Puzzled Dreams

By Alan Graham

Who saved whose life on their first chance meeting in the bitter cold throes of winter? Tom, a businessman, no longer wanted to live unable to cope with the recent loss of his wife, so he chose a watery grave. But was it fate that brought it all together? She originated from Iraq and was with her young daughter, Lena. Both would have frozen to death while trying to sleep in a summerhouse on Dover Promenade. She managed to stop Tom from jumping into the sea, but knowing what he was about to do, it took a lot of persuasion before she would agree to venture back to the warmth of his house.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Oct 19, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543487565

Alan Graham

Alan Graham is the president, CEO, and founder of Mobile Loaves & Fishes, a social profit enterprise that delivers meals and provides homes to homeless people on the streets of Austin, San Antonio, New Orleans, Nashville, Minneapolis, Providence, and New Bedford.  Alan was born in Houston in 1955. He grew up in Alvin, Texas and attended the College of Mainland and later the University of Texas. In 1978 he left UT to begin a career in real estate. He was a partner in many of Central Texas’ most successful real estate development projects. In the mid-1990s, Alan co-founded the Lynxs Group, which built the air cargo facility at Austin’s new airport in 1997, and went on to build similar facilities at airports around the country.  Alan left the Lynxs Group in 1997 and managed Austin’s cargo port as the new airport was opening. At the same time, Alan had the seed of the idea for Mobile Loaves & Fishes. He and the other founders started by making sack lunches and serving them from the back of a green minivan. His focus now is the development and building of the Community First! Village, a 27-acre master-planned community that provides affordable, sustainable housing and a supportive community for the disabled and chronically homeless in Austin.  Visit: http://mlf.org  

Book preview

PROLOGUE

My daring Maggie,

I always knew one day you would discover this letter but at the time of writing never knew how. There has only been two occasions when I failed you as a mother, the first was not explaining all a young girl should know about the facts of life and me thinking you would learn such matters from school teachers or friends and looking back was so irresponsible and a heavy burden I was left to carry.

The second is fare worse, because of our love for each other your father and I held back a secrete which on reflection you should have been told many years ago. If you can’t forgive me please forgive daddy, no man could ever love and care about a daughter much as him, in fact your father worships the ground you walk on and if it should ever be discover you know the truth it would destroy him.

As you know the Muslim culture is fare different than ours and if his family had known they would have accused him of being dishonourable and bringing shame upon them. Therefore I promised to take our secret to my grave but never said anything about not telling you once I’d been laid to rest.

Darling, I wish there was some easy way of telling you but sorry to say as there is not I’ve decided to jump straight in at the deep end, may god forgive me. Truth is you have an half sister who like you at the moment is unaware of you’re existence.

Now the worse is over I will try to explain from the beginning but first I’m thinking you might wish to know her name which is ;-

P.T.O.

Molly paused for a moment and asked herself if she was doing the right thing, her daughter never knew from the day she was born her parents had hid a secrete from her. For a moment she wondered if it might be better if she left a sleeping dog to lay, no she thought Maggie must be told it’s unfair her not knowing the truth, I have no more options other than continuing to write this letter.

CHAPTER ONE

Was that part of the evening that Tom and Anne loved the most, having both finished work the day their leisure time was deemed to be something special. After the tea things were cleared away their dog would sit near the front door waiting to hear the rattle of his lead. Sometimes if it never seemed forth coming his only option was to revert to loud barking as if to say come here and get a move on.

Walking along the road together neighbours would give a smile or wave and marvel at the way they always held hands, was obvious no one could ever wish to meet a more devoted couple.

Sometimes the silence between them felt unbearable to Anne but Tom had never been a conversationalist, it was a cross she had learnt to bear. In all other ways their love for each other went beyond reasoning. Ever since having first met hardly a cross word had pasted between them and often she would revel in the fact when singing his praises to her friends.

The only time Tom had raised his voice was when he stood beside her hospital bed as she was giving birth to their daughter Sally. At a crucial moment in the delivery she stopped pushing much to his disbelief. He could not help but notice the look of anguish on the mid wife’s face and thought it might be a matter of life or death. For Christ sake push you stupid women, don’t you realise it’s putting to much stress on the baby he screamed more out of anxiety and then looking at the midwife was hoping for a little reassurance.

With the new born baby safe in her mothers arms Anne looked at him with an expression of pain and hurt. Would be obliged if you’d never ever speak to me like that again. was really embarrassed, what must the mid wife have thought? she cried. I may have stopped pushing at the wrong moment but believe it or not was not trying to kill her. Maybe if there’s a next time you might like to change places.

After the heat of day there was still a warmth in the air making it feel very extremely humid. Anne wore a light summer dress held up by two thin straps over her shoulders tied at the top with a bow. It had no back and where there should have been a patch of white flesh showing the outline of her bikini straps there was nothing but an all over tan. Tom felt reluctant to ask where she’d been sunbathing to obtain it.

They had managed the worst part of their evening walk up a steep bank and now heading for a large woodland area. Here the air smelt different, a mixture of earth, flowers and bark. Such was the sweetness it was riveting, every where was still and calm, even the birds sounded as if the songs they sang was purely for them alone.

Leaving the main track they came across a large oak tree obviously uprooted by the great storm, how sad and forlorn it looked embedded in the ground and slowly rotting away. It was rather a destructive reminder that all things come to an end. How many hundreds of years had it stood proudly looking across the valley at numerous landscape changes only to be brought down to earth in one short night.

Anne leant her back against its trunk unable to to continue without a short rest. For twelve hours she had worked in a home that cared for young people with learning difficulties and it had left her feeling exhausted. What with the trying day she’d had the extreme heat was beginning to take its toll. The only one who still remained fresh was the dog who had been let off his lead, within one minute he was barking loud and chasing a rabbit which by now had gone to earth.

The look of love she gave Tom projected the feelings she had for him, even now her heart would still miss an occasional beat and she often wondered if it was still the same for him. Suddenly she noticed the ardent look on his face it brought a fierce pang of foreboding to the pit of her stomach. Squinting her eyes she stared with disbelief and could hardly ascertain what she was seeing, Anne had seen that same look before it was a mixture of love and lust.

At that moment he was not seeing her as his wife just a women, any woman with a body he could make he could make love to. She tried telling herself there might have been a time when she had felt the same way, but never in the middle of a wood when it was still day light. Tom, Anne snapped. "If you are thinking what I think you are please forget it and at least until we are in bed tonight. I don’t think waiting a few more hours will make that much difference and anyway would prefer it that way.

I can’t, that’s just it, he replied with a hungered look. I see you in that short dress, beautiful tan, looking like a goddess and it’s taunting me. I can’t help myself honestly, at the moment I’m filled with a longing desire for you. No I can not wait until we get home it has to be here and now.

Sorry, what you want and what you get are two different things. There’s no other choice and you’ll just have to wait. Think of it logically, anyone could come walking past it’s still early evening, she protested. Tom you’re not thinking straight, for goodness sake exercise a little self control will you?.

No one is going to walk past this time of night you’re just looking for an excuse. Personally I think it could be rather exciting, he replied with a smirk.

Now with his body directly facing her he attempted to place a passionate kiss on her lips but she pushed him away. What part of no don’t you not understand, Anne shouted. No! No, no. Not here, not now and not ever again if you persist on carrying on in this stupid selfish manner.

Suddenly she felt a slight tremble run through her body, it only lasted for a few seconds and was attributed to anger more than excitement. Tom how ever also felt the shudder run through her and interpreted it another way. To his way of thinking Anne had said I’m playing hard to get, really I want you to carry on and make love, so take no notice of my feeble attempts to say no.

Both of his hands reached up to her shoulder straps and quickly he undid the two bows then by giving a slight tug made the front of her dress flop down to her waist. The sight of her naked breasts made his ardour grow even stronger and his body went out of control. Cupping a breast with one hand his other was now quickly travelling up the inside of her thigh and eager to reach its destination. Once found he placed one foot between her shoes and more or less kicked her legs apart.

With the need to satisfy his lust Tom had no time to remove her underwear instead merely tugged her panties to one side. Tom, will you stop, she screamed thumping his chest. Did you hear what I said, when I said no I meant no, do you understand what I’m saying Ah! Ah. Jesus Christ she screamed. Obviously not, that entry was nothing more then shear brutality damn you, I’ll not forgive you for that.

When over Anne gave him a look of contempt, her face was red with anger and tears ran down her cheeks. If I was you I’d say nothing, she sobbed, I’m not going to listen to any feeble explanations. I’m walking home and don’t want you anywhere near me, that was despicable and uncalled for. In actual fact I can only think of one other word for it, that’s called rape. In my book there’s a difference between love and lust and feel as if my whole world has come crashing down.

She knew he felt ashamed and his mind was in an absolute turmoil but decided to make him suffer in more ways than one. On the way home he kept trying to offer excuses and although was most apologetic Anne never replied, in fact she fastened her pace to keep ahead of him.

Just before turning to enter their street Anne stopped to let him catch up. You’re lucky I’ve calmed down slightly, she said with a hint of anger. You may hold my hand, but only because I don’t want the neighbours thinking we’ve had a tiff, you’re not off the hook yet Mr. be assured of that. If it ever happens again we will not only be sleeping in separate beds but separative houses, me living with my parents.

Look I’m sorry al-right? Merely got the signals mixed up, thought you’re no really meant yes and you were playing hard to get, a sort of game to wind me up. I don’t know how many times I’ve said it but you have the face of an angel and the body of a goddess, what with that sexy dress all my desire for you got out of control, sorry it will never happen again.

You’re damn right it will never happen again. I bet you think all this flattery is working in your favour but I’ve got news for you, in fact I have two pieces of news, one bad and one extra bad so what one do you want first?

The extra bad, the other might be less trivial, Tom replied.

In that case the extra bad news is it could last up to three or four months, maybe even longer don’t know yet.

What could? Tom asked feeling perplexed.

The bad news, I have a continuous headache and it’s started right this instant.

Tom opened his eyes and suddenly became aware of the darkness. The only thing giving the room light was the glow of the gas fire, its flickering flame making various pattens as it danced across the ceiling. His thoughts once again reflected to Anne and the happy years they’d spent together. How ever the dream he’d just had was the only one that haunted him and he often wondered why it always came back to haunt him. Dreams, dreams and more dreams he muttered, why does that one torture me, just as if it knows I’m left with this pain my heart.

It’s no good I can’t live like this any long he said out loud. Everyone told me it would get better but it never does and never will. Since Anne’s death he was having a hard time hanging on to his sanity, nothing seemed to matter an more, life was a pointless chore and his biggest desire was to join her. Although he had attempted to take his life before this time felt sure his plan would work.

Tonight is the night he thought standing up, no more dreams, no more tears, no more missing you, soon we’ll be together again darling. Oh God, he cried, all I want to do is see her, hold her, and know this time it will be for eternity. Please don’t anyone condemn me for that, I realise it’s a sin but God you will have to forgive me, you should never have taken her from me in the first place.

Hurriedly he wrote two letters and placed them on the dinning room table before closing the door which lead back into the lounge. Jet his faithful dog was as usual hogging the warmth of the fire, laying with his nose on the hearth Tom often wondered why he never got it burnt.

Thinking it was time for his nightly walk the dog sat up and stared at his master with its tail wagging so much all one could hear was the noise of it beating up and down on the carpet. The Cocker spaniel looked at his master through big brown sorrowful eyes, was as if he knew something was wrong and his tail stopped wagging. Seeing Jets expression Tom knelt down to stroke him and the dog repaid him by pushing out his big wet tongue to lick his nose.

Why the hell did you have to do that? Tom ask feeling full of guilt. Please don’t look at me like that, I know you’ve been a good and faithful companion but life for me is no good any more, look on the bright side, Sally will give you a really good home and soon you’ll forget I ever existed. Won’t be long have just got to pop out for a while, you lay down and go to sleep. Good job you haven’t understood a word I’ve said or you’d know what a bloody good liar I have turned out to be.

Tom stepped outside and closed the door unable to give Jet a last look. He was surprised to see snow flakes bigger than saucers drifting down and already it was starting to lay. If anything it should have felt a few degrees warmer but the temperature had dropped quite a lot since taking Jet for his usual afternoon run about.

By the time he had walked the few yards to his drive his hands felt numb and his body began to shiver. What kind of idiot would venture out in this weather with out wearing a jacket or coat he asked himself with a snigger, me that’s who, a man who doesn’t give a damn any more and knows this time things will turn out for the better.

Many times he’d drove along this stretch of road and with cars constantly parked on one side it was sometimes impossible for two vehicles to pass with comfort, still he felt afraid the car might skid in the snow and was re-leaved when he finally turned left onto the main Dover road.

By now it was snowing so hard he had to put his window wipers onto fast mode. After all these years one would have thought he knew the road like the back of his hand but the weather made it rather deceiving and suddenly realised he was nearly on top of a right hand bending. A slight touch on the brake was all it took for the car to start skidding towards a large tree but by luck his front wheel struck the kerb and his car went back on track again.

The experience made his stomach churn and began feeling sick until suddenly remembered what his plans were. You idiot he thought, if you’d hit the tree and got killed Sally would have received money from your car insurance even though she’s not to bad off money wise at the moment.

On entering Dover Tom was quite happy following in the tyre tracks of a taxi heading towards the Eastern Docks and soon found himself driving along Dover sea front. Was hardly surprising there was no sign of life in any direction but who would be mad enough to be down this god forsaken place at mid night he thought, it’s even to cold for the local all night fishermen to cast their rods.

Getting out of the car he left the keys in the ignition, far as he was concerned if anyone wanted it all they’d need do was drive the thing away, was not likely he would need it again. Seemed a shame really Toms old Jag. was his pride and joy, kept it so immaculate one would think it had just been driven out of a show room.

A few street lamps were left on overnight but they looked dim and hardly visible.

Same applied to the lighthouses on the breakwater which stood about one mile offshore and put there to guide the numerous ferry boats to berths in the docks. Soon the snow was above his ankles and as he walked could feel it falling inside his shoes making his feet cold and wet, many years previous same thing had happened when all night fishing night fishing and hadn’t worn his Wellington boots.

Passing beside an old brick built summer house he remembered how in his youth him and his friends would climb onto its roof and jump or dive into the sea some twenty feet below. Was while doing this he’d been stung by a Portuguese man of war jelly fish when surfacing beside it. The pain was so indescribable friends took him to hospital but once there was told by a doctor there was nothing could be done to ease his suffering and would have to wait a few hours for the pain to subside.

On reaching the metal railing at the seaward side of the prom Tom was happy to see it was high tide. Peering over the side he looked closely at the angry sea some ten foot below as it smashed into the wall sending a white spray into the air. Placing both feet on the first rail up all he had to do was lean forward and that would be the end of all his troubles, or so he thought.

Nothing had prepared him for the sudden interruption to his plans when feeling someone tugging on the back of his shirt. Much to his dismay and annoyance he had no other option but to step down onto the promenade and relative safety. Oh shit he said beneath his breath, why does nothing ever go right for me, all I needed was a few more seconds and that would have been that.

What the hell do you think your doing? Enquired an angry female who’d appeared from nowhere, turning to face her he was unfortunate enough to receive a hefty slab across his cheek. Feeling silly and bemused he tilted head the other way. Here why don’t you slap the other side, he said joking. Taking him at his word she did and with such force thought for a moment his head had left his shoulders.

Thank you very much, he uttered with astonishment. What did you do that for you nearly knocked my head off?

Why! You stupid man, she said with anger. Don’t you know that what you were about to do is not only foolish but a mortal sin. Frightened me half to death, it was irresponsible and unforgivable. God knows what would have happened if I had jumped in to save you, we’d have both perished. My baby daughter asleep in that shelter would have woke up to find no mother and certainly no father, what type of life would she have had? Please just go your type make me sick.

No wait, he replied trying to think. Was not going to do what you thought it’s purely a misunderstanding.

Oh silly me, suppose you were waiting for a mermaid, meet here every night at midnight do you? Stand there as you like I’m going back inside that building.

Tom found himself following behind her and much to his dismay it was just as cold inside as it was out, the only advantage being the snow had not yet entered in. At one corner sleeping on a wooden bench was a young child wrapped in a blanket, the young women also had one placed around her shoulders although it did not look thick enough to give very much warmth.

Look I find it hard to sleep, he blurted out. In actual fact I’ve sat all night writing a novel, in this particular chapter a fellow commits suicide by jumping into the sea and I was merely trying to get an insight on what he must have been thinking at the time that’s all. Can appreciate your reaction but have got it all wrong. By now Tom was feeling so absorbed with guilt was trying his up most to lead her into a better understanding.

Oh a writer, Mr. Shakespeare I presume, she replied with a certain amount of sarcasm. In that case you will be delighted to know I’m Beatrice Potter, as you might be aware I am also author.

"Well I never did. Went all the way to Cumbria to visit you was a shame really but you were out. Did enjoy seeing your lovely home Dove Cottage, Mind you, with all the money you make why the hell would you sleep in a cold old summer house like this on such a night?

Please don’t mock me Mr. she snarled. At least I have the courage to face up to my problems. What type of world would we live in if everyone decided to take the so called easy way out? For your information I am booked into a hotel just up the road but was getting well and truly harassed by some immigrant louts. Tonight they’ve been drinking heavy and I felt sure they were about to ravish me. I’ve merely borrowed these blankets and tomorrow I’ll take them back before looking for a more suitable establishment to stay at.

Hate to spoil your plans but if you stay here the night there won’t be a tomorrow, good God women you’ll both freeze to death. I mean you no harm so why don’t you come home with me? I’m a 43 year old widower with a grown up daughter so can assure you my intentions are good and there’s nothing to fear from me.

Thank you but no, to be quite honest I’ve come to the conclusion your not right in the head. My daughter needs a mother who’s alive and feel sure I could never really trust your intentions.

My goodness women this is England and men do not go around murdering women willy nilly so to speak.

Mr. they murder women in every country so what makes you think England is any different, believe me men are all the same. If they don’t kill us they rape us which is nearly as bad believe me I know these things.

Rape! Is that what you think I might rape you, well I’ve got some good news for you, that is the last thing on my mind at the moment. I’ve certainly met some paranoid females in my life but you take the biscuit. You are a very beautiful lady but what type of life do you hope to lead thinking the way you do all the time?

It’s al right for you, being a man you have no idea what it’s like to be the play thing of a man, get abused and raped. You’ll never know what it’s like each day living in fear because that’s what I do, live in fear.

Your right, because I’m only a man I will never know what it’s like to be abused and raped but don’t think you will either.

Sorry, I’ll never know what it’s like to be raped and debauched, she screamed out in a sudden rage. Where the hell do you think she came from? It certainly was not out of wedlock. Don’t know the first thing about love but I do rape and I’m telling you this for future reference rape is not a very pleasant experience having ones innocents taken by force. Now maybe you will understand why I walk in fear, but now please go and leave me alone it’s something I do not like discussing.

Tom had not expected all she’d said and his inside felt full of sorrow and torment. I’m so sorry to have put you through that, he said nearly in tears. It’s nothing I’ve never heard before, my job is looking after young people with learning difficulties, it’s not only girls who have been abused but young boys also. Sometimes have to comfort them when they scream out at night after having a bad dream that’s made them relive their past. Believe me it makes my stomach churn so much I feel sick.

So if what your saying is true you are like a male nurse to these poor unfortunate young people? She asked.

Yes that’s just what I am, he replied happily knowing her anger had calmed down. I don’t think even you could fully understand the torment they have inside them, sometimes in their despair they not only try to harm them selves but people like me who’s trying to care for them. The trouble is all of them will be institutionalised for the rest of their lives, they will never know what it’s like to love live a normal life or have a family, shame really.

Would you forgive me if I said I think I’ve misjudged you. By listening to what’s been said you can only be a good man and would like to take you up on your offer of staying with you. I’m thinking my daughter is cold, I’m cold and would hate to think what you feel like, she said with a slight smile.

My dear you will never know how happy I feel, at least knowing you won’t freeze to death and believe me you would have done. My car’s across the road, would you like me to carry your daughter, with this snow one tends to slip over easily?

The woman declined his offer and picking the infant up kissed her on her cheek wrapped the blanket tightly around her and followed him to his car. Once there she laid the child along the back seat and climbed in beside her. Seeing he had not unlocked the doors and left the keys in the ignition made her wonder is she’d made a mistake and although feeling reluctant decided to trust him.

Just in case you feel threatened I live in a village a few miles out of Dover, Tom informed her trying to make conversation. The road will look dark and deserted but please don’t worry the roads not that bad when you get used to it.

I’m not worried any more it was just one of them things I made a mistake. The only thing that puzzles me is why you are wearing just a shirt on a night like this, surely you would have felt the cold directly you left the house?

Two reasons actually, he replied more or less knowing it might be a question she’d ask. For one thing it wasn’t snowing when I left home and at the time never noticed how cold it was The other reason is my old dog Jet, if he’d seen me put on a jacket or coat he’d have thought he was coming with me. He’s a good dog but has a mind of his own, once I’d got there Jet would have jumped out the car and run off along the prom. In this weather would have had a job to go chasing after him it’s as simple as that really.

To think I put you through it when I’ve come to the conclusion I’m a terrible mother, fancy making my child sleep out in this weather. The door to my room at the hotel had a locked, maybe I should have gone to bed and tried sleeping. The trouble with fear is it plays tricks with ones mind and even you must be thinking what a rotten mother I am, she remarked sounding upset.

No I don’t, not after seeing the look of love you gave the child when you picked her up and also you’ve been through such a lot just try and forget it. If you want to know the truth I think you are a remarkable women.

With the snow turning to blizzard condition Tom was beginning to feel apprehensive knowing it would only be a matter of time before the road to his village became blocked and although he felt the need to drive faster dare not chance it.

Adjusting his rear view mirror to take a quick glance at the woman in discovered it was to dark to see her face, never mind he thought tonight and part of tomorrow I’II have her company and actually smiled for the first time in ages.

When at-last he pulled onto his drive he felt relieved to be home if only for the woman’s sake, quite a few times he’d felt the car going into a slide. Was strange how things had turned out, only an hour before he thought it was the last time he would see his bungalow or dog but for a while things were looking better. It was remarkable how content he felt, shame it’s going to be for long he was thinking.

Jet who had heard his masters car arrive on the drive was barking ferociously and his face could be seen peering through a gap in the curtains. To reach that height he stood on the arm of the sofa and as usual did not maintain that position for long. The animals rapid tail wagging made him over balance and end up to the floor.

Inside the building her daughter was placed on the settee still wrapped in the blanket and surprising enough had not woke up. Removing her coat the women sat beside the infant and Tom looked at her expression as she viewed the room, when commenting on how tidy and well kept it was he felt quite pleased.

Jet decided it was time he introduced himself and walking casually over began nudging her leg with his wet nose. Don’t be afraid of him, Tom said with a smile.

Trouble with Jet is he’s feeling left out and is seeking a little attention, but there again I think he’s most likely trying to say he likes you.

It’s not a problem, she replied looking rather dubious. I really love animals just as long as they don’t bite.

There’s nothing to worry about with him he’s never been known to bite, mind you sometimes gives people a nasty suck.

About stroke the animal a she rapidly removed her hand and pondered over what Tom had just said. Suck, suck, but dogs don’t suck do they? She asked feeling a little concerned.

No that was just my idea of a silly joke, he laughed. However with someone sweat as you there’s always a first time I suppose.

Seeing her face suddenly flush wished he’d thought that last remark through before speaking. Strange really, he quickly said. When making that same joke to a friends young daughter how do you think she answered? Uncle if Jet can only suck does it mean he has no teeth and finds it harder to eat bones then?

His guest gave a false chuckle. Thought that was rather funny, she said smiling. Children come out with the strangest thinks.

Mama I need a we-we, said the child sitting up and gazing round the room, by the look on her face was trying to remember how she’d got there.

Don’t look so surprised darling we are staying here for the night, mama must have been mad thinking we could stay in that horrid place. Now you can sleep feeling safe and warm aren’t we a lucky pair of girls and do you know it’s snowing really hard outside?

Showing them to the bathroom he wandered into the kitchen and put the kettle on to make a drink. You know feel really happy having you stay here, he called. I’II make us a coffee and a glass of warm milk for your daughter.

Returning to the lounge the drinks were placed on the coffee table and he seated himself down in the arm chair facing them. Tom was never a conversationalist and the sudden silence was rather daunting, it appeared they were both were waiting for the other to speak first but neither knew what to say.

Tom smiled and gave them a quick glance, felt sure they were not English by their slightly darker skin but if that were true how was it possible they spoke the language fluently. The mother had long jet black hair and having such big brown eyes making her beauty even more astounding.

Giving them both a second glance hoped their dress would give a hint of their nationality but it was deceiving. The woman wore a round necked Shetland jumper, jeans and knee length leather boots which gave nothing away. Her daughter was wearing small leather boots, blue jeans, cream blouse and a matching coloured cardigan which bore an alpine type patten.

That’s it Tom thought they’re most likely Albanians. God I do hope they’re not illegal immigrants I’d hate to see them deported after all they’ve been through tonight, just wouldn’t be fair on them.

Do you realise we’ve known each other for over an hour and don’t even know each others name? He said. Mine is Tom nothing elaborate.

Mine is Maggie and my daughters is Lena, in case you’re wondering I am half Irish on my mothers side. At least I hold a British passport which makes life that much easier, although must admit it does have its draw backs,

Tom never thought to ask what she meant by that remark, was just happy they were not in the country illegally.

Once they’d finished their drinks Maggie asked if they might be left alone to sleep as Lena would need to be cuddled, was obviously under the impression the settee was to be their bed. Sorry I’II show you to your room, he told her "Should have realise you must be tired but had lost all track of time.

Don’t want to put you out, she replied. We have these blankets and don’t mind sleeping on the settee if that’s more convenient.

I do though and it’s no trouble, then if you feel the urge to have a lay in I won’t disturb you in the morning.

When he showed her into the spare room Maggie stared in disbelief thinking it was absolutely wonderful, especially when the bedside lamp lit up merely by touching the lampshade, had never seen one like it before.

Asking her not to undress for a moment Tom left the room for a few minutes and returned with a hot water bottle for Lena to cuddle. It sat inside a cover made of fur and resembled a monkey much to Lena’s delight. Seeing her daughters happy face Maggie had tears of joy running down her face and when he turned leave ran forward giving him a hug followed by a light kiss on the cheek.

Thank you for being so kind, she said It’s helped me realise that not all men are evil, trouble is my scare runs deeper than you could ever imagine.

Little Lena must have been mulling a few things over in her mind suddenly saying to him. Your not my daddy are you? I’ve never met him yet but was thinking he must look something like you.

Toms heart seemed to miss a beat. No sorry darling I’m not your daddy, but if I were would be proud to have a pretty daughter like you. You’re very much like my grand daughter a little princess,

Sorry about that, dread the day she ever finds out the truth, Maggie said.

Then never tell he the truth, he replied. Sometimes the past is better left dead. tell her daddy got killed in the war, at least let the child would believe he was a hero even if you know different. They say what you don’t know will never hurt you.

We will see when the time comes, she sighed. Now if you’ll forgive me feel so tired I could sleep on a gate post.

Tom made himself another coffee and put a double C.D. Of classic love songs on his music centre. What a night this has turned out to be he thought and sitting down lit himself a cigarette, this had become a daily ritual before going to bed, felt sure it helped him sleep.

Having drunk his coffee shutting his eyes decided to relive a memory of the past, in actual fact he had reminiscing down to a fine art. If focussing on a thought long enough he would fall asleep and the thoughts would turn into a dream. Sometimes it continued on like an epic film seeming to last hours and many times appeared to be that vivid would reach out to touch Anne only to discover his hand was travelling through an empty void of despair.

Tonight he decided to relive the first time Anne and him went on holiday together. Would have been June 1980 as the following year they were married. Due to his intense fear of flying they had decided to travel by coach to Austria and as they waited to board the ferry at Dover docks Anne became so excited was acting like a child on Christmas eve.

Before venturing onto this large boat Tom held her in his arms and they kissed with such passion and tenderness his heart felt like it might rip from his chest and the look Anne gave was electrifying. Had never seen such a look of love before her eyes were shinning so bright they seemed to light up the darkness.

Much to his dismay Anne’s eyes suddenly glazed over and he detected tears running down his face and looking at him sobbed; To think I’ve got you to myself for one whole week it’s like a dream come true.

The coach journey took them through Belgium, Holland and Germany, although it was a long way travel the vehicle had everything from toilet, T.V. food and drinks, also made various stops at motorway services stations.

Although Tom managed to sleep for a while he woke up to find his head was resting on the softness of Anne’s breast and he remained slightly disorientated for a moment. Anne gave him a big smile; My God, was really beginning to miss you then, hope you were dreaming of me? she said.

After riding on the coach all day and well into night Toms shirt felt damp with perspiration and feet swollen so much his shoes cut into him. Do like everyone else is Anne told him, take them off it’s not worth suffering for.

Travelling that evening through darkness he was begging to think they’d never get there until the coach started making stops at various hotels to off load passengers and soon became obvious not everyone had chosen the same hotel as themselves. Was just their luck the hotel they had booked happened to be last on the list and by now it was gone 2 am. Anne remarked she was that tired couldn’t care if they had to sleep in a tent for their first night.

Not only them but many others could not put their shoes on and an elderly couple were most distressed discovering their feet had swollen to twice their normal size. No one from the hotel came out to help and the driver led them to the main doors with the help of a torch. As they all staggered inside carrying their suitcases and shoes Tom remarked how bedraggled they must look then started to chuckle. What’s do you find that’s so funny? Anne asked

Sorry, he said with a snigger, Must have a real stupid sense of humour. On thinking about it most people creep out of hotels in the middle of the night wearing no shoes and there’s us lot creeping in.

When at last the night porter got round to showing them to their room he felt most relieved but on turning to face Anne could not but notice her look of sadness. What is the matter darling you look so sad, don’t you like the room or something?

Actually the room is lovely it’s perfect but for one thing, she replied. Ever since booking this holiday have only thought of one thing in fact have mulled it over in my mind day and night feeling so happy. Suddenly realising it’s not going to happen and it’s come as a bit of a shock, tell you the truth I feel devastated. Our first ever holiday together and this has to happen.

What’s has to happen?

Us, us sharing a double bed together, used to try imagining what it would be like to cuddle and wake up close to each another, but look, they’ve given us single beds do you think they knew we were not married? I could sit down and cry.

Tom said nothing just smiled, walking over to one bed he merely dragged it against the other. There we are madam one double bed as ordered, has that solve your problem and will you be able to sleep better? he asked.

God, never thought of that, she replied with an impish grin. You sure you haven’t done that type of thing before?

No last time the beds were screwed to the floor,

If I thought that was true you’d be screwed to the floor by now,

They had been courting each other for eighteen months and although having gone through some heavy petting sessions at times had never yet copulated. For some unknown reason it never seemed to be that important, once the holiday had been booked both agreed Austria would be the appropriate place to discover the ecstasy of going the whole way, as Anne said we’ve got to start somewhere.

Passionately kissing both wanted it to last for ever and their hearts beat so fast both were at explosion point. They say people can feel dizzy in love and with them it was true, the room seemed to spin round so fast was if they were intoxicated, Four legs quivered so much their only option was to fall onto the bed together and just laid for a moment feeling happy and content.

Soon Anne’s blouse was removed and placing his hands on her back could feel the warmth of her body. Once again locked in an embrace their breathing became erratic and both gasped as if trying to breath air which was not there.

After a while Tom placed one hand to a position just above her knee and slowly inch by inch ran it up her outer thy until he felt the material of her underwear.

Full of excitement he moved it round to touch her bottom and brought his other hand down to join it, full of power he pulled her body tightly to his. Please not so rough, Anne cried; your fingers are digging in to my flesh and it’s beginning to hurt.

Removing his tight grip his mouth moved down to kiss her neck before bringing one hand up to cup her breast above the flimsy material of her bra. For a moment he felt her nipple harden but suddenly her whole body seemed to deflate and any excitement she may have felt was gone as if something frightened her. Tom could not believe what had happened and found it a job to think straight.

Sitting up more or less together Anne turned to see the strained look on his face.

Sorry, she said choked with emotion. I know it was going well for you, well for both of us actually but let me try to explain. This is not how I wanted our first time to be, for a start we are both tired out to fully enjoy it, but that is not the reason. You can call me a romantic if you must but when it comes to that first time have already formed a vision or dream of how I would like it to be and it’s quite simple really. Trouble is have never spoken to you about it, now I suppose you must be feeling right peeved at the way tonight has turned out.

Actually I don’t feel peeved because on thinking it would have been better if we’d gone straight to bed, your right really we are both tired and one more day would not have made that much difference. How ever getting back to your first time dream, what exactly did you have in mind?

Before I can tell you that you’d better say if you have any thoughts on the matter. Don’t want you thinking it’s me me me all the time.

No not really I haven’t, don’t believe the male mind works the same way as a women’s, I’m quite happy to leaving it up to you.

Do you mean to say a man never ever thinks about the subject?

Don’t be silly, the first time for a male means the first time. To most it means nothing, they don’t care where when or who with, it’s just the experience they want. Sorry don’t want to sound callous but love never comes into it, if they say I love you to the girl it’s one of the shortest romances in history, after the act has finished it’s usually a quick goodbye darling see you around.

Well it certainly sounds like you’ve had experience, if I promise not to get mad and fly off the handle how many women have you slept with?

Let me see, he said pretended to count on his fingers. There was;- - -

My God! Wait a minute and I’ll fetch my calculator, she cried.

Don’t look so annoyed, Tom said starting to laugh. I was just winding you up. Truth is my next time will be my first just like you, you’re the only one I’ve ever been with honest. Even in my teen years never got serious over any girl, although thinking about it maybe it was me waiting for the right one to come along.

Anne ran forward to kiss and hug him as if he’d just come home after a long period away. You have made me so happy I can not begin to explain the feeling you’ve given me. Now our first time will be like an adventure of discovery where we tread we’ll tread together it’s the perfect way to start. Now if I quickly explain how I want it to be we can get some sleep. Want the room to be in darkness although with luck maybe the moon will be shinning through the window. I’ll wear my new night dress and when we kiss we’ll be looked upon by a thousand stars. We will then get into bed to make love gently and not urgent. Both must try taking our time reaching that ultimate climax and with luck will come at the same time for us both, you know like simultaneous combustion so to speak. After it’s over we’ll open a nice bottle of wine and when half empty we’ll snuggle back down and then, guess what?"

What? he grinned.

Don’t know, we’ll just have to think of something.

Oh my God Maggie, I’m sorry for the heartache I’ve caused you, Thank you for coming back I must have been blind but I’m here now and always will be, Tom shouted in his sleep.

Mr. Tom; Mr Tom; what is the matter? he heard a voice say and opening his eyes realised it was not only early morning but Maggie was stood beside his chair staring down. Strange he thought for a moment I’d forgot she had stayed the night.

Mr Tom; I think you must have had a bad dream, I woke up on hearing you calling my name and did nothing more than come straight to you. Was then he noticed she was only wearing underwear which to his surprise never seemed to bother her. Your call sounded so urgent it frightened me but now I’d best put on some clothes before making us a coffee. No need to tell me where everything is I’ll soon find it. Us women seem to have a built in radar system when it comes to that sort of thing.

About ten minutes later she returned with the drinks and placing one near Tom sat down on the settee. Right now we best talk, she said with a smile. Don’t tell me you slept in that chair all night when you have a perfectly nice bed? To me it’s crazy and you ought to have more sense.

There’s nothing like being put in ones place, you sound like my daughter. I never set out to sleep here I just happened to fall asleep, it’s happened quite a lot lately.

Well in future try not to let it happen again, no way can it be very healthy, God your wonderful Tom thought, so full of concern and compassion even your mannerism makes me feel happy, I certainly would be content having you around all the time and what makes it worse is your so beautiful, And another thing Mr. Tom.

Tom; please call me Tom you make feel like a school teacher.

Yes I will then in the future, she replied feeling more relaxed. "But going back to that dream it was obviously about me, I instinctively heard you say Maggie sorry for the heartache I’ve caused you. Heartache, what heartache we’ve only known each other a few hours I don’t understand’.’

Maggie it was just a dream so don’t worry take no notice of it.

Maybe but what happened what did you see can’t you at least tell me?

It was rather strange, I could see you quite clearly although it was in a past era hundreds of years ago. You were surrounded by a nice green lawn and dressed like a Roman, a Roman Goddess I should think. You know what a Roman is I presume?

Of course, I was well educated you know. A Roman is like Julie the Caesar or Mark of Anthony if remembering correct.

Yes that’s right, he replied smiling at her definition. As I was saying a Roman goddess, some one like Vesta who was said to have been very beautiful.

Oh it couldn’t have been me then, she replied unable to look him in the eyes.

No your right what was I thinking, she could never have been as beautiful as you Maggie, not in a million years.

Tom that was a very nice compliment but one I could never reply to, she said feeling her face flush. So please tell me how was I dressed then?

Very well from the modern male prospective, he grinned. You were more or less half naked. Above the waist you merely wore a black bra. the likes of which I have never seen before and to say it was provocative is a mere understatement. The bottom part of your body was completely naked covered only by a layer of a netted material which one could only describe as see through. It was certainly not worn for warmth, sexy in the summer but hell in the winter I should imagine. Please don’t think I’m trying to embarrass you but the only thing to cover your modesty was a tiny black G string which was hardly bigger than a cigarette packet. Your hair was much longer than you have now and although blowing in the wind it must have reached down to the small of your back. One other thing I remember seeing was a golden chain that looked like a necklace only it was being worn around your head and covered by hair. As it passed along your forehead in the middle dangling down just above the nose was a white Ivory stone surrounded in gold.

What was I doing, not just standing there surely?

Quite frankly yes only on a large boulder. At first both your hands stretched towards the sky as if reaching for something not visible to anyone but you. Sorry to say the look on your face was full of pain and sorrow. Maybe you were pleading with the gods to give you back something that was special to you.

Oh sweat Jesus, do you think some one might have died?

No nothing like that because soon one arms rested on your head with the other crossed over it and by the look on your face you’d seen some thing marvellous. As it was my dream maybe I was ill and you were begging the gods to make me better. In return I felt sorry for giving you all this grief I was calling out Maggie please forgive me for causing you this pain. If not it’s bound to be something similar. I’ve always said dreams are just a dreams and never relate much into them. I think it might be best if we just mark this one up as one of my so called puzzled dreams.

If you say so, I don’t know why but I always tend to worrying about things.

Tom studied her face with intense curiosity and thought she looks hardly more than a child. What or who is she running from, what brought her to Dover in the harshness of winter when there’s nothing here at the best of times. If it were summer it would have been more feasible, most likely have found casual work fruit picking or something and feeling his gazing Maggie felt a cold shiver run down her spine.

Think the devil has just crossed my grave, she said partly to break the silence. Anyway how are you feeling today? Half expected you to be ill with a chill or something going about in just a shirt last night, was really a silly thing to do,

Like you sleeping in that shelter I’m sure you’d never have lasted the night.

Yes think you could be right two silly people together. Maybe it was destiny and we were meant to meet like that, no sorry on second thoughts don’t know what I was thinking, a chance meeting can not be put down to destiny. Perhaps it was an act of God proving he doesn’t want me to die yet.

Ye that goes me to, he replied before he could stop himself.

What do you mean me to? she ask feeling indignant.

Well I was agreeing with your thoughts and said that goes for me to. God I nearly put my foot in it that time he thought.

Oh, thought you meant something else for a moment.

Changing the subject, how did you sleep last night, you weren’t frightened or anything being in a strange house with a man you hardly knew?

In actual fact slept very well it was nice to know I was safe and no drunken lout would come banging on my door. As for the room really love it and couldn’t believe all the good things you have inside. T.V; video, D.V.D. and even an Hi-Fi I bet your granddaughter love’s staying here, there again must realise she has one of the best granddads in the world I know by the way he’s been so kind to Lena and me.

Please Maggie don’t embarrass me am only to pleased to help you, he said.

Drawing back the lounge curtains Tom was amazed to see the snow was laying twelve inches or more thick and as there were no tyre tracks in the road was obvious no one had attempted to drive their car in such weather.

Maggie insisted she would make breakfast, he was told to take a shower and change his clothes which suited him fine. From the seclusion of his bedroom he heard her in the kitchen singing away quite happily, better not tell her she’s got a marvellous voice or it might go to her head he thought.

Entering the lounge she seemed anxious to usher him into the dinning room and already full of anticipation bore a beaming smile. Looking at the food on the table Tom knew nothing had been to much for her by the way it had been prepared, had cooked a full English breakfast with orange juice, coffee, toast and jam.

What do you think then? she asked.

Maggie, I don’t know what to say I’m flabbergasted, you’ve done everything to perfection, It’s ages since I ate anything like this and makes waking up in the morning seem worthwhile for a change.

So glad you approve sometimes I cooked breakfast at home, mum and me would enjoy it but my dad is a bit on the fussy side, he never eats bacon or anything like pork. Think we might as well dig in Lena won’t eat it prefers cereal in the morning, anyway she’s still asleep. If you don’t mind I’ll say grace it makes a change not having to say it under my breath, not may family’s keep the tradition these days.

Not a word was spoken while they were eating, she gave him a few strange looks making him think she was afraid he’d find some fault. In the end he felt pleased when Lena came to sit at the table, meant she’d spend more time seeing to her daughters needs than glancing at him.

When breakfast was finished Tom thought Maggie would relax knowing no fault had been found with her food but as it happened was not that what had been bothering her. Tom I’m sorry but I must speak my mind, she suddenly said. "All through breakfast have mulled it over thinking should I say something or not and in the end decided I must. Why did you lie to me last night? Earlier when passing your study could see a computer and papers all