Hold on Pain Ends

By Rosa Olivia Sanchez Salazar

After what 17 year old Hope Scott thinks was an awful dreadful dream of her suicide the afternoon before she finds herself being awaken by her parents grieving argument as they walk in the house after having gone through the awful process of identifying their daughter at the local morgue. Confused of their behavior Hope runs after her father as this one goes for a walk. Crossing the street she discovers shes a ghost as a car runs through her. Scared Hope runs back home finding her grieving mother drinking and crying regretting not having been there for her. Hope proceeds to explain to her about years of depression, self harm and self loathing that lead the girl to her actions the night before.
The purpose of this story is not to praise self harm nor suicidal tendencies that often come along with Depression but to help other teens going through this terrible illness know they are not alone and hopefully to stop and reflect before they act on their suicidal thoughts if they are going through any.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499051711

Rosa Olivia Sanchez Salazar

20 year old college student. studying English hopes to become a screen writer for tv shows one day and become female Moffat Superwholockian ansolute fangirl working super hard to try and start my book store business in Washington DC 'The Book Hole' (can find more about it here) http://bookholeproject.tumblr.com/ I consider myself a fairy approachable person talk to me if you wish. Thanks for reading have a fantastic day

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 by Rosa Olivia Sanchez Salazar.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 07/11/2014

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

551851

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

USA Suicide Hotlines

International Suicide Hotlines

I dedicate and thank my grandparents for up bringing me and making me into the person I am today, my aunts and uncles for always being kind and amazing to me, my parents for finishing what my grandparents started and supporting me in my recovery, those teachers who believed in me in high school and supported me in my darkest of times during my senior year. My friends who stuck with me, loved me and supported me when I wasn’t the funnest person to be around (my internet friends for being there and listen when no one else was.) But I want to specially thank and dedicate this story to my little brother Sebastian who has given me hope and strength when I thought there was none and everything was dark he guided me back to the light and he is the reason why I fight this illness daily.

And finally I dedicate this story not only to those individuals struggling with depression, self harm, an eating disorder and anxiety and to those who have ever thought about suicide as an exit to their pain but have been strong enough to still be here fighting it and recovering.

For any parents who find out about their child to have been self harming please, please don’t yell at them or react violently to their actions. They are most likely in a great deal of pain to have taken a blade to their skin to begin with.

Please try to be kind to them. Give your child a hug, make him/her feel love and remind them you are not mad, that you are just concerned for them and their health. Talk to them about the cause of the self harm and help them seek help.

Chapter One

Hope had been having little exhausting episodes of depression all day that had been driving her mad. Each thought pounded in her head stronger than the last. Hope had been able to put them aside while friends and teachers were around distracting her from her mind; but walking home from school that rainy hot May afternoon she was completely alone and the depriving feelings of worthlessness and self hatred came to hunt her at once making it difficult for her to make her way home. She knew that her depression had been getting worst in the last couple of weeks but she really had no idea how strong it had become. All she would ever think about while alone would be ways of hurting herself, ways of ending her life and often with those thoughts came along the idea of how well people around her would do without the waist of space she felt she represented.

Hope had had enough; as she walked the streets alone with her thoughts she made up her mind, she was ready to take control of her life again. She wanted o live and see what future had in store for her she was going to tell her parents about her depression once she got home; she was sure of it, she was ready to confront them and seek help.

She had been suffering from depression for years now and only very few well trusted friends knew about it. She had been trying to keep it secret because she was afraid of causing her family any more shame and disappointment than the one she already did by existing and disappointing them every day with her idiocy. She had been going back to cutting herself after two years of been clean.

Hope cut to release pain she felt in her soul and gain a bit of control back into her life she felt she lacked so badly. Hope cut to make her life make sense a bit; not necessarily because she wanted to die. Hope just felt that with each slash to her flesh she would make herself numb to the world around her and somehow she would regain control over her mind.

All though Hope wouldn’t cut often or deep; short time after starting to cut again she became addicted to it and she would slash herself even for the smallest of errors she would make, which in her mind were the biggest things she could be blamed for doing wrong and would be pointed by others as the stupid imbecile little girl she already though she was. Even though cutting relived her for some time. The feelings of misery and pain would come back only too often to hunt her.

Hope Scott was seventeen years old, only three months away from her eighteen birthday and she couldn’t bear to take another breath she was too depressed and hopeless she couldn’t even make herself walk fast enough to make it home and tell her parents what she desperately needed to. She dragged her feet along the sidewalk miserably forcing herself to put one foot after the other just dragging on her pain longer.

She was done and she knew it she had lost the battle she fought fearlessly during four years struggling to make herself a better person and meet everyone’s expectations. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it any more she wanted to end it right there in the middle of the sidewalk; she just wanted to drop dead out of the blue and finally rest from the excruciating torture her mind provided her with every stinking minute of her existence she wanted all of it to be over.

As she was thinking this a couple walked by her she moved aside to allow them passing she slide to the edge of the sidewalk. As she did this an odd sense of adrenalin that wasn’t there before suddenly burst into her chest. As she walked on the edge slowly trying to understand the sudden new feeling a car whooshed by her side and she understood what her body was telling her; suddenly she knew it was time for her to make her move and end it all.

She saw another car coming behind the other almost immediately as the last one passed; this time the car drove at a fairly higher speed than the last and she knew she had to act as quickly as she could as soon as the car was close enough to her.

As the second car whooshed by she let go of her body falling peacefully in front the black van as it raced by. At the moment of the fall she impacted her head on the car’s bumper fracturing her skull In the frontal part of and on the templar side as she hit the ground. She had ended her life in a blink of an eye, her pain had finally ended for good.

Or at least that’s what she thought as her body turned cold and lifeless while she laid on the sidewalk that typical spring evening. The couple that moments before had walked by the now lifeless teenager called the police and an ambulance.

But the Ambulance arrived too late to save Hope life. Unfortunately by the time they attempted to reanimate the stiffening body of the injured teen; at least twenty minutes had passed since Hope’s last breath. She never had a chance; Hope had died almost on impact.

By the time Hope woke up, the street was clear and it was dark. Hope sat up where she had been laying for the last couple of hours in the middle of the street and put both hands to her face. She thought for a moment trying to remember what had happened, when the memory flashed vividly furious through her jumbled mind.

With great difficulty she remembered the accident; she remembered the couple, the adrenalin rush, the car and the head lights bright in her face and latter great pain as she laid on the cold street. She shivered to the thought and sprang to her feet quickly running her hands through her body to check for any injuries.

To her surprise she was completely fine; she could not find any cuts or bruises on the rest of herself so with great caution and somewhat of fright she reached to her forehead where she thought she remember feeling the most pain but just as the rest of her body, it was clear of any cut or bump.

Just as the adrenalin rush was wearing off Hope remembered that she was standing in the middle of the street at night, and that she should had arrived home around three to four hours ago. She could tell it was around eight or nine o’ clock and she knew that her parents would be worrying sick about her.

Maybe they even called the police by now She thought of the embarrassment she will go through once she arrives home and her parents will have to apologize to the police because their irresponsible teenager decided to have a four hour stroll at the park instead of getting home at a reasonable hour. Not even caring enough to call or text them.

She wasn’t thrilled to get home and find a police officer consoling her mother and another assuring her father they would find her; whichever was the case Hope knew that arriving home her parents would receive her by yelling and saying things that would not help her self esteem. She was ready to walk by them as fast and hopefully as unnoticed as possible to avoid an argument. She really wasn’t in the mood for arguments she just wanted to get home and collapse on her bed to sleep. All she wanted was to be left alone.

Hope walked the two short blocks home, the whole time rehearsing how she was going to confront her parents who surely were awaiting anxiously for her. Once at the door of the apartment she waited a few minutes before going in, taking a deep breath as she opened the door. She was almost sure she could hear her mother’s irritated tone yelling out her name. But that was only her imagination because there was no one home. She called for her parents but there was no answer. She went to check for any type of note they might have left for her but she found none.

She was confused by the odd behavior and decided to call them to make sure everything was all right, when she went to the phone and tried to call her mother’s cell phone. She couldn’t pick up the phone, it slipped from her fingers as she attempted to pick it up and dial; she tried several times to pick up the device but to her horror every time she did it slipped right through her fingers. She panicked and went around the apartment trying picking up items all throughout the house as each and every item she encounter would react the same way.

Hope was horrified and just wanted to wake up from the senseless nightmare she was having. She knew it had to be a nightmare all the misfortunes that had happed to her throughout the day could not be true. She decided to sit and wait for her parents to get home, hopefully they knew what was happening and would explain everything to her once they arrived. She sat on the couch to wait but fell asleep soon after.

Hope had fallen waiting for her parents’ return but they didn’t come back until dawn the next day crying and cursing. The sound of her mother’s sobs and her father’s angry voice awoke her with a startle.

Why would she do such a thing? her father complained as they walked in.

I don’t know Chris I don’t understand what is happening it all seems so surreal whimpered her mother setting her purse on the table.

I mean she had everything anyone could wish for; a stable family, a place to live, food to eat, a good education. It just doesn’t make sense Evelyn. Her father continued.

Her mother sat down on the arms chair across from the couch in which Hope had been laying in listening to the whole commotion. She continued to cry uncontrollably whimpering to herself when hope; who was pretty confused about what was happening around her tried to speak.

Mom, dad what happened? Why are you guys so worked up?

No answer. Her mother who was literally across from her did not move an inch and