Tank You and More

By Nancy Preis

Tank You and More is a compilation of short stories: twisted vacations for the mind. If there is an hour to spare or only fifteen minutes from work or the kids, Nancy Preis has someplace to take you.

In Tank You there is a plumber just waiting to introduce himself and his dirt-eating bacteria. They can keep a bathroom spotless, along with everything else in the house. Or perhaps the cool mountains are more intriguing. Visit Enola in Country Fried. She just loves visitors, usually spicy and well-done. Dave and The Ghost of Constance Fortunese pave the way for more lighthearted mind trips like the town of Flaggerhootz with Sean P. and the crew or Ovens Please and Bagel boy. If twisted romance is more suitable, try Love on A Fence Post. Be on the lookout for more vacations with Nancy Preis. They are coming.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504906371

Nancy Preis

Two decades after graduating from Nicolet High School, Nancy Preis returned to college. In the two years at Lake Sumter Community College, she discovered her talent for writing. Her unique style is a cross between Stephen King and The Outer Limits. Drawing on twenty years of public service as a bartender, she creates strange, wonderful, and sometimes scary characters. Born in a suburb of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, she now resides on the Gulf Coast of Florida with her husband.

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© 2015 Nancy Preis. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  04/20/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-0637-1 (e)

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CONTENTS

Tank You

Dave

Ovens Please

Country Fried

Flaggerhootz

The Bar

Love On A Fence Post

Doll Face

The Ghost of Constance Fortunese

About the Author

TANK YOU

Sam was a plumber by trade but played with chemicals in his lab at night. The whole town thought he went off the deep end years ago. Between his glue sniffing (he rationalized that being a plumber he couldn’t avoid the PVC glue) and the beer (he had to wash down the glue with something) he was pretty well out of it most of the time.

Tonight he was sitting at his bench. He was staring at the top of a left over dish with rapt attention. In the dish was his life long work, a small colony of specially manipulated bacteria. It was a bacteria that would clean anything it was introduced into without harming the host.

He could make some money with these little babies. All he had to do was prove it. That was the hard part. No one in town would hire him except the hotel, and putting his little buddies in there wouldn’t prove anything. That place was always being cleaned. He decided to wait, maybe an opportunity would arise. So, with that he put his little dish in the refrigerator, pulled out a six pack and went into the house.

A week later his prayers were answered. Blanche, from the hotel, called him. She had a toilet running at the house, and would he be so kind as to fix it. Blanche and Norman Williams were the perfect couple to test his bacteria on. They were an older couple a few years from retirement. Well, he was retired. Norman was older than Blanche by about 15 years. He had bad eye sight, bad legs, bad everything. He stayed home and cleaned house while she worked.

As he walked up the steps to the Williams’ house he paused before knocking, a good whiff of glue gave him a little courage, and then he knocked.

Hey Sam! Come on in. Glad you could make it so quickly. I looked in the back of that tank and it’s all beyond me. I was never good with that stuff anyway. These eyes, I just can’t see anything anymore. Here it is, right in there. Norman directed. With that he left Sam to himself in the bathroom.

Sam shakes his head to clear a little bit of the fumes and peers into the tank. All he sees in the dark murky water is two big black eyes way down on the bottom. He jumps back, grabbing a monkey wrench in his hand and snarls,

You come out of there!!! I ain’t afraid of no monster!! Just get on out here and I’ll fix you!!

Well, nothing happens. No demons come slithering out, nothing moves. Slowly Sam approaches the tank, wrench held high above his head, and peeks in. The only thing in there is a two-holed brick Blanche put in to conserve water. Chuckling lightly he pulls it out, swearing to lay off the glue for a while. Taking a breath, he lays out all his tools he will need to fix the tank. The last thing he takes out of his bag is his special bacteria. He tinkers and pats and glues and binds finally getting the running to stop. After three hours he hands Norman a bill for $10.00.

Only ten bucks! That’s wonderful. Blanche will be so happy. We’ll probably have wine with dinner! exclaimed Norman.

Sam goes on his way happy in the knowledge he has saved the Williams some money, introduced his bacteria and has ten more dollars for glue.

When Blanche gets home she immediately checks Sam’s work. Confused and concerned with the wad of glue and paper and something else in the bottom of the tank she asks Norman about it.

Well, honey, Sam was here for almost three hours struggling with the repairs. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. After all, he is a professional and only charged us $10.00. Explained Norman.

Chagrinned Blanche agreed and put it out of her mind. And, indeed, they did have wine with dinner. Norman was so pleased.

Blanche awoke in the middle of the night with an urge that drove her to the bathroom, which had a soft green glow coming from it that diminished as she got closer. She decided it must just be her sleepy eyes playing tricks on her.

As the evenings passed the glow from the bathroom got brighter and brighter. Soon even Norman with his bad eyes could see it. Both of them put it down to the new electrical system the landlord was installing. They never looked in the tank.

If they had they would have found a small growth on the bottom where the wad of glue and paper had been. Now instead of the tank being dark and murky it was sparkling clean and glowed. The bowl was staying clean and shinny without scrubbing. However, the two-holed brick was half gone, it was being eaten by the thing in the tank. ‘It’ was eating everything in the water that didn’t belong, even the other bacteria’s. ‘It’ was developing a voracious appetite.

Soon Norman noticed how everything in the room was clean and bright. Almost glowing. The sink was always shinny, as was the shelf, the shower, floors, walls, everything. Then he started noticing things were disappearing. First it was little things, hair clips, bobby pins, anything left on the counter. He thought Blanche had either moved them or put them away. He simply put it out of his mind. Soon bigger things were disappearing. The toilet paper always seemed to be empty and bars of soap were missing. This time he did ask Blanche. Neither one could figure it out. They started setting traps, thinking that maybe someone was harassing them. Stealing minor objects. That night they put out fresh paper, soap, bobby pins and anything they could think of to keep the intruder busy until they could catch him.

The evening progressed to night, the usual TV shows were watched, the usual glass or two of wine and the usual bedtime was observed. Then they lay in bed, listening to the sounds of the house. Hours crept by and no intruder. However, the glow from the bathroom was almost as bright as daylight. They decided to investigate. As they crept down the hall they could hear soft chomping sounds. When they got to the door they peeked around the corner. Blanche screamed and fainted, falling to the floor. Norman slammed the door, falling