Butterfly Dreams

By Karen Rivello

Dreams are sometimes the easy means by which we cross the threshold into other realms. The supernatural can infiltrate those dreams and speak to us, to degrees that we either understand, or don't. When we don't the message becomes difficult to receive. Sophie clearly didn't understand the dreams that haunted her for a year now. The same dream had terrified her, leaving her in a cold, dark, and wet place gasping for breath and seeing a strange light in the distance, and then the blackness closed in ...then she woke up.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 31, 2011
• ISBN: 9781257351152

Book preview

Butterfly Dreams

Butterfly Dreams

By

Karen Rivello

Copyright

Type of Work: Text

Registration Number / Date:

TXu001097109 / 2003-03-14

Title: Butterfly dreams.

Description: 1 v.

Copyright Claimant:

Karen G. Rivello, 1961-

Date of Creation: 2003

ISBN 978-1-257-35115-2

Cover and Design work by George Rivello

Acknowledgements

First I would like to thank My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for his grace in this endeavor; without Him it would not have come to pass. To my husband George for his understanding at such a long process, and for his encouragement and excitement towards the end; also for his and my daughter Shannon’s help on the covers design work. I would also like to thank my sister, Faith, whose devoted encouragement kept me going when I would have given up. She was the goad that kept me on track. To my father for passing on the love of reading at such a young age which inspired me to write. And finally to those who read my manuscript and said they really liked it, Thank you!

I would like to dedicate this book to all the Sophie’s out there who can’t get past all the negatives in their life. Dare to dream, and see what God can do.

Butterfly Dreams

Do caterpillars ever dream? Do they think about the freedom of flight, flitting from flower to flower, sipping nectar, floating on a warm breeze, or sunning them selves on a leaf? Ah, life as a beautiful butterfly; freedom!

Or, are they content to be the caterpillar, to crawl, slowly, from leaf to leaf, to live without a dream, without freedom; a life without change.

Do people ever dream?

Some dare to, pushing forward, reaching for their dream, sometimes against all hope and effort. They know it takes time, so they keep working, moving. Are they aware of how long it takes? Maybe not, but it doesn’t matter for their dream is worth it and sooner or later they’ll soar.

Change will come whether you seek it or not, and if you’re ready the change is good. The ones who are not will fail and freedom will be given to another, but the prudent are ready, and freedom is sweet

Dreams do come true!

CHAPTER ONE

The cold had become paralyzing, almost too much to bear, but the intense darkness terrified her more. Struggling to breathe she gasped for air as water started to cover her face. It was the swaying light though that caught her attention as it crept closer. She could only wonder what it was as she tried to scream for help but the frigid water filled her mouth and darkness overtook her.

Drenched with sweat, Sophie sat up with a start. These dreams were tormenting. For a year now, every month on the twelfth, she’d had the same dream. The first one had mildly concerned her and she jotted it down in her diary, for posterity sake, but after the third one she started writing them down with meticulous detail. For a whole year now they had been consistent and still she had not told a soul; she could not. They would think she was crazy. She sat on the edge of the bed staring at the clock and sighed, work beckoned. She glanced out her bedroom window and turned down one side of her mouth, a light rain was just starting. Forcing herself to get up, she slowly dressed.

Sophie enjoyed her walks to work and to pass the time she would window shop at the large department store on Main Street where she had keenly taken to one of their dresses on display. She had been standing there daydreaming about wearing it when her gaze shifted and she stared at her reflection in the window instead. Her smile faded. Long brown hair framed her beautiful face as vivid green eyes stared back. Slowly, Sophie turned away in thought and heaved a sigh as she trudged on, her oversized dress flapping in the breeze. She doubted she’d ever be able to wear the dress as she glanced over her shoulder for one last look. The dress in the display window would stay where it was.

Though Sophie was healthy she wasn’t satisfied with the way she looked. She wasn’t much overweight, but the way she dressed and carried herself, made her appear worse than it was and it caused her a great deal of misery. She’d tried the casual dieting and exercise roller coaster but just couldn’t discipline herself enough to stick with it. On a positive note though, because she walked just about everywhere she went her muscles were nicely toned and her endurance level was extremely high. Unfortunately there were other factors that hindered her success, and those she chose not to think about

Her walk this morning was anything but enjoyable; as she reached the entrance to ‘The Dog House’ pet shop where she worked her mood was just as gloomy as the weather. How she wished this were her day off. As much as she didn’t feel like working though, she couldn’t let Gina down, the shop’s owner and her best friend. Since Gina could read Sophie like a book, she tried to hide her dismal mood by sneaking in.

As Sophie opened the door though the bell rang softly and she cringed, yet she still tried to slip in undetected. She hoped Gina was in the stock room.

Morning Sophie, Gina chirped as she glanced up from the paper she was reading at the counter.

Sophie hesitated for only a second at the door, turned, and started to walk down the far isle. Morning Gina, she forced, hoping her voice sounded cheerful.

Gina watched Sophie for a moment over the top of her paper. Window shopping again? I thought we decided you wouldn’t do that before work, you’re going to chase away all my customers, Gina playfully reprimanded as she took a sip of coffee.

Sometimes being so perceptive of ones best friends’ moods was so annoying, but if blaming her mood on window shopping would avoid having to explain her mysterious dreams then window shopping it would be. I’m sorry Gina, Sophie moped as she turned around and came up to the counter, I just had to see the dress one more time before they change the window display.

Gina stared at Sophie for a second and then commented, If you’re really that dissatisfied with the way you look, just buy the dress and use it as an incentive to lose weight. You know, you really don’t have a lot of weight to lose either. Sophie forced another smile and shrugged her shoulders. Maybe having an expensive, skinny dress hanging in your closet for you to drool over would help, Gina said the last part playfully as she helped Sophie put on her smock. Why are you so bent on wearing a size eight? What’s the big deal? 

I don’t know...I’m just not happy. There’s this inner turmoil. Sophie paused, not wanting to go in that direction, especially because of the dreams so she added, heart problems run in my family; my doctor says I need to lose weight for my health. She stated this last part as if it justified everything, but then on a second note she added, I wish that were the only issue. I can’t spend that kind of money on a dress; my mom would never let me live it down.

Yeah, especially if you didn’t wear it, Gina laughed and then looked closer at Sophie; I see that look in your eyes though, you like my idea. Sophie rolled her eyes and gave a weak half smile as she pushed Gina’s arm and walked away.

Gina followed her and started to hang some leashes on a hook, You better wait until it goes on sale, four hundred dollars is a lot to spend; especially on a dress you’ll never wear, she teased again, knowing her prodding would work.

Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, you’re really a big help, especially if you’re telling me to buy it but assuming I won’t wear it, Sophie replied pretending to be offended. Their friendship was full of this kind of playful bantering but neither one ever took the other too serious.

Gina walked over to the window and stared out at the rain that had steadily begun to fall. On a more serious note she spoke again, You know Sophie, that’s what dreams are made of, you have to start somewhere impossible and see it through, even when it gets tough. She noticed a small fuzzy caterpillar crawling on the windowsill and stared at it for a moment when an idea struck her. Take for instance this caterpillar. Do you think it sits around all day, dreaming about being a butterfly? No. It goes along in life doing what it needs to do to survive, but all the while doing what’s necessary to change. It prepares itself for a different kind of life. When the time’s right it’s going to hide itself away for a while inside its cocoon and when it emerges, it will be a very beautiful butterfly, ready for a new life. Caterpillars need time to change and change takes time; that’s what the cocoon is for. Your cocoon could be your dress, and your dress is your life, all you have to do is change and wear it well. Gina picked up the caterpillar slowly and walked over to Sophie to show it to her, but Sophie just stood there with her arms crossed, nose wrinkled, and one side of her mouth turned up. Gina ignored her lack of enthusiasm and continued to talk, The butterfly will be able to go places that the caterpillar could only dream of, and it started off slow, spinning its cocoon. Gina concluded her tirade with, That’s what you could be doing if you bought that dress!

With her arms still crossed Sophie looked at Gina and shook her head with utter disbelief, Since when did you become so philosophical? It is an interesting theory though, however, I’m not a caterpillar that changes inside a cocoon. I’m a person. Now can we get to work, a customer just walked in the door, Sophie whispered the last part pointing towards the door and shaking her head at Gina as she walked away mumbling under her breath, Yeah and set myself up for failure, again, no thanks.

You missed the point Sophie, Gina said as she placed the caterpillar back on the windowsill, You need a cocoon, she chirped over her shoulder as she greeted the customer in her usual friendly manner, hi, how ya doin’…

Smiling at Gina’s idealism and wondering where the puff of inspiration had come from, Sophie went back to her safe, mundane work. It was an interesting thought though (not the caterpillar), of actually owning the dress and using it as an incentive. It was very tempting, but would it only discourage her more? She really didn’t have that much weight to lose.

The hours passed slowly as the rain ticked the time away; not many people came into the pet shop, which was fine with Sophie. Her mind played with the notion of buying the dress. Maybe it would be an incentive if she saw it every day. It was worth a try, wasn’t it? She mused. Oh, but four hundred dollars, her mother never spent that kind of money on a dress. She would think it foolish and she had tried to teach Sophie the same principles concerning money. Sophie disappointedly admitted she wouldn’t be able to justify it. Frustrated, she argued with herself. ‘Why would I need my mom’s permission to buy a dress, I have my own money, and I’m an adult’. For the next half hour she played different scenario’s over in her mind of conversations with her mom.

Though Sophie was twenty-eight years old, she still lived at home and usually didn’t make any decisions without first consulting her mom. She just didn’t have the confidence to, which she knew, and this also bothered her. As the rain continued to fall, Sophie started reflecting on the things in her past that had brought her to this point.

She took a deep breath and became melancholy as she remembered the tragic death of her father. When Sophie was eight, he had died in a car accident, and she, being an only child and the apple of her father’s eye, withdrew from the world to hide the hurt, becoming more attached to her mom and father’s brother, Uncle Max, who then took the responsibility of taking care of them. He told Rosa that since they were family he owed it to his brother to treat them like his own; and he did. He made sure they always had what they needed, and more. A smile crossed Sophie’s face as she thought of him and the father role he had assumed; she couldn’t have loved him more.

The rain started to beat mercilessly down upon anything in its way and chased pedestrians to seek shelter in obscure places, except the pet store. Any and all customers had vanished, giving Sophie more time to daydream and still reflect on her life’s events.

The first year after her father’s death would have seemed like the hardest, but it only got worse; she missed her father tremendously. By the time she reached junior high she chose her friends very carefully. By the time she reached high school she was a shy recluse and comfortably over weight, but it was nothing that really couldn’t have been dealt with if she’d tried. She looked down at her waistline and felt disheartened, but immediately thought of Cheryl and Cindy, twins and two of her closest friends who never seemed to worry about anything, especially their weight.  Along with Gina, these two were the only other people close to her, and because she knew their friendship was genuine it made her smile.

Because he was also friends to everyone she knew, this procession of thoughts inevitably led to David. Sophie bit her lip trying to stifle the tears that threatened to spill over. If not the most handsome and popular boy in school, David had shown a special interest in Sophie; no matter how hard she tried to put him off. Her fear of letting any guy get too close kept him out of her life.

Sophie’s mood became even more dismal, if possible, as she thought of David. He was the only guy she’d ever let into her closer circle of friends because of the twins friendship with him. She never told anyone (except Gina), that David had actually asked her out, numerous times. It appeared her weight didn’t bother him, but it only made her suspicious of his motives. Why would he ask her out? Sophie’s stomach churned in the old familiar way it did when she thought of him.

His popularity in school made him very much sought after; and knowing he could have any girl he wanted though he pursued her, made her all the more suspicious. Unbeknownst to Sophie he had taken a strong interest in her during eighth grade, which only became stronger the more he watched and learned about her.

David had always been more mature for his age and saw the Sophie who hid behind the wall, he saw her for what she really was; true, sweet, fun to be around, and the fact that she was extremely beautiful didn’t hurt. She also wasn’t trying to be something she wasn’t. Like most of the other girls he met, when they found out his family was very rich, they became very irritating.

His relationship with her became very casual at best. Even with his best efforts, he could not persuade Sophie to let down her guard and go on a date with him. She never even allowed him to come to her house, even though he followed her many times hoping she would change her mind, though she never did and with good reason.

Sophie was intimidated by the fact that his family was one of the wealthiest in town. She wasn’t poor by any means, but she certainly wasn’t rich by his standards, they were comfortable. Also, she was afraid of letting him into her safe environment, possibly allowing him to pick up on some of her insecurities, leaving her totally vulnerable. She took a very uninterested attitude about dating him so as not to give away her true feelings, to which her three best friends were the only ones who knew and she made them swear to never tell. One of them wasn’t so sure about that though.

Sophie saw Gina take one of the puppies out to brush it and smiled tenderly. She had met Gina the same year her father had died and the two had become best friends. They had a lot in common, with Gina being an only child too, but instead of her father dying, he had left her mother and her when she was five. They became the sisters each other had longed for, spending every free hour together that they could.

Sophie’s stomach growled, reminding her she had skipped lunch and now it was nigh on to closing and dinnertime. With the thought of food her mind drifted to her weight and then went full circle, she started thinking about the dress again and huffed.

While Sophie was somewhat distracted, Gina walked up and started to help her finish stocking the shelves and started to ramble, I thought I’d come over and help you clean up so we can get out of here early; it’s not like I’ll miss a sale or anything. You want to stop at Louie’s and get a pizza on the way home; it’s only four o’clock but…. Gina stopped, noticing Sophie’s far away gaze, What are you day dreaming about? she laughed as she nudged her with her elbow.

Sophie couldn’t cover up the fact that she had been. Well I wouldn’t be if you wouldn’t sneak up on me like that, yes you can help me clean up, and yes I would like some pizza with black pearls.

What, that made no sense, Gina cried, and black pearls…on your pizza!

No! Olives…I meant black olives. Sophie lamented, Oh Gina, I was thinking about the dress. She looked embarrassed but then her expression became serious, You know, what you said wasn’t a bad idea; about buying it and just sticking it in my closet, as an incentive. She was somewhat timid in telling Gina but tried to sound convincing to her own justification.

And how are you going to get it past your mom, do you have hundreds of dollars just lying around.

You’re starting to sound like my mom Gina, and yes I do, well… I know I have some money but I’m not sure exactly how much.

Now that’s another thing, Gina stopped and looked at Sophie with a concerned, almost disgusted expression. You know that concerns me Sophie, when are you going to let go of the security blanket.

Agitated by this remark Sophie shot back, What security blanket. She stood up to take her smock off.

Gina looked at Sophie with a smirk as they hung the smocks on their hooks. Your mom Sophie, you can’t live with her forever, your twenty-eight years old. You have to start a life of your own some day. Why won’t you share the condo with me? It would sure help with the bills, and it would be fun.

We’ve been through this before Gina; you know I would feel guilty if I left my mom alone.

Well maybe she’s waiting for you to move out. You know my mom started dating once I moved out…can you believe it! Gina said the last part amused.

What are you talking about? Sophie said laughing.  You’ve only been on your own for five years Gina, and your mom has been dating Fred for at least six.

She has not! Do you know something I don’t know? Gina waited for an answer but Sophie just rolled her eyes, and shook her head. Well, I had to wait until I was on my feet financially. Now I’m doing ok

Yeah, how much money do you have lying around? Sophie asked.

Enough to go to the Bahamas like we promised ourselves when we got thin, Gina shot back and then regretted it. At that comment they looked at each other with futile hope and sighed. Gina reverted back to her original question but somewhat subdued, Lets go get some pizza.

The next morning when Sophie woke up she lay there thinking about her conversation with Gina. She had become lost in her thoughts when a mouth-watering aroma made its way into her room; the aromatic smell of fresh ground coffee and her mom’s homemade cinnamon rolls, her absolute favorite weekend treat.

She wondered what time it was as she sat up, she didn’t have to work but she did have plans, she was going shopping.  She jumped out of bed with anticipation; rummaging through her closet she pulled out her best casual dress and then jumped in the shower.

Peace was not to be hers though as Gina’s words echoed in her head. What she had said really bothered her, was she really using her mom as a security blanket? She knew she could take care of herself but that wasn’t the issue, and it wasn’t the fact that she didn’t want to leave her mom alone; she didn’t want to be alone. She really wouldn’t be alone though; Gina would be there. The idea however of living with her best friend who had the same unhealthy eating habits she had did not sound very promising in the area of losing weight.  If she was going to wear that dress she needed someone to aggressively help her, and she knew her mom would. She started analyzing this thought though and found herself frustrated. Was she using this too as an excuse to not move out? Was she truly that fearful? Ahhh! She pushed the jumbled thoughts aside and forced herself to finish her shower quickly.

As she got dressed she battled her frustration and wondered more about what was really motivating her decisions. Maybe she wasn’t really being fair to Gina; maybe she could help. She believed they both had the ability to be thin but maybe they just didn’t want it bad enough; they always gave up half way to their goal, or sooner. Maybe this time it would be different, their ten year high school reunion was coming up in August and it was now November; a little over nine months to go. She knew she could lose enough weight in that amount of time if she would just stay committed.

Just yesterday she had received a notice in the mail to see if she would like to help coordinate the reunion since she had participated on the student council; but it happened to be an event she always dreaded, especially since she would have to be in contact with certain people she wasn’t looking forward to seeing. David was ASB president so he would more than likely be helping, so she would graciously decline to.

Sophie clutched the towel as she remembered their last time together. After graduation they had all talked about various colleges they would like to attend but when David stated he was going to Harvard and started making suggestions about what colleges they should check out Sophie got angry. She could still hear the words as if she had just said them yesterday.  ‘You’ve got to be kidding. Do you think you can honestly sit there and tell us what colleges to go to? You’re not the only one going to an Ivy League college, or did you think we couldn’t afford a college of that caliber because we don’t have the money. You’re not the only person with money you know.’ Ouch! The tirade was over. The words still stung and brought tears to her eyes as she remembered the look of total hurt on David’s face, and the shocked look on Gina’s.

She knew he hadn’t meant it as a financial insult, or any insult for that matter, but what he didn’t know was that, beyond Sophie’s scholarship to Stanford, Gina’s tuitions, and whatever else, had been provided for by Uncle Max, what ever they needed he would supply.

Not knowing this he of course thought he was helping them out by gathering information from some of the local colleges and universities. He was about to tell them but Sophie never gave him the opportunity to explain, so all he had said was, ‘I’m truly sorry Sophie, I didn’t know you felt that way’ then turned and walked away, and that was the last time she saw or spoke to him. She hadn’t meant it to come out that way, but the words had come out all wrong. She was afraid that she would never see him again and then she caused the very thing she feared. If he’d only known that she longed to go to the same college just to be near him.

Sophie’s thoughts became interrupted by a knock at her bedroom door. Sophie, is everything all right, you’re taking such a long time this morning your breakfast is getting cold.

She wiped a tear that threatened to spill from her eyes and composed herself, Yeah mom I’m ok Sophie opened the door, Uh, mom can I talk to you for a minute.

Sure Sophie, what’s wrong?

Nothing, Sophie said as she wrapped her wet hair in the towel, I just wanted to ask you a question.

Rosa came in and sat on the bed then waited patiently for Sophie to speak, but with her mom sitting there staring at her with concern Sophie became nervous and started pacing.

Mom I know you’ve always taught me to be responsible with my money, and I have been, She quickly added her statement of defense and then paused to take a deep breath before she continued; I want to buy a new dress.

Well of course you can buy a new dress Sophie. You don’t need my permission you have your own money. Sophie laughed a little unsure. Rosa knew her daughter very well; enough to know that there was more to this dress thing. What about this dress?

Now Sophie let her own excitement spill over, Oh mom it’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. Its black satin and lace, detailed with black pearls and sequins. The bodice is low cut, but not to low, Sophie quickly made a gesture with her hands to her breast to show her mom how low it wasn’t,  and then the lace goes up to the neck line, but only in the front. It clasps at the neck and then the back is open down to the lower back. It’s Tea length…oh, and the sleeves are lace and fall loosely over the shoulder.

My word it sounds like a lovely dress, and what does it cost. Rosa asked raising her eyebrows, knowing now the reason for Sophie’s asking.

Well I saw it at the department store on Main Street. You know the one; it was in their window display. Sophie eluded the question. 

Oh I love that store, Rosa almost got side tracked but asked again, So, how much is it?

She hesitated before answering, Only four hundred dollars. Sophie turned around as she said it so she didn’t see her mothers’ expression change, as she knew it would.

And they have this Golden Fleece in a size twelve?

Eight Sophie said quietly as she removed the towel and started combing the tangles out of her hair.

What? I thought you said eight,

Yes mom, I said eight. Sophie said as she turned and faced her.

Rosa paused, studying Sophie’s face. Why on earth would you want to buy a dress you can’t wear? Rosa stood up and crossed the room to her daughter.

I want to use it as an incentive to lose weight mom. And I wear a loose twelve, you know that. Sophie became almost childlike at this point, her big green eyes pleading. Maybe with a gorgeous dress hanging where I can see it and knowing I spent a lot of money on it will help this time. She paused. You know my ten year high school reunion is coming up in August, and I really would like to look…well…different, if you know what I mean. Sophie said it sheepishly as she pulled the skirt of her dress out and let it fall back against her legs.

Sophie picked up the reunion invitation and handed it to her mom, who read it, and then looked at Sophie with a softer, more understanding look. Her voice was very gentle and loving as she spoke, You know it’s going to take a lot more than a dress to lose weight Sophie. You have to really want it, for yourself this time. I’ll help you anyway I can, but when you’re not here you’re going to have to help yourself. Diet and exercise, it’s a lot of hard work but I know you can do it. She gave her daughter an encouraging look then stated on a lighter note, Since you spend so much time with Gina you may have to incorporate her into this too, providing she wants to of course.

Oh I think she will; the Bahamas are waiting. Rosa gave Sophie a funny look and Sophie just laughed. I’ll explain over breakfast, let’s go eat I’m starving… Sophie stopped in her doorway and looked at her mom, Well, maybe just fruit for me.

Rosa smiled, Of course, though she didn’t miss the disappointed look on Sophie’s face.

I’ll freeze them, they’ll keep; maybe we’ll only have them on special occasions from now on.

As they ate their breakfast, of fruit, they discussed the course of action they would take to get Sophie started on her way to being thin. She knew success would come if they planned it right, not to fast in the beginning, then gradually increasing the load and constantly adjusting the diet and workout routine. Sophie already had a lifetime membership to the local gym though she couldn’t even remember the last time she had used it. Her mom went three times a week so Sophie would just start tagging along. When they finished a schedule it seemed easy enough; the real test would come later, when it came to applying and sticking with it.

Do you want me to take you to get the dress? Rosa asked while she cleared the table. Being just as excited as Sophie she hoped she would say yes.

I think I want to do this on my own mom, but thanks for asking.

Rosa nodded her head, she understood. Well at least take the car?

Sophie smiled and kissed her mom on the top of the head, breakfast was great mom, the grapefruit tasted good for a change. By ignoring her question Rosa already knew the answer.

Rosa was the only one that had a car and would let Sophie use it whenever she needed to, but Sophie didn’t like leaving her mom without any transportation, so she usually took the bus, or walked, which she loved. She enjoyed the time alone, and being outside allowed her the freedom to get lost in her daydreams, which were mostly about David and what life would have been like if she’d only said yes to his constant acquisition of a date. Sophie did a lot of walking and dreaming; sometimes playing out her eerie monthly dream to a conclusion she liked.

Sophie went upstairs to finish getting ready and then was out the door walking briskly down the street, her mind a flurry of thoughts as she hurried towards the bus stop. The late morning air was crisp and energized Sophie’s mood so that she started humming her favorite song and her step felt lighter. Not much could dampen her spirits now.

The bus was unusually crowded this morning as Sophie boarded; the only seat available was all the way in the back, next to a rather rough looking man. She felt intimidated as she walked down the aisle and could feel her cheeks flush as a couple of teenage girls stared. Is it ok if I sit here? she asked awkwardly.  The man just looked at her, shrugged his shoulders, and looked back out the window. ‘Why did I ask!’ she chided herself as she sat down, taking great pains to not touch him, but that was virtually impossible and he became annoyed rather quickly.

After a few streets though she wasn’t so sure she had made the right choice in taking the bus. He didn’t say anything but the smell said it all. The stench of body odor mingled with old beer and dirty clothing was so repulsive that Sophie had to turn her head for a fresh breath or risk losing her breakfast. This was going to be a very long bus ride and she now longed for the quiet comfort of a car.

The man next to her shifted his position trying to get comfortable so Sophie tried to give him more room, without falling off the seat. She gave him a short courteous smile but he only stared back, raising one side of his mouth. Sophie couldn’t tell if he was trying to smile or if it was a twitch that got stuck; she finally had to look away.

As they where approaching the next stop the man leaned over and whispered, and not too quietly, You have a beautiful face, but get rid of the body hun; oh and nice perfume, he slurred then stood and made his way to the exit.

Horrified, Sophie looked around to see if anyone had heard. Unfortunately, a gentleman sitting in the row across and one back had a smirk on his face and was staring right at her; had he heard? Sophie gave him a forced weak smile then turned back quickly as her heart started to pound and her ears to burn. ‘What was he smirking at’, Sophie fumed; she could find a ton of things about him to pick on.

How could someone be so cold and insensitive? Sophie’s confidence was shaken as she glanced around; no one else acknowledged that they had heard his comment, but she didn’t look at anyone else for the rest of the trip.

Nearing her stop she took a deep breath and composed herself, waiting for the bus to come to a complete stop before she made her way to the door. This time it was like walking the gauntlet, another flutter hit her stomach when she heard a snicker as she passed the pretty teenage girls and then finally she stepped off the bus. At last that was over. She took a deep breath, trying to slow her pounding heart, and then pushed forward, heading towards the plaza.

With her confidence now truly shaken, she paused, staring at the store. Should she? Of course she would go on; she shook her head as if to dislodge any doubt and forced her heavy legs forward. She headed for the doors of the store but this time avoiding the window and her reflection. A man opened the door for Sophie as she approached and smiled. It was a nice smile too, not forced but genuine. Good morning, he chirped, his red rosy cheeks pinched upward as he smiled.

Good morning, Sophie managed, surprised by his friendliness, and it was just enough to set her back on track.                           

She made an immediate left and quickened her pace as she headed for the women’s department. Anxiety rattled around inside her as she glanced around the floor for the dress, but the dress was no longer there.  Panic stricken Sophie hurried to the cashier; she must have startled her with the rush of footsteps because she looked at Sophie and asked rather quickly May I help you.

Sophie stammered out of breath, The…the dress, the one in the window, where is it.

You mean the gold one, it was taken back to the women’s plus sizes, she stated nonchalantly and then went back to what she was doing.

No, the black satin and lace dress. Sophie shot back impatiently.

Now with her full attention on Sophie the saleswoman scowled, I’m sorry Madame… it doesn’t come in your size, she said condescendingly, looking Sophie over with scrutiny.

Calmer now Sophie replied with directness, "I didn’t ask for it in my size, I wanted a size eight.

Oh! Well, you’re in luck then, she replied in mock pleasantness, it’s still here and has even been marked down; though our sales policy is that we do not take sale items back, for any reason, like if it doesn’t fit, she said the last part rather curtly. "You did say a size eight, right?

Sophie took in the woman’s appearance, middle aged, graying, smartly dressed, and as stiff as a board. She had a no nonsense air about her and Sophie felt that she thought herself better than average. Her nametag stated she was the sales manager so she’d probably been stuck behind this counter a long time, too long Sophie thought. Well, I don’t plan on bringing it back, and yes an eight is what I said, Sophie responded trying to ignore her rudeness and hoping the red burning sensation in her cheeks again wasn’t noticeable.

Is it a gift then, do you want it gift wrapped? she stated more pleasantly.

Sophie looked at her slightly irritated then thought for a second, Yes, I would, please. 

Very well, I’ll get the dress for you.

The woman was quite pleasant now that she thought the dress was for someone else and this upset Sophie very much so, that she could feel her cheeks flush again, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good to say anything; she just rapped her fingers on the counter as she waited. 

After a couple of minutes the woman returned with the dress, Is this the one you wanted?

Sophie’s’ eyes softened as she saw the dress and her mood quickly changed; she sighed unconsciously. Yes. Isn’t it beautiful?

Yes, quite. Will this be on your charge account with us? 

Oh! No, on this card, please. Sophie looked a little embarrassed. She had a card for this store but she didn’t like using it.

I’ll need to see a driver’s license. She now returned to her stuffy tone of voice.

As Sophie waited for the transaction to finish, she noticed the woman’s demeanor change; she seemed a little nervous and reserved. After about a minute or so, she returned the items, but her attitude towards Sophie was like night and day. She could not have been nicer. Strange thought Sophie, it was as if someone had reprimanded her and told her to be nice, or she had just received some secret knowledge. Well, at least she wasn’t being rude.

Ok, let’s see now, the dress is on sale for $299.99 minus another 30%, plus tax. That will be $226.27 please.

Wow, even an extra thirty percent, that’s great!

Of course, you’re a level one. The woman laughed pathetically and was overly nice to the point that it was irritating to say the least.

Puzzled, but not wanting to engage the woman in any further conversation, Sophie signed the receipt and handed it to her. With the transaction finished, the sales woman took the dress to another counter and carefully folded it into a box, wrapped it in their prettiest paper, and finished it off with a ribbon. The box itself looked quite exquisite when she was done.

Thank you very much. Sophie said quite pleased and baffled by the whole treatment.

The clerk replied in a pathetically kind manner, I know she will just love it.

Yes, she will, Sophie nodded in agreement; she wanted to tell the ole’ stuffed shirt that the dress was for her and she would wear it; but she didn’t. Instead she asked, Um…I had one more question. You said since I was a level one. What’s a level one? Sophie said clearly confused.

With a look of surprise the clerk stared at Sophie, wondering if this were a trick question or test of some sort. Well I…I…It’s the highest level a person can be at. Either you own a lot of shares in the company or your upper management. Or someone made a serious mistake just because your last name is Spinelli. She laughed nervously.

Oh, Sophie nodded, still clearly confused but pretending to understand. The saleswoman looked a little worried. Had she made a mistake and given someone a discount who shouldn’t have gotten one? Her name did come up under a level one status.

Sophie shrugged and left the store, letting her excitement replace the curiosity about ‘level one’; whatever that was. But when she saw the bus stop her stomach tightened and her excitement faded. She looked at the big package and decided not to take the bus, instead she would take a taxi, feeling justified in spending the fare since she just saved quite a bit on the dress.

CHAPTER TWO

Sophie practically flew up the stairs yelling; Mom… her hands trembling with anticipation as she put the package on her bed and waited nervously, all smiles as her mom entered the room. 

Well, her mom said excitedly, aren’t you going to open it.

Sophie felt like a little girl at Christmas as she clasped her hands together. The package is so pretty I almost hate to ruin it.

Yes, it is beautifully wrapped, but your not going to wear the paper Sophie. After a brief pause Rosa exclaimed, Open it for goodness sake.

Rosa’s excitement was mounting as Sophie pulled the ribbon off and carefully undid the tape. She took the paper off without even ripping it and folded it up neatly. Sophie…

Sophie lifted the lid off and carefully took the dress out of the large box, shaking it gently to remove any wrinkles.

Rosa clasped her hands together over her mouth. Oh Sophie, It is beautiful. Rosa reached out to touch the dress. I can see why it was so expensive she said running her hands over the material. With a smirk she commented Maybe I’ll have to gain a few pounds so I can wear it too.

I do believe they had a size six mother. Sophie said grinning. And it was on sale, this one’s mine. She took the dress to the closet and hung it right in the front, pushing the other clothes away from it. Stepping back from the closet she looked at the dress. I hope this isn’t the only angle I get to see it from, she said with a sigh.

Patience and perseverance dear; I think some good things are going to start taking place. Rosa smiled and Sophie missed the subtle hint, but it did spark another question. Mom, the sales lady at the store said something about me being a ‘level one’. You shop there; do you know what that is?

Rosa paused, thinking as she scrunched her forehead, I don’t believe I do, Sophie."

Oh well, I’ve got to call Gina, Sophie said excitedly, she’s just gonna flip when she sees it.

Rosa left the room with a strange smile as Sophie ran to the phone and dialed Gina’s number. She was about to hang up on the tenth ring when Gina finally picked it up. Hello. She said a little irritated and short. 

Boy, did I catch you at a bad time or what.

Sophie, is that you?

Of course, who else calls you?

Well don’t flatter yourself dear, I do have other friends you know. Gina chirped.

Quit playing around and get over here, I got it.

Got what? I’m standing here dripping wet with a towel wrapped around me.

Oh, did I interrupt your weekly shower Sophie said teasing.

Actually I was just getting out, thanks for the concern. And it wasn’t my…

Just hurry up and get over here so I can show it to you, and with that Sophie hung up.

Ahh, if you weren’t my best friend I‘d be mad, she yelled into the dead receiver.

Sophie stood in front of the mirror holding her new dress up to see how it would look, but it was too hard to imagine her body fitting into it. She sat on the bed frustrated; it would be very easy to give up and not try at all; this was going to be hard work and results wouldn’t come fast, or easy. The longing in her heart to be thin again was growing at an ever-quickening pace, which was where the frustration came from, and for her to want something so bad and not be able to get it now, made it worse. Although she wasn’t a spoiled person in getting what she wanted; this was something she desired more than anything else, and this almost made her not even want to try at all. A strange concept she didn’t understand. She let out a sigh as she hung the dress back in the closet. Sophie, Gina’s here, her mom called out.

Finally, She said to herself and closed the closet so Gina wouldn’t see it when she came in.

As Sophie opened the bedroom door, Gina popped out from the side, BOO!  Of course Sophie wasn’t expecting it and gave Gina the reaction she wanted.

Gina, you’re such a kid, Sophie complained as she grabbed her arm and pulled her into the room and shut the door.

And, that’s why we get along so well. Gina smiled a big goofy smile. Sophie just rolled her eyes as usual. Ok, where is it? Gina said looking under the bed.

It’s not under there, what do you think I have? Sophie said as she walked over to the closet nonchalantly and stood in front of it.

Ok, so I know you didn’t get a puppy because you didn’t buy it from me…but you could have gone back to the pet store when I was gone... Sophie impatiently shook her head. Okay, I give up, so where is it. Gina sat on the bed.

Close your eyes Sophie said playfully, "and whatever you do, don’t open them until I say so.

Do I have to Gina said a little concerned and scrunching her face, thinking of all the practical jokes they played on each other. 

Oh come on, just do it. Sophie gestured at her. Gina reluctantly closed her eyes, but then opened one.

No peeking Gina, Sophie reprimanded and Gina quickly closed it as Sophie removed the dress. Now hold out your arms, she said.

Ooh, your not going to put anything cold, wet or slimy on me, are you? Gina moaned.

You’re sick you know it, you have a very warped sense of humor, Sophie said walking over to Gina. Come on, hold out your arms. Gina held out her hands reluctantly with a grimace. Not just your hands, your arms and don’t worry it won’t hurt; I promise. Gina stuck her arms out full length as she made a face and Sophie laid the dress across Gina’s arms then watched as her expression turned to puzzlement. Ok, open your eyes, Sophie said as she stepped back. 

Gina opened her eyes and her mouth dropped open. YOU GOT IT! I don’t believe it; you really got it. She laid the dress on the bed and smoothed it out. Oh Sophie, it really is beautiful. I didn’t think you’d buy it; I mean I know I challenged you, and prodded, but...

I had to Gina. Sophie interjected with a serious yet giddy tone. I don’t know what it is about this dress, but I had to buy it; it’s like it was made for me. Sophie picked up the dress and held it close. It’s strange, I can’t explain it but I just get this feeling. Gina was looking at Sophie with her head cocked to one side and one eyebrow raised. Don’t look at me that way; I told you, I don’t know why I feel this way.

Then again Gina said thinking as she placed her hand on her chin in an expressive way, It could be your cocoon.

Oh, now don’t start that again. Look, bugs don’t have to lose weight in nine months, or at all for that matter. Lucky bugs. Sophie said sliding the dress back in the closet.

I would ask if you were pregnant, but I know better. So, what’s in nine months? Gina asked with a smirk.

Sophie ignored the pregnant remark, As if you didn’t know, our ten year high school reunion silly. You were in ASB didn’t you get your letter in the mail asking you to help coordinate the event?

Gina shook her head. No I didn’t. Let me see yours?

Sophie went to the dresser and retrieved the envelope from its spot, (between two romance novels) then handed it to Gina and waited while she read it.

When did you get this? How come I didn’t get one? Sophie took the letter and put it back.

I don’t know why you didn’t get one, maybe it’s in the mail. I got mine a couple of days ago.

Hmm, maybe someone’s trying to tell me something. Gina said with a serious smirk.

Well if that’s the case you would have gotten one and I wouldn’t have; you don’t have the ASB President mad at you remember, Sophie said somewhat sarcastically and dismally as she walked to the window and stared out.

Oh yeah, David was president. Yeah but Monica was vice president and you still got one; obviously she didn’t do the mailing. Well, are you going to help set it up or not? Gina pushed the issue.

Are you kidding; no way! I’ll decline graciously and say I’m too busy. Sophie looked wistfully out the window again, trying to hide her eyes that threatened to mist up again.

I take it your planning on going though since you bought the dress. You do plan on wearing it don’t you?

Oh Gina, it seems hopeless. Sophie walked over and slumped down on the bed feeling defeated already, remembering all the negative thoughts from high school and failed diets. I haven’t even started and I want to give up. Sophie shifted to face Gina, That’s another reason I asked you to come over. I want to start another diet with an exercise program, and this time my mom is going to help; I wanted to know if you wanted to join in the fun, and help me?

You need to change the word ‘fun’, and do you mean help as in encourage or as in participate? Gina asked feeling cornered.

You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to. Sophie reassured her.

That’s what I thought. Gina wrinkled her face as she lay back on the bed. You know I’ve failed every diet I’ve ever tried.

That’s because we’ve never had an incentive or an important reason; we’ve never stuck with it, nor have we ever exercised along with the diet. Look at my mom; it has to become a life style, not a few months trend. Sophie tried to sound enthusiastic. And my mom looks great at forty-eight.

Well you have a reason now, I’ll just be along for the ride with failure nipping at my heels, or butt, Gina made a snapping gesture with her hand.

It doesn’t have to be that way Gina; don’t give up so easily, it’s your reunion too.

Now look who’s talking, Gina said smiling.

Sophie smiled back, realizing Gina’s ploy of tactics. Good work. Here, let me show you the ‘plan of action’ my mom charted out for us.

Us, I see you already included me. Gina raised her eyebrows and resigned herself, Well…with your mom helping us, maybe there is some hope. The two girls chatted for hours until Rosa came up and asked if they wanted something to eat.

What time is it anyway; I am hungry? Gina said rubbing her stomach.

It’s already two o’clock. I have tuna on pita bread with alfalfa sprouts and tomatoes; and a slice of avocado, if you like.

That sounds good to me. Sophie said as she got up.

And a large ice cold soda would be nice Gina added.

Now you know I don’t drink soda; how about water, tea, or juice, Rosa said with a motherly tone.

This is gonna hurt worse than I thought, Gina moaned, I’ve been reduced to bread and water. Rosa just laughed and headed back to the kitchen. Does this mean I have to get rid of my stash of ice cream in the freezer? Gina shouted after her.

Gina, you said you weren’t doing that anymore, Sophie slightly scolded.

I only have some once in a while, like when I’m bored and have nothing to do.

Every time I call you say you’re bored, does that mean you’re always eating ice cream?

No, not always, just sometimes... Sophie gave Gina a look that said she knew better.  Ok, I’ll get rid of it.

Look you don’t have to diet with me, but it just means you can’t eat that way around me, ok.

No, no, I’ll diet with you, I can do it. Gina said slowly trying to convince herself.

Do you still have your membership to the gym? Sophie asked.

Oh no, don’t tell me you’re going to drag me there, Gina whined. 

Gina, Sophie scolded more seriously.

I was just kidding; see I can still get you.

Let’s just go eat lunch, I’m starved. Sophie knew that Gina’s playfulness was also her way of covering up her own hurts so she gave her a lot of leeway. Sophie led the way to the kitchen were Rosa had