Gone but Not Forgotten: an Ozark Autumn to Be Remembered

By Suella Thrasher

The tall young woman with sparkling green eyes and long curly copper-red hair stooped gracefully and placed her autumn- colored bridal bouquet on the grave at the base of the tombstone. Five little graves beside hers were testimony to the sorrow and pain of loss as written in the century-old journal held by the young bride. The autumn sun danced through the leaves of red, orange, yellow and gold and on the bent face of the young woman as she whispered,"Thank you grandmother...I wish you could see me and hear me. God does answer prayer.." This fictional account is about trusting God in all situations and allowing Him to direct your ways. Points for reflection or group discussion are at the end of the book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Mar 16, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512733761

Suella Thrasher

Suella Thrasher has been an avid reader, since kindergarten, having a vivid imagination and a way with the written word. She successfully completed a two year writers' course by The Institute of Children's Literature. Suella is a retired registered nurse and educator with a Masters of Science in Nursing. She has presented lectures on health and spiritual life and teaching in church and currently serves in her church to teach women and children. She resides with husband, Bob, on a farm at the edge of the Arkansas Ozarks raising beef cattle and quarter horses and attending sports events of her grandchildren.

Book preview

1

Gramma, Graaam. The young girl, born one year before the end of the Civil War, ran into the two-story, wood-frame house buried deep in the Ozark forest, letting the door slam shut behind her. The year was 1876 and Gracie was embarking on woman-hood. The house was simply furnished with only two luxuries; the wood-burning cook-stove and the red-velvet divan brought from New Orleans. All other furnishings, including the house, were made by the man and woman of privilege who moved from New Orleans to find a life without pretense or cruelty. Louis had crafted the wooden furniture, sanding and polishing to the envy of any home in the civilized world. Irene had made curtains, rugs, blankets and pillows to provide cherished comfort and exquisite taste. It was a home filled with love and peace and hope brought about by hard work and determination nestled among the hickory trees, oaks, and cedars visited frequently by the furry critters who called the Ozarks home.

Gracie, what a racket! When will you begin to act like a lady? I declare, if your mama-- God rest her soul-- didn't have a wild monkey instead of a child. And here I am out here in the middle of-- no-where, trying to make a lady of you. Lord knows your papa has miserably failed in that area. Bless his heart. If I had not come from New Orleans you would have no schooling at all and would be totally illiterate and wild. Now, Miss Grace Ellen Roux, stand still and tell me in proper English what you would like to say. Remember to speak clearly, using proper grammatical English. School is still in session. The woman, in her late fifties, stood straight and tall and looked sternly at young Gracie. She laid down the knife with which she was peeling potatoes, wiped her hands on her apron, patted her impeccable bun and stood with hands clasped together in front of her patiently waiting for Gracie to speak.

Grandmother. Gracie stood straight and tall. Her hands were comfortably clasped together in front of her, like her grandmother's. She was a beautiful girl. Her dark, red-copper-burnished hair glistened in the sunlight that streamed through the window. Her green eyes had a devilish sparkle. Gracie's soft full lips could not but smile. When she smiled, those beautiful, perfectly sized teeth shone brilliant and white as snow. Grandmother, I was outside gathering eggs, and... The day is just beautiful. I wandered down to the spring to get some water for the chickens and... The young girl choked up, and her eyes were moist. Her beautiful, naturally long eyelashes sheltered a glistening tear that sparkled like a diamond. Grandmother, she threw up her arms forming a point and spun full circle on her toes, making a perfect pirouette as she had learned from her dance lessons. Grandmother, it took my breath away-the colors-have you noticed? I love this season most of all- red, yellow, orange, all shades. And the cedars offer such a dark-green contrast sprinkled in the mix. They remind me of that brilliant jade pendant in your jewelry box. Oh, Grandmother, it's just... There are no words for the beauty. I couldn't help it. She ducked her head as if in shame. I put a bridle on Belle and rode to the rock ledge and looked off over it all. It is the most brilliant, fall season in my whole twelve years. You must get out of the house, Grandmother, and see it. The young girl's hands had moved to her heart beneath her chin and were clasped tightly together. Suddenly, her arms flew outward and stretched wide as she twirled around in the kitchen. She threw back her head and loudly screeched, Its autumn, and I'm in love.

Her grandmother breathed a loud sigh of half exasperation and half resignation. Girl, who are you in love with? There's not an eligible man within two hundred miles. The Halcamps have five girls and three young boys half your age. And old man Hawkins is probably older than Moses... The war changed the gender demographics considerably, and there are no young boys or men suitable for marrying-- and you are up here in this isolated, forsaken wilderness.

Oh, Gram, I'm in love with the earth, the trees, the deer, and the squirrels. I'm in love with whoever I end up marrying. And when I get married and have my first baby it will be a girl. I'm going to name her Autumn Jade and she will have red hair and green eyes. I can call her AJ, if she looks like an AJ, or Autumn or Jade, whichever fits her. Gracie was talking rapidly.

Well young lady, Gram interjected do we need to have another science lesson on how children inherit characteristics such as red hair and green eyes?

Gram, no, we do not. I have asked God for a baby girl. She will have red hair like mine and green eyes like mine. God will send me the man to fulfill my dreams. God does answer prayer, does he not?

Gracie stopped as the door opened and a tall, auburn-haired man with green eyes as bright as the young girl's entered and loudly bellowed, What's the eggs doing on the rain barrel? And why is the horse standing haltered in the sheep pen? Whose cape and hood are hanging over the fence post, teasing the hogs? Are the chickens going to get water today?

She's your daughter, Louis, and I'm doing the best I can. However, I do think I am losing the battle. Grandma shook her head and turned toward the cabinet, where she had been standing and peeling potatoes.

Gracie ran out the door with a half skip, letting it slam behind her. I'm going to write her a letter just as soon as I take care of the chickens, the eggs, and Belle!

Gracie, before you begin writing, go down to the root cellar and get me some apples, please. I'm going to bake a pie.

Yes maam, Gracie called back. I'll bring a bucket full.

Write who a letter? asked the man

The grandmother replied as she put the potatoes in a pot over the fire Autumn Jade.

Autumn what? asked the man walking toward the table.

Autumn Jade...your granddaughter. That would be my great-granddaughter. Grandmother looked out the window and sighed loudly as she continued. Gracie plans to have a baby girl and name her Autumn Jade. Where she will find a young man to father this child is yet a mystery. But, that's her plan. I'm telling you, Louis, you need to send the girl back with me to New Orleans, so she can get a proper education and find some lady-likeness. She's as wild as a hare, and her imagination is dangerous. I do not want to be one to squelch hope and dreams, Louis, but the likelihood of one's dreams coming true in this wooded nether-world is zero to none.

The man sat in a chair at the table holding his hat and looking at the floor. Mama, when Irene and I came here we had a dream. Gracie is part of that dream. This land is ours. We will grow our food and trade for what we need. It is hard work but it is a beautiful place. You are making an apple pie today, Mama. Look at these apple trees. Irene and I planted them before Gracie was conceived. When Irene knew she was in the family way, we planted that tree over there for her. Gracie shares our dream in her vibrant love for nature. I want her here. I appreciate you coming to help me after Irene passed. You have provided her an education that no one else is privileged to have up here. Gracie can make her choices when she's old enough. I just pray she'll make good ones.

The woman quietly left the cook-stove and gently laid a hand on her son's shoulder. Grace is exceptionally bright. She has done well in her studies. She loves to learn. She knows about as much as I do. Her mother gave her beauty, and you have given her a love and respect for nature and the spiritual. And for God-- and a very gentle heart. Your daughter is well equipped, Louis. That girl has the fire and energy to surmount disappointments life may bring and the tenderness to reach out to others. You have nothing to worry about. I am content to be here and so very glad that you called for me. My work in New Orleans at the school as teacher and at the hospital as nurse had run its course. And I consider the education of my grandchild the highest privilege and... She paused a moment before continuing. And it's my calling, Louis. When your father was killed, my life was empty. I have gained the greatest satisfaction in watching my granddaughter grow and blossom. I do think civilization would offer her greater opportunities, but I respect your choices to raise your daughter here-however remote and uncivilized.

Gracie brought in a pail with two dozen eggs as well as a pail of apples. Everything's taken care of. Grandmother, I would like to write my letter now. I was thinking, Gram, I'll make it a journal and not just one letter. But I'll start with a letter. I'll use one of those paper pads Papa bought at the mercantile a couple months back, and I'll add to it-- like a diary-- for Autumn Jade-- Actually, Gram...

Gram interjected. Grace Ellen, stop, take a breath. I swear you will die for a lack of oxygen.

Gracie paused and took a deep breath. Her forehead was scrunched in thought. Gram, I was thinking... I'm writing a journal for not only Autumn Jade but all my granddaughters throughout time and forever. They will all have red hair like mine and green eyes. They will all be named Autumn Jade. I'll write it in the journal... and I'll pray. God hears prayers, does he not? He will give me a daughter and granddaughters with red hair and green eyes like the autumn of Hawkins Flat, which is the most gorgeous place on the entire earth-- in autumn, that is. Jade is for the green cedars and that sparkling pendant of yours. Gracie looked at her grandmother and continued, If it's okay with you, Gram, I'll clean up the kitchen tonight rather than help with supper. If it's ok with you. I need to write while it's on my mind. I'm going to detail today and each day I write. It's going to be my writing lesson, okay? Before her grandmother could respond, Gracie grabbed a writing pad and pencil from the old secretary and headed for the porch step.

Gracie, it is fine for you to work on your writing lesson while I cook, this time, however, do I need to remind you of your science lessons? God does answer prayer, definitely yes, and he can do the miraculous but mostly he works within the physics and laws which he created in the beginning. In order to have red headed, green eyed children...

Gracie interjected I've already considered that grandmother. My husband will have to have characteristics to support that as well. That's where my prayers come in Gram. I'll wait for the man God sends in answer to my prayers. She continued out the door.

Child, grandmother called, remember when you journal, you must make each entry a distinct and separate entry and always end each entry with your initials. Spelling and punctuation is important. You are writing to your daughter. You need to set her a good example. Gram sighed deeply and smiled, Wild as a hare, but as sweet and as smart as her daddy and astoundingly beautiful like her mother, grandma said quietly to herself.

2

Journal Entry.

Dear Autumn Jade, it is fall in the Ozarks, 1876. You are my very heart and soul; I love you now when I am only twelve years of age with no idea of who your father might be since there are no husband prospects here in this beautiful place God has placed me. But I am sure God will provide me a husband and you will be born as well as your brothers and sisters. I want to have many children to love life and this place as I do. I am in the state of Arkansas, in the Ozarks, in Franklin County. I was born the year before the Great War ended. Papa and Mama moved here to escape the horrors of civilization", and to farm. Grandmother, who is from New Orleans, calls this place 'desolation isolation' with only a few neighbors living distantly apart. Grandmother wants me to go back to New Orleans with her. She came to live with us when my mother died of a fever. Grandmother was a teacher in a boarding school then a nurse after getting married and having my Papa. She knows everything about anything. All my life she has read books to me and I love to read. The books she has are quite old and I have read them all- classics, history books, medical books, geography, you name it-- and of course the Bible. Grandmother has taught me letters and daily makes me do lessons in mathematics, geography, English, and other subjects, even dance which Papa thinks is absurd but grandmother insists. I also take cooking lessons which includes French culinary arts, which papa also thinks is absurd. So I am busy every day all day. There is rarely a spare moment. Sometimes, like today, I cannot help taking off through the woods on my horse Belle or on foot because of the astounding beauty all around me... I know I shouldn't. I should stick to my chores, but something inside me takes over and before I can think about it, it is done. Papa raises his voice and Gram gives me a lecture and makes me stand properly before her but they do not scold too long or too hard. The only day I earn a reprieve from lessons is on the Lord's Day- the first day of the week. On Sunday morning, after breakfast, we gather around the old rocker and papa reads from the big old Bible and we pray. Then we do necessary chores and the remainder of the day is rest and leisure. I am not allowed to do anything which can be construed as unnecessary work. Papa says that God gave us six days to darn socks, sew dresses, and harvest the crops.

Each first Sunday of the new month, we go to worship with neighbors. Families meet in their homes. Each family has a turn. Sometimes it takes over an hour to get to a home, but Papa says that it is important to meet together as Christian believers. There is a church down in Mulberry Township but it is a long way and it isn't practical for the 'neighbors of the woods' to make such a long trek in one day. Besides, Papa says the Cumberland Presbyterian Church is too fancy for him. He prefers the simplicity of first century Christians. I guess many of our neighbors share his views in that respect.

One of my favorite songs which we sing frequently is Joy to the World, written over one hundred years ago by a Mr. Watts. Sometimes I can hear the neighbors singing it as they come through the woods to worship. The unfettered voices float upward through the trees and take wings on the breeze as the unpretentious Christians send forth praise to Almighty God and His Son, Jesus Christ.

"Joy to the world! the Lord is come;

Let earth receive her King;

Let every heart prepare him room,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing."

When we meet, one of the men will read from the Bible and we pray with each other; we pray for the crops and those who are sick, and the country and our president and leaders, whether we like them or not. We also sing songs and have the Lord's Supper. One time at the Stephen's place, Mrs. Stephen realized that she had no appropriate drink for the communion, so while Bible study was in progress, a few children were sent out to gather some wild blackberries. The women smashed and strained them to make juice speedily. The men never knew of the dilemma but most noticed a difference in the taste of the usual preparation. Once, a man named Mr. Filcher joined our services and wanted special prayers since he was sick with the cough. He requested to be anointed with oil. This was not a usual practice with us but he showed Papa in the scripture, James chapter five, where it said to anoint with oil. He said in North Carolina they used olive oil but we didn't have any so Mrs. Mcfeddan used eucalyptus oil. I don't know if it worked, we never saw Mr. Filcher again. Folks said he was staying in a rock cabin at Grays Spring where the confederate army had camped. Some of the men took some food to him after that Sunday but could not find him. Hopefully he got better. If there are new believers Papa is always prepared to offer the opportunity for baptism by immersion. Last year, I was eleven and made the decision to become a New Testament Christian. I was baptized in the old hollowed out spring head where we draw water. The song sang just before I was immersed was When I Survey the Wondrous Cross. The simple voices of the mountain folks blended together as praise lifted to the one who died for my sins... Forbid it Lord that I should boast, Save in the death of Christ, my God; All the vain things that charm me most I sacrifice them to His blood... Sometimes when we are at other homes, the host will have cleaned out a watering trough in case there is a baptism. Such was the case several months ago when old man Hawkins decided to accept the Christian way. It would have been better for him to be baptized in the spring but we were at the McFeddan place. The watering trough had limited space and it was difficult to get both his knees immersed at the same time. Several of the children got the giggles and were scolded by the older women.

Later on, after the services, we collect the contribution. The contribution will be given to those in need. Last year, the McFeddan barn burned and the collection was used to help them buy hay for their stock and rebuild their barn. Once, a man came up to us and said the Indian reservation needed clothes, so the men gave some of the contribution to help those on the reservation. One of our neighbors went back with him to the reservation to be sure the contribution was used appropriately. He did not return for three months. But he said the Indians were thankful for our assistance.

I plan to be like Grandmother and be a teacher and a nurse so I can help people less fortunate than I. I do not remember mama, and papa never talks of her; but Grandmother says I look just like her with my red hair and green eyes. Apparently my mother was imaginative like me with an explosive energetic side because grandmother complains of it constantly. My life is wonderful. This place I live in, the Arkansas Ozarks, I hope to never leave; I want to be buried here, where I was born. I want to be buried in Hawkins Flat. Autumn, today I rode to the bluff and looked out over the tree tops- brilliance beyond words- flaming fire, yellows as bright as the sun, red ferns climbing the trees- I counted more than seven shades of autumn colors. It is indescribable. And that's when I decided my first daughter would be named Autumn. Autumn Jade. Red hair and green eyes. Jade because of the bright green cedars standing out among the brilliant orange-yellows. Plus, the green reminds me of Grandmother's jade pendant she keeps in her jewelry box. Grandfather gave it to grandmother as an engagement gift. It belonged to his mother and to hers before her. Grandmother said it would be mine one day and she would tell me the story of it at the appropriate time.

It is late October-- November will soon follow. Soon to be followed by winter to bring barrenness in the foliage, near desolation, with a brown naked beauty of its own. Deep winter will come-- with cold, snow, and ice. Winter would be a good name for a child too. Maybe my second daughter will be named Winter. Winter Pearl. I hope the man I marry is amenable to the notion.

Autumn, I want you to know where you received your name. I want you to carry the majesty of this place-- the Ozarks-- with you. I want you to know the Creator. I want you to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. I want you to know the Word of God. That is why I am writing this letter-- journal. I will add to it when appropriate so that you will have a diary. Perhaps you can give it to your daughter, and she to hers. Perhaps the beauty of this place and the hope of God will belong to my grandchildren throughout time. That is my prayer. Grace Ellen Roux (henceforth GR).

3

Papa, may I go with you to town. I would like to get some fabric for some new dresses this year. Lessons from grandmother included practical skills such as sewing and cooking and cleaning. Gran needs a new dress as well, and you need a new Sunday shirt. Also, I would like to talk to a doctor about remedies. I feel I need to be better equipped to treat the maladies which come to me. She waited, standing perfectly still, with her arms loosely hanging relaxed, and hands folded in front of her properly, as her grandmother taught her. Her smile was sweet, and those bright green eyes-it was hard to refuse her. Her father sighed, I would love to have you come, my dear Girlie. I think it would be good for you. However I need you to stay with Grandmother to feed the stock. She cannot handle this alone. I am sorry daughter. Make a list of things you want. I'll ask the clerk to pick out fabric for you. I'll go by the doctor and see if he has anything for you. The man turned to go to the barn and the young girl stood on her toes, twirled in a perfect circle, ending with a low curtsey worthy of any queen in the highest courts. Grandmother stood at the window not hearing the conversation. She smiled as she watched. Her smile contributed to a twinkle in her eye which spoke of great self-satisfaction. She had done well with Gracie. Gracie was almost sixteen years old and becoming a young woman to be reckoned with. If only there were some eligible bachelors nearby. If only there were some princely Frenchmen or Englishmen, she would not be picky-someone to deserve this beautiful rare jewel hidden in the deep woods of the Arkansas Ozarks.

With a deep sigh, she turned from the window and continued with cleaning. Her thoughts were far away. She was thinking of her deceased husband. She had been thinking about him a lot lately. She even dreamed about him more than she ever had. The pains in her chest were more frequent now; sometimes several times a week. Sometimes she had trouble catching her breath. She hadn't told Louis or Gracie but on her mind constantly was this beautiful half-child, half-woman being raised in these backwoods. What would happen to Gracie? How would Louis handle her death? She whispered a prayer for them both and for herself. Please God, allow me to be with them at least until Gracie finds her soul-mate. A tear lingered in the corner of her eye. She grit her teeth as a powerful pain grabbed her chest and moved to her back. She immediately sat on the hearth and took some shallow breaths. The pain subsided but she sat still waiting to see if it would return.

The door burst open and Gracie shot through and up the stairs. Grandmother, Gracie hollered from midway up the stairs, Papa is ready to leave. I'm getting his bag for him. Would you like to come to the porch to see him off? Gracie did not stop for an answer. She ran into her father's bedroom and in seconds was taking the stairs down two at a time. Grandmother had gone to the door and Gracie stopped to allow her time to get onto the porch. They hugged Louis, gave last minute orders, and well-wishes. He promised to be home in a week and a half-fourteen days at the most. We plan to go by Walker Township, and then on down to Ozark, and west to Mulberry. If we cannot find seed and supplies we need for the year, we will have to go on to the Fort. That will extend my time to about three weeks. Don't worry. As he climbed up on the wagon and grabbed the reins two neighbors who were making the trip with him for supplies also rode up on their mounts. One of the men shouted to the women Ellen Kate is ok now but the little one could come any day; She will send Max over when the time comes. Grandmother nodded and Gracie lifted a hand of acknowledgement. The men were gone and out of sight before the sound of the horse hooves faded in the early morning air.

Grandmother turned to go inside. Gracie lingered on the porch listening to the birds and other critters. Her journal was getting thick. She had used four notebooks since she started. She usually wrote in her journal early in the morning and late at night when all chores were done. Gram, I would like to write some before the children come for their lessons if that's alright with you.

Grandmother responded, Go right ahead child, you have about an hour and a half before school starts. The older woman was glad to be alone in the kitchen. She was proud of Gracie's journal. The girl had written the journal seemingly effortlessly to an imaginary daughter yet to be conceived. The writing was a scholarly piece to be envied by any author. Yes, this granddaughter of hers would do well in a big city. She could have a husband of means. She would do well in New Orleans. Grandma signed deeply. It would never happen. Gracie was doomed to a life of isolation and depravity. Hopefully she would find purpose and contentment and a man to support her very simple dreams of raising children and helping the neighbors. Gracie had been teaching the children for four years now. There was a school at the campground near Mulberry, but that was too far. The children neighbors were getting a good basic education from Gracie. She was also called upon for injuries and delivering babies as needed. Medical care in the towns was too far away. She had taught Gracie everything she knew about caring for the sick and injured.

Journal Entry.

Dear Autumn Jade, it is getting cooler. Papa went to town today. I wish I could have gone but someone has to stay with gram and take care of the animals and garden. Hopefully there will be someone at the mercantile to pick out appropriate material for dresses and a shirt. I am fifteen years old and have been teaching the children by myself for several years. The children come when they can to do their lessons. I want the children to learn to read and write and calculate numbers. Little Robbie Jean and Mary Lou are bright stars. Josiah Mcfeddan and his brother Jack are probably lost hopes. Johnny Carl doesn't have good study habits and he and his brothers are a bit ornery. However, I will do my best to give them a basic and proper education.

I have also assumed Grandmother's responsibilities in midwifery and basic nursing duties. Ellen Kate Stephens is due her first child any day. Ellen Kate is a tiny thing and so very frail. I hope the birth is an easy one. Max is her stepson. Max's mother died in childbirth. He is 7 now and attends school when he can. He will not be here today because of Ellen Kate needing him with her. Two weeks ago, Seth Cambell, little Mary's brother, whacked his finger off while chopping wood. They brought him to me almost two days after the incident. He did not tell the family about the accident when it happened and there was nothing I could do except cleanse the wound and apply elderberry leaves and hope he was too ornery to die from it.

I have made barter with old man Hawkins. He will loan me his black stallion to breed with my Belle and in exchange I will raise 2 dozen chicks for him come spring. I plan to accomplish the barter in March. I will keep the chicks until Belle comes in at which time I will take them to him and leave Belle there with Old Blackie for one week. I do have more to write, but I think I hear the laughter of the children. I shall close for now. Goodbye for now, my precious child. GR.

4

Grandmother, Gracie ran in from the barn Max has come over and says Ellen Kate needs us. I'll hitch Belle to the small cart. It will only take a moment. Can you be ready?

Grandmother was not feeling well and she wanted Gracie to handle this birth. However, this was Ellen Kate's first child and she was not a healthy appearing woman. Ellen Kate looked as if the wind could just blow her off her feet and she would not be able to resist or regain her feet again. Grandmother considered staying but did not want Gracie to have a bad experience and loose the baby or the mother; maternal and infant mortality was very high in these woods. She would let Gracie do the delivery but she would be nearby in case there was trouble. Yes Gracie, I'll be ready. Get the horse hitched. I'll have the bag ready. She checked the bag to be sure needed items were in it. The bag was maintained near the door with clean cloths, gauze and bandages, sterile scissors, a tie for the cord, suture and needle in the event of a laceration, and disinfectants. If a neighbor needed something else, they usually had it on hand in their own homes.

Soon Gracie was hitched and calling for Gram. They headed for Ellen Kate's with Max leading on his old sorrel. Fortunately the weather was nice. The road was rough all the way. Grandmother began to think of her life in New Orleans. Nicely paved roads. Physicians readily available. Parties. Libraries. Museums. Life before the war with the states was pretty good. Her family had moved to New Orleans after the Louisiana Purchase. She was born in 1828 and was an only child. Her father had traveled extensively in the exotic trade business as did his father before him. They were especially adept in Chinese trade and had made many friends in high places in the imperial dynasty of Qing. She adored her father but he wasn't around much when she was growing up. Her mother introduced her to society in New Orleans and the constant activity, light-hearted laughter, and party spirit had been as much a part of her as the air she breathed.

In 1844 at the age of 16 she met and married Rafael, the love of her life and a second cousin on the Roux family side. He had recently traveled from France after graduation from law school in Italy. Rafael was not seeking notoriety or connections. He was a simple man with simple desires. He attended social events only to accompany her and as required for his position as an attorney at a prestigious law firm. Being an attorney at law, he would often take on cases of those unfortunate who could not afford to fight powerful business men and land barons. Grandmother learned from Rafael to care about others in society less fortunate than herself. She was reminded of her father who often talked of injustices in other places in the world. After two miscarriages she finally gave birth to Louis in 1847. With the encouragement of Rafael, she became a school teacher and later a nurse assistant at the local Charity hospital where Rafael was a board member. The high-society life-style she had become accustomed to had given her laughter and thrills, but her new-found work of helping and serving others gave her a great satisfaction and feeling of accomplishment at the end of each day. Rafael's favorite piece of literature was that by John Donne of the seventeenth century, No Man is an Island. The line he quoted often was from the original meditation by Donne, any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind. Rafael had extended the notion of the poem to apply not just to death but also of circumstance. Any man's circumstance was his to mend and attend to. When Rafael had died, she felt a depth of emptiness she did not know could be experienced. When Louis was young, she had left him with a nanny much of the time. In retrospect, she regretted that choice. It seemed that Louis grew up too fast and married Irene too soon in her opinion. He had moved to Arkansas, he said, to escape the atrocities of the war. Louis was gentle like his father. There was no room in his heart for the killing and setting neighbor against neighbor.

When Irene died of the fever when Gracie was barely one year old, Louis summonsed her and asked her to find a willing companion to help him raise his child. He was much too involved farming and building a home and barns to care for a baby. Plus, his home and child needed a woman. Grandmother came to the Ozarks to see how things were so she could find an appropriate nanny for Gracie and companion for Louis. Grandmother never returned to New Orleans. Now, as she watched her granddaughter driving the horse and cart behind Max, she realized how fortunate she was and she was glad for the decision she made to stay and help her son. The young Gracie was absolutely beautiful and was so very spirited with such lofty dreams. She saw the red curls bounce out of the bonnet and smiled at the thought of trying to tame the feisty youngster. Life here was difficult and even brutal at times. Living without the conveniences of New Orleans was hard. But the joy of having the privilege of watching this child grow into a fully developed young woman was worth every challenging moment. Grandmother loved this young girl with all her heart. She deeply sighed. The thought of dying and leaving this young child-woman deeply saddened her. She had one more thing to do before she left this life and it had to do with the jade pendant that Gracie was so fond of. Grandmother had been considering diligently the past few days of how she would approach the topic with her granddaughter who would be its next owner and recipient of its life-force.

Journal Entry.

Dearest Autumn Jade, my mind is literally exploding with excitement. I think I shall burst. I feel like going to the rock ledge on Belle and opening my arms wide and spinning like a top while shouting at the top of my lungs. I just delivered Ellen Kate's first child. I helped Ellen Kate remain calm and taught her to use deep breathing techniques to control the urge to push until the baby crowned. I just experienced the euphoria of witnessing new birth and the sacred responsibility of being the first to hold a newborn human-being as he took his first breath of air. My heart was so overflowing with love for that child, the best I could do is pray asking God to bless his life with peace and well-being; I also prayed for his children and grandchildren forever.

Autumn, birthing a baby compares nothing to assisting in the delivery of a calf or other critter. This baby I held in my hands, even before the mother, is full of potential and hope. When I looked at Ellen Kate to tell her it was a boy, the tears in my eyes became a downpour of awe. Ellen Kate had such love in her eyes as she reached out to take the baby to her breast. She caught my eyes and we shared the most awesome moment together. I have no words to explain it. She wanted to name the baby after me but alas, what would a boy do with the name of Grace or Ellen? She asked me if I would do the honor of naming him, but I declined. I felt the task of naming a child was something incumbent upon a parent.

However, if I were going to name a boy, I think I would choose the name Isaac. I do love the Bible story of Rebecca and Isaac. It is a story of romantic beginnings. Autumn, I look forward to the time you are born and I experience that feeling of awe in a more personal way. It has been an exhausting day for me and grandmother. I don't think grandmother feels very well. She was there when little Jimmy John was born; but she sat in the outer room waiting for me to call for assistance as needed. She wanted me to handle the birth alone. I do understand her desire for me to do it alone and become competent without her, but I feel she is not well. I wish