The Apathy Wars

By AF Lovejoy

Fianna has one thing on her mind - Retribution. She spends her days in hiding and her nights evading Them. One chance encounter with an extraordinary boy offers her the chance to avenge her family, but at what cost? Fianna Janssen has journeyed alone, halfway across a country being ripped apart by a brutal invading force. Her family had gone and she will do everything in her power to find the people responsible. One night, whilst evading Them, she is introduced to the Rebellion, led by the mysterious Mrs Stone. Fianna joins the rebellion, eager to do something positive to bring Them down. Her Initiation by a thuggish ex-soldier, brings Fianna to the attention of many in the Rebellion - not least his brother. Fianna has no idea that she is in danger not just from her known enemy, but also from one who is watching her from inside the Rebellion; one who may be closer to her than even she would have believed. Her desire to avenge her family might just be her secret enemy's chance to destroy her.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9781326533953

Book preview

The Apathy Wars

The Apathy Wars

AF Lovejoy

Digital Edition Print Edition Copyright © 2015

by A.F Lovejoy

All rights reserved

isbn_barcode for printed Apathy wars lulu.jpg

For my family, with grateful thanks and love always

The Bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out and meet it.

Thucydides

460BC – 395BC

1

The End

When I inadvertently slip and think back to Before, I tend to remember only smells or feelings.

Smells, like my mother’s perfume or her hair, freshly washed or the scented warmth of the baby; or feelings, like my feelings of love and hate for the people I knew who had died both Before and After.  Each discarded memory creates an acid in my stomach, and sends unwanted tears prickling to my eyes.

So I try not to think - it's easier that way.

The emotions and memories my mind can conjure up make me want to lie down and give up. But I can’t, I won't - my determination and desire for retribution is too strong. 

Consequently, I do everything in my power to keep myself from remembering. I also endeavour to keep my emotions tightly locked away, as I have found that it is safer for me to not let myself fall into the trap of caring for anyone again: After all, people only ever leave.

I'm on my own now and it must stay that way until this is all over.

I am Fianna and I vow to make Them pay.

Before

Did you wash your hands before you started? My mother quizzes me as she comes in from the garden, wiping her hands on the flowery apron that she uses as part of her uniform every morning.

I glance up at her, in-between crammed mouthfuls of the pancakes we always have on a Sunday morning. She gives me her knowing smile and bends to kiss the baby, Saoirse, in the high chair at the head of the table. The baby is joyfully smearing syrup across her mouth, whilst sucking her pancake to death.

I’m not a child. I grumble under my breath, whilst continuing to read my book. I’m pretty sure she forgets how old I am half the time.  The other half, she just loves to tell me that I need to start acting my age – all I know is that I just can’t win, so I figure it’s best to keep quiet!

My mother gathers all the used plates off the table whilst giving me a knowing look, and tips them into the bowl of suds she has waiting. Then she swoops around the table to where I am, and bends to envelop me in a hug, whilst wrapping my face in the white blonde of her newly washed hair, smelling of the perfume my father always used to get for her before he left us here.

2

After

My intuition told me night had fallen, meaning the time had come for me to move out and go hunting for more provisions. I had no watch and there was no comforting ticking of a clock to show me the time; nevertheless my body clock was so finely tuned to the passing hours after all these months, I found I didn't need one.

Silently, I inched my way through the cloying blackness of the cellar I had claimed a few nights before. This entry back into our so-called society was when we were at our most vulnerable - and it was something we had to do every night if we wanted to find food to eat.

I reached the door and mentally ran through my plan, grasping for my courage, as I did each time I left the sanctity of wherever it was I had stayed.

Checking my pocket for my penknife, I twisted the handle of the door with minuscule movements, my heart crashing noisily in my chest. The door swung open and I froze, straining to hear any sounds that may have meant danger for me, but there was nothing to hear except my own shallow breaths. I moved slowly along the corridor, side stepping the shafts of moonlight which found their way through the broken roof, hitting the floor like a patchwork quilt.

Reaching what would have been the front door, but was now little more than a gaping hole, I crouched low, peering out to the street in front of me.  All the time, I was on high alert, every one of my senses overloading with information, searching for danger. Slowly, carefully, I stood, preparing to sprint to the shadows thrown by the abandoned cars ahead of me on the roads.

With as silent a breath as I could manage, I drew in enough air to fill my lungs and launched myself out of the building. Diving down the pathway, I threw myself down low on to the stony path, scraping my palms on the asphalt. I steadied myself in the shadows of the jeep parked in front of the house and removed my knife out from my pocket, edging forward to the front of the car.

I was ready to move to the next car, when the scuffing of a boot came from somewhere behind me. My stomach clenched and, for a moment, I fought a wash of nausea. This street had been clear for the couple of days I had been here, and I cursed myself for my complacency in thinking I could just rush out. I laid flat in the gutter and rolled quickly under the body of the jeep, thankful for once that I was skinny - at least I had a modicum of security under there - unless I had already been spotted.

I lay there furiously trying to figure out what the hell I should do first, but my thoughts were scattered by a low mechanical humming accompanied by vibrations carried deep in the surface of the road.

Panic started to set in; I had no idea who the shoe scuffer behind me was, They were coming this way and I had no way of crawling back to the relative safety of my cellar, let alone sprinting there, which was my first instinct. I decided to make my way forward under the front of the car and dash to the next, but as I began to crawl forwards, an iron grip tightened on my left ankle. I stifled a scream.

Stay still! commanded a low, quiet voice. If you move now, They'll get you for sure.

I turned my head in the darkness and found myself looking at two of the deepest brown eyes surrounded by a blacked out face. The face edged up to alongside me, giving me a couple of vital seconds to lift my knife up closer to my chest.

Get away from me. I warned, and raised the knife tip until it was almost touching his eye. Eyes widening, his voice stayed low and calm.

They're almost here! If you don't want Them to find you, I suggest you move that knife, shut your mouth and bloody well stay still!

I was about to answer back when bright lights flooded the street and the humming turned into a throbbing drone as They entered the street from behind us. All hints of shadows beyond the underneath of the car where we cowered were eradicated by the pulsating lights of the monster vehicles They were using.

I drew my arm down to my side, dropping the knife away from his face and rolled lightly onto my back, giving me space away from the boy. In return, he turned toward me, away from the edge of the jeep.  Now, even though he was touching me, at least we were mutually hidden underneath, giving us both a chance to survive the next few minutes.

Seconds later, pounding metallic thuds echoed around us, as They left Their vehicles and began a robotic style march down the road towards us.

I itched to move away from the boy; I hadn't been within touching space of anyone for such a long time, not since that day when Donald and I had almost been caught. My awareness of the boy next to me was so great, I almost missed the flash of silver as one of Them stopped mere inches from my head. My stomach twisted in fear. A natural instinct to escape Them meant I moved ever so slightly away, and in closer to the stranger. As I did so, he slid his hand onto mine and squeezed it gently. I froze at the contact and inhaled suddenly, loudly to my ears.

Sshh he breathed. It's ok.

Was he mad? I risked a glance at him and his eyes crinkled gently at me. Raising my eyebrows in disbelief, I opened my mouth to question his sanity.

In a lightning quick movement, he covered my mouth with a warm hand and shook his head meaningfully at me. That did it; I was furious at him now and so, with a slight twist of my head, bit down hard on his hand. A sharp hiss of breath whistled through his teeth, followed by a flash of anger in his eyes, but, surprisingly, he just curled his hand gently back over my mouth. There was a tang of iron from his bloodied hand as I breathed in. Clamping my mouth shut I pulled my head away from him. He took the hint and, fixing me with a glare, removed his hand.

Small patrols of the Kratocs began to break apart from the main body and strode Their way up the pathways to the broken down buildings that once were homes in a nice area of town, four of Them per house.

We had an idea someone must be around this way, once They'd started to shift Their attention towards here.  They’d not been here since the first influx of Them. The boy had moved his head close, his mouth brushing my ear as he breathed this information to me.

I volunteered to check things out; we didn't think They'd come this far tonight though. The hint of amusement was clear as he spoke, causing me to bristle at his tone. You're lucky I turned up, else you'd be dog meat by now!

He was mad; anyone who could make a joke whilst in this situation had to be.

In the meantime, heavy footfalls reverberated by my ear - They'd reached the house I had stayed in and the one opposite; charged up the paths, and poured in, halogen beams lighting up the blackened shadows of the spaces.

There was a nudge on my arm and I flicked a glance at the boy, who gestured for me to follow him. Slowly, he mimicked the movements of a snake in reverse, slithering his way to the back of the car.

I was in two minds - should I stay and take a chance They wouldn't find me under here; or should I put blind faith in the stranger behind me? The decision was taken from me as up ahead there was a mind numbing explosion.

The world rocked with the closeness of the blast and where in front of us there had been a street packed full of abandoned cars, there were now gaping holes - They were blowing up the vehicles and my car looked like it was going to be joining them any minute. With my mind made up, I began a fast exit. As my head cleared the bumper of the jeep, there was a high pitched whistling sound, followed by a BOOM!

Run!

I wasted no time.  I was up and sprinting after the boy, both of us missing the shadows in our haste to get out of the way, and then we were flying through the air, along with shards of metal, rubber and plastic as the cars around us disintegrated. The noise was truly deafening, and as I hit the floor, the brightest of lights swam before me.

Crap I mumbled; then blackness sucked me under.

Before

My breakfast is finished and I'm desperate to get my chores done as quickly as possible so that I can spend the rest of the day reading in the wild meadow at the back of our garden. That meadow was my fathers’ favourite part of our land and since he's been gone, it's become mine too. I wipe up the breakfast things that mum has washed, and then put them away while she sorts Saoirse out. The baby was born after my father went, so he has no idea that her eyes are so much like his it hurts to look at them.

I do love her, she's just boring to me; she doesn't do anything except cry and feed. I know she will be a complete nightmare when she's older and walking, so I'm going to make the most of her immobility whilst I can.

I'm just about to grab the vacuum to do downstairs, when mother looks up from playing with the baby.

Leave all that; it's supposed to be the last good day of the summer. Get your book and go read. I'll call you for lunch later

Are you sure? I can't believe my luck.

Go, before I change my mind she smiles.

I need no more encouragement; I slip on some shoes, grab my book and run out of the door and into the brilliant sunlight. I don't even think to stop to say thanks or bye.

3

After

My whole body was starting to throb with pain as I climbed out of the blackness.

You need to get up now! Move! Hurry! The boys’ face held a mask of concern and desperation. Quick. He pulled me up, but my balance was completely shot and I staggered, listing heavily toward the pavement, only just retaining some semblance of balance before I fell to the ground again.

Behind us rose a wall of dense smoke, interlaced with spiralling columns of fire.  The wall stood between us and Them, but I could hear Them coming, their metal armour making a dangerous orchestral rhythm. A physical wall wouldn’t hold them back, let alone one made of thickened air.

I let the boy pull me along, like an unwilling puppy on a lead. He had hold of my wrist, but as I stumbled, he pulled me to him, wrapping his arm around my waist for support.  He began taking us toward a part of the town I didn't recognise, but at that point I didn't really care. A warren of alleys was ahead of us and, like rabbits returning home, we disappeared into the maze. Everything went hazy, then black.

*******

Low voices were murmuring a small distance from where I was lying. I moaned as I tried lifting my head; I must have given it a hefty bang, as I had a ferocious headache.

A damp, warm softness was wiped around my face. Opening my eyes cautiously, I found myself looking up at an old woman, wearing bright patterned clothes, which sang loudly against the white of the room I found myself in. Her dreadlocked black hair was half hidden by a scarf made from the same material, tied and knotted at the base of her neck. She smiled down at me, dark brown eyes gentle.

Welcome back, do not try to sit - it will make you dizzy. That was a heavy knock you took on your head. You were lucky that Lucas was with you. Her voice, with its precise manner of speech, was low and offered a sense of calm to me. There was a trace of an accent which I couldn’t place.

She continued My name is Kahina. Lucas neglected to mention yours when he brought you here.

So the boy had a name.  I swallowed, trying to encourage some moisture into my mouth.

Fianna, my name’s Fianna. I croaked.

Kahina made a clicking with her tongue, and reached behind her to a side table which held a glass of water and lifted it. With her free hand gently placed under my head, she raised me so I was able to take a sip.

Fee-ina, The woman repeated my name slowly, her tone lifting in the middle before lowering again, as if she were trying it out on her tongue, I apologise Fianna, I should have offered you this sooner.  She laid me back down, Excuse me for a moment, but I must tell them you are awake now.

Kahina rose up from my bed, turned and gracefully walked out.

Wincing, I slowly sat up and looked all around me. I appeared to be in what looked like a hospital room, with white walls and bright lights above me. There was a metal trolley at the foot of my bed, and on it were positioned a variety of medical items; bandages, thermometer and bags of saline.

I twisted around to swing my legs off the bed and stood, swaying with the suddenness of my movements. As I regained a precarious hold of my balance, three people entered the room; Kahina, Lucas and a tall, dark haired man.  He was wearing black combat trousers and a dark roll neck jumper and looked completely intimidating.

What is this place? I questioned, looking at each of them in turn.  For a moment there was a silence as the man studied me, then he spoke. Whatever this place is, it’s of no concern to you. We will treat any injuries you may have and then you will be questioned. After that - well, that depends on your answers.  He returned my gaze with a black stare. His eyes were completely devoid of emotion, making me feel uncomfortable at the intensity of his stare.

I don't have any injuries and there is no way I'm staying here for you to question me, thanks anyway I retorted, defensively.

Narrowing his eyes, he looked at me for a moment longer. Ok Lucas, take her back to where you found her. I expect you back here in one hour.  He fixed Lucas with a cold stare, Do I make myself clear?

Lucas cast a look toward me But-

One hour. Then the man turned abruptly, and strode out, leaving no room for any discussion.

Before

Making my way through the garden, shushing at the chickens that my mother will allow to roam free, I reach the wooden rails and gate of the old paddock standing behind the house. When we moved here, my parents had spent an eternity of early mornings through to late nights, covering every inch with wild flower seeds.

That first year, the flowers bloomed in riots of colour; poppies, with their blood red petals, cornflowers, as blue as a summers morning, oxeye daisies with their  delicate white heads bobbing in the breeze, and the beautiful amethyst jewel, the snakes head fritillary, amongst many others. 

My father had mowed a wandering path around and through the meadow, which had led to the centre of the field. This central point had never been mowed, but had been left for us to crush with blankets or rolling bodies.  It was to this point I raced, throwing myself down, inhaling the heady scent of the flowers and sweet meadow grass, warm from its bathe in the morning rays.  I lay on my back, face pointing up to the sun, with my arms thrown out in an offering to the morning sky. My senses were overtaken with the smell, taste and feel of the day, and I relaxed, feeling my eyes lids grow heavier by the minute.  I opened my hand to allow my book to gently nestle in the grass beside me.

4

After

Who the bloody hell does he think he is? I demanded, I can't go back there; there's nothing left to go back too!

Lucas and Kahina moved further into the room, Lucas looking angry.

Kahina placed a calming hand on his lower arm. Do not do anything rash Lucas, let me go and talk to him - I am certain that I can change his mind. In the meantime, why don't you show Fianna to the commune refectory; it should be quiet and I think she might like to learn a little of our life here. 

Her hand lifted from his arm and ,as she turned to follow the man out, cupped his face, smiling gently as she went. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and released the breath slowly, to relax himself. His face had been cleaned of the camouflage he had had on from earlier leaving him with a tanned tone. Lucas was quite simply what I could only describe as possibly the most beautiful boy I had ever seen - not that I'd ever really taken any notice of boys before now, I had always been too busy with my nose stuck in a book. He had cheekbones to match any super model, and eyelashes the length of which I would have died for. His mouth was generous, but definitely not in a feminine way. And those eyes... Mentally, I gave myself a huge shake.

Lucas looked at me and grinned. Fianna? Not heard that name before.

I glared at him - I had spent too much time at school when I was little being made fun because of my name by the other children to let him get away with it now.

And? What of it? Not like you've got a better one is it? My fists clenched in anger by my side.  He may have been stunning to look at, but he was bloody infuriating too.

Lucas held both hands up in submission, laughing, Hold fire! I like it - I've just not heard it before.

I stepped back to the bed and sat on the edge, looking ahead at the mirror in front of me on the wall, My name’s Irish. The Fianna were a band of warriors in Irish mythology. I had once been proud saying that, but not now.

Lucas perched next to me on the bed. I could see now that he was a little older than me.

You were obviously named for your passive nature then! Gently he nudged against me with his shoulder to show he was joking.

I grimaced, embarrassed, Yeah, I guess.

He pushed off the bed and held out a hand to me, half a smile on his face.

Come on, I'll give you the guided tour.

I stood and, ignoring his hand, walked towards the corridor outside my room.

Well, come on then. I threw at Lucas as I walked past without looking at him. Turning to him, I gave a small conciliatory smile, which he returned.

He dropped his hands and waltzed past me, striking up a tuneless whistle, and turned left into a wide corridor.  All the walls were painted white, with nothing on them and every two metres or so, there were bare, bright bulbs hanging down from white flex wire attached to a ceiling of matching white.  The colour and brightness meant the only shadows cast were from Lucas and me.  I followed on a couple of steps behind and took another chance to study my unwanted saviour.

He stood about five foot ten, making him around three or four inches taller than me.  His hair, although fairly short, was cut in a scruffy manner and curled above the top of his neck and just kissed his ears. I ached at the recognition that it was the same mahogany brown as my fathers and sisters hair, even though Lucas had deep bronze and gold flecks running through his. 

Now I could see him in the light, I could see he had black jeans and combat boots on.  He too was wearing a black roll neck jersey with an old, worn leather coat, the colour of ebony.  The tall man in the same clothes had looked aloof and intimidating, but they suited Lucas completely, he looked comfortable. He stopped, waiting for me to catch him up, by a pair of heavy swing doors.

I gave a small smile of thanks as Lucas stepped back against one of doors to hold it open for me to walk through.

Now that's something you should do much more often - it suits you much better you know!

I looked blankly at him.

Smile. He enlightened me.

I stood quietly for a moment, To be fair, there hasn't really been too much to smile about, has there I glanced at him as I went past and then turned to wait for him.

He studied my face for a moment, then, without warning, reached out his right hand and gently stroked the tips of his fingers down my cheek.

I bit my lip, holding back the automatic gasp that threatened to give me away, as a shiver ran through me.

No, his returning smile was tinged with a note of sadness, I guess not.

5

After

I looked past Lucas and found that we had entered an enormous space, filled all around the edges with benches and tables, in uniformed clusters. In the centre, there was an area the size of a football pitch.  Had there been a staircase in the room, the height would have stood at three storeys high.  It was at least four