The Outhouse Report

By Charles Riddle III

Capturing the reality of the Louisiana Legislature through humor and real life images of the day to day lives of legislators is the gist of The Outhouse Report. The reader will gain insight to the workings of a State Legislature through the eyes of one member, who kept up with the humorous statements made by House members (including the author) as their passions arose. This mortality rate is killing us! and other quotes of obvious intent with other consequences will keep the reader laughing out loud and learning at the same time. Enjoyable and exhilarating.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 11, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479762286

Charles Riddle III

Charles Addison Riddle III is a practicing attorney who was elected to the House of Representatives in 1992 and served for 11 years through January, 2003 after his election as District Attorney. He is still serving as the District Attorney at the time of this publication. Riddle is a lifelong resident of Marksville, Louisiana, serving the Parish of Avoyelles as State Representative and District Attorney for a total of 20 years. Married to Susan Noone Riddle, a teacher, song writer, author and worship leader, they have three sons, Addison, John and Michael. They are grandparents to eight children.

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Copyright © 2012 by Charles Riddle III.

Library of Congress Control Number:                   2012923051

ISBN:                     Hardcover                   978-1-4797-6227-9

                       Softcover                         978-1-4797-6226-2

                      Ebook                              978-1-4797-6228-6

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CONTENTS

Introduction

Prologue Who am I?

Chapter 1 The Election of Craig Mardell (Fiction)

Chapter 2 1992: Rookie Year

Chapter 3 Travis’s Travesties

Chapter 4 Travis Is Not Alone

Chapter 5 The Speaker Section

Chapter 6 The Women Were Not Exempted

Chapter 7 The Wrong Team

Chapter 8 The Anti-Lawyer Sentiment

Chapter 9 Pressure (Facing Up To It) (Fiction)

Chapter 10 The House versus the Senate (A Battle Never Won by the House)

Chapter 11 Who’s Confused?

Chapter 12 The Environment

Chapter 13 Zingers and Political Thoughts

Chapter 14 Mixing Metaphors

Chapter 15 The Fashion Police

Chapter 16 LSU Football (A Tale of Privilege) Short Story 3 (Fiction)

Chapter 17 Seatmates—your Buddy (How It All Works)

Epilogue

Appendix

The Outhouse Report

Politics in the Louisiana Legislature

(Quotable Quotes, Short Stories, and Thoughts on a Misunderstood System)

Credits and Thanks

As a State Representative, a unique perspective was gained offering insight to the most misunderstood system in the United States, the Louisiana Legislature. Serving from 1992-2002, I quickly noticed that my words spoken in the heat of passion during debate did not always come out as intended. It was noticed by several of us that we all had malapropisms that were quite humorous.

These misspoken words lead to two of us creating The Outhouse Report. We published the report annually at the end of each session. At the time, the House of Representatives had a report called the In-House Report which served the purpose of keeping staff informed of issues with the House. Our unofficial journal became very popular with the members of both chambers in the legislature, staff, lobbyists, and the press. Eventually, the quotes became part of speeches and fairly popular with the public.

Although many of the quotes caused embarrassment to the speaker responsible, it was all in good fun. Thanks to those other members of the House who coedited and to Harris and Associates who printed the last eight editions of The Outhouse Report.

We required at least one witness to each statement to qualify for an entry as a quote. That explains why most of the quotes originate in the House. We do have a few committee comments and Senate quotes but only those that could easily be verified. Chapter 1 is a fictional story of an election to the State House of Representatives. After that, the quotes and humor start.

Several fictional chapters were added for purposes of giving the reader a look on the inside of the legislator without using real names of Representatives.

Enjoy the quotes, short stories that fictionalize many true stories, and thoughts on the most misunderstood system in the United States. Enjoy the Louisiana Legislature at its best and worst. Remember, these are my thoughts and perceptions. Others may have seen the same things and have totally different perspectives.

Special thanks to Ed Deano, former Representative who was the original coeditor, Glenn Ansardi, Warren Triche, Roy Quezaire, Steve Scalise, and Loulan Pitre, in addition to all of the representatives with whom I served that participated with us in collecting the quotes, which we would publish with the help of Harris and Associates in Baton Rouge. Special thanks goes to Michelle Miller who served as the employee of the Rural Caucus and made sure that we kept copies of all the published Outhouse Reports. My gratitude to Leah Moreau Morace, who did the wonderful cover art work depicting the State Capitol Building, the Huey Long statue and the outhouse that was exactly what I had in mind.

To my wife, Susan Noone Riddle, a very special thanks for putting up with many lonely times while I served in House and then more time while writing this. The spouse of an elected official has to endure much. God bless her.

—Charles Riddle III

INTRODUCTION

Serving in the Louisiana Legislature is an education that cannot be taught in universities. A PhD could be awarded in political science by merely serving eight years or more in this very misunderstood body. My experience is in the Louisiana House of Representatives, so I cannot offer much insight to the Senate other than the relationship between the two rival bodies from a Representative’s perspective.

The names of the people who are quoted in this book are real. Each statement was made in public although there were many statements that may not be so humorous unless you have background knowledge of the speaker or the issue at hand. My effort will be to give background information on each speaker and some history on the subject matter discussed. Some quotes need no explanation and stand on their own.

Legislators get very close to each other because of the compressed time they work together. In some cases, you may have political enemies and others are teammates. What color is your jersey? would be the question of whether you were on the Speaker’s side (generally the governor’s position) and on the team. Fighting the Speaker of the House of Representatives took a lot of courage on the part of individual members. The Speaker’s position could easily translate into at least twenty members voting contrary to how they normally would vote on an issue. I have no statistical data to back that up other than what I and many other members experienced in the House.

Getting close to members did not mean that you became very good friends. Some members would join together on any issue one of them in the group would support, others switched back and forth. It did get sensitive for us on many occasions. I can count on my two hands the number of members whose homes or offices I visited in their district. I served with approximately 170 different representatives, and it is hard to have deep personal relationships with all of them. A member will get to know you well, and generally we could predict how each would vote on an issue although there was no science to that either. There was a special kinship that developed among members.

Enjoy the stories, quotes, and memories as you get to know those members who served the eleven years from 1992 to 2002.

PROLOGUE

Who am I?

Family History and Background

My home is Avoyelles Parish. It is one of the nineteen original parishes in the state of Louisiana. Along with Pointe Coupee Parish, it was settled mostly by direct French descendants as opposed to the Acadians after their expulsion by the English known as Le Grand Dérangement. Of course, many of the same traditions exist in this part of the state as their distant South Louisiana relatives.

Avoyelles is considered the crossroads of Louisiana as it is the dividing line between Acadiana and North Louisiana. Actually, the Red River is the dividing line, which dissects Avoyelles in the northern part of the parish. The Red River transforms into the Atchafalaya River after it meets the Mississippi, drastically changing the nature of the river, from a shallower waterway to the deep and hard currents of the Atchafalaya River. The latter covers the eastern part of the parish.

Avoyelles has been predominantly Catholic with Ward One (north of Red River) predominantly Protestant, and Bunkie in the southwestern part of the parish, mixed with a fifty-fifty split between Protestant and Catholic. This makeup has affected the political scenario of the Parish and whom the citizens elect.

My grandfather, my namesake, was the son of the first Riddle that moved into the area. Glenn Clarence Riddle came before the war between the states from Salisbury, North Carolina. It was said that he wanted to go to Texas, much to the chagrin of his mother, who followed him as he began his trek. He reportedly turned to her and said, Go home, Mom, I will come back to visit. He never saw her again.

When he arrived in Avoyelles, which was a major thoroughfare to Texas, he met up with a young lady who attracted his attention. He decided to make Avoyelles his home. They had seven children, including my grandfather, Charles Addison Riddle. She was a descendant of the Robert family, which was one of the original three families of Central Louisiana.¹ Her name was Lucy Frances Robert.

The Robert’s were Huguenots, which makes me French Protestant; Riddle, having Scottish Protestant and Gremillion, my mother’s family along with Moreau, French Catholic, and part Acadian. One can see that my ancestry is very conflicted. French Protestants kicked out of France, direct French descendants were asked to settle in Louisiana; Acadians kicked out of Canada—all these make me a microcosm of Louisiana.

Avoyelles is a microcosm of Louisiana in that it has a varied culture separated by region and river and a rich political history. Charles Add Riddle was a teacher and principal of a small country school located in the Moncla-Johnson area just below the Red River, which was once called Riddle. He later decided to become a lawyer and passed the state bar exam, which was allowed at that time without attending law school.

Add Riddle volunteered to be the Red Cross chairman in the midtwenties that was considered honorary at the time. Little did he know that the Flood of 1927 would soon come devastating mid-America and left homeless millions, including many in Avoyelles Parish. He worked for four years helping people file claims and used his legal knowledge to assist many. It was interesting to read as I found his letter of resignation that shared how exhausted he was.

Add Riddle was truly a little old country lawyer who received eggs and other produce as fees and generally did not have much of a lucrative practice. He decided that politics was more for him as he decided to run for the state House of Representatives in 1932 after following the career of Huey Long, who became Governor in 1928. His service as the Red Cross chairman helped him as he formed many relationships in the parish that translated into votes for him.

Huey Long influenced him greatly and he was about the same age as they became close political allies. Huey Long spoke at the opening of the Avoyelles Parish Courthouse in 1928, a beautiful Art-Deco structure that is still used today though the inside has had a hard time keeping up with the many changes of the nature of courthouse day-to-day business.

In 1932, Add Riddle was elected to the House of Representatives, and his first term was in the new State Capital built by Huey Long in eighteen months. It is the tallest State Capital Building and also the most visited in the United States. Huey Long is buried on the grounds in front of the Capital, of which halls were the location of then Senator Long, receiving the fatal shot, after being confronted by Dr. Carl Weiss. There have been many debates about conspiracies, but few bring up the testimony of the Coroner’s inquest that was held for the death of Carl Weiss. This was a method used to determine cause of death for those who may have been a victim of any homicide.

My grandfather, Representative Add Riddle, was a witness who testified at the inquest. The son of Gaston Porterie, who served as the attorney general for the state of Louisiana and hailed from Avoyelles Parish, gave me a copy of the transcript during my first term in the Legislature. Interestingly, four attorneys from Avoyelles have run for attorney general, with only Porterie winning. Benjamin Clyde Bennett, Charles A. Riddle Jr., my father, and Jerold Eddie Knoll ran in three separate decades, all losing their races.

At the inquest, Add Riddle testified that he was trying to reach Senator Long, a man he loved, to speak in Avoyelles Parish. This was September 5, 1935. As he tried to catch up with the fast-walking senator in the halls of the Capital, between the House and the Senate chambers, he saw what appeared to be a barrel of a pistol and then described what sounded like bandits and racketeers. (See appendix for a copy of the transcript of Riddle’s testimony.)

Of course, when I found out about this, my interest peaked. I was a senior in high school and have read many books on the subject. The one fact that I believe no one can prove is which weapon actually fired the shot that killed Huey Long. I will say that there is no doubt, in my mind, that Dr. Weiss had a pistol. One reason is that my grandfather said so, and we grandchildren believe everything our grandfathers say to be true.

More importantly, the conspiracy theorists would have the listener believe the following:

1. Weiss had no weapon.

2. The guards reacted too quickly and too violently.

3. Weiss was recognized, and someone found his vehicle.

4. They happened to find a pistol that all admit belonged to Weiss.

5. The pistol was fired three times with the third bullet jamming.

6. The weapon was then placed at the murder scene.

This premise is unbelievable. We tend to think of historical events in present-day terms. For instance, how long would it have taken the state police to recognize and identify Dr. Weiss and then try to locate a vehicle belonging to him, hoping that there may be a weapon in the vehicle that they could fire and use to set up at the crime scene?

Add Riddle served in the House until 1940 at which time he decided to run for district attorney and was unsuccessful. This was shortly before the attack on Pearl Harbor and Charles Riddle Jr. was finishing law school at LSU after completing his college education at Louisiana Poly-tech, now Louisiana Tech in Ruston.

Charles Addison Riddle Jr.

After completing law school, my father joined the navy and became a lieutenant upon completion of Officer Candidate School at Columbia University in New York City. Russell Long, Huey’s son, and my father were one year apart in law school and finished their OCS within a month of each other. They established a long-lasting friendship and political relationship during the war years.

Charles Riddle Jr. finished OCS in November 1942 and sent a telegram to Alma Rita Gremillion informing her that he could now afford to marry her. She