Pablo and the Abacus

By Lucian Shadowstride and Bertie Dude Mol

Do not download this disgusting book.

It will corrupt your mind!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 23, 2017
• ISBN: 9781326957049

Book preview

Pablo and the Abacus

Pablo and the Abacus

Written by

Lucian Shadowstride & Bertie Du Mol

PREFACE

Welcome to the magical world of Arcilonia, a world identical to our own Earth but from a different perspective. Set in a parallel dimension several distortions from our own, Arcilonia is a wicked and debauched dwelling with evil conquering good on a daily basis.

There are though some inhabitants that fight the system, although their existence is unconfirmed to date.

All we know is that they kill, therefore they are.

Deep in this hell of a planet there lies a dwarf. Sprawled out amongst the discarded and pungent contents of a dumpster truck in a dimly lit back alley of Guatemala, he rests. He will soon awake and begin his journey to freedom, or perhaps not. He has a plan and it involves an Abacus. An Abacus with great hidden powers that can free him, if only he can understand it’s magic.

This is his story.

A whimsical tale of wonder, adventure, monsters, heroes and arse-mongery.

Enjoy.

Bertie and Lucian

THE MIDGET

Guatemala City 2300 hrs

It was a rainy night.

The rain was hot and the sort that evaporated on contact with the skin.  It fell down from the huge dark billowing greyness overhead and landed abruptly over the wrinkled brow of the strange little man standing in the shadows. Pablo was an out-of-work circus dwarf by trade, looking for new beginnings. He was now homeless and looking for shelter, which was ironic as he once owned several shanty towns and dwellings not so long ago in the Congo, where he was also worshipped by the Pygmies of those rainforests. He would offer shelter to the less fortunate of the tribes who could not find safe accommodation elsewhere in exchange for their souls. They would work tirelessly to keep him happy, bringing him food, water and their bodies as offerings. He would consume them all in gluttony.

Pablo was an odd looking half-man with a receding hairline. He wasn’t technically a dwarf as he stood at 4ft 1in tall but he was regarded so by society. The dwarves and midgets despised him and labelled him a ‘fake’. He had Tufts of grey hair that erupted out from the sides of his head like poorly cultivated vegetation which made hardly any effort to cover much of his small, enlarged forehead. His skin was a dirty, coffee-stained colour and was 30 years past its prime and even then it was crusty and old. He walked with a slight hunch, which didn’t help his height problems, and made him 3ft 6in. The other dwarves in the circus said he did this on purpose to try and pass as one of them, but they were not to be fooled. He dragged his right foot too, which was the result of an accident with a mountain goat. He was known wherever he travelled for his sexual preferences, as they were peculiar, shall we say. Even in the remote rainforests of the Congo, even to the Pygmies, he was considered an abnormal mess of a man. His bedroom, or should I say alleyway, behaviour was sordid and degrading to all participants and had given him the reputation of being a mucus-filled growth on the hairy back of society. He was kidnapped from the Congo by a circus trader and thrown into the lion’s den of Guatemala, after dark. He would perform in the day at the circus and then perform again at night. However, his evening performances were very different to that of his day job. The term used by his owners in the circus was Monstrousteddyartus but in the low lights and bongo bars of Guatemala, its street term is better known as teddy-tugging, bungle-banging or even cuddle-fucking. He played the part of the not-so-innocent furry toy to the sweaty, drunk lounge lizards of Chichicastenango. Whenever he had the chance he would ride through the streets late at night on stolen pushbikes in a vain attempt to escape his squalid life momentarily. His overused hole would perch delicately on the hardened bike seat, itching in the dead of night, suffering from objects that shouldn’t be possible to fit inside as he flew through the quiet city. His job was his illness but in some ways, his only pleasure.

His arse hairs were burnt and his loins were sore as he rummaged through an old dumpster in the back alley of a derelict street for scraps of food. Perhaps he might find the comfort of a wayward teddy bear to hold onto, just like the one he used to have as a child, but the teddy bear now held different connotations to Pablo and they were not ones