Re-Covering in God: 40 Days Wrestling with God

By Sue Watlov Phillips

I lost my joy of loving God and loving others as myself, as I expressed my thirsting and hungering for God in unhealthy ways. Instead of utilizing God’s light to guide me, I often turned to alcohol and the -isms that had become part of my life: workaholism, perfectionism, caretakerism, and athleticism.

My refusal to accept that I had developed the disease of alcoholism, after drinking normally for twenty-five years, created insane scenarios, as I turned to alcohol for relief when in a state of dis-ease with life, but that relief valve became my enemy. This was further complicated by doctors not understanding alcoholism and the consequences of prescribing medications to me for pain and anxiety. As I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I thought I walked alone.

My heart, soul, body, and mind wrestled with God over my denial of this disease called alcoholism. How could I, a Christian for over fifty years, be struggling with this disease? How could I have hurt God, others, and me? How could I be such a poor witness? Would I face the truth with God and let Him reveal the damage done to my foundation? Would I face God, myself, and others and make amends? Or would I continue to run and hide in my alcoholism and other -isms?

As I turned to God, His light revealed to me the truth about myself and what I needed to do in order to be in His will. As I choose to be recovered in God’s Spirit each moment, the spirits of alcoholism and other -isms flee; but only as long as I choose to “Be still (cease striving) know God” and live In His will, not mine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 28, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490822938

Sue Watlov Phillips

Sue Watlov Phillips is a woman of God who seeks to serve faithfully the Lord through her passion of social justice by serving people experiencing homelessness or housing crisis, and people with chemical, mental, and physical health issues. She drank alcohol normally for 25 years. During menopause, alcohol began to impact her life in a negative manner. After struggling with alcohol for 10 years during which she almost lost her relationship with God, family, friends and her life, Sue placed herself in an in-patient treatment center. This devotional is the outgrowth of her on-going wrestling with God over alcoholism, workaholism, athleticism, perfectionism, and other –isms, her determination to understand more fully the nature of recovery, and her struggle to re-cover in God each day. With a B.A. in Psychology and M.A. in Counseling and Psychological Services, she is a retired Licensed Psychologist, Independent Clinical Social Worker, Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sports Psychologist. Sue has worked for 50 years in social justice, with an emphasis on serving people experiencing homelessness or in a housing crisis. She developed some of the first transitional housing, prevention, and rapid rehousing models in the country (Elim Transitional Housing, Inc.), in 1983. This became a model for local, state and federal legislation. Throughout the last 4 decades she has also contributed to the writing of Minnesota and Federal legislation regarding mortgage foreclosure prevention, emergency shelter, rapid re-housing, affordable housing, livable incomes, affordable health care and transit, excellence in education and job training, protection of our environment and protecting and honoring people’s civil rights. She is the Owner, President and CEO of Integrated Community Solutions, Inc., a for profit consulting company. Sue currently serves as the Vice President of National Coalition for the Homeless and Executive Director of the Metropolitan Interfaith Council on Affordable Housing- MICAH. As a founding Board Member (1988), she has provided this service to MICAH four times during MICAH’s 31 years of advocating for affordable housing in the Twin Cities community. As a consultant, teacher, and writer, she speaks at and leads workshops, conferences, and Bible Studies. Co-author of several publications including Rapid Re-Housing Manual (2010), Foreclosure to Homelessness (2008 and 2009), and a contributor to Without Housing (2010), she served on the Advisory Committee (2013-14) as a co-author of Adapting Clinical Practice for the Care of Homeless Patients with Opioid Use Disorders (March 2014) for the Health for the Homeless Clinician’s Network. Sue bought the home she grew up in Fridley, Minnesota. On the weekends, she helps a friend manage a resort in northern Minnesota. She continues to facilitate a recovery group at Elim Church; leads A Bible Study, Singing and serves as a substitute pastor at an assisted living facility; and owns and manages a 103-year-old country store (1916), gas station, and post office.

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Copyright © 2014 Sue Watlov Phillips.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-2292-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-2291-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-2293-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014900732

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/24/2019

Contents

Gratitude

Introduction

Day 1    Covered in God’s love

Day 2    What happened?

Day 3    It’s the doctors’ fault: prescription medications made my drinking worse!

Day 4    Powerless over life, not alcohol

Day 5    Powerless over alcohol

Day 6    Dis-ease

Day 7    Surrendering

Day 8    Re-Covering

Day 9    Human doer, or human being?

Day 10    Seeing life honestly: knowing the truth, and letting truth set me free

Day 11    Self

Day 12    Telling the truth to God

Day 13    Telling the truth to another person

Day 14    Resentments

Day 15    Fears

Day 16    Sexual Issues

Day 17    My plans (control), or Communion with God

Day 18    Communion, cooperation, and community

Day 19    Loving others as myself

Day 20    Assets and Liabilities

Day 21    Walking in the light of forgiveness

Day 22    Forgiving myself

Day 23    Seeing life from God’s view

Day 24    Restoration

Day 25    Damaged by the storms

Day 26    Steadfast growth

Day 27    Storm damages and clean up

Day 28    Serenity

Day 29    Reconstruction

Day 30    Prayer

Day 31    Prayer journaling

Day 32    Meditation

Day 33    Being aware

Day 34    New directions

Day 35    Growing strong and being fruitful

Day 36    Scars and character

Day 37    Priorities

Day 38    Life is a balancing act

Day 39    Together

Day 40    A life of love

A Creative Work in Progress

Appendix: Resources

About the Author

This devotional is

dedicated to God,

Mom and Dad,

Pamela Sue Wynn,

and all people

suffering with the disease of alcoholism,

chemical health issues, or other —isms.

… The Lord has forsaken me,

my Lord has forgotten me."

"Can a woman forget her sucking child,

that she has no compassion the son of her womb?

Even these may forget,

yet I will never forget you.

Behold, I have graven you into the palms of my hands.

Isaiah 49:14-16

Gratitude

I thank God for His love, refuge, faith, patience, long-suffering, guidance, hope, and peace. I was lost in alcoholism and prescribed medications, but God allowed me to survive and now thrive.

I thank Pamela Sue Wynn who mentored, argued, guided, and dialogued with me in writing this devotional. Her patience, guidance, encouragement, support and prayers helped bring it to fruition.

I owe many thanks to my family who compassionately struggled with me as I accepted my disease of alcoholism, especially my Dad and Mom, brother and sisters, Uncle Red, Aunt Bernice, Aunt Peggy, my cousin Ginger and Delores P.

I am indebted to my dear friends who supported me in court and visited me in treatment and jail—Elaine R. and family, Janet P., Ruth and Rod T., AA sponsors, and friends; to my friends and prayer warriors Kathy R., Jean, Katie, Julie and Dale M., Patricia M., Elinor and Wilbur W. and family, Paul, Pastors Becky, Paul, Jim, Wendell C., Charles S., Dan R., Gary D., Robert M., Sue J., and John H.; to Sherrie D., Becky F., Denise S., Tom and Betty M. and family members, Anita B., Glorin P., Michael S., Ted and Patty B., Pam and Bernie T., David M., Lou and Larry T., and Angie S. I am indebted as well to Elim, Jesse Lake Lutheran, Sand Lake Alliance, Pequot Lakes Baptist, Upsala Presbyterian Churches and their prayer chains; Edgewood Vista Bible study and singing groups; MICAH and NCH Boards and staff, Our Spring Lake Store staff, and many others.

Thank you to the patients in treatment settings, AA groups, and people I served time with in jail who helped me learn more about the devastating impact of this disease, for their persistence, hope, faith, love, and service; and to treatment staff and doctors for their compassion, patience, firmness, and love, especially Cecelia, JoAnn, Andrea, and Diane; and to the compassion of the court and those I hurt who gave me another chance in life and have hopefully forgiven me.

I am blessed to be a servant of God as He has restored many opportunities to me. In January 2019, I celebrated seven years of sobriety. My on-going sponsor presented me with a medallion. She, herself, now has fourteen years of sobriety.

Since writing the first edition of Re-Covering in God, significant losses have challenged my sobriety: Uncle Spencer (spring 2014); my cat Toni (Thanksgiving 2014); my best friend Janet (January 2015); my mother (after Christmas 2015); and Uncle Red (July 2016); NCH long time advocates Michael Stoops and Tina Hayward (2017).

In 2017 I experienced two significant falls that impacted my ability to walk for 18 months. During this time I was unable to exercise in order to deal with stress, which challenged my recovery. Recently, I have begun walking without braces again.

I was released two months early from probation on September 12, 2018, and I am working on a new book currently titled: Felon: Failure or Forgiven and Free.

As I struggled with alcoholism, some opportunities were lost to me. In recovery, new ones opened up as I continue to seek to be in God’s will. I now serve as Executive Director of MICAH and Vice President of National Coalition of the Homeless. Also, in 2016 I had the opportunity to purchase and restore a 100-year-old country store, in Spring Lake, MN, to serve as a gathering place for the community, Bible studies, and AA meetings.

I am grateful to be able to facilitate a recovery group at Elim Church utilizing this book as well as Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

In addition, I continue to facilitate Bible study, singing, and serve as substitute pastor at the assisted living facility that cared so lovingly for my mom in her final days.

I am grateful that I utilize my time to be with God, write in my prayer journal, read, and pray for others.

I am grateful for the opportunity to serve God and share this journey with you.

Introduction

Don’t let anything steal your joy. Alcohol stole my joy.

I began drinking around the age of twenty-five after a quarter of a century of having nothing to do with alcohol or drugs as a Christian growing up in the Baptist tradition, and as I trained as an athlete.

In my late teens and early twenties, I rejected the legalistic and exclusivity of organized religion, as I had come to believe, and still do, that Jesus taught that the commandments and prophets are fulfilled when I love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and that I love others as myself.

During my teenage years in