Mr. President!: Poetry, Polemics & Fan Mail from Inside the Divide

By Mike Orlock

Politics these days is a nasty symphony of fake "facts," half-truths, and out-right lies conducted by President Donald Trump, our own maestro of mendacity. The poems and missives in this collection take a satirical, sarcastic, and critical eye to the state of the nation in this time of hyper tribal politics, hoping to provide an antidote to the cynicism and despair engendered by the times with cutting humor and commentary. If you are appalled by what has happened in politics and government over the last few years, don't give up: Get even by getting involved and staying informed! That is the purpose behind this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Oct 31, 2019
• ISBN: 9781684711321

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ORLOCK

Copyright © 2019 Mike Orlock.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

ISBN: 978-1-6847-1133-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6847-1132-1 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Cover Illustration by Nick Orlock

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 10/22/2019

For the Resistance:

Long May The Spirit Live

Bigly & Yuge: In His Own Words

I know words.

I got the best words.

The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.

My fingers are long and beautiful,

as, it has been well documented,

are various other parts of my body.

Look at those hands,

are they small hands?

Someone said, "If they’re small,

something else must be small."

I guarantee you there’s no problem.

I guarantee.

You know, it really doesn’t matter

what the media write,

as long as you’ve got a young,

and beautiful, piece of ass.

I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter,

perhaps I’d be dating her.

Nobody has more respect for women

than I do. I grab them by the pussy.

When you’re a star they let you do it.

I love the poorly educated!

My I.Q. is one of the highest—

and you all know it!

Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure;

it’s not your fault.

The point is, you can never be

too greedy. The only people I want

counting my money are little short guys

that wear yarmulkes every day.

I don’t care. I’m really rich.

Give them the old Trump bullshit.

I’m not into anal.

Who’s doing the raping?

Who’s doing the raping?

With the proper woman,

you don’t need Viagra.

I don’t want to use the word screwed,

but I screwed him.

Where’s my African American?

People have said

I’m the only one who can fix it.

There are fine people on both sides.

Where’s my African American?

Bing bing, bong bong, bing bing bing.

I know words.

I got the best words.

—All Words by Donald Trump.

The Power of Practical Thinking

(Syllogisms from the 2016 Campaign)

If

the solution to climate change

is just denying data,

then

the cure for racial hatred

is to claim it isn’t real;

if

the fix for rampant gun violence

is more guns and less control,

then

the way to stop drunk driving

is more drinking on the road;

if

the plan to defeat terrorism

is the terror of more bombing,

then

to show your love for Jesus

deport Jesus and his family;

if

this is the kind of thinking

you think the country needs,

then

the need for thinking’s over—

relax and watch TV.

P.S., We Love You (as Much as You Do Too)

Mr. President!

Allow me to introduce myself. I am a huge supporter. Yuugge! One of the bigliest in my neighborhood! Every morning, I wake up knowing we are one step closer to being great again because of your brilliant leadership and incredible showmanship. Your administration is, like, the best reality TV show ever, stocked with characters we can root for or cheer against. I tune in daily to find out who might be voted out of the West Wing next.

This entertainment, Sir, is fully attributable to your keen instincts as producer and host of the Presidency. I especially enjoy this newest subplot involving bombing countries while you eat cake while hosting foreign leaders at your fabulous Florida resort. It’s very French, very continental, and therefore very sophisticated, so of course it positively reeks of class. I think it should become a staple of the Mar-a-Lago menu—maybe play it up as a variation of the Mardi Gras king cake: each dessert could have a tiny flag hidden inside that would identify the country chosen that would be bombed that day. Maybe tie it together with a drink special? A Mother of All Bombes and a Syrian Stinger for one special price! Patrons (and true patriots) will eat it up and ask for seconds!

I also want to applaud you, Sir, for the ethics-cleansing program you have initiated in Washington. I know some in the Fake media have been critical of your don’t ask, don’t reveal & don’t bother to investigate vetting policy that has brought a number of lobbyists into the White House, including some who will oversee the very regulatory agencies they once tried to influence for their clients. Some people might frown on the apparent, and in some cases, blatant conflicts of interest that ensue when somebody like Chad Wolf (what a name for a lobbyist, Sir!) is appointed chief of staff of the TSA while that very agency decides whether to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on a new screening device that he’s pushing for on behalf of a company he represents. Some might shake their heads in dismay over such an appointment. Not me!

These critics are shortsighted, even if they claim to be nonpartisan. I for one, Mr. President, think you could go even further. Why not sell, at public auction, entire regulatory agencies to private-sector companies? What might Koch Industries pay to own and operate the EPA? Think of the bidding war that might break out between Goldman Sachs and its rivals on Wall Street to legitimately run the SEC? The proceeds from these sales could go towards funding tax cuts for people like you and your friends, who are giving so much to the rest of us.

It’s just a thought, Mr. President, and a reminder that out here in the fly-over states like Wisconsin, there are real Americans who support you regardless. And P.S., Sir, we love you, as much as you do too.

Respectfully, Mike Orlock

The Unbearable Drabness of Being

The unbearable drabness of being

Us, compared to your orange eminence,

Strikes all men blind in seeing

Thus—your luciferous brilliance.

What mortal man of mere moral

Mien, many millions if there’s one,

Now leveraged under ordinal

Lien, not envy what you’ve won?

Your name alone, writ large in stone,

Trump thuds the very earth!

What we have built you now own,

Drumpf—the world was yours at birth!

You stand astride us, bronzed