A Wealth of Unsaid Words

By R. Cooper

Every Christmas, Alex McAllister visits the family who practically raised him. The Faradays have supported Alex through his struggles with being bipolar. He loves them as he loves nothing else, but this year, his excitement for the holiday has less to do with the family as a whole and more to do with their youngest son, Everett.

Everett is Alex’s best friend and the love of his life, but for years, Alex has been consumed by the idea that he is a burden on the family, and worried that someone as amazing as Everett would never truly want a man constantly on guard against his own mind. But last Christmas, with his career doing well, and his life as stable as it likely will ever be, Alex finally let himself respond to Everett’s open adoration—with one condition. A year without seeing Everett to be sure he can stand on his own without Everett’s ready support. Alex needs to know that he can, for his own sake and for Everett’s, because he has already failed once, and it nearly destroyed them both.

There will never be a time when Alex is perfect. But this is as close as it gets, and he is tired of waiting. This Christmas, all he can hope for is that Everett still wants him, and that he can be brave enough to keep his promise.

• Language: English
• Publisher: R. Cooper
• Release date: Mar 23, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463609392

R. Cooper

I'm a somewhat absentminded, often distracted, writer of queer romance. I'm probably most known for the Being(s) in Love series and the occasional story about witches or firefighters in love. Also known as, "Ah, yes, the one with the dragons."You can find me on in the usual places, or subscribe to my newsletter (link through website).www.riscooper.comI can also be found at...Tumblr @sweetfirebirdFacebook @thealmightyrisInstagram @riscoopsPillowfort @RCooperPatreon @ patreon.com/rcoopsBluesky @ rcooper.bsky.social

Book preview

A Wealth of Unsaid Words

R. Cooper

©2011 R. Cooper

Originally Published 2011

Published at Smashwords 2019

All rights reserved

Content Warnings

Bipolar character, with family history of same

Reference to past alcohol/drug use

Reference to past suicide attempt

Mention of homophobic bullying in high school

Table of Contents

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

The End

One

IF THERE was one thing to be relied upon in this world, aside from the obvious finalities like death and taxes, it was that even a bitter, crazy non-believer like himself could be warmed by the bustle and cheer of the Faraday clan at Christmastime.

The whiskey in his coffee didn’t hurt either, but even before Everett’s father had poured a generous amount into his cup, Alex had felt himself relaxing into the cushioned bench of the breakfast nook and smiling a little at the familiar, welcoming chaos of arriving sisters and brothers and cousins.

Family came in through the side door, banging into walls as they tried to squeeze their luggage past the laundry room and through a kitchen already filled with Everett’s mother and sisters as they prepared plain sandwiches for an increasing number of guests.

The number seemed to be getting larger by the minute, but maybe it only seemed that way since Alex hadn’t been here since last Christmas and so had missed new babies and roommates and growing children. He would wonder where they were all going to fit for the next three days, but he knew without asking that room would be found for everyone.

As though to prove his unspoken point, Rachel’s four-year-old adopted daughter climbed onto the bench seat of the nook, and everyone shifted to give her space. Already wedged in the corner between Everett’s father, George, and his sister’s new best friend-slash-roommate, who hadn’t had a place to go for the holidays, Alex slouched back to give himself a sliver more room.

George responded to that by shifting over again to grant him a speck more breathing space and then poured more whiskey into his cup. With all his newfound clarity of thinking, Alex knew that drinking too much wasn’t the best idea, but he couldn’t formulate a very convincing argument against it, not with the whiskey warming up the shivering butterflies in his stomach. The whiskey was honestly too good to be wasted by pouring it into coffee, but he didn’t protest.

It’s Christmas. George must have read the uncertainty in his expression and offered a flawless counterargument which earned him a toast from Alex before he took another small sip. Christmas. There was a power and magic in the word that allowed the rules of the everyday to be broken with impunity, and which promised untold treasures for those who respected it.

Alex hadn’t lit the candle, but he was warm with hope. That it was most likely the whiskey warming him didn’t stop him from wishing for one moment to be a child who could make Christmas wishes and expect them to be answered. A child, or a braver man. He cleared his throat.

Are you sure? There was a devil in Alex that never let him stay silent when he should. But when he gestured at the garlands of pine and twinkling lights on the walls and the rainbow of hanging, blinking bulbs visible through a window, George chuckled. His cheeks were red, but it was more his nature in general than the whiskey that allowed him to be so forgiving of Alex’s sarcasm. It was no wonder Everett was Everett with such a figure for a father.

Most people, even those lucky enough to have relatively stable childhoods, did not have parents like George and Ally. Most people dreamed of a Christmas that looked like this one.

I’ve never seen anything like it outside of a movie. The roommate, the earnest type with the styled hair and clothes of someone determined to prove he was cool, was staring around the kitchen with wide blue eyes, as he had been since he’d arrived with Everett’s younger sister an hour ago.

Alex smiled into his cup with sharp sympathy. His own disbelief hadn’t faded in nearly twenty years.

"This is all family?" The boy paused when he looked over and caught Alex’s smile.

Mostly, he murmured, only to be overruled by Everett’s younger sister and George. Molly hip-checked her father and scooted her way onto the bench next to him. Alex rolled his eyes at her as he was crushed once again. If he’d been standing when she’d shown up, she would have hugged him. Hiding behind the table of the nook was just trading one brand of Faraday family closeness for another.

Molly had the same height as her brothers, but where Everett and his other sister Rachel had taken after their mother with strong, supple limbs and a sort of tireless grace, Molly, like Robert, had George’s chubby, rosy cheeks and dimpled arms and a tendency to be caught either frowning or laughing. She did have Everett’s dark, coarse hair, but she’d cut it short and dyed it a flaming red sometime since he’d last seen her.

Yes, she and her father said in unison, but only Molly continued after that. Yes, Ty, it’s all family. Not the great-aunts or anything, but the close family members. Even Alex here. She slid the whiskey bottle over to look at the label, but didn’t open it. It had probably come from her brother Robert, who worked in liquor distribution and often gave pricey bottles as gifts. "He’s like a brother and Everett’s soulmate."

That’s enough out of you, miss. Ally swooped in from nowhere, dropping off a tray of sandwiches and silencing her daughter. There was more gray in her hair, or so it seemed, but the year between visits could have been playing with his mind. Maybe nothing had changed here. Or perhaps everything had.

Alex’s butterflies were growing decidedly more anxious, but he winked at Ally and smiled wider when she winked back. Then he took a sandwich before she could force him to eat one. The alcohol was a bad idea, never the depressant with him it was supposed to be, and the caffeine was slowly adding to the tremors in his hands. Food would help.

He stopped after a few bites and ran through his thoughts for the last few minutes, checking to make sure none had been too grandiose or intrusive. It was easy to fall back into bad habits, not eating, not monitoring his thoughts or his lithium levels, thinking too much and too darkly. But he knew his own mind, knew which pitfalls to look out for, and he saw none of them now, only an understandable anxiety at reaching his self-imposed deadline.

One year, it had been one year since the last Christmas, since the last time he’d visited with everyone and sat in this kitchen and listened to Everett’s parents scold Everett for putting his life on hold and not dating enough, and watched Everett get irritable and defensive and look in all directions but his.

One year since realizing exactly how tired he was of not getting the same lectures from them, only sidelong glances and carefully phrased questions about his work, and for the first time in his life, thinking that he could do something about it. He wasn’t perfect, but he was better, and that just might be enough.

It had been no easy thing. It was hard enough to admit his therapist might have had a point all along in telling him his fears weren’t as insurmountable as he was thinking. He had sat, almost in this very spot, and become aware, suddenly, shockingly, that he could possibly get what he’d always wanted if only he was willing to risk losing it.

Alex put a hand to his stomach and then resolutely shook his head and kept on eating. He picked at the bread, eating that first and thinking of tomorrow when the bread would be fresh and Everett would smell like warm dough and butter and Alex would fall over himself to help him however he could.

Ty’s eyes were intent on Alex when he looked up. It wasn’t the bright interest or heated