The Salt in Our Bars

By Gone Dream

A family-friendly, educationally-entertaining parody of "The Fault in Our Stars".

13-year-old Razor Craze Manchester is just your average girl. Nothing special. Or is she? Of course, not. She is a human girl. Get it? (Not an average girl!)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gone Dream
• Release date: Jun 26, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005553494

Book preview

Chapter 1

SOMETIME BACK IN THE year 2012, probably in the month of January, my mother realised I was suppressed—by forces so much larger (and hence, powerful) than myself that I couldn’t act out of my own free will. She was right—as right as the saying that goes Might is right—which obviously, because the majority thinks so (and also because I write it in this account), IS RIGHT.

Since the ‘saying’, ‘she’ as well as ‘might’ was/is right, I concluded something important that day, which I mathematically simplified, and also hereby produce as an equation:

She = Saying = Might

Boy was I wrong! The above equation wasn’t correct.

Those forces, which obviously I won’t name here but let’s just say I feel like pointing them out, consisted of:

My math teacher in school, Mrs. Bacon.

The author of the only book (An Imperius Affection) I ever seriously read, Van-Eater Houston.

Cancer, because why the heck not?

The bullies at school and also at not-school, which is to say all the bullies in this world.

Julius Caeser (and the famous person who decided to write a play about his life), because:

Most, if not all, of the characters in that play, always said terribly wrong things. For instance, I don’t remember who but someone definitely said this, The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars. And that is wrong because there is this book whose title just happens to be The Fault in Our Stars, which implies that there is a fault in our stars, or at least the author thinks so, and maybe he is right when he wrote or thought so because stars die (and get re-birthed) all the time. The stars at the time when Brutus lived might not be the same stars that existed when that author decided to name his book TFIOS, because LIFE GOES ON, and THINGS CHANGE ALL THE TIME. And that makes both—the author of TFIOS as well as the person who said that ‘dear Brutus’ line—correct in their frame of reference, which also makes both of them wrong in someone else’s frame—for instance, mine. Phew, that was long to express.

Julius Caeser is DEAD. That too long ago. Why do we have to let these dead, stupid people, who have no idea how our world works, influence our education system? Why do I have to find metaphors, and similes, and alliteration, or any other kind of figures of speech in my English literature? I hate that trash.

Speaking of which—my English teacher, Mr. Speakingman, who makes me read and write those stupid, long essays about—people who no longer enjoy their personhood, and their writings. Heck, I am a better writer than all of them—and also, alive. Instead of praising and worshipping them like fools—which won’t gain him anything—he (and the other students in my class) could simply praise me. I might offer them a chocolate or two every time they say something nice about me. Or even better, make them characters in my next storybook—making them

Reviews for The Salt in Our Bars

[Austin Castiglione · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

This is pathetic! I can’t believe you could just mock such an incredible book like this!! Grow up.

[Bpen Sen · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Please let us read. It says the access is prevented, why?