The Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman in the Year 2011

By Bola Essien-Nelson

The Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman in the Year 2011 is collection of
random blogs written by Bola Essien-Nelson giving the reader an insight
into her daily life. It captures, in her own unique conversational manner, the soars
and dips, the losses and the victories, the whoops of joy and the frustrated cries of
defeat, and pain of an ordinary woman desperately chasing after her extraordinary
God. Bola hopes that, as you read this book, the words you encounter will make
you smile a little, laugh out loud a lot, and maybe even tear up on occasion as you
realise that you are not alone and that many of lifes experiences are universal.
She hopes that you will read and come to a deeper understanding of the incredibly
intense love God has for you and that this realisation will birth a new hunger in
your belly to chase after God and to do so desperately.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: May 16, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469197227

Bola Essien-Nelson

Bola is a working woman, wife, and mom doing her best to keep all the balls of her life up in the air in the challenging yet vibrant city of Lagos, Nigeria, where she lives. Her love for writing and her passion for seeing people thrive in an oftentimes challenging world are the main drivers behind her ‘blog ministry’. The Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman in the Year 2011 is Bola’s fourth published book and her third in the Diary series. In it, you are given a VIP seat at the theatre that is her life – the life of a simple woman doing her best, in this crazy and slippery slope of a world, to be an authentic Christian.

Book preview

Copyright © 2012 by Bola Essien-Nelson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

0-800-644-6988

www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk

[e-mail]

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CONTENTS

Reviews

I Would Like To…

BUT Before You Start Reading!

Dedication

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

MARCH

APRIL

MAY

JUNE

JULY

AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

Yes! The 2011 DNW Braggie Awards!

Please, Give This

Some Serious Thought

Finally, Some Last Words

Reviews

‘The Diary of a Desperate Naija

Woman in the year 20-Ten’

Every page of the diary gives me this feel that I am sitting beside a friend, sharing in her story, her challenges and her awe of an awesome God. While it is easy to read and empathize with other people, it takes chutzpah to be open and honest with an unknown world yet Bola fearlessly penned her heart. In her down-to-earth, stream-of-consciousness writing style, I get the best of two worlds; a sound command of the English language and a very up to date Naija flavor, a.k.a the ‘Swagga’. I have never read it that way, the only way it could have been written in the authentic Bola Nelson voice.

The 2010 diary is a tough act to follow. I say this because it is one thing to blog your mountain top experience ‘consistently’ but to narrate your valley lows and affirm hopes for a new day is a different ball game. Pain and discouragement have the ability to demolish the idea of a daily entry. Many have tried it and given up. Bola showed how; by consistently trusting in, leaning on and desperately pursuing after the Holy Spirit and thus receiving daily strength. She ended each day with an affirmed and unshakable trust in God. God is desperately looking for lovers and Bola is clearly one of such. On every page she has showcased a loving God with outstretched hands eager to embrace us in our deepest pain.

The diary is also a reference to loving family, faithful friends and a world of readers and writers alike. I am glad I read the diary for I realized that while I desperately pursue after God, I can also be true to myself—Sola Macaulay, Blogger and Founder, FaithDames, Lagos, Nigeria

‘The Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman’ is an inspirational guide into the events that occur in a woman’s life. It comprises of various amazing stories of a woman’s desperate journey to perfection and earnest cravings for a deeper walk with God. The ups and downs of her journey in life, funny events, emotional trauma, disappointments, and increasing challenges that she passed through will spur you on to attaining greater heights in your own personal journey in life. The writing style adopted is simply remarkable and very easy to understand. The narratives will assure you that you are not alone in the journey of life—someone else has passed through or is presently passing through your life’s experiences. Bola Essien-Nelson’s diary will stimulate you to define a clearer route to fulfilling your life’s purpose. It is highly recommended—Laterna Ventures Limited, Lagos, Nigeria

The pages are filled with practical, real-life experiences as the reader journeys with the DNW through her daily joys, struggles, challenges and triumphs clearly depicting the resilience of the everyday woman, who has a vibrant relationship with God. Every woman will definitely see herself in one of the many pages of the book, with a clear invitation to experience a needed relationship with God in order to reign. It is a definite must-read for all the family—Chinasa Oparaugo, Author ‘Battle for the Seed, Lagos, Nigeria.

This is one of those books you can’t finish reading! One entry takes you into a SELAH mode. Deep reflection. Another entry fills one with thankfulness and appreciation of God’s love. Then I face human fraility (so it’s not only me!!) and the awesomeness of God’s love… . It’s really a love story from a heart that knows love. It makes me want to fall deeper in love with GOD. My forever heart-cry!—Wonu Nwisi, United Kingdom

I really wish I could read this book uninterrupted—no work, no children to attend to, no other chores—just the Desperate Naija Woman 2010 Diary. Though this is not attainable, I don’t need to finish this book to know it’s a blessing. Been blessed beyond measure by the excellent writing style, injection of unique but self-coined expressions, and this identifiable peek into your world! What can I say? You are the Best. Never seen anything like it. Truly original… the ease of narration, the true to life musings, the making-it-your-own kind of style is second to none. Ask anyone. I know only the Holy Spirit could do that-this custom-made writing style. All glory to Him—Helen Okore, Abuja, Nigeria

. . . ‘The Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman in 2010’ is quite awesome and even though I am still reading it, yet thus far my most daily favourite devotional is Wednesday, Jan 20 (pg 44-45). Prior to this day, I have for over a year and 7 months contemplated on going back to Islam, majorly because of the so-called life’s frustrations and lack. I used to think that the Bible was never fulfilled in my life especially in areas of my health, family and finances… . God Bless you as you have won yet another soul. I am now more determined to follow and serve Christ regardless… . I will keep paying my tithes and dues to him and very soon, just as he is the reason for all your smiles and laughter, I too will surely testify and not in part but all round prosperity. Shalom!—Abraham Funsho (formerly Ibrahim), Lagos, Nigeria

I’ve just about finished 2010’s Diary! Your musings have succeeded in heating up my relationship with my Father & checking pride and every appearance of it! You’ve done a great job with your ministry. Let me confess that I had to get over the devil’s ‘why am I reading someone’s musings, when I could be doing other things’ but your honesty, genuine ‘follower ship’ of God and your obvious inspiration from Him shut the devil up every time! Thank you & more grace ahead!—Amaka Okoli, Lagos Nigeria

I live in a cocoon, so I didn’t know a thing about DNW until December of 2011, I got invited to a book reading event and I discovered a GEM. The first thing that struck me was hmmmm! So there some real people out there? The honesty with which Bola comes at her diary is for those who crave authenticity freeing just as it is intimidating for those who want to keep everything wrapped up. Whichever category you fall into however, DNW mirrors our innermost struggles, thoughts and naughty tendencies we do our best to hide.

For me stopping by DNW is a visit to the therapist, I get to speak my mind, share my fears, celebrate my victories and touch a life, all from sitting on my couch opposite Therapist Bola, who incidentally speaks for both of us.

Bola, your transparency can open you up for jabs in ways you didn’t expect, but stop and think about it, who will speak for us if you don’t? Who will free our minds if you don’t? You were called to do this, and I am grateful you put yourself out and lend your gift to all women, desperate and struggling to be free and real, even under our wraps of mystery.

Your diary brings freshness to the expression nothing is new under the sun. Just seeing you put words to how I want to celebrate my friends, children and tell my fears, wonder about my future and take trips to my past, is the reason I look out for every new entry into ‘our diary’.

In the end we are all really desperately trying to be like Jesus, sometimes we pass in flying colours, other times we fall and fail, but one thing is constant, and it is that we are determined and desperate! Thanks Bola, your gift gives me perspective!—Bidemi Mark-Mordi, Publisher/Editor-in-Chief, Effectual Magazine and President, Woman ActNow Nigeria

I Would Like To…

I would like thank every single human being who has ever bought and/or read any of my books. Double thanks to you if you bought one and then bought another one for a friend or dear one. Triple thanks to you if you bought one of my books and then went out and told someone else to buy one! I love you all and am so glad cos I know God loves you even more.

I would love to thank every single person who has taken out time to encourage me on this path of mine. I am not naming names on this page, but if you are one of such people, you really should know yourself. For your calls, emails, texts, pokes, tweets, hugs (physical and cyber!), and your prayers and for being my people pillars, thank you. May God bless you always and may you never lack people to lean on in your life. In Jesus’s name. Amen.

I absolutely must thank my mgm (mighty good man) and my children for ‘managing’ me as a wife and mom. Half of the time, I am not sure if I am coming or going but still, you see fit to love me. I am deeply thankful to the the Man upstairs for counting me worthy of such an awesome privilege. I must continue to crave your understanding and ask that you continue to ‘manage’ and love me anyway. Just the same way I love you. Oh, and by the way, none of this, not one jot, would be worth it without you, my four reasons.

Papa God, you simply take my breath away. I don’t know of any other year in my life where you showed me how deeply you love me like 2011. Thank you. There are times when words won’t do justice to what I feel in my heart. This is one of them, and so Lord, let me just keep it simple. I love you. Thank you for loving me first and doing it so lavishly and so completely.

I would now like to invite you, dear one reading this book, into another deep dive into my life in the year 2011! I hope you are blessed somehow. I really do.

Come on now!

Let’s go!

BUT Before You Start Reading!

This is most likely going to be the last in the series of The Diary of the Desperate Naija Woman as I want to come out with something different in 2013. So I thought it only fair to give you a heads up. What am I going to do next year? Oh, I don’t know for sure right now, but I am pretty certain that it will still be true to ‘me’ and who I am in Christ and, for sure, it will still do all it can to lead people to the light.

It has been an awesome experience and I feel extremely blessed to have published four books between 2009 and today—the three Diaries and Pride Must Die! I never saw this in my future and so to have such a testimony as part of my reality just goes to prove that God will do anything to bring his plan to pass in our lives whether we know about it or not. So I am very comfortable to just leave my life in his hands. How about you? You see, we do not have to know what the future holds as long as we know, trust, and love the One who holds that future.

In fact, the one thing I do know for sure is that, as children of God, we are truly loved beyond our wildest comprehension. If you take love to the highest power, multiply it by infinity, and stretch it to the farthest point in eternity, you will still not have a clue how much God loves you. I recently came quite close to having that clue. Yes, I got a glimpse of God’s love and, till this moment, it blows my mind. I am blown away by the motion of God’s mercy in my life, and if there is one thing I would love to ask you to do for me as a favour this year, it would be this:

No matter how dark it gets. No matter how low you fall. No matter how far you stray. NEVER doubt God’s love for you. THAT is exactly what the enemy wants. He wants you to believe that God has forsaken you. THAT, my dear friend, is a lie of such exponential proportions that it makes ‘the big bang’ theory look like a shabby fib! Don’t buy this lie, and for the love of God, please don’t sell it to anyone either! For God to stop loving us, he would have to stop being God. You and I both know that is not gonna happen.

In spite of it all, I had so much fun putting this Diary together. I have peppered it with pictures here and there to add some flavour to it and make it what I hope will be a keepsake edition for some of you. And can I share one more thing with you? I feel I must. I learned a very difficult lesson as 2011 closed out. It cost me dearly, and but for the mercies of God over my life, I am not sure where or what I would be right now. I would not want such an experience for you, so I must share in the hope that it will save someone out there. Please NEVER take your eyes of your ‘right-standing’ with God. Never convince yourself that anything is above or beyond you. Never! No matter how ‘spiritual’ you think are or how aware you are about what is right from what is wrong. For your humanity is still right there under your skin and all the enemy needs is a hint that you are ‘feeling too righteous for your boots’ and swoop! Down he comes and claws out your eyes!

The only thing that keeps it in check is the fire of the Holy Spirit. We must place a premium on keeping this fire flaming hot in our lives. And how do we do that? You make sure you cultivate a vibrant and potent secret, hidden life. Yes, you make sure you spend at least half an hour (at least) with your Papa God EVERY day. Talking and listening to him. It’s vital for your spiritual survival.

I love you, but trust me, NOBODY loves you like Jesus Christ does!

Bola Essien-Nelson

The Desperate Naija Woman

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my mighty good man

Henry Essien Nelson

for standing with me to fight ‘The Darkness’

and to all those who believe in the

restorative and transformative power

of true, pure agape love.

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The lovely Dupe Olorunjo, author of ‘The Aireginan Dream’ reading at the NaijaSistas Book Reading event on 17/12/2011

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Frank Egele, the brain behind the DNW and

NSBS corporate identity. God bless him!

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My Sisdivine, Bridget Elesin presenting a prize to Anthony at the December Book Reading event

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Mrs. Deola Lawerence of Laterna Bookshop telling us ‘what she knows for sure’. Awesome!

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Me and my Only Princess posing with the lovely NSBS cake!

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Betty Abah, author of ‘Sounds of Broken Chains and the DNW

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Our dear Ms. Goodness posing with our lovely NaijaSista books

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My mgm reading at the December book reading event. Awesome!

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Mis YS—Yemisi Sawyer and the DNW loving our NSBS Christmas tree

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Nneka Jethro-Iruobe, braved the pain in her leg to come

read for us the December 2011 event

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All the lovely people who attended the December 2011

Book reading event

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NaijaSistas rule!

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My Gold Coast connection—Aunty Mercy and my cousin,

the lovely Toyin.

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Aunty Mercy and a remarkable lady, Bidemi Mark-Mordi

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Dupe Olorunjo and Tomi Oni at the December 2011

Book Reading’

JANUARY

Our Hope in God is our Light out of any Darkness

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The serene-looking Betty Abah, Naijasista and

author of ‘The Sounds of Broken Chains’

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Hello 2011! I’m the Smooth Laundry Operator

Somehow, when I thought of how I would be spending the first day of the New Year, the new DECADE, I never imagined I would be doing something as therapeutically mundane as laundry! LAUNDRY! Can you imagine that!

But I thank my God Almighty cos you know what? As ‘boring’ as that sounds, as I washed, I just could not help but realise that I COULD wash. My hands were alive. I could wring out water from these really heavy jeans! I was washing clothes for MY children. My mgm, because I HAD them. Yes, as I rinsed and wrung and wrung and rinsed, I had happy thoughts that made my aching back feel much better. My happy thoughts were of new years and new pages and the gift of a new beginning with God. If you are reading this, then you too have a brand new start today. Make the most of it. Like me.

There I was, wringing out tee shirts and singlets, trying my best to get all the soapy water to run clear again (don’t you hate it when the water just refuses to stop being soapy!). I spoke to God and asked him to please keep wringing out all the soapy suds of my life out of me and let me run clear too. Clear of old and squeaky clean with new.

New me. In Christ.

New me. Doing and being love.

Obediently.

Yes, those were my thoughts today as I washed clothes. Who says doing laundry is just a mundane chore?

And so as my day wound to a slow, smooth close this evening, I was even able to thank God for the broken washing machine that forced me to do the laundry the old school way. Being hunched over a running tap outside my house was like being here at my PC—like being at a spa. Like music. Yes, today, my life was music. It was like… Sade Adu singing ‘Sweetest Taboo’ or better still, ‘Smooth Operator’.

Silky smooth. Pure bliss in C major!

Hello 2011, pleased to meet you. I’m the DNW, or just for today, you can just call me Smooth. Smooth Laundry Operator!

Lovl!

Happy first day of new decade, people!

Sunday, 2 January 2011

Satan is Hopping Mad. Watch Your Hedge!

I am impressed with myself. I am not bragging, but my head is buzzing with what I would like to share with you today: so many promises from God, so many things to meditate on. But as I looked through my notes, I decided on this one because I feel it is critical in these early days of 2011 when we are all just buzzing with excitement and expectations.

I don’t want anyone to fall into the trap of the evil one. He is so mad right now cos most of us are still on this ‘New Year’ high. We are all walking around full on joy, hugging and high-fiving ourselves to the glory of God for being here on this first Sunday of 2011. We are all gazing Obama-style into the horizon looking towards our brilliant futures. Indeed, like I have said before, our futures are so bright, I really do hope you all have at least one pair of seriously blinging ‘bones’. (OK, I know that’s from my era. How about ‘shades’ or ‘sunglasses’ then? Lol! I am over forty now! So allow me o jare! Lovl!)

AND, there is absolutely nothing wrong with peering into the vision of our futures confidently, but trust me, the enemy and his foolish cohorts are not finding it funny at all. Nothing makes the enemy angrier than when people are brimming over with trust in their God. All you have to do to catch his interest is determine to be ALL OUT for God. To decide that this 2011 is going to see you walking in his will 100 per cent. Oh boy! If you want to see some heavy-duty evil machinations, just make up your mind to keep yourself ‘nailed’ to your Cross daily. Hmmm, that lion will come roaring your way so fast, your head will spin! So what have I come to do today?

I come to warn you! Yes, be very, very wise and very, very alert and very, very jealous for your new stance in Christ. By all means, inhale some more of my patented ‘pure bliss’. Be Joy-fuller! Smile even brighter. High five higher BUT keep your eyes on your ‘hedge’ all at the same time. The year 2011 is our year of restoration and higher heights. Do you think the enemy is just going to sit by and watch you walk into all that just like that? No, no, and NO. He will not.

So even now on this second day of a brand new year, I come bearing friendly counsel. Please heed it like I plan to. The year 2011 is ours for the taking. But we MUST do our own part. Victory is sure. No retreat! No surrender!

Today, my life is music. It’s like Kirk Franklin singing ‘This is IT’ on his Fight of My Life album.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

Not for the Weak in Faith. No Sireeeee!

I am just so thankful to God that, THIS TIME, I was watching my hedge. Yes, remember I warned y’all to be on the alert cos the enemy was throwing a temper tantrum cos we all were just rocking into the New Year on a pure bliss high. Remember?

Well, being as I am one to take my own advice, I was vigilante. I was praying, and I was listening well to God. I was staying in the Word, building my faith up. So I was not blindsided when the enemy struck. Boom! My mgm and I woke up yesterday morning and all hell broke loose at the factory! It was like it was raining ‘wahala’ and lots of it. For about ten minutes after he told me what was going on, my heart sank. ‘Was this how this year would start?’ I thought to myself. I felt for my mgm. All that was going down was going to mess with his financial plans for the week. But at the the eleventh hour, I remembered!

Yes, I remembered all that I had a fair idea of all that God had in store for me in 2011. I remembered how much good God had brought forth from nastier situations in 2010. Yes, I remembered how my God works through all things, good and bad, for my good. I remembered that I had foreseen that somehow the enemy was going to try and come and ‘validate’ my faith, come and see how far and how long this New Year faith-titude would last. And when I remembered all of this, I vexed in my spirit. I got up, and I stood even taller, and I looked that devil in the eye and told him, ‘You have to try something else, Nick. This too shall pass. And on the other side, we will be STANDING!’

And today, to the complete glory of God and the utter disgrace of the devil, I can tell you that we are. Sure, we did not make the sales we had thought we would make this week. True, we were not able to meet some of our commitments as we had hoped, BUT we are still here, production and sales have resumed, AND we are STILL standing on God’s promises, confident in his ability to quell the storms of life—any storm, any time. Ha!

But something became very clear to me in these past two days. This year, this 2011, shall not be for the weak in faith. Ra ra oh! So many times, I had to shake myself as I felt myself sinking. It was a continuous tug of war between my faith and the enemy’s taunts. I thank God that my faith won in the long run, and I sincerely pray for all of us that we will continue to win in 2011 by the special grace of God.

Yes, I sense in my spirit that we need to begin to build up our faith-titude very well NOW before the storm comes, for the journey ahead of us is going to be very rewarding, very fulfilling, and very exciting. But like all good things worth finding and having, not a piece of cake, it WILL be all good but FOR those who know their God and know how to stand STRONG in faith regardless.

At least, this is what I believe and I just thought to share… as usual. May your life be music!

Friday, 7 January 2011

Being and Doing Love in 2011

I have a feeling I am beginning to sound like a broken gramophone, playing the same old song over and over again. But I cannot help it cos every where I go, there is something, some word or some quote about love. Here is my most recent, most favourite:

Love builds up the broken wall

And straightens the crooked path

Love keeps the stars in the firmament

And imposes rhythm on the ocean tides

Each of us is created OF it

And I suspect

Each of us is created FOR it

(Maya Angelou)

This is why I love this woman. When I grow up, I want to say stuff like that. And I shall by God’s grace.

Anyway, in the weeks leading up to this New Year, I have gone to bed and woken up with thoughts of the power of love: God’s love that is working in us, healing us, moving through us, out of us to others and healing them. I like what Ekene Onu calls it in her new book Can I Be Real?—the transformative power of love. I closed out last year with one of the greatest testimonies ever that proved to be all over again, that this God kinda love is real and the power in it, awesome. We just need to let it into our lives so that it can take us over and move us, cos God’s love is a verb. It acts. So yes, the more I think about it, the more I see that this year, for me, is going to be all about this kind of love, all about being and doing love in obedience to my God who is love himself.

For, like Maya Angelou, I suspect, that is what I am created for. And to be very honest, so are you.

So today, may your life be music like the music from the movie Love Story . . . my favourite love story of all times.

Saturday, 8 January 2011

Once Upon a ‘Discussion’

Once upon a time, there was a man and there was a woman. They were a couple. At least that is what they told themselves. But they never discussed. They talked, but they never discussed. It was not the man’s fault. It was the woman’s. She was tired. She loved him, but she was exhausted. She loved him, but she really just was not in the mood to discuss, you see? The reasons were many: from past hurts to walls that block, from not really knowing what to do to not wanting to do anything o jare. In fact, on a really bad day, she would blame it on traffic.

Thank God for her cos the man was patient and understanding. Discussing was important to him, and indeed, there were many offers from outside, from women who wanted to discuss to women who knew exactly what to discuss about and when and how! But he was not interested. He wanted to discuss with just his wife. He liked the way she discussed. He missed discussing with her. One day, the woman looked into his eyes and saw his longing. She looked away from his eyes and up to the skies and called on God to help her. And God did. He filled her heart with his kinda love—a giving-servant-wanna see you happy-sacrificial-unconditional kinda love, that’s all. Oh, and of course, he gave her, her ‘groove’ back.

Now the man and the woman discuss a lot. The magic is back, and the man is actually scared of the woman cos though she looks the same, he wonders if this woman is THE wife he had just a few months ago. Who is this woman in his house? ‘Ahhhhh, who cares?’ If she is not my woman, I am for sure NOT sending her back! She has some serious discussion skills. The woman looks at him these days, and no one needs to tell her that change is here. She looks from him to the skies again and whispers a prayer of thanks to her God, the Controller of all things, even her ability to discuss… ‘Lord, why didn’t I come to you earlier to help me with this? No doubt, you are interested in ALL things that concern me… even my ability to discuss…’

And they lived happily ever after.

(Inspired by MANY true life stories, not just mine… She who has ears, let her pray to God. Nothing, NOTHING is new to him. And please don’t get me wrong, I know there are a zillion more reasons why discussing goes sour, and yes, I know that in some cases, it’s the men who have issues… THIS story is not about those reasons! Thanks MB for sharing and permitting me to concoct this story from your testimony! Mwaah!)

Sunday, 9 January 2011

A Tale of Two Daily Choices

I was not able to go to my Mercy Place today, and I missed it. But though I was not able to go to the house of the Lord, I had the Lord over at my house this morning and that was great too. And I love where I am right now, on the same frequency as my Father, on the same page. That’s peace, my people. That’s real peace. Knowing that God is speaking and you are hearing and obeying. So I want to share with you one of the things I heard today.

It actually was from the notes I jotted down last Sunday in church. God took me back to that page. At the top of it, I had written—Check Yourself. Are You Still on the Cross? And God, knowing me, took his time to remind me that this is a question that I would need to ask myself daily. SO here is how we are going to do it. That is assuming you are with me on this. I hope so. Consider this.

Daily Choice 1

God calls us TO the Cross so that all our fleshly traits, habits, and attitudes can die.

Daily Choice 2

Satan lures us, invites us AWAY from the Cross. He wants us to come down from the Cross, to love ourselves. He knows that as we do so, our souls die.

So check yourself right now. Based on all you have done, said, thought today, which of these choices have you made? You are not so clear about that? Let me help you a little. Consider this again:

Are you overly concerned about appearances? Do people offend you easily? Are you always on the defensive? Do you strive to have the entire world JUST THE WAY you want it, in your own perfect order? Do you complain about circumstances? Do you always see your cup as half empty rather than half