The Legislative Dance: Book I: State Legislative Minuet

By Malcolm Chester

A handsome insurance broker is elected to the Illinois state legislature as a Democrat from the suburbs at a time where he will be called upon to vote on the critical Equal Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Unsure of how he will vote, Bob immerses himself in a Springfield world totally unlike any he has known full of flawed characters clashing over ideas, policies and money. As he works on becoming a good legislator and adapting to this strange world, his wife Loretta commits suicide rather than face a lifetime of mental illness. Meanwhile Bob falls in love with a very passionate, brilliant, and beautiful woman, Cynthia but this extraordinary woman has serious commitment issues. He also is attracted to a more stable, beautiful and very talented woman, Roberta, who is Cynthias best friend. He must choose between these two women as the ERA amendment is decided. Meanwhile a billionaire, Mathew, who gives bribes to Illinois legislators to defeat the ERA begins to focus his attention on Cynthia, creating an uncertain future for Bob. The State Legislative Minuet in the two part Legislative Dance Series seems strange at times to most of us not accustomed to the legislative world but is never dull as our elected officials decide important issues in our lives and struggle with their all too human foibles. In the end, they are all partners in the Legislative Dance.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jun 10, 2013
• ISBN: 9781475989915

Malcolm Chester

Malcolm Chester earned a bachelor’s degree from Brown University in political science, a master’s degree in child study from Tufts University, and a Juris Doctorate degree from IIT Kent School of Law. A former public affairs executive, he continues to consult while also practicing law. He currently lives in Illinois; this is his second novel.

Book preview

Chapter 1-First Trip

Representative elect Robert Williams—Bob to friends—a very fit man, felt fatigue from his drive to Springfield; Illinois’ state capitol. From the suburbs outside Chicago through endless farm fields, the flat landscape held little interest. He saw a couple of oil refineries near a river, some new and environmentally responsible wind farms and two garbage mountains, but otherwise only unremarkable farm houses and barns, grain silos, and some rivers running through the landscape.

Bob did however appreciate a famous truck stop, the Road Palace, often used by politicians running for president. Bob passed it without stopping, not needing gas or food just then. Having never driven to Springfield before, Bob somehow romanticized the two hundred mile journey as a historical trip down old Route 66, somewhat akin to the old TV show with two cool guys driving a corvette convertible. It bore no resemblance to this fantasy, at least not any more. He quickly realized the trip would be a boring trek calling for some good CDs. As the miles continued to roll past, Bob’s mind wandered back to his legislative victory party. He could see the function room as if he still circulated there.

Some cheap wine stood on a small table along with several bottles of beer and a couple of cases of canned soft drinks. A few campaign signs stuck to the walls and the podium at the front of the room. Small plates and toothpicks flanked warming trays now mostly emptied of appetizers. The smell of the stale greasy meatballs once in the trays blended with the heavy perfumes worn by the ladies and the cheap aftershaves worn by the men. The mixture made Bob want to vomit. But other factors contributed to his queasy feeling, such as the stench of the election and his personal life. So, instead of seeing a crowd of revelers in front of him, Bob Williams only saw the devastated face of his opponent Bill Wilson and the heavily drugged face of his beautiful wife Loretta.

Bill Wilson had denied the sensational charges leveled against him at the end of the campaign: Bill lusted after young children. He loved watching them being sexually abused by fat older men. Bill Wilson screwed his secretary, while his poor overworked wife raised a mentally challenged son. Bill Wilson voted against a bill to help battered women and laughed at a battered woman who asked for his support.

No matter how many times Bill called these rumors scandalous lies, the charges kept coming, making Jack the Ripper look like a saint by comparison. Local newspaper political reporter Theodore Rathbone spread the stories in the media. He quoted sources: a Spanish-speaking Panamanian immigrant who claimed to have seen the child pornography pictures on Bill’s computer when she cleaned his house; a legislative secretary famous for her very short skirts and thick makeup, who claimed to have slept with Bill at his motel; and a left-wing advocate for battered woman who claimed Bill made the inflammatory comments on battered women when she spoke to him.

When the smoke finally cleared, Democrat Bob Williams beat the very popular Republican Bill Wilson in the most Republican district in the state. Bob celebrated his victory while his opponent Bill sat in a rocking chair full of drugs at a psychiatric hospital. Bob shook these images from his mind. Bob worked hard. He’d made his case to the voters. He beat Bill Wilson fair and square. Bob couldn’t be held responsible for the failings of his opponent.

Still, Bill’s fall from grace only rated second place in responsibility for his discomfort. His wife’s emotional problems alone would have caused mixed feelings at his success. Tonight she looked fine but the impact of her psychiatric problems on their sex life kept Bob off balance and expecting trouble. Still, he came home when he could to be with his wife and to spend time with his daughter. With his personal life in chaos, he hardly felt like celebrating. He wished he could enjoy his party more.

Concentrating on the room around him with conscious effort, Bill thanked the whole crowd in general for their help, then specific individuals who actually helped him and, of course, his wife and family. After he’d said thank you almost every way he could, he finished his speech by repeating his platform theme: I will be a socially responsible but fiscally conservative man of the people.

The speech seemed uninspired even to Bob and could’ve been downloaded from the internet, but Bob felt satisfied with what he said. He smiled at the crowd of forty revelers crammed into the function room at the local Holiday Inn. They dutifully clapped along with the other attendees when his short speech abruptly ended.

After his speech, Bob walked from person to person making small talk and thanking them for their help, whether he knew they’d actually helped him or not. Bob wondered how many times he could say thank you to the same people. Several of the ladies in the audience approached him as he circulated. A few came right out and told him how good he looked. The rest commented on what he’d said but their body language implied their real message of how attractive he looked to them.

After greeting everyone there, Bob said something inane to the reporters waiting with their notepads. They seemed to expect the banality of his remarks. None asked very penetrating questions in return. After finishing with the reporters, Bob squared his shoulders to restore his flagging energy, looked into the sole camera, manned by college students from the local community college, and repeated the same trite comments.

Then it suddenly hit him. What will he do with his life now? He looked at his wife with a puzzled expression and she, sensing his attention, looked back at him in the same way. He spoke quietly with more than a little distress to his wife who stood by her tall husband at the front of the room.

Honey I’m a legislator now but I’m not exactly sure how this is going to affect our lives. With all your problems, I shouldn’t be running off to a place two hundred miles away. Also, I’m worried that my insurance business will suffer with me being away so much. I guess I never really thought I’d win.

Love you have to believe in the future. With my condition, whether you’re here or not probably won’t make any difference. You need to do what is right for you. As to your insurance business you’ll probably attract more clients being a legislator. Think of it as a form of advertising. You can always hire someone if you fall behind and can’t service all your clients. Anyway from what I read in the papers, you’ll be voting on the Equal Rights Amendment. That’s pretty important stuff, especially to us women.

What makes you think I’ll vote for it?

You’d better or never hear the end of it! All kidding aside, I guess my big worry is Sarah. Despite your new schedule, you’ll have to make sure you spend quality time with her. Worse case, if it doesn’t work out you can always resign. Now stop worrying and enjoy this night. I’m proud of you. You should be proud of yourself, Loretta said staring into her husband’s beautiful green eyes.

Okay I will. We’ll face the future together and don’t worry I’ll never neglect my daughter. As to ERA we’ll have to see.

Bob said with a little smirk, happy that his wife responded to him. He worked hard for this chance. Somehow, Bob would make this legislative job work. He grabbed Loretta’s hand and raised it in a victory salute.

Chapter 2-Initiation

Bob entered Springfield after three hours on the road. He saw many signs for Lincoln this or that: grave, house, library, office etc., otherwise he saw many plain looking houses and buildings. Later, he would discover that the city actually had some nice Victorian houses and a state owned Frank Lloyd Wright House, but today he didn’t see these buildings. After only a few minutes in the city, the tall capitol building, over three hundred feet high, loomed in front of Bob. The beautiful building sat on well manicured grounds with various bronze statutes on it: Abraham Lincoln of course and some firefighters to name a few. The limestone and marble building supported a silver dome topped by a red light. He later learned that some capitol insiders jokingly called the capitol the red light district, which referred to some of the soap opera activities that took place there. After cruising past the capitol, he stopped at the small booth at the entrance of the legislator’s lot, which sat next to an ugly annex building behind the capitol. A middle age man with a large pot belly and a faded uniform approached his car. As the uniformed man drew near, Bob could almost read the red road map in the officer’s eyes and smell the stale odor of liquor and partially digested food on his breath. He motioned to Bob to lower his window.

This here is reserved for legislators; no members of the public and lobbyists allowed, the officer said in his most important and strongest voice, spitting a little as he talked through brown stained teeth.

I’m Representative elect Bob Williams, nice to meet you, responded Bob extending his hand.

The officer refused to take his hand. Instead he eyed Bob suspiciously. You ain’t got no legislator’s plate. You sure you’re a legislator?

Yep, here is my orientation badge and instructions they sent me on where to park. I’m just one of the new kids on the block. New members don’t have legislator’s plates yet.

Well I guess it’s alright. Still, you ought to have something on your car saying you’re a legislator. The officer sounded crestfallen after he studied the papers Bob had given him. Then he quickly surveyed his lot peering intently at the spaces he had long since memorized. Suddenly, his face lighted up. You can park over there next to the fence. He said pointing to a tiny space, which even a car jockey, would find a difficult fit for Bob’s Crown Victoria.

Isn’t that a little small? Bob replied in an irritated voice

Can’t be helped. That’s all there is. The officer sounded smug. If you want another space, ask the speaker’s office to call me up and tell me where to put you.

Reluctantly Bob planned his approach to the tiny space with the deliberation of a jet pilot. After a few curses meant for the confines of his car and five minutes of maneuvering, he finally put his car in park and squeezed out of it. The fence prevented him from opening the door all the way. As he locked the car and began walking toward the entrance of the lot, a huge white Cadillac slid up next to the parking booth. A big florid man with white shoes exited the car and placed his arms around the parking lot guard who ran over to greet him. After a few minutes of quiet conversation, the man in the white shoes opened his trunk and pulled out a paper bag. The officer grabbed the bag and quickly put it into his guard shack. He then pointed to a big spot near the entrance. The man in the white shoes quickly drove into the spot. After he emerged from the car with his briefcase in tow, he came bounding over to Bob.

Hey, you must be Bob Williams, just elected in the 15th. I’m Sherwood Bollard, lobbyist for the Hospitals. Nice to meet you. Sherwood said with great enthusiasm as he pumped Bob’s hand. Sherwood smelled a little of Aqua Velva Aftershave.

At first, Bob couldn’t find words to say in response to the person who had stolen his parking place. Finally, he said through partially clenched teeth words that he never thought he would have said, Yeah, that’s me. If you’re the hospital guy, you must know people at Pine Grove Hospital?

Why yes I do. Rod Peters is the President. Good guy. Pine Grove is a great place. I’ve been there many times. Nice little downtown. Got an ice cream place; Fat Bertha’s. Now that’s a place for ice cream lovers. They got enough butterfat in that ice cream to make a grown man cry. They make ice cream the way God intended. The hell with all that stuff about cholesterol. Yep, Pine Grove is my kind of place. Hey I’m walking over to the capitol. I bet you’re going to the orientation. You want to walk along. I’ll show you where to go. The words issued forth from Sherwood in kind of an uninterrupted stream.

Bob stayed silent for awhile. He just didn’t know how to respond to this obnoxious man in the white shoes. Finally, he said, Okay show me where to go.

Bob met his first lobbyist and already he hated his phony guts. Yet, he represented a big powerful trade group, which in turn represented hospitals in his district. He’d have to seem outwardly friendly. This guy probably had important friends, a great deal of money and a lot of power. Bob couldn’t afford to alienate his first lobbyist before he even started his legislative career. Pulling himself together as best he could, Bob pasted a smile on his face and walked to the capitol with Sherwood, enduring unceasing banter from the man with the white shoes. He would undoubtedly have to put up with this kind of crap from other lobbyists, but they couldn’t all be like this guy could they?

After Sherwood ditched Bob for one of the other freshmen, Bob lined up to get his full information packet and agenda for the days activities. The orientation felt strange to Bob. Ordinarily, freshmen came down the week when the prior legislature wrapped up their business. They spent time on the floor with the other more experienced legislators, including the ones that would soon be leaving. This year, however, the orientation activities took place a week later. Bob would have preferred to come down last week and learn more about the process before he had to start voting on bills, but his insurance practice kept him in Des Plaines.

Bob found the orientation program to be a very boring recitation of how the system worked. He already knew how to prepare bills and amendments, you gave your ideas to the Legislative Reference Bureau and they did it and how to file your bills. You gave these to your secretary. How the committee system worked, he already read about this. How the house considered bills on the floor. He read about this as well and had a copy of the house rules to help him with any questions he had. How he submitted his per diem for being in session, how and when the controller paid him and how much local stipend he had to set up a local office. He found this information interesting, but he didn’t need to sit all afternoon to learn about it. After sitting through these long sessions, a staffer showed him the location of important places in the capitol complex including his own office, a small place along a long corridor in the pill box building he remembered seeing when he pulled into the parking lot. As soon as he approached his office, Cheryl Young, a young, attractive woman, introduced herself to Bob. She smelled like the off brand perfume you buy at Wall Mart. She shook Bob’s hand and launched into her carefully prepared speech.

My name is Cheryl. I’m going to be your secretary. I also take care of Josh Punjab, who is from the north part of Chicago. Josh will be here next week. I’m a high school graduate and trained to be a secretary at Lincoln Land Community College. I’ve been a secretary to legislators for six years. I know the legislative system very well and can be of great help to you.

Bob broke out in a broad grin. He made his new secretary nervous without intending to do so. He replied to Cheryl with a little amusement in his voice.

Cheryl it’s a pleasure to meet you and please don’t be formal with me. Call me Bob. I’m just a regular guy. If you work hard, we’ll get along famously. Besides it’s always a pleasure to work with a beautiful girl like you.

Ah thanks. I’m kind of partial to working with tall, dark and handsome guys like you, but I’m not just a pretty face. I really am a good secretary.

Okay good secretary. I have to return to orientation but I’ll be back in a while. Then we can both work on setting up my new office and you can show me how things work around here.

As Bob walked away from Cheryl continuing to smile at her, he couldn’t help but notice her beautiful legs. If she wore a short skirt, he might have trouble concentrating on his work.

Returning to the capitol building, Bob attended a meeting where the Democratic staff gathered. Deputy Chief of Staff Shawn McCarthy led the meeting. Other than a few banal remarks welcoming them to the legislature, Shawn at first didn’t say very much. Rather he introduced the Democratic staff assigned to each of the eleven house committees: human services, social services, revenue, executive, state government, labor, commerce, budget, appropriations, environment and energy and transportation. Bob immediately identified with the young men and women staffing the committees. They talked with some knowledge about the jurisdiction of their committees and the important legislation that they analyzed for the legislators on the committee. As a group, Bob liked and admired them. They cared about policy like he did. They obviously worked hard because they believed in the importance of what they did. Bob realized that a younger version of him might very well be one of those staffers. Bob carefully wrote down each of their names and would make sure he contacted each one of them over the course of the session.

After the committee staff finished their presentations, Shawn introduced the house secretary a somewhat older man who provided some key insights into how the presiding officer applied the house rules on the floor. Bob made copious notes and once again glanced at his house rule book. At this point, Bob would’ve been happy if the meeting ended. Instead, Shawn took over the podium and began to lecture the new members on how to follow the agenda laid out for them. Bob immediately gained the impression that Shawn talked down to him and the other new members. He felt like he did when his army drill sergeant started belittling him as snot nosed rich boy even though he came from an ordinary middle class family. The more he talked the more irritated Bob became.

The sum total of Shawn’s lengthy remarks could be distilled into a few simple concepts. Democrats controlled the house. They had an agenda that would keep them in control. Smart legislators, the ones that want to get ahead, would follow the agenda laid out for them. They would vote the way leadership told them to vote. Staff would provide them with bills to sponsor that would be good for their district and that wouldn’t interfere with the Democratic agenda. Legislators would limit their public statements to matters concerning their bills and matters of importance to their district. If lobbyists provided them bills to sponsor or asked them to vote for a specific measure, they’d check with staff before they did so.

Good Democrat members didn’t support bills or initiatives put forward by the enemy, the Republicans. If they received too much credit, they would take over the majority and put in place the horrid Republican agenda. Finally, his arrogant, lecturing, belittling remarks ended and he called for questions. A stunned silence followed. Finally, Bob stood up and said:

Yessah Boss, should we call up you unelected staff to get a hall pass so we can take a leak?

The other five Democrat freshmen legislators looked at Bob, and then started to laugh. Soon they howled with laughter and pointed at the senior and political staff.

For a number of moments, Shawn and the other senior staff standing next to him simply stared at Bob with their mouths open. Bob could see the color rise in their faces. Then they abruptly stormed out of the room, following Shawn. Bob could hear them muttering curses under their breath. Even though the staff session had taken only an hour, the orientation abruptly ended.

As they left, Malcolm Williams, a black from the Southside of Chicago came up to Bob smiling. Now you know how we felt for the last three hundred years.

Malcolm, I don’t how it was for you guys. I’m not sure I ever could. But I know how I just felt. My problem is I can keep my anger inside for just so long. They went far beyond that. If I had been at a bar, I would probably have taken a swing at one of them.

Bob, I think you and I are going to be friends. We got the same name. We can watch how the other guy votes. Malcolm said putting out his hand. And by the way, I’m staying away from you if you go to a bar.

Bob drifted back to his office to work with his new secretary and to make friends with any legislators who might be in their offices. After setting up his office and working with Cheryl, Bob developed a headache around three p.m. Maybe the unfortunate incident at the orientation caused his headache. He didn’t really know. Bob had no desire to make any enemies, but somehow he had managed to do so on his first day.

To work off his headache, Bob walked by the many offices lined up along the corridors of this old drab annex building looking for fellow members. He noted that some of the offices had male secretaries and that most but not all of the female secretaries could be considered