Redemption

By Amy Brent

I'd moved on. Until Ben Taylor walked into my camp.

 

I swore off men. Forever. Period. The end.

Ben Taylor was the cause - the perfect muscled military hero.

The green-eyed angel who stole my soul.

He claimed I cheated on him.

I told him I wouldn't cheat on the man who owned my heart.

I've moved on. I help other women now.

Women like me whose hearts have been smashed into pieces.

I offer them the space and support to heal. One day I might even heal myself.

Six years since I last saw him – still the perfect muscled military hero, now with a cute kid in tow.

Still my first and only love.

Still the man who didn't trust me enough to listen. The man who broke my heart.

I've sworn off men. For good.

And I've sworn off Ben Taylor.

Right?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amy Brent
• Release date: Nov 14, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393433927

Book preview

Ben

Iwatched him walk in, jealous of my best friend. He always had that swagger that made him look masculine and suave. Did he practice it over and over, so he'd look super-cool? Paul was my best friend in the whole world. He radiated the very essence of who we both were, who we'd been, and what we wanted to become. It was all wrapped up in that walk of his. We were going to help people with our camp. Get them fit, help them learn to fight, make them understand that discipline and success go hand in hand. We knew we could do it because that's what Navy SEALs were all about. We'd done it, lived it, and we both knew we could make a difference in my hometown .

Hey man, he said, giving his usual, pristine smile. Fuck, I need a coffee. I had a rough night.

I laughed. Did you spend time with a woman? That'll do it every single time.

He smiled. Nah, Bridget kept stealing the covers. I never realized golden retrievers could be so annoying. She does everything just to piss me off sometimes. I’m sure of it.

My mind was trying not to think about Lucy. She'd run from our marriage, and I still felt sick about it. Paul had been my friend throughout the ordeal, and he’d helped me to decide to leave the SEALs, so we could do something in my hometown in Colorado. Kinda like a new beginning where I could focus my energy on this new scenario of ours. Fuck her, anyway. I gave her everything, and she left us. My son and me. I was beginning to wonder what I ever saw in her, and in a way, it put me off women in general. Women who were only friends; fine. But anything that involved a commitment greater than a friendly chat, and they could kiss my ass goodbye. I was amazed at how raw it still felt. Three months without her and I still felt like my insides had been ripped out and my heart stomped on by a stampede of wild cattle.

Paul brought the coffees back from the counter. I appreciated him and our new venture right now. A much-needed distraction. My son and I kept each other company, but he asked where mommy was a lot of the time. What kind of woman leaves her own son? I had missed him so much when I'd been away in the Navy. But she left him for good, escaping Colorado for another man. Fuck, I hope Bradley was worth it.

I've been thinking about the classes a lot, said Paul, thankfully derailing my train of thought.

Okay, tell me.

Well, I know it seems a bit unusual, but if we put them in groups after they've learned the technique, I think it will give them room for discussion as well as practice. That will help them to really think about the reason they're doing the camp and get critical feedback from peers.

I had the unpacking of my things whirling around in my mind. Did I need that light to go there? And what about the kitchen, there had to be a better way to organize that.

Hey, Earth to Ben!

Sorry, I was unpacking boxes in my mind.

Oh, how is it all going? I can help if you want.

Nah, Jacob is having fun opening them all up. We're taking the slow road and working out where everything should go. He loves it. Thinks it's like 'moving Christmas' as he described it.

He seems pretty smart for a four-year-old.

He is. I tried to move my mind back to Paul's idea. Groups, you say? That could be good, and they'll give each other more support that way, too.

Yes, and we'll be able to walk around and keep an eye on what they're developing in terms of execution. I think their bonds will grow from knowledge sharing.

Okay, so will that be after the forty-five-minute lesson? I asked.

Yes. Then we can watch the recruits for half an hour in their groups. It will extend each class by fifteen minutes, but I think we can take fifteen off of the reflection time at the end of the day. They'll automatically do that after the day anyway, said Paul.

I was glad we were doing this camp. My mind needed to fix on something other than Lucy and her untoward, disgusting behavior. I had the rest of my life to realize that she was a cheating, narcissistic, money-hungry bitch. I didn't need to keep filling my soul with the thought of her and her behaviors. She was like a massive bomb in my mind. Full of deadly poison and leaking into my conscious from my subconscious. Fuck her and the cock she rode out on. That was not my fault she decided to cheat.

Ben, I think I'll get another coffee, do you want one?

Nah, I'm good. I can't believe the camp is next week. What a lucky break that the recreation room is ours for the next five years. I still can't believe how great the facilities are.

I know, and the fact that there's the well-kept field close by is like a miracle. A meant-to-be factor.

I smiled. I'd always felt more like a brother with Paul. He had this awesome air about him that could make anyone feel at ease. If you were taking your last breath on the battlefield, then he'd be the one you needed to stay by your side and tell you it was going to be alright.

I'm a bit worried about Jacob. He's been asking about Lucy every day.

There's no easy solution to it. She didn't even realize that she was going to break his heart, did she? Paul asked, giving a look of concern.

She was too busy working out how much money ‘jerk-off Brad’ was going to give her.

I think he'll be fine, given time. Is the new preschool any good?

Yeah, thankfully. That's been the biggest distraction for him which has been great. He has a new friend called Sammy the same age. He’s staying with Grandma Beryl tonight.

That's great to hear. He'll be better off in the long run without her, anyway.

Damn straight.

I think you will find it great. I mean, this whole new venture will keep us both busy. She'll fade away in no time.

Thanks, man. You always know what to say. I'm actually looking forward to the camp next week.

I know; we have twenty booked in.

Shit, really?

Yep, and it might get to thirty with the promotion codes going out into the land of social media.

You gotta love social media. I mean, it enables you to get your info out to so many people so quickly. I'm so stoked now.

I don't know why we didn't think of it earlier than this.

I know, I said. We're so gonna rock people's worlds. I’m really excited to do this.

We sat and talked for a while and Paul got me out of my funk. I laughed at some of his jokes about women, knowing they'd make me see the lighter side of relationships without their explosive damage. He told a few blonde jokes too. Lucy was a blonde who dyed her hair brunette, so I found it funny. I needed funny. My life had always been so damned serious with my job as a Navy SEAL, and my marriage to Lucy. We'd started out as two people who fell madly in love with one another, and then we'd drifted apart.

She'd always had a love for the finer things in life. Most of our arguments were money based. She earned zero and looked after our son, which was the way we'd planned it to be. That had been the only thing we'd agreed upon. But then she'd placed him in care and went out and lived it up, somewhat. Which is okay on the weekend, but she got to the point where her looks and her girl's nights out were the most important thing ever. I thought she was depressed. In fact, I got it totally wrong. She had been fucking Bradley. Yep, he was the guy with way too much money for his own good. He’s a CEO of some weird company, Cluella or some shit like it. They sell shampoo and conditioner, worldwide. Asshole.

I watched as Paul made some notes in his projection book. Then, like some weird, bad dream, a blonde walked over to us and fluttered her eyes at me. Was I in a fucking movie or something? She stopped next to my side of the booth and smiled a sexy smile. Her lip gloss was that naked color. The kind that made you wonder why they'd even used it at all.

Hey there, handsome, I haven't seen you around these parts before.

I tried to smile, but my heart was like an icicle. Women weren't my favorite topic currently. I knew what they were capable of, and I just couldn't go there again.

Hi, I said, hoping she'd go away. I looked at Paul who could see I was finding her presence uncomfortable.

Paul smiled. He knew I wasn't interested. You'll have to excuse us. We're having a business meeting, he said.

Well, sure. Here's my number if you're free later. She grabbed a pen out of her handbag and scribbled her number on a business card. Justine's Beauty Salon, it said.

Thanks, but I'll be busy, I said, incapable of caring about dating ever again.

The woman walked away and did that weird look thing over her shoulder. She tossed her long hair and walked like a porn star back to her booth. She was hot but no thanks.

Wow, you should call her, said Paul, now laughing.

Um, no thanks. She'll break my heart, my bank account, and my dick. I laughed, and Paul chuckled. I'm swearing off women forever.

Shit, man. She really did a number on you. You'll change your mind when the right one comes along. Good news is that you've still got it. I'll catch you soon, said Paul, finishing off his coffee. I need to run by the rec center and make sure we've got everything we need. Ashley will be organizing the accounts. I told you that, right?

Yes, I think I remember. These past few days have been crazy. She's with Stucko and Stucko Accounting, right?

Yes, but she'll also be able to work out the progression of money into timelines. She'll do the budget expectations and the real scenarios each month, as we go. Come tax time, she'll already be well ahead of the ball game with regard to expenditures and what we'll need to pay.

God, she sounds like a dream.

She's fifty-six and boring as hell, but she knows numbers. The two brothers who own Stucko and Stucko are even more boring. They play slow lawn bowling.

What? I asked, never having heard of the slow version.

Apparently, you need to throw or let go of your ball at half the speed, giving the illusion of a slower game, one that's more intense.

Fuck, that sounds painful.

Yep, nearly as riveting as senior's bingo.

I like bingo.

Shit, Ben. You really need to get a life. I'm so glad you’re back in Colorado. It's been too long.

Don't I know it! Call me if you need anything.

I will, but we won't be playing bingo anytime soon, so get your head out of the clouds on that one, he said, laughing loudly.

I rolled my eyes at him and saluted a goodbye. It felt good to be sitting in Leonard's Café. I’d been eating there ever since I was a kid. It was still a great place to hang out, with the Chevy theme and the whole fifties vibe going on. I liked being back in my hometown. The reasons sucked, for sure, but I was going to do everything differently this time around. Better; yes, that was the word I had been looking for.

Lindsey

Isat in the perfectness of the morning, and I felt the rush of air run past my face. It was a picture-perfect day in gorgeous Colorado. I got to experience it with loads of different women who came to my day camps and were focused on outdoor therapy. They were doing abstract art as I sat and watched the trees moving .

"I want you to place your mind into this moment. What are your feelings doing? Do you feel anything right now? Do you want to let anything from the past go? Be in the moment. Let yourself be. Forget about mopping that floor or picking up the kids. I want you to be free at this very moment. Close your eyes and feel the beautiful breeze. Connect with who you are and then begin to paint the scenery you see around you." I smiled at the twelve women who were starting to relax a little more now.

If your mind moves back into the past or the future, I want you to stop, then close your eyes again and center yourself. This painting is a painting of your present moment. You can't live in the past or the future. We are going to learn how to be in the now.

I became silent and watched the women drift into themselves. They were more at ease, and I noticed a couple of the women smiling as they began to paint. They got what I was trying to tell them. They instinctively understood that all that really mattered was right now. Many of these women had suffered marriage breakups, and some had lost faith in life for one reason or another. It was hard for them to realize that all they needed to do was shift their perspective to the right now. And as long as they felt good, they could keep creating moments of safety, or warmth, or connection. The biggest understanding that they would eventually grasp by the end of the day was that they were in control. Their perception of things was just that. It could be changed in a heartbeat, and so could their entire life. By the end of the day, I hoped all of them would come to know this truth. It was the whole reason I started the camp in the first place. This profound knowing that I had always enjoyed.

I had been super-lucky, living in Colorado and growing up with loving parents and great friends. Moment to moment my life had mostly gone from strength to strength, and joy to joy. I had always expected the best too, and positivity was a mainstay in my life. Coming from that space was the most intrinsic, successful viewpoint you could ever take. I needed to get the women there, to show them the feeling of being okay, or better than okay. That was why I did the work I did. I loved my self-created job, and my heart was open for these women who were desperate to find some normality or joy in their lives.

My eyes moved to Christine and Sienna, their faces lit up as they looked at the majestic trees that sat high up in the mountains above us. My heart practically burst to know they were connecting to the present moment. The experience of the natural setting was truly breathtaking. But if you were stuck in your head about a certain thing or filled with worry for the future events which may or may not occur, then you would miss it. You could be in the wilderness in Scandinavia in the most breathtaking, picturesque place you'd ever seen. With mountains, mist, streams, wild animals, and the most beautiful sunrise you'd ever laid your eyes upon. But you could easily miss it. I wanted all of these women to experience and understand living in the now. A day camp wasn't a great deal of time to get them to be present in the moment, but they would go home in the evening and have the experience to draw from.

My ultimate hope was that they would recreate these experiences every day. You could be present in the moment when you brushed your teeth, drove home, picked up your kids from school, or when you cooked dinner. You didn't need the most beautiful place in the world to connect to. I was teaching them this. By the end of the day, it would be the message that they took with them on a placemat. The one that said, Be present right now, you can't live without it. On the placemat was a peaceful picture of a woman staring at some mountains. It was my gift to all of them in a gift pack they would take home when they left. Phone numbers, websites, a book of poetry, and a big fluffy pink robe so they could be on holiday every day after they left here.

My thoughts were interrupted as Nicole came to greet us. The ladies had finished their paintings and were about to get ready for the short hike they'd take.

Nicole smiled at the women. We'll eat a picnic lunch before you take the group therapy session.

Nicole looked wonderful in her pink sneakers and her Adidas gear. She loved taking the women on their hike. It was nothing grueling in a fitness kind of way, but it was an effective method for them to experience the beauty and essence of the nature that surrounded us. Sometimes I’d go on the hike, but I had some paperwork to get done before the afternoon session.

Okay ladies, you have fifteen minutes to change before the hike with me, Nicole said. Just bring your backpacks and grab a bottle of water in the foyer outside of the changing rooms. We'll be gone for forty-five minutes, and we'll enjoy the gourmet lunch that's been specially prepared by Joanne.

I watched as the ladies walked back to the community building. They were eager to enjoy the day and were already getting along very well. I was happy to see my best friend, Nicole.

Hey, bestie. I need to finish the admin stuff today; will you be cool with this group?

Yes, it's fine. I feel so good today. I think it's the perfect weather that's doing it. I couldn't ask for a nicer day.

We both walked around the lawn and looked at the paintings they'd done. There were no real standouts, but they’d all used beautiful colors to capture the surrounding scenery. Their new-found positivity was shining through in the art, and that was a great sign. There was no wrong or right in artwork, although, a dark picture that used blacks and reds or grays might signify the darker past of an individual. The unexamined emotions of trauma or abuse. None of these did. There were pinks, and yellows, and lots of greens used to paint the trees. They were all beautiful. Joanne would work to frame each one by the day's end. She was one of my miracle worker staff members.

God, they're all beautiful.

I smiled at Nicole's words. Yes, they are, most definitely.

We're so lucky to be able to do this work, Lindsey, she said, beaming me a smile as the women walked back in their hiking clothes.

I know. It's such a privilege to watch them open up and realize that they make their minds up to choose.

I'll see you in an hour. Group therapy should be awesome. These women all seem so ready.

Yes, they do. Don't eat too much of that honey cake. I'm hoping there will be a slice left for me!

You already have some inside. I told Joanne to set a piece aside for you, she said.

Oh, you really are my best and worst friend, ever.

Worst? she asked, folding her arms in front of her chest.

Calorie-wise.

She laughed. You are in control of your own diet, missy. You just have to choose and be in the present moment.

Well, it's a bit hard when all my present moments seem to involve Joanne's gourmet cooking.

I know, right? Imagine how fat we could get here!

I watched as she addressed the women. They were super-excited about going on the hike. Many of them worked in office jobs or stayed at home looking after young children. This day was all about them. There was no laundry to do, no sales meeting to run to, no time constraints to abide by. They all looked great. Relaxed. Probably more relaxed than they'd been in years.

The group therapy session had been excellent. The women had been supportive to one another and had easily shared some moments they'd lived through. None of it was traumatic, just the business of life getting them down, in most cases. One of the women had worked crazily from six am to ten pm, making sure her house was perfect in every way. Her ex-husband had made her do it, and she was stuck in the cycle of trying to conform, even though their marriage had ended five years ago. Her face lit up as the other women supported her to not do it anymore. Comments like no way—let the dust build up, and stuff doing the dishes, leave them for a few hours and put your feet up, were voiced. She hadn't thought of trying it her way. I think she was going to, though. Her face brightened as the women became her friends, exchanging phone numbers and business cards. It had been a wonderful, uplifting day. A memorable day.

I watched out the window as the women left. Hey Lindsey, is everything ready for sunrise yoga tomorrow? Nicole asked.

Yep. I had the mats cleaned, and Spirita is coming in especially for it.

God, I love that name. Imagine your parents having the insight to call you something that beautiful.

I know, I agreed. It was like a name from a Disney princess movie.

Oh hey, did you hear about the new camp opening up at the rec center? she asked.

No, I haven't heard.

Opens tomorrow, right up the road from us. It’s some sort of self-defense and survivalist training.

Oh wow. It sounds kinda cool.

I reckon we should check it out one day, drive past and take a sneak peek.

I laughed. That might look a little obvious, don't you think?

Yep, it's a great idea!

Nicole laughed at her words, and I raised a brow. She really didn't care about what other people thought of her and, in reality, it was one of her best qualities. It was the thing that made her more motivated than anyone I'd ever known. She was an awesome best friend. She could be shocking, but she was definitely not boring.

I looked at her as we packed up the tables and chairs. I wonder who runs that camp? I said.

Beats me, but I bet they're hot!

You crack me up.

I know I do. Actually, it's what I live for.

Ben

The sun was coming up over the hills for an early start on the first day of camp. But, without warning, the nerves started to kick in, although it felt much different than heading off into a combat scenario. This was fighting for survival, my business survival. Have I done the right thing? I heard the office door creaked open .

His familiar voice boomed from the doorway. Reporting for duty, Sir, Paul yelled out. He stood and looked very serious, saluting me in a mock action.

I sighed and shook my head momentarily. No need for formalities, especially while there are no customers, I replied, kicking my feet up and resting them on the edge of the desk.

Paul sauntered over to the old couch which I'd covered with a traditional Mexican-patterned throw. The rec center was nice, but it could use a homey touch. Paul commented I shouldn't panic about making money; it would take time for the word to spread about what the camp was doing.

Yeah, I know all that, but it's still nerve-racking. I've plowed all I've got into this venture.

We chatted more while the sun made a full appearance. I peered out of the window while a plume of dust rose from down the road to the camp. I dropped my feet to the floor and stood. It