Wraith

By M. Q. Gelfand

Its been nearly one thousand years since the Cataclysm. The land has healed, civilizations have recovered, and the world has moved on. Only the oldest trees recall the devastation, yet few still heed their warnings. The elder trees have always claimed that the god responsible for the Cataclysm would return to wreak havoc, but now they claim that it will be soon.

Wraith, however, doesnt care about any of that. Having a meal and a drink and finding a way to stave off the ever-looming threat of boredom are far more pressing. After encountering a mysterious figure in a tavern, Wraith will have to choose between leaving the mystery unsolved, facing an uncomfortable past, or continuing to hunt for the ultimate allurecandied bacon.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 13, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543464863

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 by M.Q. Gelfand.

Library of Congress Control Number:     2017917292

ISBN:                  Hardcover                  978-1-5434-6488-7

                            Softcover                    978-1-5434-6487-0

                            eBook                         978-1-5434-6486-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 12/12/2017

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Contents

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To everyone but the elephants:

May your arfs be as full as your oshes

Glossary

Alcohol

Aktwor. Fermented from mankeds by dragons, aktwor is a strong, sweet liquor with a slightly kontsy flavor. Anthropoids produce a slightly weaker version of this liquor, but the draconic version is much more popular. Connoisseurs say this is because the draconic version is more full-bodied, which is true, but the real reason for the popularity of dragon’s aktwor is that the anthropoid version doesn’t get you drunk fast enough.

Akumag. Produced by the fermentation of milk, akumag has a low alcohol content and is more likely to be consumed for its curative properties than for its alcoholic properties. Produced primarily by humans, it is said to be slightly sour. Because dragons cannot digest milk, they are unable to drink akumag. This is no great loss; akumag is typically found in areas where access to water is scarce and consumed in its place.

Aqavi. A strong liquor commonly produced by elves, aqavi comes in a variety of flavors and is made by the distillation of various fruits. Most varieties of aqavi only contain one kind of fruit, but some blends are made from two or three. Aqavi varies wildly in flavor and profile between locales but is almost always served in a short wide vessel. This has led to almost everything with that shape receiving the aqavi moniker despite the fact that many unrelated items have that shape.

Arkir. Produced by the distillation of akumag, arkir is usually only consumed ritualistically. It is typically made from richer milk than traditional akumag. Because of the ritualistic nature and small production of arkir, it is considered an extremely valuable commodity. However, the commodity value of the drink to the Peoples who actually produce it is questionable.

Bardye. A sweet liquor produced from horere. It’s both potent and strong but rarely seen outside of nomadic orcish communities. Bardye can be produced relatively quickly, which is why it’s favored by nomadic orcs and also why it is typically overlooked. Bardye has a distinct character but lacks the complexity of aged liquors.

Maord. Made from fermented fruit, maord is incredibly popular with both anthropoids and dragons. The word maord comes from the elves, who were the first anthropoids to widely distribute the drink. The wide availability and variety of maord means that almost everyone has an opinion on which ones are best under various conditions. Although some locales do employ true experts, most so-called maord sophs are simply pretentious.

Oryzol. Produced from the distillation of oryz in a process similar to the production of beer. However, oryzol is usually two to five times stronger than beer and is thus served in an arf-sized container rather than the more common osh-size container. The saying oryzol in an osh, which refers to someone with excessive hubris, comes from this practice.

Osanol. Named for its sweet flavor, osanol is not actually distilled from ose but instead made from other sweeteners. It is common on ships because of its long shelf life and ability to retain its flavor when diluted with water. Because of its sweetness and high alcohol content, osanol is popularly mixed with other drinks and also with fire. Both mixtures frequently result in entertaining (and occasionally delicious) results.

Samanol. A liquor made from mashed grain, samanol is characteristically sweet with a strong burning flavor. The flavor of samanol is strongly influenced both by the type of grain used and by the wood it is aged in. Though it is known for its complexity of flavor, drinking samanol is not a sign of a refined individual despite what its aesthetes would have you believe.

Strobanol. A dry liquor made from the distilled fruit of the strobil tree. Strobanol comes in multiple varieties depending on which herbs, if any, are added to the distillation process. If all the local strobanol varieties lack herbs, it’s safe to assume that the food does as well.

Animals

Flagrapin. Intelligent creatures hailing from the exoergician plane, flagrapins are notable for their strong hides, long horns, and massive wings. They breathe fire when they exhale from their mouths, which have fleshy lips resembling mandibles. Flagrapins are considered incredibly formidable in single combat but generally prefer to intimidate their opponents rather than engage directly. Despite their intelligence, flagrapins aren’t much for conversation; they are surprisingly easily to offend, especially when employing rhetorical devices.

Titarmicus. A long-legged desert insect more than half a barrel tall; titarmicus produce a high-energy compound from their mandibles that combusts on contact, roasting their prey alive. Formidable in groups, as few as twenty titarmicus can overwhelm most anthropoid parties. Because these creatures are intelligent, hardy, and tamable, anthropoids occasionally breed them for the purposes of clearing unwanted foliage or setting controlled blazes. Despite the ease of raising titarmicus and their high-protein content, they are not used as a food source because of their terrible taste and imposing texture.

Trymid. A large stocky flightless bird known for its speed and deadly talons, trymids are considered dangerous predators. Some creatures have domesticated trymids for use as mounts when hunting large game. Trymids have a wide variety of vocalizations, but their most common call is a piercing, high-pitched whine, which is extremely irritating.

Flowers

Bruisewort. A medicinal flower used both for staunching wounds and curing indigestion. Known for being incredibly easy to grow, bruisewort is considered to be a pest in some places as it can outcompete rival plants because of a lack of predators. Fortunately, bruisewort has no defenses against traditional weeding measures or fire.

Goldager. A flower known for its golden color, goldager has a strong yellow-gold color that is popularly replicated in clothing. It is occasionally used to heal cuts and other skin damage but is less effective than bruisewort. Goldager is occasionally eaten by creatures that do not recognize the flowers’ value for the production of ose.

Goldula. A flower known for its golden color, goldula has a bright kron-gold color that is popularly replicated in clothing. The petals have a mild flavor and are used to add color to some dishes. Despite their mild flavor, goldula flowers often have a strong odor, which is sufficient to deter less-determined pests.

Narcidel. A flower known for its beautiful soft yellow color, narcidel is one of the few flowers cultivated primarily for decorative purposes. As such, it is rare to find narcidels in regions of economic strife or far from major trading ports, and garments emulating the color of narcidel are frequently considered to be status symbols among the wealthy. Dyes that emulate narcidel are rather inexpensive to produce, allowing clothiers to charge rather high prices to wealthy individuals with an overinflated sense of self-importance, which, in turn, inflates the wealth of the clothiers.

Rollg. A flower known for its reddish hue ranging from nearly orange to nearly purple, with less saturation than a true red. Because of this unique coloration, rollg has lent its name to the color itself. Rollg are also known for their delicate flavor, and their fruits and petals are often found in teas and confections. Rollg are incredibly resistant to pests, disease, and environmental damage, giving them a reputation for hardiness. The color rollg has come to represent stoicism and endurance by association. Some have argued that rollg has an undeserved reputation for toughness because of the delicacy of its flavor. Yet given its persistence in dishes alongside far more assertive flavors, confectioners know that its reputation is well deserved.

Vegola. A flower known for its vibrant blue-purple color. They have a reputation for suddenly appearing from nowhere when they bloom. This is not true, of course. Vegola resemble grass, so when blooming they tend to surprise the nonobservant and foolish.

Foods

Ajiraq. A stew prepared in a special pot of the same name, in which food is slow-cooked for a long period and with little liquid. The resulting dish is typically savory with a thick well-spiced broth. A proper ajiraq can only be produced in an ajiraq. Anyone claiming otherwise can’t tell zimon from zinzom.

Bralse. A process of fermenting food in a bral or acid solution, bralsing is used both to preserve and to improve the flavor of food. Spices, herbs, and other flavoring agents are commonly added to a bralsing liquid to infuse their flavor. Virtually anything can be bralsed, but that does not mean that everything should be. An experienced individual should be consulted before bralsing an unfamiliar food.

Epigyco. An unusual class of creatures known for their soft tasty flesh, epigyco are prized by foragers because of their incredibly wide distribution, especially in forested areas and caves. Although most varieties are edible, some epigyco are extremely toxic, leading to a professional class of epigyco foragers who trade in rare varieties. Because of their use in the production of certain enchantment potions, some epigyco are believed to have the ability to cast spells. This belief is unsubstantiated.

Kaok. A wide range of foods characterized by their spicy sauces. Kaok typically contains a spice blend the exact contents of which tend to vary wildly depending on the region where the dish was made. Any discussion of a best kaok should be approached with caution and vast personal experience as the dish has strong religious connotations and specialized family recipes in most of the regions where it is found.

Opiz. Many variations of opiz exist; but all are savory and contain some combination of meat, vegetables, and spices. Opiz are served open face, with the pastry layer on the bottom and occasionally sides only. Anyone attempting to make sweet versions of opiz, especially with fruits, should not be trusted in matters of taste.

Ruupsch. A soup typically made from rubets and exhibiting a distinctive vibrant kron color, ruupsch is a popular dish in many coastal regions. Despite or perhaps because of the sweetness of rubets, ruupsch usually has a sour or strongly acidic component to offset the sweetness. Any soup that has a combination of sweetness and acidity may be considered a ruupsch, but the main components vary by region. Thus, anyone who claims to have the definitive recipe for ruupsch is a liar, as there are many delicious varieties containing various combinations of meat, vegetables, and grains.

Fruit

Achedocap. Commonly red fruits recognizable for their unusual studded appearance, achedocaps are very sweet and popular raw, as preserves, and in desserts. Achedocap plants are friendly and grow easily, but this leaves them more susceptible to disease than other fruit producers. As pleasant as their friendly demeanor is, achedocaps would probably benefit from a little discretion.

Bersaik. Bersaiks are an incredibly popular food with dragons, who find the fruits to be incredibly sweet. Originally cultivated by whislulehk, they are popular with all anthropoids except elves and orcs who have difficulty digesting the more pungent varieties. Though many anthropoids prefer pungent bersaiks, they are popularly bralsed, which sweetens them into a state that elves and orcs can readily consume. The unique pungency of bersaiks makes them a perfect addition to a variety of dishes. However, some anthropoids will add extracts of the most pungent bersaiks to their food, mistaking their pungency for flavor.

Cucurpepo. A group of large fruits with thick rigid outer shells, cucurpepos are hollowed out and used to make a wide variety of tools by many species. Some cucurpepos are eaten for their sweet flesh; but because of the wide variety of shapes, sizes, and kinds of cucurpepos, it is never recommended to eat an unfamiliar variety as many inedible varieties resemble edible ones. It is generally ill advised to consume any unfamiliar plant, but glossaries are guidelines, not guardians.

Druple. A typically purple fruit with varieties ranging from pale yellow to nearly black, druples are very sweet and popular raw, as preserves, and in desserts. Druples are generally friendly but assertive. If unchecked by other plants, they can become somewhat aggressive; though save for their prickly bushes, they pose little threat to large creatures. Nevertheless, those wishing to obtain the tastiest druples should not antagonize them.

Etoron. A highly acidic rutace, popular for flavoring teas, sweets, and savory dishes. The high acid content also makes etorons popular for cleaning, disinfecting, and polishing surfaces. Etorons pair well with virtually every food and grow throughout every season, making them a popular symbol of peace and friendship. Anyone who completely eschews the etoron and its cousins is likely devoid of good taste.

Fagum. A wide group of fruits recognizable for their unique seedpods. Most fagum are edible, but anthropoids must either sprout or cook them before consumption. Most other species can eat them raw. Because of the massive variation of fagum fruits, they are occasionally mistaken for other fruit types. This isn’t much of a problem but provides ample opportunities for pedantry.

Flavroma. A somewhat bitter fruit with an enticing aroma, flavroma is usually fermented and sweetened before being consumed. Flavroma is incredibly toxic to dragons but is considered an unattractive poison because of the difficulty to mask flavor and popularity with anthropoids. The processing of flavroma for confections and other foods is typically done by artisans who produce high-quality, stable flavroma for consumption. Amateur attempts at flavroma processing typically result in unattractive messes that are as appetizing to anthropoids as flavroma traditionally is to dragons.

Gredel. Gredel plants are exceptionally hardy fagum prized for their large edible seeds but among the most notorious of gossips. They are highly regarded for their resistance to frost during winter rýneks. Though slightly sweet, gredels are best in savory applications, especially soups. Like most gossips, gredels are not reliable sources of information, but trusting them with secrets is less wise than carrying water in a sieve.

Hygoob. A fagum known for its unusual habit of producing subterranean fruits, hygoobs are typically roasted before consumption. Uniquely among fagum, roasting is practiced by most species who consume hygoobs because of the superior flavor developed during the roasting process. Hygoobs are also konts, affording them unrivaled culinary versatility among fagum. Although dried hygoobs will last a reasonably long time before husking, contact with water should be avoided. Those who consume hygoobs that have had prolonged contact with water are unlikely to enjoy the experience.

Khave. A seed that is cooked and ground up to make a popular anthropoid drink of the same name. Khave functions as a strong stimulant with addictive qualities for dragons, and anthropoids have been known to take advantage of addicted dragons. Anthropoids who enjoy the mild stimulating effect of khave but not the bitterness will often sweeten it with ose or cream. Anthropoids who claim to enjoy khave yet choose to completely drown it in ose and cream just use khave as an excuse to drink dessert.

Kont. Fruits characterized by a hard shell containing an edible seed, konts have a wide range of uses as food. Many konts are high in fat and protein, making them desirable on long journeys where food may not be readily available. Konts can also be pressed into oil or ground into flour, allowing them to be preserved and used in a variety of forms. The versatility of konts also make them suitable for uses in nonfood applications such as soaps and adhesives. As konts describe a large variety of fruits, there has been a recent push by some aegphs to narrow the term to only konts produced by trees. As most trees are indifferent to how other species refer to them or their fruits, these aegphs are only serving to mistake a sapling for a forest.

Manked. These konts are prized for their bitter, fruity flavor, but most raw mankeds are incredibly toxic to anthropoids and dragons. Because heating destroys the toxin and makes mankeds incredibly sweet, they are very popular in cooked dishes and pastries. Dragons ferment the more bitter varieties into aktwor. Mankeds are very talkative but not gossipy. Their short lifespans give them little patience for idle chatter, and entire generations of groves have been known to snub those who waste their time.

Moogru. A fagum that is typically eaten in savory dishes once sprouted. The fruit itself is cooked and eaten in both savory and sweet applications but less commonly than the sprouts. Moogru starch is also extracted from the ground fruits for the production of noodles. Despite their prevalence, moogru sprouts rot notoriously quickly, leading to them featuring in a variety of epithets.

Ochlow. A tall flowering plant with a somewhat haughty disposition, ochlow is easy to grow. It is a popular food in warm climates but tends to mock other plants during droughts and heat spells. Although not fagum, ochlow fruits have a similar seedpod. However, they are easily distinguished by the unique slime they produce when cooked. This slime, which is popularly used as a thickener in stews, has earned them the nickname of slime pod. Although ochlow fruits are relatively mild in flavor, their unique texture can easily overwhelm a dish if used improperly. Where ochlow is common, this is the surest sign of a terrible cook.

Pomal. Crisp, fleshy fruits with varieties ranging from tart to sweet. Pomals are very popular with forest elves, who have a monopoly on the best pomals for distillation into maord. Most species eat the more accessible varieties raw or bake them into desserts. According to legend, the first elf settlement was built around a pomal tree, giving them great cultural significance. It is said that pomals are to elves as the skies are to dragons, but the aquamarine dragons would disagree.

Rutace. A group of strongly acidic but sweet fruits, rutace are commonly found in both savory and sweet applications. Because of their highly acidic nature, the juice of rutaces is often used for fermentation and bralsing. Rutace have a thick skin and spoil slowly, making them a common sight on ships. Rutace easily hybridize with even the most distant of their kin, making the specific classifications used for most plants futile. It is strongly suspected that rutace prefer it this way as they tend to have strong familial connections to their kin.

Tordruple. A typically red fruit with varieties ranging from pale rollg to dark purple, tordruples are very sweet and popular raw, as preserves, and in desserts. Tordruples bear a strong resemblance to druples, both in terms of fruit and plant, but the fruit lacks the druples’ hollow center. Tordruples spread more aggressively than druples as it is easier for them to take root. If left to alone, aggressive tordruples can overtake other plants and create nearly impenetrable structures called holts. The use of holts as fortifications has declined over time as creatures have found stone to be a less temperamental ally.

Umbpe. A fruit known for its deep purple skin, umbpe ranges from sweet to tart and is consumed in a variety of ways. Umbpes may be eaten raw, dried, or bralsed and are also commonly made into maord and aqavi. Umbpes are roughly as versatile as pomals but are considerably less popular. Umbpe trees are also known for their vibrantly colored wood, which, though beautiful, splits easily if not carefully worked. The gnome carpenters who craft decorative instruments and tools with it call it baibicwtpparpas, meaning intricate yet difficult.

Vrialco. The large heavy fruit of a rapidly maturing tree, vrialcos are renowned for their flavor and unparalleled versatility. Despite their usefulness and popularity, vrialco trees only grow near the shores of warmer islands, limiting their presence in colder climes. Though they are generally laid-back, it’s best not to antagonize vrialco trees. They can defend themselves by launching their fruits, which, because of their size and weight, are frequently lethal.

Grains

Erse. An incredibly versatile grain whose seed is used in all varieties of baked goods, beers, and other drinks. Erse is more absorbent than other grains, making it slower to rot than most others. Erse dough is notable for being easier to work than those of most other grains as many types require little to no kneading or proofing. This has led to a distaste for erse among certain individuals who claim that even the most unskilled baker can produce acceptable erse products. For some unknown reason, such critics seem loath to actually ingest the results of such attempts.

Groahl. Made from the berries of itigal that are boiled soft and dried, groahl is commonly used in dishes similar to those with whole oryz. Like many oryz varieties, groahl has a similarly kontsy flavor but a somewhat chewier texture. Groahl is frequently confused with crushed itigal by those who can’t tell the difference between cooking and crushing.

Horere. A grain commonly used in the production of bread and beer. It is also frequently eaten whole, especially in soups. Horere is less commonly made into liquor and tea, but it is not unheard of. Horere is also used as a digestive aid and palate cleanser, though someone claiming that a horere beer will have those effects has clearly had too many.

Itigal. A grain commonly ground into flour, itigal is used in the production of doughs for both sweet and savory purposes. Itigal is notable for having multiple cultivated varieties, though far fewer than oryz. Itigal dough is more pliable than those of most other grains, giving it enhanced versatility. In order to produce favorable results, itigal dough must be kneaded and proofed. Baking itigal dough without kneading and proofing is indicative of bad moral character and worse bread.

Obugilac. A grain renowned for its ability to survive harsh conditions, especially frost. Obugilac is commonly used in the production of bread and samanol. Obugilac produces denser, richer baked goods than other grains, making it especially good for savory applications. Obugilac flour also mixes well with others to produce dough with properties of multiple grains. Shunning obugilac completely in favor of other grains is a sign of taste so bad that it’s punishable by exile in ogre societies.

Oryz. A mild kontsy grain with a wide variety of uses, oryz is used in a wide variety of sweet and savory applications. Unlike most grains, oryz is frequently cooked and eaten whole rather than ground into flour, though there are many common applications of oryz flour as well. Oryz is well-known for its incredible variety of cultivars, each with its own unique properties. Using the wrong variety of oryz in a recipe may result in what can be affectionately referred to as a disaster.

Herbs & Spices

Aluriv. One of the most common seasonings in savory food, aluriv is prized both for its pungent flavor and for its medicinal properties. Aluriv grows well and in most regions, making it a staple in virtually all cuisines. The spice usually features in cooked dishes or tempered in oil as many species find raw aluriv too pungent on its own. Some communities of elves and humans have begun shunning aluriv because it can cause bad breath and body odor. Apparently, they are unfamiliar with the concept of hygiene.

Amomelak. A spice renowned for its unique smoky, cooling flavor, amomelak is used in a wide variety of applications. Despite being relatively easy to grow, amomelak is incredibly expensive because of the high demand for its flavor, which cannot be replicated by other means. Amomelak is used both whole and ground, but once ground, it loses flavor if not used soon after. Using preground amomalek requires much more to obtain the same flavor, but economies would break down if individuals stopped trading money for convenience.

Badill. A spice cultivated for use in tea and cakes. Some anthropoids cultivate it for medicinal properties. The desert peoples produce a weak liquor from badill for stomach relief. Badill is known for having a stimulating, attractive effect on dogs. This knowledge is often employed when training dogs to hunt and by mischief missers who are neither clever nor respectable enough to do their own dirty work.

Bral. A spice used for flavoring everything as well as preserving food, bral is the most ubiquitous spice on the planet and readily harvested from the sea. Dragons are unable to taste bral. Because bral is necessary to get the most out of food, it is prone to overuse, especially by those looking to mask poor ingredients or culinary skill. Establishments that overuse bral are best avoided lest internal deliquescence is desired.

Dwarfleaf. Named for its edible leaves that grow in radial patterns of four, dwarfleaf is an incredibly popular herb with a cooling aftertaste. Dwarfleaf is typically used in sweet applications, though it is occasionally used to flavor meats. Dwarfleaf grows readily and spreads easily without interference, so some plants regard it as a pest. Different strains of dwarfleaf add very different notes to a dish. Using them interchangeably may cause deliciousness or destruction.

Kron. Known as the fire-colored spice, kron has a mild but unmistakable flavor, making it an essential component of the dishes that feature it. Kron is the signature spice of the Makkal orcs, who popularized kron as a dye because of its unique and vibrant color. Despite its popularity, kron is incredibly fragile, delicate, and impossible to harvest in vast quantities as the plant it is harvested from produces very little of the spice. Because of this fragility, kron has traditionally been harvested by young orc girls who can easily harvest the spice without destroying it. Consequently, kron has become the traditional color for girls in many anthropoid cultures. Dwarves are a notable exception to this trend as they associate fire with mastery and see kron as a symbol of wisdom and skill. In areas where dwarves are uncommon, this dual association has stereotyped them as an excessively delicate race, much to the detriment of anyone who actually meets one.

Majruva. An herb with notes of terpe and rutace flavors, majruva is commonly used to add a sweet note to savory dishes. The herb is often dried and used in combination with other herbs. In orcish communities, majruva is used to teach neophytes to cook because its mild yet assertive flavor pairs well with most dishes and forgives overuse. Because of that same mild flavor, failing to use other herbs in concert with majruva results in dishes the orcs collectively refer to as briwægype or worthless gruel.

Masterleaf. Considered the best of all dwarfleaf varieties, masterleaf has a very popular flavor that makes it highly desirable in both sweet and savory applications. However, the flavor is somewhat delicate and can degrade if cooked for too long. Masterleaf pairs well with any food but can easily overpower other flavors if overused. Just because it’s called masterleaf doesn’t mean that it should rule the dish.

Needleleaf. An herb with a slightly bitter flavor, needleleaf pairs well with most cooked savory dishes, including some sweeter roasted dishes. Needleleaf is so-called because of both its appearance and its assertive flavor as it’s known for working in unusual culinary applications. Needleleaf is well-known for its resistance to drought but is highly susceptible to overwatering. Attempting to grow needleleaf in a floodplain is as wise as letting water sit in an iron pan and equally as safe for culinary use.

Nightweed. A common herb that grows in shady areas and blooms at night, nightweed is a mild painkiller and muscle relaxant, making it popular as a hangover cure and sleep aid. Nightweed is extremely bitter, so its effects are commonly gained through smoking rather than ingestion. Overindulgence can lead to permanent muscle weakness and death, leading to the widespread belief that even occasional indulgence will lead to premature death, though there is no evidence to support this. Still, only fools take the risk when prudence yields the same.

Ose. The world’s most popular sweetener, ose is harvested worldwide by many creatures. Ose has numerous culinary applications and also sees medicinal use. It is thought that the first cooperative interactions between dragons and anthropoids may have been for the collection of ose. Despite its popularity and high demand, both the presence of many alternatives and relatively widespread production make ose shortages exceedingly rare, even in wartime. Attempts to corner the market on sweeteners by offering alternatives with a more easily restricted supply have failed miserably. Only those who are both incredibly gullible and incredibly wealthy will purchase a far more expensive substitute, regardless of claims of superior taste or health benefits.

Savourleaf. So-called because of its nearly exclusive use in savory cooking, savourleaf is an incredibly hardy herb popular in orcish cuisine. Savourleaf is particularly popular because of its high toxicity to rodent pests, leading to widespread use in gardens. Though most herbs lose some flavor when dried, savourleaf loses roughly all of it. Seasoning a dish with dried savourleaf is less effective than doing so with air; the latter at least affects the texture.

Shadeseed. A spice with a very distinct and popular flavor but sourced from an incredibly fragile and delicate plant. As such, it is very difficult to meet the demand for shadeseed, so alternatives are often used to mimic its flavor. Shadeseed is often used to enhance other flavors, and substitutes may be fine there but are clearly evident when shadeseed is the predominant flavor. Most connoisseurs (and shadeseed plants themselves) insist that the alternatives are poor substitutes for the real thing. They are clearly correct; even to the most unrefined palate, shadeseed is a complex and nuanced flavor, but its substitutes have less subtlety than water has wetness.

Zimon. Very popular for its seeds that are ground to produce the spice of the same name, zimon is popular for its warm, calming flavor. It is typically added to hot dishes but has some application in more savory pastries. Despite the flavor of zimon, overuse can result in dishes tasting as though they were seasoned with a generous helping of dirt.

Zinzom. Commonly chopped or ground into a much more potent spice, zinzom has a slightly warm, spicy flavor, which pairs well with most foods. Zinzom is also renowned for its ability to relieve nausea, and the smell alone can relieve seasickness, making it a common sight in ships’ galleys. Zinzom is commonly used as a spice in savory cuisine and on its own to flavor drinks and desserts. Counter to prevailing wisdom, zinzom is actually harvested from a subterranean accessory stem rather than a root. Although this may seem like an arbitrary distinction, zinzom is not so glib with regard to mortality.

Trees

Belula. Popular for their strong, lightweight, pale, and durable wood, belulas have short lifespans compared to most trees. Because of their short lives, they readily talk and interact with anthropoids and other creatures with shorter lifespans. Antagonizing a belula is unwise as it builds up a good rapport with the neighboring fauna. Depending on one’s stupidity, such antagonistic behavior can result in severe injury or death.

Cuplorn. Large shade trees with wood used both in building and in flavoring teas. Very long-lived, wise, and patient, cuplorns are renowned for their advice but have no regard for short-term problems. Attempting to exhaust the patience of cuplorns is a tradition among young anthropoids, but like most children’s games, it accomplishes little. Few adults learn from the cuplorn’s example.

Exoerpop. Famous for their resistance to fire, exoerpops are commonly seen as a source of comfort. They are known to console those who have suffered, especially those they see as small or weak. Exoerpops can obstruct certain magicks in the name of protection, especially those that affect the mind of intended targets. This led exoerpop wood to be a common material for shields in antiquity. The practice was eventually stopped when shield makers realized that inanimate objects cannot think to obstruct mental magicks.

Frax. Large solitary trees known for blanketing the landscape with their seeds, frax are common sights in forest clearings. Big and brash, but flexible, frax are often perceived as rude, but will always listen. Frax have good reason for their abrasive attitude; they have fewer natural defenses than other trees, making them wary of false friends. However, frax are incredibly protective of those they trust, even willing to sacrifice themselves to protect their friends. Betraying a frax is among the most dangerous actions an individual can take as they’ve been known to destroy entire cities in pursuit of revenge. Although one might think that physical distance might keep them safe from the wrath of a tree, wood and seeds have fewer mobility restrictions.

Lucan. Known for having strong, split-resistant wood, lucans have been cultivated by anthropoids for centuries. They are typically very calm and cooperate with many species, which has contributed to their popularity in cities. Lucans are often seen as protectors of the dead, making them a common sight in cemeteries and their wood a popular choice for caskets. Lucans are revered by water elves because of the inability of their wood to rot in water such that felling a lucan in water elf lands is punishable by death. Of course, such consequences should be familiar to anyone crazy enough to attempt unsanctioned logging.

Orbunt. Somewhat short-lived trees, orbunts are popular trees with aegphs because of their strong affinity for magick. Some dragons prize orbunts for their fruit, which they either eat raw or distill into liquor. Anthropoids cannot tolerate the fruit in its raw form but frequently cook it for use to reduce pain and inflammation. Despite their youth when compared to many other trees, orbunts are considered wise due to their ability to divine the future. This ability has led to orbunt wood being incorporated into many charms and magickal items, which are precisely as useful as making such items from anything else.

Sailicea. One of the few trees outlived by anthropoids, sailicea are frequently associated with death. However, they highly resemble anthropoids in terms of personality because of their blatant sexuality and wide emotional range. Their wood is highly prized for its incredible versatility and flexibility. Despite their association with death, their ability to grow new trees from a single branch has caused some to consider sailicea immortal. Though frequently offended by the association, most sailicea are more than happy to exploit it.

Salide. The name of both the tree and its fruit, the latter of which is commonly pressed into oil. Salide trees are incredibly long-lived but have a reputation for complaining and rudeness. Some salide trees are very quick to anger at even the smallest slight. The incredibly useful oil produced from salide fruits has led to the tree becoming a symbol of peace and prosperity among civilizations. This is rather ironic given the general disposition of salide trees, but they are more piquant than pugnacious.

Strobil. A long-lived tree, commonly found at high altitudes, strobil have a reputation for abrasiveness, especially toward non-plants. The seeds of the strobil are occasionally used as a spice but much more commonly distilled into strobanol, a strong, dry liquor commonly mixed with other spirits. Harvesting strobil seeds can be difficult as the trees often live on the edge of cliffs and other difficult-to-access areas. Despite their usually acerbic personalities, strobil trees will occasionally aid animals. It merely requires a situation where aiding the animal will spite many more animals. Unsurprisingly, this is an infrequent occurrence as the strobil may just as soon turn on the animal it aided.

Taxaril. Incredibly long-lived trees, taxarils produce fruits that are incredibly poisonous to anthropoids but prized by copper and rýnestone dragons. They are very contemplative, which, in some places, has given them an undue reputation for melancholy. Taxarils think nothing of giving up a few branches for wood, conversing with other creatures, or simply being left to ponder. The trees make great neighbors, better friends, and are enemies to none. This does not mean that taxarils are passive or peaceful. They simply live too long and are too robust to concern themselves with problems that occur on the timescales of anything else. Some think this means that taxarils are incredibly slow and deliberate as they often take a long time to respond in conversation. This isn’t true, of course. They live at the same speed as everything else; they just think prior to utterance.

Terpe. Commonly found in forests and with leaves that remain year-round, terpes are primarily valued for their sap, which is used to make resin. Their wood has an incredibly wide variety of uses and is frequently employed in constructions of all sizes and functions, though it is less robust than that of cuplorns. Some terpes also produce large konts, which many creatures harvest during winter. Terpes are incredibly long-lived and have long memories, giving them a generally nostalgic disposition. The usefulness of terpes, combined with their disposition, makes them an incredibly common sight throughout much of the world as the trees can thrive in almost every climate. Unfortunately for anthropoids, terpes don’t get along well with grains, and they must be grown in different locales. This is probably for the best, given that both types of plants are more flammable than a distillery.

Trachone. A catchall term describing most cold weather and mountain trees. Trachones are known for their long lives and general friendliness toward animals. Although useful for classification purposes and groups, one should never refer to an individual tree as a trachone. Many trees find such distinctions offensive the same way a dragon or anthropoid would be offended being referred to in such a general sense. Individuals who don’t bother to learn the most basic nuances of an individual profess a level of ignorance that most rocks would be ashamed of.

Xylcer. Popularly harvested for their sweet sap, xylcers project stoicism and strength but are far more emotionally complex than their exterior suggests. Xylcers produce some of the best wood for use in musical instruments as the wood has good acoustic properties and consistent hardness. The trees are generally fairly friendly, but they can bristle if pushed too far. They are well-known for the beautiful colors their leaves turn in the autumn and often receive a great deal more attention than they desire. As such, it is best not to antagonize xylcers during this season. It may be best to avoid xylcers entirely in the autumn as the type of individuals who flock to see them are often more rowdy and destructive than a stampede of drunken trymids.

Vegetables

Ershatub. It is known as the all-seeing root. It is said that one can traverse the most inhospitable places eating ershatubs alone. Despite having a versatility to rival grains, it is ill advised to eat only ershatubs unless one is so uninteresting as to be content with monotonous cuisine, and it seems unlikely that such an individual would undertake such a journey.

Rakon. Despite its short lifespan and relative tastiness, it is most prized for its ability to deter dangerous pests from nearby plants, earning it the moniker of guardian root. For this reason, most plants tolerate rakons despite finding them incredibly dull. Given their rather bland disposition, it often comes as a surprise that rakons have a slightly sharp taste. Of course, this sharpness of flavor should be obvious; rakons are simply too focused on pest deterrence to concern themselves with being interesting.

Rubet. A plant with tasty leaves and a large incredibly sweet root that thrives in brally conditions, the rubet was originally cultivated by seafaring anthropoids and has become widespread in coastal regions. Rubets are typically a vibrant kron but also have bold rollg, red, and white varieties, making their juice a popular stain and colorant. The sweetest varieties of rubets are cultivated as a popular alternative to ose. When preparing rubets, one must be careful of the slick skin and juicy flesh as it is very easy to slip. However, the resulting bloodstain will be far easier to remove than the one from the rubet juice.

Selap. A highly versatile plant known for the mild flavor present in root, stems, and leaves, selap is a welcome ingredient in a wide variety of cuisines and dishes. This winter vegetable is eaten cooked or raw and is prized by mountain gnomes. Selap has a bright, crisp taste in savory dishes, and a slightly grassy, vegetative taste in desserts. This has led to a belief that selap desserts can aid weight loss regardless of the other ingredients those desserts contain.

Tzim. Known for the bright colors and sweetness of their large roots, tzim are prized by anthropoids and dragons alike, earning them the moniker of radiant root. Tzim roots range from nearly black to nearly colorless, though there are no green varieties. Tzim taste best when combined with equally assertive flavors, pairing particularly well with most herbs, but have a bold enough flavor to be consumed unseasoned. Tzim are frequently used to add color to dishes as much as flavor. While this can be a welcome addition to an otherwise monotonous dish, tzim are as much a substitute for creativity as a new quill is to a scribe

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I was lost.

Well, as lost as I could ever be. Am I actually lost if I don’t have a destination? Or do I have a destination? I suppose my destination is some town with a tailor’s workshop to repair my clothes after my most recent hijinks that involved a fire that was not my fault (discordant ring!) and absolutely ruined my clothes JUST AFTER GETTING THEM REPAIRED FROM THE LAST—

I left that line of questioning for another day. I was too hungry to ponder that long anyway.

I knew the woods I was walking through fairly well, but I had no idea where the nearest town was. The new growth threw me off for a bit, but the old growth was reassuringly the same. Especially that one belula. It seemed to be the last tree that was still around from that horrible fire I may or may not have had a hand in causing.

I was still paying for it.

Aegphs are the worst, especially when you accidentally hurt their forests (how can someone own a whole forest? That makes no sense!), and that frax had it coming—

Note! Note to me: lawyers are the worst. How they have the power to stop your own thoughts still annoys, confounds, and worries me.

As I was bemoaning the existence of lawyers and their equally awful clients that drag me into the situations where I have to interact with the cantankerous crackpots, all of whom I say they are Consistently unpleasant, not Tea suitable (and I am fairly convinced the judges all know me by my face at this point), it struck me that a lot of those cases revolved around me being a general awkzy and most ignored the fact that I tend to suffer because of my awkziness and wait till I pop back up to charge me for things completely out of my control, statute of limitations be sozzled.

I’m convinced it’s because I’m a drunk. No one likes a drunk. If they happen to be as odorously challenged as I am (thanks to that dissonant ring on my left forefinger!), well, that is just a no-no.

As I pondered exactly which type of drunk I was at the moment—horrendous was definitely an option, my last drink was last ehtnight—I came upon a new village. Town. Village-town? It was too small to be a proper town. It had certainly grown from the trading post of my last jaunt through this area, which was admittedly quite some time ago. There were buildings now. Before, it was an outpost and a rather disappointing one at that. The buildings were well-kept but didn’t seem right for the type of population that would live here. I didn’t pass any obvious farmland (it could be on the other side), so they must be traders living off a larger nearby town. The homes lining the central street (possibly the only street) clearly had shops in the first floor, but almost all seemed closed now scírset was approaching and painted. Actually painted! All pale silvery greens and a few even paler golds, but who paints their homes? They were even brick!

There had to be a sizable port town nearby. It wasn’t possible this tiny town could afford such a thing alone.

At least the fountain they’d started when I was last here was completed and now had a central figure of a leaping furfish.

No, that couldn’t be right. Furfish aren’t native here. They’re much farther Burk.

I cocked my head because that always helps when trying to figure something out—there’s a reason squirrels always do it; cats will even do it if someone is being particularly stupid—and saw just how weathered the central statue was. Maybe it was once an otter? They’re furry and fish like.

…

It’s an otter.

Definitely an otter.

A very poorly sculpted otter but an otter nonetheless.

I half walked/half dragged myself around the fountain to fully ascertain how awful the sculptor was (a child would’ve done a better job) and was momentarily blinded by shiny. I turned only my head and saw the mark of a jeweler over a door and silently cheered. I tried to turn the rest of my body toward the shop, but only my right leg—my left one never forgave me for shattering its femur when I was nine, as if I had any control over how I fell after being thrown from a shark—and my rib cage obeyed, making me spin rather gracefully toward the shop. Whoops. The owner probably wanted nothing to do with me now. I tripped over a speck of dust into his shop, landing in a very poised stance, the picture of respectability and benign indifference.

The man had a shrewd face that did not like me. He gave me a disapproving look.

Right. No desire to deal with me. Tough luck, legger. I’m a customer, and therefore, I’m always right, however untrue that statement may actually be.

I smiled