Stacking the Deck: Jokers

By Jonathan Edward Feinstein

Trouble is brewing all across The Divine Plane and in the Mortal World as well and the League of Pantheons turns to the Demoness Jael for help. Can even she and her increasingly strange team of gods, goddesses, spirits and other supernatural creatures solve the problem this time?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jul 13, 2019
• ISBN: 9780359789269

Book preview

Stacking the Deck: Jokers

Stacking the Deck: Jokers

A Plethora of Deities XIII

by

Jonathan Edward Feinstein

Copyright © 2019 by Jonathan E. Feinstein

All Rights Reserved

No part of this publication may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Megafilk Press, Jonathan E. Feinstein, 923 Drift Road, Westport, MA 02790

Cover art:    Photo entitled Wild Red Squirrel This is what Ratatosk looks like in his natural environment. I was unable to get a date or the name of the talented photographer who took this picture.

ISBN:  978-0-359-78926-9

Stories by Jonathan Edward Feinstein

Gaenor’s Quest

The Red Light of Dawn

The Black Clouds of Noon

The Rainbow of Dusk

The Cold Clear Skies of Midnight

Gaenor’s Prophecy

Signs of Change

Corrected Visions

Inspired Dreams

A New World Revealed

The Maiyim Stories:

The Maiyim Tetralogy

World of Water

Men of the Earth

Island of Fire

Gods of the Air

Three Stories of Maiyim

A Deadly Union

An Interesting Title

A Shattered Family

Ars Nova Magica (and related side stories)

The Maiyim Bourne

The Staff of Aritos

A Promising Career

A Fine Adventure

The Tears of Methis

Freshman Orientation

The Book of Candle

Dry Dock

Ars Scientiaque Magicae

Unexpected Reactions

Hypothetical Notions

Theoretical Bases

   Lift Off!

Required Components

Experimental Proofs

Desired Results

The Terralano Venture

Agree to Disagree

By the Light of the Silvery Moons

There Goes the Neighborhood

Tales of a Dyslexic Wizard

Spelling Disabled

Rede-ing Disabled (Forthcoming)

Down Time, Ltd.

Down Time

Taking Time

Time Out

Show Time!

Double Time

A Plethora of Deities

Downhill All the Way

In the Sky with Diamonds

The Seed

The Tree

Tempting the Fates

Teasing the Furies

Inspiring the Muses

Dancing with the Sphinx: Waltz

Dancing with the Sphinx: Tango

Dancing with the Sphinx: Foxtrot

Chasing Rainbows

The Care and Feeding of Your Elder God

Stacking the Deck: Jokers

The Wayfarers

A Land without Borders

A World without a Name

A Nation without Maps

A Country without Unity

A Continent without Form

An Ocean without Charts

An Empire without Order

An Island without a Shore

The Pirates of Pangaea

An Accidental Alliance

The Unscheduled Mission

A Planned Improvisation

The Forced Alternative

Other Stories

Elf Alert!

A Study in Ethnology

Off on a Tangent

Author’s Foreword

I do not pretend to know what it takes to be a successful professional author. The fact that I remain self-published should be ample proof of that, but I do find myself frequently in conversation with other would-be professional authors, at least half of whom are still at the I want to write a book stage. That’s the first step in my list of what it takes to be an author, when you express the desire to write, but somehow have not actually started doing so. I estimate that at least half the people I hear saying that never get beyond that stage.

The advice I give them, after the usual, So what’s stopping you? is to tell them to definitely write something you want to read, because as the author, you are going to be reading it a lot!

That is definitely my feeling about this series; I keep writing stories about these characters because I really want to know what they are going to get up to next. I suppose I could just imagine it and keep it to myself, but, for me, my stories only come alive when I actually write them down.

In any case, this series has gotten so long I really have to admit that book #13 is probably not a great place to start, because these guys have been running around so long it would take a book just to give you a reasonable synopsis; "Previously in A Plethora of Deities…" So, if this is the first of these books you are reading you might want to go back a few volumes (I generally suggest #3 The Tree), but if you already have this one in your hands, I hope it all makes some sort of sense. Good luck!

Jonathan E. Feinstein

May 27, 2019

Westport, MA

Prologue – A Few Years Ago

Come on, deary, the woman cajoled in voice that was only half as enticing as it should have been. You know you want to.

Her target was not one she felt any genuine attraction to. Some might have called him ruggedly attractive, but only if they were partial to bears fresh out of hibernation, looking for their first meal in months. He had a large frame, but that frame was not well-padded except around his gut where a beer-belly was his most prominent attribute. The hair on his head was thin. His black beard was several inches long and was untrimmed, giving him a ragged look even though his clothes – jeans and a sweat shirt – might have just been stolen off the rack. His skin was the pale shade of one who rarely goes outside during the daytime. He made a licentious grab at the woman but she laughed and slipped away from his grasping hand with practiced ease.

What’s your problem anyway? she asked. It’s a good plan. All my plans are good. He glared at her and she laughed again. The light in the cavern they sat in was dim. The woman liked it that way and the man had to admit that he felt more secure, more hidden that way as well.

That is not a word I associate with, he growled. In the dim light she could see his skin darken a shade and his ears lengthened just a bit to become pointed.

It’s just a word, she told him, a relative term. It can mean whatever you want it to.

I do not like that word, he replied. I am the hardest working demon in Hell. I do nothing that is ‘Good.’

You! she laughed. Hard-working? You’re the Prince of Sloth! Your chief attribute is laziness.

Do you think that is easy, wench? he snapped at her. It is my job to lead sinners to Hell by their own laziness, but I, personally, can never relax. I never get a day off. Humans are not really all that lazy. If they were, there would be no cities, no farms. There would just be a few bands of nomadic hunter-gatherers.

And whose fault is that? she asked archly. You inspire them with ingenious inventions. You cause them to discover new things, to learn and grow.

I only inspire those inventions that will make them lazier! he pointed out gruffly. My inventions give them the leisure in which to sin.

Well you did a great job with Facebook and Twitter, she admitted.

Those were not mine! he roared, getting to his feet and manifesting into his full demonic form. His ears grew still longer and a pair of crooked horns sprouted from his temples. His nose grew long as well and so did his ragged beard. A long, thin, tufted tale sprouted through the seat of his jeans with the sound of ripping denim. He held that pose for a few seconds and then pulled himself back into the guise of a handsome young man. The horns disappeared and his ears grew rounded. He had a full head of hair and his beard was well-trimmed. The beer-belly nearly disappeared as well.

Too bad, the woman shrugged, ignoring the man’s transformations. Hmm, you could take credit for them anyway, you know.

That is not the way it works, he grumbled. Besides, I have to be careful out here. Something like that would attract the wrong sort of attention and they would know where I am. I cannot afford to be found; not until I am ready.

Ah! she smiled broadly. But you will be if you follow my plan, sweetey! Now listen…

Part I

There was a tradition of the trickster, and the trickster was a clown, a humorous fellow. His task was to trick the gods, to humor the gods into laughing, so that there was access to the divine - because laughter is a moment when we are completely ourselves.

George Carlin

One

Late spring was Jael’s second favorite time when treading on the branches of the great World Tree, Yggdrasil. It was at this time of year when the weather was mild but not yet hot. Life was still young and yet still fully developed. Much like the college students she taught during the academic year, this was the great tree as a young adult, ready to enter maturity but still full of the hope and ideals that so many lost as they had to engage in real life.

Jael wondered privately how much of that was simply her own projection. Yggdrasil was a fully mature… Her thoughts foundered for a moment, searching for the right description. Individual maybe? The Tree was singular in most aspects, although when observed across the planes the Tree had many forms. Did it also have many minds or did a singular World Mind inhabit the Tree. She was certain Yggdrasil was a thinking entity although it rarely spoke to anyone, but when she found the time to meditate in her favorite place, way up near the very top of the Tree, she knew that, in part, she was communing with the spirit of the Tree. In essence, she was communing with the universe as a whole. It was a time and place where she could fully manifest in her native demonic form with large bat-like wings attached to her back, a long-pointed tail sprouting from behind, two small horns from her temples and an aura of supernatural beauty.

Jael did not need the supernatural aspect to be beautiful, but most demonesses, it seemed, had been cast from the same mold. On mere appearances, she could give the succubi of Hell a run for their money, but she was too intelligent to want to play that game. She would have been bored, so while Jael did have her flirtatious side, she was never a wanton temptress.

Lost in thought over the nature of the Tree’s being, Jael uncharacteristically tripped over a small knot in the bark. She caught herself instantly and only stumbled for part of a step, but it was enough for her companion to notice. He said something sarcastic, but Jael did not quite hear him. What was that?

I asked, Ratatosk repeated, if you were still in the same world I am. Ratatosk was not even slightly human. He was a squirrel. He was, in fact a gigantic European red squirrel about the size of a German Shepard dog. Compared to other squirrels he was tremendous and had a big enough mouth to match his stature. In this case, however, he sounded slightly worried.

Hmm? Jael responded, Oh sorry, I was just thinking.

A nasty habit, Ratty replied. I swore off it centuries ago.

Ha! Jael laughed harshly. I know you better than that. The moment you stop thinking is the moment everyone else will finally catch up to you and you have too many chasing you to want that.

No one really takes me seriously, Ratty replied in a rare moment of gravity. Oh, I can be very annoying. That’s part of my job.

Not really, Jael disagreed. Your official job is to carry messages back and forth between Odin and Niddhogg. Essentially, you’re a herald. You could just deliver those messages, as insulting as they are, in a polite manner.

I started out like that, Ratatosk admitted, centuries ago, but as I have said before, around here they really do shoot the messenger, so the politeness did not last for more than the first trip.

You might have been as timid as most of your smaller, more natural cousins, though.

I was that for a while too, Ratatosk explained, but that just got me killed in the first cycle. After that, I realized that death was no-how permanent for me and started having fun with it. And the angrier one of them gets, the less likely they are to actually have the control to hit me. Well, there was that one cycle my pelt was used as a throw rug in Valhalla, but none of us are perfect, are we?

Well, no one where I’m from, Jael agreed.

So, how goes your big project anyway? Ratatosk asked. Have you figured out just what Yggdrasil wants of us?

I’m not sure if the Tree actually wants anything of us, Jael admitted, not that I have had all that much time to study the matter. It took me a year just to get what few concessions from the League of Pantheons I could. I think I have everyone agreeing not to use the Tree as a superhighway, but I wanted a moratorium on all use of the Tree as a means of transport. I had to settle for allowing parties of five or less. Well, at least we won’t have any more armies traipsing through the Tree for the duration, barring emergencies.

Not much of a concession, Ratty told her. On the Divine Plane emergencies occur every few minutes.

Well, I did want to be the one who decided just what constituted an emergency, Jael admitted, but once again, I had to settle for being one of three and I can easily be outvoted by Odin and Jove. You know how little my vote will count with those two. They’re the poster children for male chauvinism.

They do seem to keep you running around, Ratty observed.

That’s just it, Jael complained. When I was first offered this job, they were desperate to have me. Now all I get is the run-around and I’m constantly chasing after one or the other, or else some other king of a pantheon in order to keep them from using the Tree to excess. I’m spending too much time with that to actually do the job I was hired to do, especially when you realize I have a full professor’s load of classes to teach when school is in session. I really don’t know how you manage to find the time to do anything but carry Odin’s and Niddhogg’s love letters.

I’ve told you this before too, Ratty reminded her, but I really do have the ability to be in two places at once. I think that bit of talent is so I can carry insulting notes from Odin at the same time I’m doing the same for Niddhogg, but after a cycle or three I noticed that in spite of being active pen pals, neither of them actually had much to say to the other and were only trading the same insults back and forth most of the time, so I started finding other uses for that talent. Generally, only one of me is playing postman, while the other is doing something else.

Are there really two of you? Jael asked curiously.

No, I’m an original, Ratty responded.

Oh, you’re an original all right, Jael chuckled, but I meant…

I know what you meant, Ratatosk stopped her, and no. While I talk about myself as two that way, I’m still only one squirrel. I just have the ability to be two places at once. I still do all the running back and forth and also do the various other stuff I do. Hey, it’s the Divine Plain. We all have jobs to do.

But those insults are symbolic of strife in the world, Jael pointed out. If you are only doing half the job, that should have led to a build-up of excess strife and tensions.

Just the opposite, if anything, Ratatosk laughed. I’m only carrying half the insults I did at first. It’s those insults that cause the strife. I just carry them, so the less I carry, the better for everyone. Do you feel something? He was suddenly very serious.

What sort of something? Jael asked, looking around. There was a warm breeze stirring the leaves above them and it gave her a slight thrill to just stop and take in the view.

Something in the air or the ether or… I don’t know, Ratatosk admitted. The breeze began to get just a bit fresher as he continued, A sort of odd feeling, like something tickling the nerve endings… he trailed off and then suddenly shouted, Uh oh!

Jael turned to face him and saw all his fur was standing on end. Then she realized that her own hair was doing the same thing and that thrill she had felt… In the next instant, the tree was struck by lightning and everything went black.

Two

Jael groaned and opened her eyes, wondering how long she had been unconscious. The wind had died down, but she was soaking wet and covered with loose ash leaves. A heavy storm had passed through the Tree and she had missed it entirely. Ratatosk stirred beside her.

Dammit, Thor! Ratty shouted at the Norse god of thunder, Your aim stinks!

That was not me, a deep voice replied liltingly from behind them. They both turned to see that Thor was, indeed, standing on the same branch. He reached down and help Jael to her feet.

Thanks, big boy, Jael told him. It was an accurate description. Thor stood over six feet tall whereas Jael’s own height was on the short side of average. Do you always materialize when someone calls your name like that?

I did not materialize, Thor chuckled. Not the way you imply. The storm was unusual, even for Yggdrasil and I came to see what I could. The lightning, there was only the one bolt, struck very nearby, so I was here when you woke up.

So, just a coincidence then, Jael concluded.

Maybe not, Thor disagreed. Coincidences on Yggdrasil are harder to find than lottery winners.

What? Jael asked, You think someone was aiming at us?

Maybe only one of you, Thor replied, tilting his head slightly toward Ratatosk.

So, it was you! Ratty accused.

I said it was not, Thor repeated. Besides. I was only having fun. Although, not about how rare coincidences here; there really are very few in this realm. The lightning might not have been caused by anyone in particular or even meant to harm you. It is possible that you, in some way attracted it to you.

Attracted? Jael asked. The only one I want to attract is my husband.

Perhaps I used the wrong word, Thor noted. It is also possible that it occurred where you were because you needed to be aware.

An excessive way to get my attention, Jael retorted.

Jael? a different, higher voice spoke out of her mouth. Jael immediate became taller, her hair shortened, became blonde and her face was replaced by that of an entirely other woman. I think we really need to report this to Dee. Hello, Thor.

Hello, Rona, Thor greeted her, but she had already changed back into Jael.

Rona’s right, Jael told them. If anyone needs to know about this, it’s Mother Nature. The problem is, I don’t have much to report other than I survived getting hit by lightning… again.

You can tell her that the storm was not natural in origin and that it affected the entire Tree, Thor told her. I chose to investigate the lightning strike because it was the only part of the storm that was specific.

I guess that will have to do for now, Jael admitted. Are you going to continue to investigate? Thor nodded. Good. Do me a big favor? Stop by Hattamesett when you’re done and let us know what you find. Thanks.

They spoke for another few minutes and then Jael jumped off the branch and flew upward and outward until she reached a very special location and used it to transport herself into an entirely different universe. She stopped to look around. Instead of standing on the branch of a giant ash tree, now she was on the branch of a slightly smaller sugar maple. She paused to look around. There was no one in sight although, below her, she could see the house and patio of Eddy Salem, the one-time ad executive who was now the supreme deity of this other universe. She could also see the large A-frame building that Thor and several other gods