The Joneses and the Pirateers: Escape from San Lazaro

By Suzanne Westgate

The school holidays have arrived, and nine-year-old James can’t wait to put his newfound skills to the test during the pirateers’ annual Holus-Bolus Raid on the Cartagena Naval School for Laddies. But sneaking into the school isn’t the only reason the Swashbucklin’ Nay on Impossible Adventurers want to sail to Cartegena. Elizabeth, Emily, and James are determined to discover what happened to their father and the missing Phantom Lady. Meanwhile, Captain Bal has his own secret plans, Dani refuses to listen to Miss K’s ominous warnings, and James keeps seeing mysterious shadows lurking in Cartagena’s streets.

When the raid doesn’t quite go as expected, the crew finds themselves carrying out their most dangerous Nay on Impossible mission yet: escaping from the mazelike dungeons of San Lazaro. Not to mention outsmarting the pirateer-hating guards, hiding from the furious Captain Silverbeard, plotting their revenge on the privies, and hunting for the next clue to the fabled Lost Treasure of Santa Maria—all before the Parade of the Pirates ends in three days’ time.

Join the Joneses and the pirateers on their second hair-raising, humorous adventure as they are chased over rooftops, through tunnels, and seemingly across the sea itself by the one who wants to find James more than anything.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Jan 12, 2020
• ISBN: 9781922368058

Suzanne Westgate

Suzanne Westgate is a mother and lawyer who never let go of her inner pirate. She grew up in a small harbourside town, often kayaking to shelly islands after school. In her early twenties, Suzanne backpacked through South America and Asia, and her adventures—sailing, caving, mountaineering, surfing, diving in the Caribbean with a crew of prisoners on parole, abseiling, skiing down a live volcano (mostly on her bottom), blowing things up with dynamite, and very nearly getting kidnapped—helped inspire the Joneses and the Pirateers.Suzanne and her family live in Sydney, where they enjoy their own adventures, treasure hunts, dance-offs, booby traps, and pirate-themed birthday parties.To make it count, all royalties from this book are donated to charities for real lost children - starting with Project Futures - which supports safe houses for trafficked children (and women) in Cambodia and Australia.

Book preview

The Joneses

& the Pirateers

Escape from San Lázaro

S L Westgate

This is an IndieMosh book

brought to you by MoshPit Publishing

an imprint of Mosher’s Business Support Pty Ltd

PO BOX 147

Hazelbrook NSW 2779

https://www.indiemosh.com.au/

Copyright 2020 © Suzanne Westgate

All rights reserved

Licence Notes

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No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the author and publisher.

Disclaimer

This story is entirely a work of fiction.

No character in this story is taken from real life. Any resemblance to any person or persons living or dead is accidental and unintentional.

The author, their agents and publishers cannot be held responsible for any claim otherwise and take no responsibility for any such coincidence.

I couldn’t choose who to dedicate this book to, so I have gone with a few.

Irstlyfay, Attmay, orfay ouryay ovelay anday upportsay, alwaysay. Azarlay!

Econdlysay, Encerspay Ashinay Earpay—orfay eingbay ethay avestbray aveybray antspay Iay owknay.

And finally, Mum and Dad—simply for everything.

GLOSSARY

aft—the back of a ship

Ahoy!—Hello there!

ah—Oh, I see

Argh!—the noise a person makes when they are frightened or surprised

arrr—general pirate acknowledgement, meaning That’s good or I agree

avast— Stop!

be—used by pirates and pirateers instead of am, is, are, or sometimes even was

bilge—the bottom of the ship; the lowest, dirtiest, smelliest part where rats are usually sneaking about

bilge rat—not a very nice name to call someone

Blimey!—Wow!

booty/bounty—stolen treasure

buccaneer—European and Caribbean pirates from Hispaniola or Jamaica who attack Spanish treasure ships and hunt wild pigs

Cartagena—Cartagena de Indias; walled city on the northern coast of Colombia in the Caribbean, famous for its fortresses and for being an attractive plunder site for pirates

corsair—North African/Mediterranean pirates known as the Barbary Corsairs

crow’s nest—lookout or highest point on a ship’s mast

cutlass—sword

Davy Jones’s Locker—the bottom of the ocean, or, for pirates/pirateers, the place where pirates/pirateers go when they perish at sea

doubloon—old Spanish gold coin; 128 reales (or silver bits) made up one doubloon

Fair winds—Good luck

Finarh!—Charge! or This is so exciting!

grog—To a pirateer: a mixture of malt and water (pirateers aren’t allowed to drink rum until they are eighteen). To a pirate: a mixture of rum and water.

Heave ho!—Let’s go!

hornswoggler—a cheat

Isla de los Perros—Island of the Dogs

Isla de Huesos—Island of Bones

laddie—young man

landlubber—person who likes to be on land instead of the sea; used by pirates and pirateers as an insult

lassie—young lady

matey/maties—friend/friends

me—used by pirates/pirateers instead of my

me hearties—my friends or my crewmates

mutineers—sailors or other pirates who have refused to follow a captain’s orders

piece of eight—old Spanish money. Eight reales (or silver bits) made up one piece of eight, or peso.

pirateers—the fearsome, ruthless offspring of pirates

pirates—rogues and robbers of the sea

plunder or pillage—to steal

poop deck—the floor that is the roof of a cabin built on the upper deck of a ship

port—left side of the ship

privateer—English, French, or Dutch sailors legally authorized by their governments to raid Spanish ships

quartermaster—second-in-command to the captain; usually the person who enforces discipline on a ship

scurvy—a disease many sailors got because they didn’t eat enough fruits and vegetables (especially brussels sprouts); not a very nice thing to call someone

sea dog—someone who has been a sailor for a long time; an old person

shanty—song of the sea

shipshape—neat and tidy, feeling good

Shiver me timbers!—What a surprise!

silver bit—1 reale, or 1/128 of a doubloon

Sophia Thalassa—wisdom and of the sea; also a sea goddess in Greek mythology

starboard—the right side of the ship

swashbuckling—daring, adventuring

yeh—you or sometimes used for your

Yo ho!—various meanings: Well hello there! What have we here? What a surprise! So there!; sometimes just indicates a general state of happiness

CHAPTER 1

Jones

In the middle of the ocean, there was a rock that looked like a sword stabbing out of the sea.

On this particular day, the waves around the rock were choppy and restless, as if they were anxiously waiting for something . . . or someone.

A dark shadow appeared beneath the surface, chasing away a school of bright-coloured fish. The shadow broke through the waves and an old man rose from the water. His grey beard was crawling with crabs, and his gnarled, leathery skin was coated in sea slime. The hilt of an ancient, rusty cutlass poked out from his barnacle-encrusted sash.

He stood in the shallow waves and stared over the sea.

Dr Jones escaped me. The old man’s voice was raspy and threatening, but with a hint of surprise. He had encountered a powerful force when the Phantom Lady sank—something he had never felt before—and despite his best efforts, everyone was saved.

He was silent, lost in a memory from long ago. Then his cruel eyes narrowed.

Dr Jones must be the one.

He raised his hands in the air. Black and purple clouds billowed in the sky like angry balls of smoke, covering the sun. The wind whipped into a frenzy. Thunder exploded like cannon fire.

The man laughed, then pointed towards the horizon. The storm seemed to rear back and take a deep breath before it hurtled across the sky.

He clicked his wet fingers. A flock of black storm petrels swooped down and circled the rock.

Dr Jones gotta be somewhere. Search the sea, search the land. And find his sprog, too. He was spotted near Tortuga . . . probably safe on the island with the pirateers. But they’ll leave soon enough—they do every year. Don’t let ’em escape again.

The storm petrels took off like daggers, cawing loudly. A mighty wave smashed over the rock, and the man was gone.

Across the ocean, on a little island haven, a wrinkly old woman turned her eyeless face towards the window of her tree house and shivered.

The storm be comin’, she whispered. Whether we be ready for it or not.

CHAPTER 2

The Bamboo Cutlass

Don’t let go up thar! Bal shouted.

Stop shaking, then! James yelled back.

Ain’t me, matey. Cap’n Bal be as solid as Caramelo’s Cuttlefish ’n’ Cream Cupcakes. Lizzie, on the other hand, be wobblin’ around like a wobbegong.

Balthazar, how rude! I am not, Elizabeth said in a strained voice.

Hey, Periwinkle, what are you doing? James yelled. I can’t see! Whoa, whoa, whoaargh!

There was a snapping sound, followed by a screech, a wild yelp, a chorus of cries, and a colossal crash.

James sat up and shook his head, feeling slightly dazed.

A few moments earlier, Mr Periwinkle, Young Nick’s conceited monkey, had scurried up James’s leg, perched on top of his hat, and made a complete nuisance of himself by covering James’s eyes with his furry little fingers. Unfortunately, James had been teetering on tiptoe upon Elizabeth’s shoulders. Elizabeth, after a lot of convincing from the others, had been balancing as daintily as possible on Bal’s shoulders. They had both been clutching a stand of bamboo while James tried to cut off the top bit for Emily’s new cutlass.

Now—thanks to Periwinkle—Bal, James, and Elizabeth were sprawled in a heap on the ground.

I got it! yelled James. He held up the piece of bamboo, pleased that it hadn’t broken.

So yeh did, Jimmy! Bal said, grinning. And yeh’ve earnt the job as me bamboo-cutlass-cutter-matey!

Bal rolled away from a crimson-faced Elizabeth. He flicked his dark hair out of his eyes and straightened his ridiculously large tricorn hat.

Aye, aye, Captain Bal! James replied.

If I had realized that we’d be performing acrobatics, I would never have agreed to this, Elizabeth said as she sat up and cast her hand around in the air. James couldn’t tell whether she was talking about cutting bamboo or Tortuga generally. Couldn’t Dani have helped?

"I had to do it or I wouldn’t be Captain Bal’s new bamboo-cutlass . . . thingy! Anyway, Dani doesn’t exactly love Em," James said.

Dani be givin’ Em somethin’ else for her birthday tomorrow, Bal corrected James.

Probably a thwack over the head, thought James. Dani—whose full name was Daniella de la Rosa—was Bal’s first mate. She was small, dark-eyed, and fierce. Dani and Emily had never seen eye patch to eye patch, as the pirateers liked to say.

Young Nick sat at the bottom of the bamboo stand and gave a long sniff. His usual lopsided smile was gone. Bamboo-cutlass-cutter-matey had been his job, and now it was James’s.

Cap’n Bal, why don’t we just chop down the whole plant? Then we wouldn’t have to balance on top of each other whenever we need a new cutlass, Young Nick said in a slightly whiny voice.

Bal shook his head. No use cuttin’ it all down when we only need the top. That’d be like askin’ Caramelo to cook us a whale when we really want one of her Smashed Banana ’n’ Sprat Patties.

James winced at the memory of that breakfast.

I still don’t see why Emily needs a cutlass at all, Elizabeth said. Or James.

Because I’m in a pirateer crew, James growled.

Emily’s wanted one ever since Jimmy got his, said Bal. Besides, I want me own cutlass back. Yeh sister keeps thievin’ it from me so sneakily it’s like I taught her myself. And she’ll be needin’ it next week when we go on the annual Holus-Bolus Raid on the Cartagena Naval School for Laddies.

James leapt up and pumped his cutlass in the air.

Elizabeth sighed. I wish you wouldn’t get so excited about the raid, James. It sounds very silly, not to mention dangerous. Someone might get hurt.

It ain’t silly, Bal protested. The raid be very serious-y. And of course it be dangerous—we be pirateers! Yeh could always stay on Tortuga while we go to Cartagena next week. . . .

No, Elizabeth said. "We’re coming! We might find out what happened to the Phantom Lady and Papa!"

Bal tipped his hat. He had stolen it when the crew snuck aboard the Phantom Lady, the most feared pirate ship to sail the Spanish Main. The plan had been for the pirateers to help the Joneses find their father, who was being forced to serve as the ship surgeon. At least, that was what James and his sisters had thought the plan was.

They hadn’t succeeded in rescuing Dr Jones, but Bal had managed to steal the cutthroat Captain Silverbeard’s hat. They escaped from the Phantom Lady moments before the ship was engulfed in flames and overtaken by the scariest storm James had ever seen.

Up until a few months ago, James, Elizabeth, and Emily had spent their whole lives in the seaside town of Grimsby, England, never having dipped their toes in the water. They arrived on Tortuga thinking that pirateers were dangerous, thieving rogues who might cut them into little pieces at any moment. Now the Joneses not only dressed like pirateers, sailed like pirateers, and attended pirateer school, but they were also part of Bal’s crew—the Swashbucklin’ Nay on Impossible Adventurers. Elizabeth was forever trying to keep her younger brother and sister from getting into trouble, but this was proving to be difficult on an island full of pirateers.

"We returned from the Phantom Lady over a month ago, Elizabeth went on, and we haven’t heard any news about Papa, or the other Phantom Lady crew members. Mr Wiggles and the Jolly Roger crew have no idea what happened. The Liberty has been too busy chasing slave ships, and we’ve asked everyone else on the island . . . except for Miss K."

Elizabeth threw Bal an accusing look, as if this was all his fault. Miss K was their wise-but-creepy Celestial Navigation teacher who lived alone in the jungle. Her appearance reminded James of a grumpy prune.

I know yeh want to visit Miss K, but it’s been too wet to go stompin’ through the mud to her tree house, Bal said. James thought he heard Bal mutter something else about sneakin’ snakes, before he continued, We’ll help find yeh pa, like we promised, but if yeh comin’ to Cartagena, yeh’ll be joinin’ the raid. Our crew’ll do it together, like we have every summer holiday for the past three years. It was me who came up with the idea for the raid in the first place! And now it be a nimportant pirateer tradition.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Why am I not surprised? And it is an important pirateer tradition."

Yeh gettin’ it, Lizzie! Bal grinned. This year the Swashbucklers be in charge of breakin’ in. Bal puffed out his chest. Queen Katie said we could ’cause we won the challenge against the privies.

James beamed and gave a pretend lunge with his cutlass. What’ll we do once we’re inside? He still couldn’t quite believe that they were going to carry out a raid, and he loved hearing every little detail.

We’ll take a chest or two of booby traps for our navy school maties, then we’ll do some old-fashioned plunderin’. It’ll be fine fun, Jimmy.

It won’t be fun to steal other people’s things, Elizabeth said, pursing her lips. It’s wrong.

It ain’t stealin’ if it’s a raid, Bal replied. Thar be a difference.

What’s that? Elizabeth asked.

Bal ignored her. "Anyway, we don’t always take booty. One year we left ’em a present instead! We took a load of the Dirty Doubloon-Catcher crew’s stinky stockin’s and hid ’em under thar mattresses. They didn’t find ’em for weeks. We heard the whole place stank out."

Cap’n Bal always lets me do the divergion! Young Nick blurted.

You mean diversion? Elizabeth said with a little smile. Then she frowned. What diversion?

A divergion be like a distraction, Lizzie, Bal explained helpfully. And yeh always do a shipshape job, Young Nick. That reminds me: Did yeh make those spiky bamboo pegs I asked for? We’ll need ’em to get over the school walls.

Umm . . . yeh, I been meanin’ to, Bal, just haven’t got round to it. Young Nick began fiddling with the dirty petticoat he always carried.

Make sure yeh do, Young Nick, or we’ll be in the bilge. Cap’n Bal’s gotta find a booby trap for the floor as well . . . somethin’ round and slippery. . . . Anyway, pass me that bamboo, Jimmy. All we got to do now is sand it down, polish it, fix on a handle, paint it, and Em’s got herself a pirateer cutlass!

"I assume we’ll still have plenty of time after the raid to find out about the Phantom Lady and Papa, and not get caught up looking for treasure maps again," Elizabeth said in a polite but firm voice.

Brutus interrupted with a growl.

What be rufflin’ yeh feathers, matey? Young Nick whispered.

Brutus was old, half blind, and almost featherless and sometimes struggled to fly at all, but he also thought he was a dog, which made him an excellent guard parrot.

Bal grabbed Brutus and motioned for the others to drop and wriggle backwards, deep into the bamboo. They moved silently. Ever since their near disastrous return to the Phantom Lady (when they had discovered at an unfortunate moment that the Joneses lacked basic pirateer skills—like shinnying), Bal had kept the Joneses busy with Stealthy Pirateer Move lessons. Now James and his two sisters could wriggle, roll, shinny, row, swing on ropes, and even leap off cliffs. Well, all except Elizabeth, who insisted that there was ABSOLUTELY no need to leap off anything, thank you very much.

James could hear snooty voices getting louder and louder.

It’s the privies, he whispered.

Bal’s grin disappeared.

The House of Orange Roughies thought they were better than everyone else because their parents were privateers, not pirates. Their leader, Willem van de Vlair, claimed to be related to the Dutch royal family. The Roughies and the Swashbucklers were fierce rivals, but the privies had taken it too far when they had turned the Swashbucklers’ diving trip to Shipwreck Point into a shark feeding frenzy.

We knew the last stand of bamboo was here! Willem said as he burst into the clearing, the frilly layers of his shirt flouncing like flower petals. Van de Olf, cut it down, every bit. Then we shall choose the piece we want for our new cutlass.

Diedrick van de Olf—or Oafman—was a beefy privy with blond hair and a furry little orange moustache. James had been hornswoggled by him in a fencing match when he barbed his cutlass, and James had a long scar across his back to serve as a reminder. Oafman grunted, charged at the bamboo like a rhinoceros, and started hacking at it with a small ax.

James felt Bal tense with rage. He nervously reached for his cutlass, expecting the pirateer to order an attack. Instead, Bal motioned for the others to slither farther backwards.

Ahh, excuse me, Captain, one of the privies started. Will we spend the summer holidays in Cartagena again this year?

Bal held up his hand. James, Elizabeth, Young Nick, and Periwinkle stopped.

Alas, yes, sighed Willem. My father, the honourable Captain Willem Fredrick van de Vlair, is at sea, so we shan’t take our hols with him. At least we won’t be spending summer on this goat-infested rock.

James glanced at Bal in surprise, but the pirateer put his finger to his lips.

Are the pirateers going to Cartagena, too? asked another privy.

They insist on carrying out that ridiculous naval school raid, Willem replied in a sneery voice, "at the same time every year, estúpidos. We don’t know why they bother, especially considering what might happen. We always hope they get caught by the guards . . . as Los Niños Perdidos." Willem sniggered, and his friends joined in.

What does he mean by— Elizabeth whispered suspiciously, but Bal shook his head. James made a mental note to ask Bal when Elizabeth wasn’t around—what might happen sounded rather exciting.

We never see them in Cartagena, Willem continued. Who knows which gutter they sleep in. We shall be staying with my cousin Charlotte de Krug. Her husband’s sister is married to the French ambassador. They live in the biggest mansion on the Plaza de la Inquisición.

Ohhh, I say, came the well-rehearsed chorus of responses. It sounded as if the Roughies had heard about the size of Willem’s cousin’s husband’s sister’s mansion before.

Hmmm . . ., Bal whispered to James with a mischievous look on his face. Cap’n Bal always wondered where the privies stay in Cartagena. We still haven’t thanked ’em properly for the shark attack.

He whispered something in Brutus’s ear. The old parrot began growling loudly.

The privies looked up in fright. Oafman lurched away from the bamboo, knocking Willem onto his backside. Brutus started barking, and Bal and Young Nick joined in. The air was suddenly filled with ferocious sounds.

Wild dogs! squealed Bogges, turning to run. The others needed no convincing. The privies scrambled down the jungle track.

James had to bite his jacket to stop himself from laughing. He heard Young Nick snorting beside him. Covered in mud, they crept through the jungle in the other direction, chuckling