For Never and Always: Offstage, #1

By Rica Grayson

Maven

When he knocked on my door seven years ago to tell me he wanted to follow his dreams, I let him go. And I learnt one thing— some things just aren't meant for you.
I didn't think I'd ever see Clay Lyons again, but I'm proven wrong when a lucky trip turns out to be a set-up. He may be one of the biggest country stars now, but he hasn't changed at all. I just need to remember one thing: best friends—it's all we ever are. But when we meet again, it's hard to remember that.

Clay

I may be getting a break after my tour, but there's one person I want to see, and I'll do what it takes to make it happen.
But things are different this time.  
I shouldn't want to kiss my best friend. 
I shouldn't want to hold her. 
But I do. And when the truth comes out, I might just lose the one person who means the most to me. 


***

For Never and Always is 40k~ words and can be read as a standalone. Recommended for readers 18+. No cliffhangers, and no cheating.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rica Grayson
• Release date: Jan 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781393827689

Book preview

Prologue

Maven

---

T hat’s not a ring, stupid, Paul remarked.

The aisle was ready, sticks on the ground laid out carefully, forming a narrow makeshift pathway. Andy passed me a bunch of lavenders she picked from their garden at home, mixed with some dried stems of other plants.

Clay shrugged, holding up the tab from a can of soda, examining it in the light. Good enough for me. He shot the group a wide toothy grin. I held a similar one in my hand.

Okay, that’s good! Tony said, clapping his hands together. Who will marry them? he asked, his eyes scanning the group.

Paul shook his head. Pass.

Are they going to kiss? Andy’s eyes were wide.

Paul’s nose wrinkled and he made a face. Gross. He turned to Tony. "Maybe you should do it. This was your idea."

Tony was about to protest when Andy pushed her way between the two.

Stop! Andy held both arms out, as if she could stop the argument. "I’ll be priest," she boldly declared.

"You’re a girl. Girls can’t be priest," Tony disagreed.

Her cheeks reddened, and she planted both hands on her hips. Well, if no one’s brave enough to marry them, I’ll do it.

Clay and I looked at each other. Clay looked back to the group, and he shrugged, as if bored with the discussion. We’ll elope.

He was met with silence. Even I didn’t know what to say. I nudged his arm playfully. Clay—

Elope? Tony frowned. What’s that? A fruit?

Paul looked scandalized. Like Vegas and stuff?

Andy gasped. No! We should do it properly. I’ll marry you.

You’re a girl, Tony said again.

Andy’s eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared.

I let out a sigh. They’re at it again today.

The bickering went on. Clay and I looked at each other again, trying to keep from laughing.

Ignoring them, he slid the makeshift ring on my finger slowly, and I felt my heart swell in my chest just looking at it. For better or for worse…

Chapter 1

11 years later

---

I ’m leaving for Nashville, Clay says, his eyes downcast, both hands in his pockets. He stands in front of my door, the first drops of rain falling onto the ground.

My heart drops to the pit of my stomach as soon as he says the words. I don’t say Hello to you, too because, well, it’s just past midnight. I don’t get mad at him for telling me this at the very last moment. I don’t even say anything, period. It’s like the words are stuck. All I can think about is him leaving, and it makes my throat tighten and my heart throb.

You are? I finally choke out. I should know this. I just didn’t think it would happen right now. He’s told me this before—the first person he ever told of his dream. I’m not going to hold it against him. I could never do that to him. So I smile, because I know how it feels to want to chase your own dream, and the longing that makes you want to do almost anything to see it through. Because I’d support him in whatever makes him happy. You’ll do great. It comes out in nearly a whisper. You’ve wanted this so bad for so long.

His head tips up and his hazel eyes meet mine. His gaze softens, and in a move I don’t expect, he removes his cap, places it on my head and keeps his hand there for a beat. In that moment, the affection in the gesture makes my heart squeeze. He’ll be gone soon. With the way he makes me feel, I know I’m never going to feel this way about anyone ever again.

One day when you’re rich, famous and flying in jet planes, don’t forget about me, okay? I joke.

He snorts. Mav, is all he says in that tone that tells me I just said something so ridiculous, I should banish the thought from my head.

You’ll keep in touch? My voice cracks. Damn it. I don’t want to cry. I don’t need him to see me like this before he leaves.

I promise, he vows solemnly, meeting my eyes. And for some reason, I know I’ll never get a moment like this again. Three words are on the tip of my tongue.

This is it. My chance to say it. Clay, I—

It’s like something snaps inside him, because he interrupts me by pulling me close in a hug so tight, I’m already dreading the moment he lets go. Oblivious, always so oblivious to the chaos inside me. "Mav—Fuck. I’m gonna miss you. You’re a great friend. The best."

His words sink in and my eyes drift shut as my arms go around his back in response. And by some miracle, I hold the tears back. What I learnt throughout the years is that you learn to fake it. Sometimes you fake it so bad, you start to feel like you’re turning into someone else, maybe even a shell of yourself. I just don’t know who that person is anymore.

I don’t know how many times he has to say it for it to sink into my stupid heart, because the word affects me as much as it did the very first time.

Friend.

And as I give him a final wave, I watch as his car drifts away and fades into nothing. Only then do I let the first drops fall.

7 years later

---

I have a secret.

A secret I’ve never told anyone. A secret most days even I’m scared to admit to myself. As I stare at another magazine where he’s splashed in the spread with another beautiful celebrity on his arm, it tears my heart a little. I dumped it last month in the glove compartment and forgot about it. Rummaging for my sunglasses, the magazine had fallen out. I don’t know why I still buy them. It’s stupid. Every now and then, I pick one up to see how he’s doing. Most of the rumors are probably false.

It’s crazy how much things have changed. Giving the photo one last look, the secret wraps tighter around my heart like a fist. He runs around different circles now, I tell myself for the hundredth time. I toss the magazine back in the compartment and take a few deep breaths. I pull my phone from my pocket, go to the message I last opened months ago and bite my lip in indecision.

That’s when Adele’s new song starts playing on the radio.

I have a long-standing theory—songs played in the car make everything sound ten times more intense. There’s something about a car ride that amplifies the feeling. Something that makes the lyrics sink in, and makes your heart throb along to every beat. That’s what I tell myself anyway when I find myself bawling. My finger hovers over the dreaded send button, unable to make up my mind. I zoom past my old messages towards my most recent one, wondering what the hell I’m doing.

Clay!! How are you?

Did you know andy got a dog today? A poodle.

P.S. she named him buttercup

Happy bday!

Congratulations on winning the award

Hey, are you awake? I need to talk…

Clay—

---

I drop my forehead onto the steering wheel. And just like the hundred times before, I can’t bring myself to send it. I lean back on my seat and scroll back to the last message he sent around a year ago.

---

night

---

He’s probably busy. Someone like him who’s kind of blown up the past few years didn’t just land there by pure chance. He’s been working hard writing new music and touring, and if that means that’s what he wants to focus on for now, that’s okay with me.

I promise, he’d said. I squeeze the wheel tighter.

This is Rayne, and we have Clay Lyons in the studio today. How are you doing today?

Oh God. This isn’t happening.

Hey man, I’m good. His voice is smooth, almost hypnotic, and it sweeps over me, making me feel like he’s just sitting with me in my car, deciding whether to get a cheeseburger or pizza.

He sounds really upbeat today. Content. For a few minutes, he talks about his new charity single, all his blazing energy and his passion for music oozing. After everything, I guess that one thing didn’t change.

This year’s ending soon. It’s gone by fast, hasn’t it? the radio host asks. No regrets this year?

He doesn’t pause for even a beat. None.

The single word steals my breath. I blink. Really? At all?

My eyes squeeze shut. A flurry of emotions hit me. Maybe he is busy. Maybe he wants to take care of things first. But… What if it’s just because he doesn’t want to talk to me?

I’m happy, he continues. "This year’s been great, I got to work with some really amazing people…"

It’s Christmas in nearly a month, and I was hoping on reaching out. Even busy people take breaks, right? So that means, maybe, for whatever reason, he just doesn’t want to see me.

His voice washes over me as the single plays. It’s deliciously husky and just a little soulful, the kind that grabs the heart and won’t let go—like he’s done with mine. It’s a potent combination.

Someone once called his voice liquid gold. Another time, I heard someone say listening to his voice was pure seduction. It’s what skyrocketed his popularity and made him a country star, one who’s had his concert tickets sell out and become one of the hottest rising stars.

Biting my lip, I settle on a decision. For my sanity. No more agonizing over what to send. No more waiting on someone who runs in completely different circles now. Someone I’ll likely no longer cross paths with.

I scroll back to my message, and I delete each character until the field is empty again, the blank space filled with all the things I never said.

I do what I never thought I’d do when he knocked on my door seven years ago. I select the conversation on my phone and take a deep breath. Finding what I’m looking for, I press delete.

I don’t know why the simple action matters so much since it doesn’t change anything, but it does. I regret it almost as soon as I do it.

My phone rings, and my heart nearly jumps out of my chest. It’s Andy. Although we couldn’t be more different when it comes to our chosen field of work with her being an accountant, we’re still alike in all the ways that matter. She must be on her break at the moment.

Maven! she begins excitedly before I get a chance to speak. Guess what?

What’s—

She doesn’t give me a chance to finish the question. I won us two tickets to Hawaii.

Clay

---

Tonight’s a good night. I can feel it in my bones when I sing, the stage vibrating under my feet. Exhilaration sweeps over me. My mouth opens and I start my first song for the night as a guest for the charity concert. It’s been a long day, but the energy from the crowd is unreal.

I hold my mic out, and the crowd sings my lyrics back at me. Lyrics I wrote in the bus during my travels from the