders Love

Chapter 4 Other-Centered Leaders Accept

Chapter 5 Other-Centered Leaders Forgive

Chapter 6 Other-Centered Leaders Confess

Chapter 7 Other-Centered Leaders Submit

Chapter 8 Other-Centered Leaders Forebear

Chapter 9 Other-Centered Leaders Admonish

Chapter 10 Other-Centered Leaders Restore

Chapter 11 Other-Centered Leaders Are Kind

Chapter 12 Other-Centered Leaders Pursue Peace

Chapter 13 Other-Centered Leaders Serve

Afterword

Bibliography

PREFACE

Most books on leadership focus on what a leader is and what a leader can do to improve himself or herself as a leader. After fifty years of being a leader in various capacities—as a lead pastor, executive pastor, district superintendent, adjunct college and seminary professor, conference speaker, and consultant—I have come to the conclusion that the most important aspect of leadership is how the leader engages and serves his/her ministry colleagues and the larger church constituency. Transformative leaders have the uncanny ability to relate well to all levels of leadership in the church—the staff, governing board, ministry leaders and congregational members. Most pastors are good theologians; many, however, suffer from a lack of knowing how to engage with others in a relational capacity that reflects the clear teaching of God’s Word. They know and preach with their heads, but their hearts are unresponsive to the truths that are clearly presented in many biblical passages of great significance.

Leadership is many things:

• Leadership is influencing.

It moves others toward a goal, dreaming big dreams and setting out to accomplish them.

• Leadership is implementing.

Ted Engstrom, in his book The Making of a Christian Leader, explains, When God creates a leader, He gives him the capacity to make things happen.¹ It’s been said that there are three kinds of leaders: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what’s happened! Leaders facilitate the functioning of a group. This involves information gathering, clarifying points of view, and summarizing the discussion.

• Leadership is ideating.

Leaders are dreamers, thinkers, conceptualizers, probers, risk-takers. Leaders thrive in a think tank. All great discoveries are the result of a little idea. Alexander Graham Bell, the father of our modern telephone and telegraph system, reminded would-be leaders, Get off the well-beaten path; dive into the woods! Steven Jobs, founder of Apple computers and considered the Thomas Edison or Henry Ford of his time, mixed technology and popular culture to make items others didn’t know we wanted but had to have. His motto: Think differently. It drove him to develop the digital technology for the Macintosh computer, iTunes, the iPod, the iPhone, and the iPad. He fundamentally changed the way we live, work, and play. He borrowed from others: We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas.

• Leadership is improving.

The apostle Paul was a leader who refused to live in the past; rather, he lived on the cutting edge of ministry. In Philippians 3:12–14, he communicates that he is not perfect, but rather a leader in process:

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it on my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (ESV)

• Leadership is inspiring.

Leadership is helping others succeed, looking for ways to help, and motivating ourselves and others to go way beyond what we think we can do!

• Leadership is interceding.

There is a divine dimension to leadership. Prayer sets a Christian leader’s agenda. It is what makes Christian leadership unique.

• Leadership is integrity from within.

Why is integrity the ultimate leadership qualification? Former president of the United States Dwight Eisenhower said,

To be a leader a man must have followers. And to have followers, a man must have their confidence. Hence the supreme quality for a leader is unquestionably integrity. … If a man’s associates find him guilty of phoniness, it they find that he lacks forthright integrity, he will fail. His teaching and actions must square with each other. The first great need, therefore, is integrity and high purpose.²

• Leadership is interaction with colleagues.

This is the aspect of leadership about which this book is most concerned. Relational emotional intelligence (EQ) leadership means that we love and care for our colleagues beyond what they can produce. Instead of being obsessed with sharpening our own leadership skills and being intoxicated by vision, we understand that, from Christ’s point of view, how we treat others, especially our colleagues, is our greatest challenge.

Ninety percent of all working people who fail in their life’s vocation fail because they can’t get along with people.

—Carnegie Technological Institute Report

The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar and coffee, and I will pay more for that ability than for any other.

—John D. Rockefeller

We need to establish redemptive interpersonal relationships. Personality is formed through our relationships with others. It is deformed through personal relationships of a negative nature; it is reformed by the grace of God acting through creative relationships. Personality is transformed through the ministry of the Holy Spirit. It is essential that all within the fellowship of the church become aware of the fact that each person is a means through which their faith may be strengthened.

—Lloyd Perry³

More recently, Tony Dungy, the NFL Hall of Fame coach has called on leaders to focus their attention on relationships with colleagues:

Relationships are ultimately what matter—our relationship with God and with other people … The question that burns in the heart of a mentor leader is simply this: What can I do to make other people better, to make them all that God created them to be?⁴

Dungy continues:

Mentor leadership focuses on building people up, building significance into their lives and building leaders for the next generation … As we build into the lives of the people around us, one at a time, one-on-one, we have the potential to extend our influence through them to countless other people as well.⁵

New York Times best-selling author and leadership guru John Maxwell affirms the significance of other-centered leadership in his book The Power of Your Leadership: Making a Difference with Others:

The real power of leadership comes from what we can do with and for others. The value of leadership doesn’t come from recognition. It’s not about having a position. In fact, you don’t need a title or designated role to work with others and lead them. Whether you’re the official leader or you are just passionate about a cause, you can work with others to achieve a worthy goal.⁶

In Maxwell’s words again:

If you want to tap into the true power of your leadership, then you need to become intentional about getting beyond yourself and putting other people first.⁷

This book’s purpose is to call all leaders back to the basics of leadership. We can never equip or influence more than we are. Our relationship with God and the way we treat our colleagues is a mirror into our hearts’ motivation and desires. My prayer is that these simple principles, gleaned from God’s Word and interaction with hundreds of leaders, will stimulate a new generation of pastoral leaders who will treat others better than themselves for the glory of God!

John R. Strubhar

Buckeye, Arizona

INTRODUCTION

A CALL TO OTHER-CENTERED LEADERSHIP

One of the world’s greatest killers is isolation. We’ve all heard the little slogan, Speed kills. Isolation does so as well.

Philip Zimbardo, a respected authority in psychology from Stanford University, in an article in Psychology Today titled The Age of Indifference, writes,

I know of a no more potent killer that isolation. There is no more destructive influence on physical and mental health than the isolation of you from me and us from them. It has been shown to be the central agent in depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, rape, suicide, mass murder and a wide variety of diseased states.⁸

Isolation is a leadership killer. The antidote for leadership isolation is relationship. As Christian leaders, we belong to one another because of the mutual faith we have placed in the Lord Jesus Christ. The Lord Jesus purchased us with His own blood so that we would have a deepening relationship to the living God and a more in-depth relationship with one another and the body. That’s the way God created us. He created us not to isolate ourselves from one another but to intentionally connect to each other.

J. W. Drane, in an interesting article in Christianity Today puts it this way:

In the fellowship that Christians have with one another, God wants to create a loving community that will be a witness to the non-Christian world. We can give the world conclusive proof of God’s operation in our lives if our fellowship together is marked by that loving, sharing quality that is markedly absent in the world at large.⁹

That is God’s purpose for us as His people, yet the world in which we now live is not interested in relationship or fellowship. Indeed, personal ego seems to be the focus of our day. One pastor describes our world as one characterized by me-ism, feel-ism, and now-ism. In the twenty-first century, we are preoccupied and taken up with ourselves. What is ego? Let me give you a good definition: ego is edging God out. It is living our lives on our terms; it is doing our own thing. It’s having minimal personal contact with those around us. Do our own thing; have it our way; look out for number one—this is the mind-set of many. Selfishness is the order of the day, not relationship.

When it comes to engagement with others, that’s their problem; let them fend for themselves. I’ve got problems of my own; I am too busy; don’t bother me. Ours is a selfish, self-centered generation, yet the scriptures repeatedly call the body of Christ to relationship, to being other-centered. This especially is true of Christian leaders. To be other-centered in our leadership style is totally counter to the culture in which we are living today. Unfortunately, many in leadership roles are cocooning themselves away with their iPhones, iPods, and Blackberries. When leaders say they have had a conversation with another leader, we can no longer assume that it was a face-to-face encounter. More often than not, we settle for talking over the internet or our mobile devices. We don’t engage others anymore; we just talk to ourselves.

My wife, Sandy, and I were at a restaurant the other day. In the booth across from us was a young family, all with iPhones—and boy, they were working away. No conversation was happening, no relationship, no laughter, and no expression on anyone’s face. Instead of getting caught up with each other, we are getting busy cocooning ourselves away. When we’re hiding behind all the technology at our fingertips, relationships and other-centeredness is the last thing on our minds.

Though God desires that we maintain our God-given individuality, I believe His desire is that we, as leaders, lose our spirits of independence and submit to His authority and His Lordship. The natural outgrowth of submitting ourselves to God is that we will intentionally submit ourselves to one another out of reverence to Him. When we are bonded together in this kind of relationship, we will begin to visibly demonstrate the life of Christ on earth. And it will incite the world to believe that there is something different about us and about the way in which we live and lead. Other leaders will begin to open up to us as we listen and engage with them and the roles in which they lead.

But at that point, we have a problem. Most of us, as leaders, if we are honest, are far too cerebral in our relationships. We know we ought to build relationships; we know we ought to bond and connect with other leaders and colleagues, but somehow, we just never get around to it. We just don’t get there. Other things interfere and distract us.

Ralph Keyes, in his book, We, the Lonely People, observes that most people desire a sense of closeness or belonging but spend most of their lives resisting that closeness.¹⁰ They inwardly crave a connection with others, yet they are reticent to do anything about it. They want others to know them, love them, and accept them. They desire that others become part of their lives, but they want other things more, like personal freedom, privacy, and convenience. And because of their unwillingness to take risks, leaders settle for a life of aloofness, indifference, and distance. They are like the kindergartener who goes to school on the first day and sees all the other kids playing and having fun. Yet he finds himself on the sidelines. He wants to join in, but he is afraid to do so because he doesn’t know if he will be accepted or rejected. He wants to be part of the group, but he pulls back.

This is the way it is with many leaders. Schopenhauer, the great German philosopher, once said that people are like a pack of porcupines on a cold wintry night. The cold forces us to come together, but when we do come together, our quills start poking each other, and before we know it, we start needling each other to such an extent that we pull away and distance ourselves from each another. We get cold again. Then we come back together, but again, our quills are sharp as we poke and jab at each other. We do this tribal dance of moving together, coming close and then separating. Pardon the pun—we need each other, but often we needle one another. Our needling often leads to isolation and hurt that affects the entire body. The theme song echoing down many a church corridor is this: Oh to dwell above with saints we love, that will be grace and glory, but to dwell below with saints we know, oh that’s another story. I believe that it is God’s purpose that leaders break out of the porcupine syndrome and function in a manner to which God has called us.

But for this to happen, we need to get a grip on what the apostle Paul speaks about when he says, So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another (Romans 12:5 ESV). This is especially true of those in leadership roles and positions in the local church. Most of the problems that drain our vision and kill our spirits as leaders stem from our inability to engage with other leaders in a way that is other-centered. Too many leaders want to be in charge to the extent that colleagues become expendable, and gifted leaders take refuge in another body. The landscape of many churches is littered with the hurt feelings of others who have either been ignored or dismissed because the leader to whom they are accountable does not understand that in the world of Christian leadership, a leader must not only practice good orthodoxy but also good orthopraxy.

We Must Reaffirm Our Need for Each Other

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body, that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say,