Forever a Stranger

By Linda Ferrer

Forever A Stranger' is a story of love, war and family breakdown. It follows the lives of three generations in crisis, spanning the 20th Century.

Sid Shavinsky and Esther Kopitch are children when they flee the pogroms of Russia and Poland with their parents in 1904. Both families settle in the East End of London. Sid and Esther marry. Sid enthusiastically enlists to fight for Britain in World War One. He returns home a changed man; an amputee suffering with depression and traumatic stress. The war destroys their marriage and future. Two decades later, daughter Julie is faced with giving birth to an illegitimate child after her fiancé Simon disappears. Simon fled Nazi Germany in 1939.

Linda Ferrer lives in North London with her husband. She has three grown up children. This book is dedicated to her first grandchild.

Retirement gave Linda the opportunity to do what she always dreamed of - to write a book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Legend Press
• Release date: Oct 16, 2015
• ISBN: 9781910394861

Book preview

imagination.

Prologue:

London, England December 1999 – Metamorphosis

Stop following me. Go away.

The motley group withdrew, only the old man and woman continued to walk towards her, waving their arms for attention. They looked oddly familiar, wearing 1940s clothing and exuded an extraordinary sense of the supernatural - visitors from the past. Julie Lawrence recalled family photographs of the period.

She fled in terror. Then the miracle occurred. She was weightless and floated several inches above the street. Using the ground as a springboard she thrust herself forward and ran like the wind. Fifteen minutes later she stopped to rest. Julie was lost, but pleased to have escaped the old couple.

In an effort to relax she took short deep breaths, bent down to rest her hands on her knees, then turned to face the road and screamed. The old couple were waiting.

What do you want? Go away!

***

Several nights later she awoke from a deep sleep. The group stood silently around her bed. Their skin was fragile, almost paper-thin. There were deep sockets where their eyes had been.

A man struggled to speak. He cleared his throat then mumbled something inaudible. Julie was drowsy and couldn’t decide whether she was dreaming or whether this was reality. Then she heard his unmistakable voice. Her father Sid Shaw was speaking.

This was always going to be difficult. You must understand your mother and I are here with family and friends to ease your journey into the spirit world. You are about to travel from life to death and we want to make your journey pain-free and beautiful. Some spirits are permitted to visit their living loved ones. Sadly we had to wait until your dying hour to apologise for our arrogance and pride during our lifetime. Even in death we’ve loved you and watched over you and our grandchildren Sandra-Ann, Harry and Joey, as they have grown into healthy and responsible adults. We also protected Sarah from harm throughout her childhood and adolescence. She is well and happy.

Julie longed to ask about Sarah, the daughter she had cherished and loved throughout her life, but words failed.

We’re here to make our peace before we meet again on the other side. We’re only given one life and your mother and I learned too late that nothing is more important than family.

Esther, Julie’s mother, spoke.

You know I loved you very much and I’m sorry I didn’t always consider your feelings. All I worried about was what other people would think. Your father and I agree we should have been more thoughtful parents. We’re sorry we didn’t consider your feelings and want to tell you how very proud we are of your lifetime achievements.

The group beckoned. With the good news her daughter Sarah was alive and well, Julie was ready to make her final journey.

***

It was the week before Christmas, a perfectly normal day for most people, but not for Harry and his brother Joey. Their mother, Julie, lay dying. She had been in a coma for three days.

Harry looked vacantly out of the window. From his mother’s bedroom, overlooking the hospital’s main entrance, he watched snowflakes floating gently to the ground. An ethereal scene. It was just 4 o’clock in the afternoon, but it may as well have been midnight. The day had been gloomy and now the sky was inky black, the moon and stars hidden behind thick, heavy clouds. The only visible star flashed intermittently on top of the huge Christmas tree. Harry drew the curtains in an attempt to make the room cosy and returned to the vacant chair alongside Joey. Their cousin Sandra-Ann sat on the opposite side of the bed, holding her aunt’s emaciated hand.

Cars and taxis snaked slowly around the grassed roundabout, towards the main entrance where the Christmas tree was temporarily placed. Harry wondered how many people took the time to enjoy the decorative tree during visits to the hospital. Beyond the roundabout, a car park was just visible. Drivers vied for vacant spaces. Anxious and frustrated, their owners spewed out a cacophony of honking horns. The intrusive noise violated the beauty of the cold and frosty afternoon.

Harry usually enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the festive season and the manic rush to buy presents for his three children.

A knock on the door broke the silence. Two nurses entered.

Excuse us. We need to turn your mum.

Yes, of course, go ahead, replied Harry.

The family waited in the corridor. Shortly after settling back into the room a doctor put his head around the door.

Stay put. Only here to check mum’s monitor.

Thanks doctor, how is she? I mean, do you think mum can survive much longer? Harry asked.

Difficult to say… Just be re-assured she’s peaceful and in no pain.

She’s a feisty lady.

Harry hesitated, before adding apologetically, I wonder if I can have a quick word. We don’t like complaining, but … we’re concerned the noises outside could be disturbing her, being so close to the nurses’ station. Even with the door closed we can hear raised voices and clanking of trolleys in the corridor outside. She’s also developed this irregular tic. Do you think it’s a reaction to all the commotion?

I don’t think so. I’ve noticed the occasional twitch, or tic. I’m pretty sure your mother can’t hear anything going on outside this room. She may hear, even recognise your voices, but I’m sure she won’t be aware of any noise or activity outside this room. If her brain is still active it’s possible, I suppose, the facial movements could be because she’s dreaming. She could even be trying to speak to you.

***

Julie drifted in and out of consciousness. Her spirit floated high on the ceiling, above her failing body lying motionless on the bed below. She was now prepared to make her last journey. From her high vantage point she listened with amusement to Harry’s conversation with the doctor. While Joey stood by the window fidgeting with the curtains, her niece, Sandra-Ann, sat crying, clutching her aunt’s hand. How Julie would have loved to join in the conversation and reassure them she was content to leave her long life behind. But she had no means of communicating. Her body no longer functioned. She struggled hard to blink an eye and move a finger in Sandra-Ann’s clenched fist, but was too weak. Gradually she drifted into a deeper coma and finally passed away.

Part 1

Chapter 1

Antecedents - 1900

Miriam and Samuel Kopitch lived in a small shtetl ten miles outside Lotz, Poland. There were seven children, four sons and three daughters. Samuel worked for the local blacksmith and money was scarce.

Miriam relied on her eldest child, Esther, to take care of the younger children, particularly during her many pregnancies and confinements.

The boys were educated in the village synagogue. The girls had no formal education. Tradition dictated they would grow up to become ‘good Jewish wives and mothers’. Esther was a bright young girl and eager to learn to read and write, but her father Samuel said he ‘didn’t want Esther wasting her time learning and reading’. Then young brother Joey mischievously dared to defy their parents and taught Esther to read, using the Yiddish newspapers. She was a quick learner. Years later she nostalgically recalled the many times her father complained the Yiddish paper had gone missing because she had taken it to her room to read under the duvet.

By the age of twelve Esther was skillfully bargaining with the local market traders. Mother and daughter shopped in the evenings, just as the vendors were packing up for the night. The men were tired after a long day’s work and Esther, with her youthful charm, could persuade them to sell any remaining boxes of over-ripe fruit and vegetables and meat, if slightly on the turn, at rock-bottom prices. But Miriam also risked the stalls being sold out, and having no food for the family the following day.

Miriam and Samuel Kopitch reared chickens in the backyard for consumption on Jewish festivals. The hens produced a regular supply of eggs throughout the year.

Just like the Kopitch family, generations of Jews lived in remote shtetls. Self-sufficiency was a constant challenge in the harsh climate. The synagogue was the centre of the community. It was where the boys were educated, and the orthodox religious men studied Torah. It was not a place for women.

After decades of pogroms and anti-Semitism in Eastern Europe, the Jews were refugees in countries they had called home for centuries. They were terrorised, and entire villages burnt to a cinder.

In 1904 Miriam and Samuel Kopitch packed what they could salvage, and left Poland. Sid Shavinsky, with his parents, Sadie and Jacob, were also forced from their home in Vitebsk, Russia. They were just two families, of thousands, to safely reach the shores of England, and other countries in Western Europe and beyond, to escape the brutality of the pogroms.

None of the refugees spoke English and many were illiterate. So to swiftly process the newcomers through immigration, names were frequently recorded phonetically and simplified. This is how the family name of ‘Shavinsky’ became ‘Shaw’.

Miriam and Samuel Kopitch and Sadie and Jacob Shaw settled in the poor district of Stepney, near the docks, in the East End of London.

Chapter 2

Esther & Sid Shaw, David & Julie – 1904-1939

Sid Shaw’s education came to an abrupt halt after the family arrived in London, England in1904. He was a sensitive and artistic young boy, not a boy of many words and academia, who loved to sketch and paint portraits of family and friends and the local community. He was agile and fit. At thirteen Sid became a trainee to a building and decorating company. Ostensibly to learn the craft of building, but he also hoped to use his talents to encourage customers to think innovatively and create new ground-breaking colour schemes and designs for their homes.

From a young age, Esther decided Sid had the qualities to make her a good husband. He had a quiet and caring disposition, traits unique in a boy so young, and he made her laugh. Contrary to many Jewish marriages, during the early decades of the 20th century, theirs wasn’t arranged, but both families hoped one day their children might marry.

Esther and Sid were happily married for just one year, before Britain declared war on Germany on 4th August 1914, which was also Esther Shaw’s twenty-first birthday. Sid was twenty-two. Tragically the war destroyed their ambitions and dreams of a happy marriage.

***

During the warm summer months of 1914 young British men were eager to fight for King and country. They believed the propaganda, war with Germany would be over by Christmas. Enthusiasm was infectious, and with wild optimism Sid joined up for active service.

His patriotism quickly dissipated when he arrived in France and suffered previously unimaginable conditions. Men barely survived in trenches of flooded, putrid water and overflowing cesspools.

Swarms of crawling lice attached themselves to every possible orifice and thousands of rats, as large as cats, grew fatter every day on the rotting bodies buried in shallow graves. The heinous sights and squalor broke Sid’s spirit. He developed severe panic attacks and was sent to the field hospital to recover. Once there, something unexpected happened. Forced to witness the ugly sights and smells of his sick and dying army comrades, he discovered he possessed a natural skill for nursing the wounded.

With minimal training, doctors confidently let him wash broken limbs and comfort the dying. He spent his free time sharing cigarettes and listening to stories of loved ones back home. With sensitivity to the soldiers’ religions he prayed for their earthly souls. The battalion was also in the throes of another outbreak of typhoid, and short of nursing care. Sid was temporarily seconded to the hospital, whilst they waited for backup qualified staff to arrive from England.

When he eventually returned to the frontline his panic attacks became more intense. He was severely disorientated. Sensitive to loud explosions, he cried like a child. Gentle Sid became dogmatic Sid. He misunderstood orders, was aggressive and ultimately a dangerous liability to his regiment. He was finally sent home to recover.

***

It didn’t take long for Esther to discover there was no medical care for her husband’s sickness. His mind was broken, not his body. There was no bed for him in the local hospital. The day he came home he went straight upstairs to their bedroom and remained there, unwashed, for six weeks with the curtains closed.

Esther struggled unaided to care for the stranger in her home. In a passive mood he treated her with indifference, but when he was angry he paced the bedroom floor impatiently, insisting she attended to his every whim immediately.

He was insatiable for sex. Esther was covered with bruises. During the nights he moaned and screamed in his sleep. There were no boundaries to his behaviour. Esther was embarrassed to tell the doctor the horrors of being alone to care for her sick husband. It was a hopeless situation. His broken mind had disabled them both.

A month after Sid returned to the squalor of the trenches Esther was pregnant with their first child, David.

***

Sid’s regiment was immobilizing unexploded bombs in France on the day the Armistice was signed on 11th November 1918. Two days before his final discharge a bomb tragically exploded prematurely. Sid’s right leg was severed below the knee and three fingers on his right hand were so badly damaged they later had to be amputated.

More tragically, he lost two dependable comrades in the blast. Sid never forgave himself, for what he would later describe as, ‘watching helplessly while two good soldiers and colleagues were blown to pieces’. He returned from France a broken man in mind and body. Memories of the horrendous sights and smells of the trenches and mutilated bodies impacted on his entire life.

Sid’s mental state and physical pain had transformed his personality. He was no longer the loving bridegroom but a brutal husband. No medication could control the relentless pain he suffered from the amputations.

***

Esther did her best to nurse and pacify him. But Sid was a disagreeable patient and she struggled daily with his mood swings. Esther was exhausted. The love she once had for him withered and died.

However, divorce was unthinkable for twenty-five year old Esther, who now had to reconcile her fate and remain in the dead marriage. Two months after Sid’s homecoming she discovered she was pregnant for a second time with Julie, the child she wished she had never conceived.

***

Esther’s life as a girl and young wife was marred by sexual ignorance. After years of marriage to Sid, and giving birth to two children, she still lacked the crucial biological knowledge and understanding of the mechanism of her body. While she watched Julie grow into adolescence she felt inadequate, and embarrassed to help her daughter through her emotional development from young girl to young woman.

When Julie was twelve, she had the body of a young woman and was too painfully shy and timid to discuss new emotions and concerns with her mother. Her best friend, Annie, and other school friends, were equally mystified by their changing bodies. The girls shared snippets of half-truths about men and women’s sexuality, but ultimately couldn’t differentiate between the truths and old wives’ tales.

Julie was petrified when, at the age of thirteen, she found bloodstains in her navy school knickers. She thought she was bleeding to death. Sadly Esther had never prepared Julie for her first menstrual period. During this sensitive time all Esther could inappropriately say to her daughter was, now you are a fully-grown woman you must keep away from men. Don’t discuss your maturity with anyone. Women suffer, but we all have to keep this to ourselves.

By early puberty Julie began to withdraw from boys she had known all her life; the boys she played with and trusted throughout her childhood. She was confused and embarrassed to confess, even to her school friend, Annie, a new fascination - the sexuality of young men, and a curiosity about their bodies. In spite of having a brother, David, the male anatomy remained a mystery.

***

During Julie’s childhood and adolescent years she lived in the shadow of David, her senior by two years. He was clearly a good student. However, Sid and Esther saved all their praise for him and never discussed Julie’s academic achievements. She was bitterly upset when they refused to let her matriculate and admonished her for being too competitive.

Sid told her, girls don’t need academic qualifications. Mark my words, you’ll be married by the time you’re twenty. After that your husband can keep you. So forget any thoughts about going on to further education. It’s just a waste of time.

But Sid couldn’t deny Julie had a flair for figures, in particular mental arithmetic, and solving problems with numbers. A talent she had clearly inherited from her mother, who skillfully managed the family finances.

Julie daydreamed one day she would work in an office. But by the tender age of fourteen, Sid found her a job as a seamstress in a local dress factory and Julie’s childhood came to an abrupt end. She was upset to leave school to help pay the family bills, whilst David continued with his studies. But in spite of her bitter disappointments she remained optimistic that one day she would fulfil her dream.

Chapter 3

Spitz Dorfmann – Berlin, July, 1936

Eva and Frederick Dorfmann graduated from Berlin University and were married at the age of twenty. They were now senior lecturers at the university. Their son, Spitz, was sixteen years old.

For almost a century Frederick Dorfmann’s family enjoyed an affluent lifestyle on Atzelbergstr 25C, Charlottenburg, Berlin. But the dawn of the 1930s brought a fresh wave of anti-Semitism.

The apartment was stuffy. A hot July sun beat against the large windows. Eva was terrified of outside noise and activity and insisted the heavy, brown velvet curtains remained drawn throughout the year. In contrast, Frederick remembered summers as a boy when the apartment was filled with sunshine and children’s laughter. Now it was dark and airless.

The spacious apartment had high ceilings, ornate plaster cornices and large sash windows. Eva cherished the mahogany inlaid parquet flooring, which she kept highly polished and covered with brightly coloured rugs. Frederick had inherited two heavy walnut sideboards and a huge walnut table that could comfortably seat sixteen. He remembered his grandmother’s gargantuan Passover table groaning with food, and twenty aunts, uncles and cousins vying for their share.

His grandfather had been a concert pianist and the grand piano still took pride of place in the music room. Frederick played the violin, but never achieved the status of virtuoso.

Over the years the apartment had become shabby, the furniture scratched and in need of attention. Frederick wasn’t a prosperous man and couldn’t afford lavish redecorations and changes.

***

In 1922, Frederick’s brother Woolfe, wife Dora and the brothers’ parents moved to London, England. Woolfe had a premonition, now that Germany had lost the Great War, anti-Semitism could be on the rise again, just as it had in previous generations. He tried to persuade Frederick to go with them. But in 1922 Frederick had no intention to move his family to a foreign country, where he couldn’t speak the language. He had recently begun a new dream job at the university, and Spitz was only two years old. Frederick was resolute.

We’re not going anywhere. I want Spitz to grow up to become a proud German man.

Woolfe was concerned when his brother and sister-in-law decided to stay in what they described as their ‘beloved Berlin’.

***

After Adolf Hitler became Chancellor of Germany in 1933 Frederick helped many Jews leave Germany. With the benefit of hindsight, he should have left Berlin with them. But he had never been affiliated with a Jewish organisation, and carelessly believed the authorities would never waste their time searching for his kind of agnostic Jew. As an undergraduate at Berlin University, Frederick had rejected all religion. He was fair-skinned, and had lost most of his fine fair hair by the age of twenty-five. Spitz was his doppelganger with freckles and a mass of blond hair.

But as the 1930s advanced, anti-Semitism became more prolific. The Jews were blamed for the world depression, inflation and unemployment. Gestapo watched idly while Jews were humiliated and murdered. Berlin was no longer Eva’s ‘beloved’ city, but a place she wanted to escape from forever. Almost daily she pleaded with Frederick to apply for their exit visas, so they could travel to London. But he remained stubborn.

Trust me, we will be safe. They know we are good Germans because we can trace our relations back for generations. We have nothing to worry about, was his frequent justification. But Eva remained unconvinced.

***

On the surface little had changed at the university. That was until the spring of 1936, when targeted members of the workforce disappeared. Trade union members ran a small auxiliary office on the university campus to support non-academic staff. The shock finally convinced Frederick it was time to leave Germany. He was ashamed he had stubbornly refused Eva’s pleas to, at least, go through the process of applying for their visas. Without them the family could go nowhere.

Frederick decided to speak to his old friend and teacher, Professor Karl Braun, when he was next in Berlin. The professor had officially retired from the university several years earlier and now travelled around the country giving academic lectures. He had made new contacts and would know if there were areas in Germany where Jews could go into hiding. Six weeks later over dinner Frederick cautiously raised the subject with Eva.

I am sorry my dear. I’ve been so stubborn. You were right. We should have left Berlin with our family and friends. I think we could now be living on borrowed time and sooner or later they will come for us.

Where can we go?

Did I tell you I was having lunch with Karl, after the lecture last Monday?

I don’t remember. How is he?

He’s doing very well, and still very active for his age. I think he must be nearly seventy. Don’t you want to hear what he said?

Of course I do.

Well, he agrees with me it could be risky to attempt to leave Germany and suggests we go south.

Can’t we go to England? You know how much I want to go to England.

We need visas, and to apply now could be counter-productive.

I don’t agree. I think we should apply for them without further delay.

It could bring us to the attention of the administration. Karl mentioned a small town in the southwest, called Bonndorf. He says the southerners seem less hostile to the Jewish problem.

Am I a problem? You’re talking like a Nazi, Eva was angry.

I spoke out of turn. I’m sorry. Karl knows someone who works in the town hall who will help us find jobs and somewhere to live.

I’ve not heard of Bonndorf.

"Neither had I. He said it’s a pretty little town near the French border, east