Helvetia, the Voyage of 100 Days

By John Trethewey

In this second novel of the Baines Saga trilogy, Baines and Judi Peake are now cruise ship musicians. As a scintillating, dazzling love affair develops, they encounter numerous eccentric and often bizarre passengers and events: a woman carrying a Koala bear, the own goal footballer who self-destructs in interview, a divorce announced during a wedding vow renewal ceremony, the Neapolitan Eternals, and countless others. On the luxury Faberg Express Trans-Australia train, chartered by the cruise line, they learn of a catastrophic engine-room fire aboard the liner. Appointed as Roving Ambassadors by Graf von Lemke for his global hotel chain, they are now Signora and Signor Cantatore. But this rapidly leads to complications, leaving both with a highly uncertain future.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Feb 5, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491891872

John Trethewey

Born in 1950, the son of grammar school teachers, young John Trethewey promised himself that he would never follow that profession. Although determined to be a composer, he embarked on his first novel at the age of eighteen. Over the following forty years, he has produced ten novels, a five-act stage play, and several major works for orchestra. A gifted linguist, in 1973 he decided after all to take up teaching. He has taught in several schools, with the twenty years leading to his retirement as teacher and director of studies in a Swiss international school. With wide interests, he particularly admires the music of Berlioz, the performances of the late Sir Colin Davis, and the lyrics of singer Al Stewart. This novel, the last in the series The Baines Saga, finally reveals the cosmic element that has increasingly been prevalent in events throughout the saga. It is a powerful dénouement to a long saga.

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© 2014 John Trethewey. All rights reserved.

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Published by AuthorHouse 01/31/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-9186-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-9187-2 (e)

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Contents

Prologue

Trans-Pacific

Day 0, Wednesday, September 25th

Day 1, Thursday, September 26th, Embarkation

Day 1, Thursday, September 26th, The Rabbi

Day 1, Thursday, September 26th, Sailaway

Day 2, Friday, September 27th, Phil and Hélène

Day 3, Saturday, September 28th, The Jesuit

Day 4, Sunday, September 29th, Renewal of Marriage Vows

Day 4, Sunday, September 29th, Koala Coojie

Day 5, Monday, September 30th, Elephant Exogenesis

Day 6, Tuesday, October 1st, Callao, The Captain

Day 7, Wednesday, October 2nd, The Neapolitan Eternals

Day 8, Thursday, October 3rd, The Own-Goal Footballer

Day 9, Friday, October 4th—Matrimony

Day 10, Saturday, October 5th—The Octogenarian

Day 11, Sunday, October 6th—Graf von Lemke

Day 12, Monday, October 7th—

The Captain’s Table

Day 12, Monday, October 7th—The Rabbi, The Jesuit and the Quaker.

Day 13, Tuesday, October 8th—Easter Island

Day 14, Wednesday, October 9th—Oktoberfest

Day 15, Thursday, October 10th—Mutiny on

the Bounty

Day 16, Friday, October 11th—Pitcairn

Day 17, Saturday, October 12th—The Atomic Bomb

Day 31, October 27th, Saturday, Good news,

bad news

Day 32, October 28th, Sunday, The Ruse

Day 32, October 28th , Sunday, ALBATROSS

Day 32, October 28th, Sunday, Ruth van Koelen

Day 32, October 28th, Sunday, Nellie the Elephant

Day 32, October 28th, Sunday, The Owner’s Coach

Day 32, October 28th, Sunday, Moaning Minnie and Tetanus Rictus

Day 32, October 28th, Sunday, Signor e Signora Cantatore

Day 33, October 29th, Monday, Those whom the Gods wish to destroy…

Day 33, October 29th, Monday, . . . they first drive insane

Day 34, October 30th, Tuesday, The Bewitching Midnight Hour

Day 34, October 30th, Tuesday, On to Perth; Back to Sydney

Day 35, October 31st, Wednesday, Adoption

Day 35, October 31st, Wednesday, The Casino

Day 35, October 31st, Wednesday, Roulette Rabbits

Day 36, November 1st, Thursday, Mises blanches

Day 36, November 1st, Thursday, A present from Transylvania

Day 36, November 1st, Thursday, The Enescu Challenge

Day 36, November 1st, Thursday, Banco

Prologue

The taxi from San Francisco drew up at the head of the short sandy path leading down to Jackson’s Cove and the beach house.

‘That’ll be forty dollars.’ said the driver. Judi gave him fifty, remembering that Americans habitually give big tips. He drove off.

Baines led the way down to the house.

‘So this is Jackson’s Cove. Your place. I’m looking forward to the guided tour.’ Judi was animated. Her husky, quite marked South African pronunciation gave a distinct upward lilt at the end of every phrase.

‘Well, it isn’t really mine,’ admitted Baines, ‘it belongs to Ciana Romana but after living here for three years, it’s the nearest I can get to calling a place home.’

‘You were together for three years?’ A shadow crossed her face. ‘That’s a long time.’

‘Depends what you call together.’ Baines put his arm round her shoulder, and held her tight. ‘It never felt like this kind of together.’

‘Oh, Prince, so romantic.’ she sighed, her head on his shoulder. She pulled away from him suddenly. ‘But what if she comes back?’

‘She won’t.’

‘But if she does…’

‘She won’t, because she can’t. She’s chosen a new life in a lunatic asylum run by the Temple of Sufferers in the depths of the Amazon jungle. Temple, my eye! Suffering-a-plenty. And even if she wanted to, they wouldn’t let her out. That’s how much we were together.’

‘You sound very sure, but how can you be?’

‘I have the word of no lesser a person than the Commissioner of Police of Atlantica, capital of Braziliana.’ He smiled reassuringly.

‘Grief, it’s big. And the beach… wow, you can keep Barbados.’

‘Come on!’ He was impatient to get inside and show her round. But that wasn’t going to happen just yet. They reached the house, and Baines stopped. There was a large printed notice pinned to the door and covered with transparent plastic sheeting. Judi stopped by his side and they read it together.

DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE, SAN FRANCISCO COUNTY COURT

Fao: Charles Xavier BAINES.

EVICTION ORDER

On September 20th 1974, the County Court decrees as follows:

On September 17th 1974 the owner of Jackson’s Cove Beach House legitimately transferred the Title Deeds of the above named property to the new owner, The Temple of Sufferers, a Charitable Trust Foundation with registered offices in San Francisco. The Title Deeds are now registered in the San Francisco Land Registry in the Chapter of The Temple of Sufferers, Volume 71, Leaf 423.

The new owners declare as follows:

The occupant Charles Xavier BAINES having no legal right of abode in the above premises;

The occupant having no lease agreement between him and the former owner Miss Ciana Romana;

The new owners order the occupant to vacate the premises by or on September 30th 1974 at the latest, on which date bailiffs will visit the said premises and, if the occupant has not complied with the above Court Order, evict him.

Property, goods and chattels:

The occupant must remove all belongings which he can rightfully prove are his property. Any missing items which do not fall into that category will immediately be the object of court proceedings for larceny.

For the The Temple of Sufferers, signed: Lew Hector MILLETT, Secretary

‘My God! Oh my God!’ Baines was aghast. ‘The silly cow, the silly, silly cow! It never, ever, occurred to me that she might do this. I suppose it should have, with all I know now about the The Temple of Sufferers, dammit. Oh, my God.’ he repeated, at a loss for words. Judi put down the violin, turned him physically to face her, and looked into his eyes.

‘Well, at least we know now where we stand.’ she said. The significance of the word we was lost on Baines. ‘I guess we’d better go inside.’

‘I guess.’ His voice was lifeless. He unlocked the door and opened it. ‘This is a shitty welcome home. I never thought the bastard Reverend Priest and his sect would go this far to get back at me.’ He put the bags on the floor. ‘I need a drink. Sit down, what would you like?’ He crossed to the drinks cabinet and took the bottle of Jack Daniels. Judi looked over his shoulder.

‘I’ll have a Martini, if that’s ok.’ She lifted down two glasses from a shelf. ‘I’d been looking forward to the guided tour, but I guess there’s not much point, now.’

‘I can’t see much point in anything, any more.’ groaned Baines. They sat down.

‘Without wanting to be hurtful, I can only think of two reasons you could have put up with these conditions for three years.’ She meant the cold draught that seemed to come from everywhere and go nowhere, the grimy, salt stained windows and the patina of sand on every surface. ‘You were either very close to this girl, or else you simply had nowhere else to go.’

‘It was always the second,’ said Baines grimly, ‘and occasionally the first. Now it really is the second, because I don’t.’

‘Hm. We’ll have to use the Micawber technique.’

‘The what?’

‘Come on, Zav. You must have read David Copperfield.’

‘Oh, yes. Something will turn up. It bloody well needs to, now.’

Judi looked through the nearly opaque French windows to the beach beyond. ‘Can we go for a walk? I’ve had no exercise for days. Come on!’ She pulled the reluctant Zav to his feet and wrestled with the door catch. ‘Wow, I can see a third reason for staying here.’ She meant the vast expanse of the golden, sandy beach, with rollers gently breaking on the shore line, way away. ‘I want to put my feet in the sea,’ she announced firmly, taking his arm. ‘So… Royal Escort, please!’

‘I wish I could sound as chirpy as you, but all right. Your Escort is at hand.’

They walked nearly a mile towards, then along the breaking waves. Judi had meant what she said, pulled off her shoes and stepped into the water. ‘Escort, my shoes, please!’ She gave them to Baines with a surprisingly radiant smile on her face. ‘Are you coming in?’

‘I haven’t as many shoes as you, so not this time.’ He stopped her. ‘Judi, this is serious, really serious. I’m in a dreadful fix.’

‘Well, if that were true, it should have been "we". But it isn’t, true, I mean, because we aren’t. Mr. Micawber, up there,’ she pointed at the sky, ‘has given me cosmic illumination. To use your phrase, I have it sorted. Something has come up.’

‘Judi, what are you on about?’ Baines was in no mood to share her sudden high spirits.

‘Tell you back at the house.’

Baines knew her well enough to have to accept that if she said that, she meant it. He desperately wanted to believe that she had some kind of solution, but he was afraid she might be playing escapist games to avoid the issue.

They turned back to the house. ‘About this bed,’ Judi started. ‘Three years, with this girl you said. I’m not a slut, and you’re not a bastard. You see what I’m getting at?’

‘Uh-huh.’ Baines nodded. ‘You can’t sleep in her bed, that’d be vile. And you can’t sleep in mine, a bed that wasn’t always only mine. Sorry to sound brutal,’ he said apologetically.

‘No, no, no worry, that was exactly what I meant. It would be… yuk.’ She suddenly went off at a tangent. ‘What were you planning to do about food, this evening? I mean, there can’t be anything good in the house after all this time.’

‘At least I had a plan for that. There’s a good restaurant a mile up the coast. Blake’s Country Lodge, right by the sea, on a low cliff, superb views. It’s actually a luxury hotel, God knows what the rooms cost, but the restaurant has excellent sea food at affordable prices. And I’m afraid we really are Princess and Pauper, I’ve only got 98 dollars. Enough for a good meal, but then…’

‘Give over! For me, we’re Princess and Prince, and that’s the way it’s going to be from now on. It’s a deal, dinner at the Country Lodge. Doesn’t it sound grand? Sorensen was really decent, what a great bloke. I mean, to return the entire fare. It doesn’t make sense, but I wasn’t going to refuse.’

‘Maybe he fancied you.’

‘At last! A glimmer of Zav, the gentle man. You’ve had your misery trip, it’s great to have you back on form.’

She kissed him with a passion he couldn’t begin to understand. What on earth?

They reached the house. She went straight to the drinks cabinet, picking up their glasses on the way. ‘Same again?’

‘Please.’ She brought the drinks to the sofa and sat down beside him. ‘Ok, spill. What’s all this about Micawber and cosmic illumination?’

‘Oh dear.’ She visibly faked sudden consternation. ‘I’ve got a blank, I seem to have forgotten. Amnesia.’ She giggled and sipped her Martini contentedly. Baines was at a loss.

‘Touché. Nevertheless…’

‘Well, we can’t sleep here, because…’

‘Because you’re not a slut and I’m not a bastard, we’re agreed on that. And then?’

‘How much stuff do you have here, that you’ll have to take with you?’ She veered off again. Baines sighed, resigned to taking it at her pace.

‘Almost nothing. Half a suitcase of clothes, some essential documents like insurance policies and filming references, some piano music. And that’s it. Why?’

‘I have it sorted.’ she said, snuggling up against him on the settee. ‘Good old Micawber!’

‘Please!’

‘Oh Zav. I have the best of all solutions. Trust me. I always trust you, so fair’s fair. If you have to move out, and you do, then you’re doing it today. Now. So go and pack your things, and I’ll put my bags in your car. Give me the keys.’

‘Ok. you win, And I’m out of ideas anyway. But before we do that, I’m going to…’

But she got there first. There was a long silence.

‘Grief, your car’s filthy. I hope there’s a car wash between here and this Blake’s place.’ She was pushing her two bags and the violin into the rear of the station wagon.

‘There’s a gas station and car wash half a mile up the road.’

‘It’ll need two washes with this salt and sand encrusted.’ She pulled her finger down the window, making no impact on the semi opaque surface.

‘And you want us to go to Blake’s now? It’s only three o’clock, they won’t be serving dinner until six. What is going on, Judi?’

‘I’m sure there’ll be nibbles, or something, in the bar,’ she said airily, then added mischievously, ‘if not, they can probably rustle up a sandwich on room service.’ Now Baines understood. Before he could demur, she put her finger over his lips. ‘Uh-uh, no you don’t. I told you, I have the Micawber solution. Something has come up. Me.’ she said enigmatically, then added to the mystery, ‘i.e. we.’

‘Whatever you’ve got in mind, ‘said Baines, at a loss, ‘"we" sounds fine.’ He put his case and briefcase in the boot, and closed it.

‘You’ve left nothing behind? Did you lock the door? I’d pull down that notice, if I were you, it’s embarrassing.’ Baines did and crumpled it in his hand. She gave him the keys. ‘Royal Escort, the door!’ she said grandly, standing beside the passenger door. He opened it for her and she got in. Twenty seconds later, after several attempts, the engine fired, and he engaged the automatic to Drive. The car ground its way up the slope, and he turned left, towards the car wash and Blake’s Country Lodge hotel. He had at last grasped at least part of her solution. And he couldn’t see any other.

‘This is a beautiful car,’ Judi said, luxuriating in the leather upholstery. ‘I suppose it is yours, or was it hers as well?’

‘All mine,’ said Baines, relaxing for the first time. ‘Judi, you really are a Princess.’

‘I’m glad Prince thinks that,’ she said regally, ‘because I’m going to ask for a room with a sea view. And a big double bed.’

‘Judi, this gets us out of the immediate problem of where to sleep. But it can’t last. Even a thousand dollars isn’t infinitely elastic. Or is Mr. Micawber joining us for dinner, with more cosmic illumination?’ She giggled, and he grinned, driving very slowly with the impaired vision through the filthy windscreen. She put her hand on his thigh.

‘Oh, Zav, it’s great to have you back on form! You had me worried back there. No, he has a prior engagement, so it’s just you and me.’

‘Perhaps he’ll have left a message for us at reception then.’

Judi laughed. ‘Even if there isn’t, I’m sure something will turn up.’ She stroked his cheek tenderly.

‘You’re impossible.’ He pulled into the gas station, paid for the car wash card, and they sat in companionable silence as the car progressed through the tunnel. Judi had been right, it needed two washes to make any impact on the encrusted grime on the windows and bodywork. After the second wash, Judi got out and admired the gleaming car.

‘Now we shall take up residence in the Country Lodge. All will be revealed over a candlelight dinner, my Prince. Drive on, Royal Escort!’

‘Impossible,’ repeated Baines, taking her hand while steering with the left hand.

‘This is gorgeous!’ Judi put her violin on the huge king size bed, went onto the broad balcony overlooking the ocean, then came in again. ‘I’m hungry. Can you see if you can find a folder or something, with a room service menu? Or whether they serve snacks in some place downstairs?’

Baines opened the room folder, took out the room service menu, and skimmed through the options.

‘You can choose between room service with a limited menu, things like Caesar salad, burgers, macaroni cheese, or the Ocean cafeteria on the terrace, with hot and cold meals 24/7.’

‘No contest, Ocean it is. We’ll have plenty of time in here later. Sorry.’ she grinned and came over to him. ‘That came out wrong.’

‘No, it didn’t. It sounded perfect to me,’ said Baines softly, and there was another long silence.

‘You go on down, I want to look glamorous.’

‘Princess,’ said Baines gravely, ‘you always do!’

‘You really are back on form. Will you order me a chilled beer?’

‘Your wish, my command, ma’am.’

‘Ten minutes.’

‘Please not more. I shall be pining.’

The view from the Ocean cafeteria was stunning, the sun pleasantly warm on the face, and the upholstered chairs soft and welcoming. A waiter was hovering. Baines ordered the beers. He was having difficulty coming to grips with the events of the last four hours.

Judi approached, the sunlight on her red hair once again creating the magic halo corona of an eclipse. She looked like an angel, he thought. ‘You look gorgeous,’ he said, standing up to pull back a chair for her.

‘As ever, my gentlemanly gentle man. Thank you for the Royal Escort,’ she murmured, giggling. ‘What you need now is an Equerry. Every Prince should have one.’

‘We’re on a budget.’ he quipped. She looked at him in admiration.

‘How the hell d’you do it, Zav? You come home after a nightmare experience in the jungle, on a tramp steamer by any other name, you bring me to your house like a waif and stray, where you find you’re being evicted, you put your trust in me with my loony Micawber cosmic stuff, we end up here, in a luxury hotel, with an uncertain future for me tomorrow, and for you, none. Christ, you are one hell of a resilient man. ‘Cos you’re still keeping us in a life of harmony in our Castle in the Sky.’

‘Easy, I happen to believe in it. Anyone who can survive six years in the House of the Muse of Music, my old friend Euterpe School, learns resilience at an early age. The House of Lunacy. And if this is cosmic illumination, then long live Micawber!’

‘Zav, you are too much.’

‘Could say the same about you. I don’t suppose if we order a snack now, you could kid yourself it’s our Michelin 3 star candlelight dinner, and reveal all?’

She giggled. ‘Mister Baines, how could you? Me reveal all, here, in public?’ She relented. ‘Ok. Is there a menu?’ He passed her the folded card.

‘So what have you Micawbered and come up with?’

‘I was sure you’d have guessed by now. Check this list, and you tell me. I’m a professional musician on cruise ships. I’m looking for work, and I’ll certainly find a position, even if not right away. You’re a film director, and without being cruel, you’re out of work. But a gifted pianist. I’m of no fixed abode. As of four days from now, so are you. We play excellently together as a duo. We’ve even given a concert. And I’m falling in love, which I think you know already.’ she said candidly, blushing. ‘Do you have a lounge suit, a few shirts and ties and some shiny shoes?’ she asked obliquely. ‘That was a clue.’

‘Judi, it’s sheer genius!’ Baines jumped to his feet, pulled her from her chair and hugged her, then kissed her. The waiter, who had been approaching, turned back suddenly, and hurriedly went inside. ‘I must try this cosmic illumination—how long have you known this Micawber guy?’

‘Oh, ages and ages,’ she said airily, pulling him to her. ‘So you agree?’

‘Sheer genius.’ he repeated, ‘What time’s our audition tomorrow morning?’

‘I knew you’d cotton on. Ten o’clock, offices of Helvetic Lines, downtown.’ She sat down, and looked around for the waiter, but she was not as composed as she would have liked. Oh Zav, she was thinking, oh, yes.

Trans-Pacific

Day 0, Wednesday, September 25th

‘This place is all glitz,’ said Judi, looking around the cruise agent’s waiting room. ‘Not my style.’

‘Damn sight better than at my dentist’s.’ said Baines. ‘Do you think he’s making us wait on purpose?’

The question was resolved by the appearance of the Helvetic Lines agent. ‘Hi, come in.’ He looked surprised. ‘I’m Jake Phillips. Pleased to meet you. I wasn’t actually expecting two of you, my secretary only mentioned a violinist?’

‘It must have slipped her memory,’ said Judi coolly. ‘We’re a twosome.’

‘Ok.’ They entered a large room with a couple of music stands and a piano, and a drum kit in the corner. ‘So, take a seat. Am I hearing solos, or all duet work? And do you sing as well as play?’

Judi looked at Baines. ‘All of that,’ he said.

‘If you want to hear some?’ added Judi.

‘Sure, violin solo first, then piano solo, and then some duo work. And songs later.’

‘Actually,’ said Baines, ‘I play, but I can also sing and play.’

‘Whatever.’ The agent’s enthusiasm, if there were any, was well hidden. He sat down behind his desk. ‘When you’re ready.’

Judi played a three minute gypsy extravaganza which Baines hadn’t heard before, performing from memory. The agent was scribbling notes.

‘Wow,’ he said with more respect. ‘Ok, now piano.’

Baines sat down, adjusted the stool and played the Schubert song, and sang the words as well. He adjusted the