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Mr. Berzerkeley Iii: Guns, Gators, Goodbyes
Mr. Berzerkeley Iii: Guns, Gators, Goodbyes
Mr. Berzerkeley Iii: Guns, Gators, Goodbyes
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Mr. Berzerkeley Iii: Guns, Gators, Goodbyes

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For Jim Sain, the eccentric, controversial, and frequently naked mayor of Berkeley, California, life is never dulland thats just the way he likes it. In this, the final installment of his mR. bERZERKELEY trilogy, Jack McLaughlin wraps up his love song to the other city by the bay.

Mayor Sain has a lot on his mind these days. Hes in Virginia City, involved in a murder trial; the accused is Asia, his half-sister, and she has been charged with their fathers murder. Jims an up-and-coming reality television star whose rise to fame and (possible) fortune is the talk of Hamilton House. Hes also the king of Mardi Gras in his spare time. BTW-hes still supposed to be running a city!

Meanwhile, life at the boarding house is as outlandish as ever. No one knows quite what to think after Josh disappears. He is the target of a Chinese gang leader, and his life takes a confusing turn when he loses his memory and returns as an alligator hunter. Sarah soldiers on in her search for the one she now loves. The controversial culmination of Asias dog-cloning experiment draws near. And poor Bessie must deal with sadness she always feels when all the boarders leave after another wild and wacky year. But at least she has the new school year to cheer her up, when a new cast of characters brings fresh life to Hamilton House.

Decisions are made, risks taken, drama endured, adventure survived, and excitement abounds as the mR. BERZERKELEY trilogy comes to a dazzling and bittersweet end.

LanguageEnglish
PublisheriUniverse
Release dateMar 12, 2013
ISBN9781475979435
Mr. Berzerkeley Iii: Guns, Gators, Goodbyes
Author

Jack McLaughlin

Jack McLaughlin had a distinguished career as a California school district superintendent and Nevada state superintendent. He has won numerous awards in many literary genres as well as Writer of the Year. Harold Lea Brown is an award-winning screenwriter, playwright, producer, and author. He has won several Writer of the Year awards and gives back to the storytelling community by sponsoring awards for young writers. The two authors were named Co-Writers of the Year at the 2019 Action on Film MegaFest in Las Vegas.

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    Mr. Berzerkeley Iii - Jack McLaughlin

    Copyright © 2013 Jack McLaughlin.

    All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

    This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

    iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

    iUniverse

    1663 Liberty Drive

    Bloomington, IN 47403

    www.iuniverse.com

    1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

    Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

    Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

    Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

    ISBN: 978-1-4759-7941-1 (sc)

    ISBN: 978-1-4759-7942-8 (hc)

    ISBN: 978-1-4759-7943-5 (e)

    Library of Congress Control Number: 2013903927

    iUniverse rev. date: 3/8/2013

    Contents

    Part 1: The Interview

    Chapter 1: The Gang’s All Here

    Chapter 2: Chip

    Chapter 3: Fortune Crookies

    Chapter 4: Kansas Comment

    Chapter 5: Hang ’Em High

    Chapter 6: Secrets

    Chapter 7: Parades!

    Chapter 8: Scopes Was a Warm-up

    Part 2: Taking Care of Business

    Chapter 9: It’s Never Over

    Chapter 10: Cloning 1A

    Chapter 11: Digging Up Dirt

    Chapter 12: Send in the Troops

    Chapter 13: Trail to Nowhere

    Chapter 14: Nudie Cutie

    Chapter 15: Bessie’s Hero

    Chapter 16: It’s About Money

    Chapter 17: The Real World

    Part 3: Mardi Gras Malaise

    Chapter 18: Arrivals

    Chapter 19: His Majesty

    Chapter 20: Gator Jumpin’

    Chapter 21: Havin’ a Ball!

    Chapter 22: To the Winds!

    Chapter 23: The Crowning

    Chapter 24: Disappearing Acts

    Chapter 25: Rabbit Tracks

    Chapter 26: Who?

    Part 4: Trying

    Chapter 27: Setting the Stage

    Chapter 28: Deposition Hell

    Chapter 29: Women’s World

    Chapter 30: Hang ’Em

    Chapter 31: Defense

    Chapter 32: No Plea, Please

    Chapter 33: Decisions, Decisions

    Part 5: Endings and Beginnings

    Chapter 34: Judgment Day

    Chapter 35: Spoils

    Chapter 36: Grand Arrivals

    Chapter 37: Back in the Saddle

    Chapter 38: Settling Up

    Chapter 39: Futures

    Chapter 40: Whipped-Cream Delight

    Chapter 41: Bye-Bye, Berzerkeley

    Chapter 42: Job One

    Chapter 43: Endings and Beginnings

    Epilogue

    PART ONE

    The Interview

    Chapter 1: The Gang’s All Here

    A cold rain falls heavily on Berkeley at the end of February. Dark, moisture-filled clouds loom overhead as an unending torrent of large drops shakes evergreens and fills rain gutters. The loud clatter on rooftops and full puddles in pot-holed streets force most inside. To the south over Hayward, beyond large, dark clouds, daylight can be seen. On Durant, a block away from the university, Hamilton House is shuttered tight, and the common driveway with Mayor Sain’s old Craftsman has a steady stream running downhill toward the street. Bessie, the mayor’s seventy-year-old mother recovering from experimental surgery that gave her parts of the mayor’s and her grandson Michael’s livers, stands at the stove, making breakfast for the boarders who haven’t started the day yet. Pregnant lesbians Stephanie—late twenties, shapely—and Judy—twenties, heavyset—wait at the block, an oversized cutting board serving as a table for twelve.

    You lesbians looking for a place to move today in this fucking monsoon? I got your door fixed after the FBI broke it down looking for the whacker, Ainsley Bassette.

    We are, Stephanie says. And thanks for fixing the door. What ever happened to that guy anyhow?

    Don’t know and don’t care. I never want to see him again. He might point his dick at me, and who knows where it’s been. Ainsley Bassette—one of a kind! Bessie says.

    He did save your life, Judy says.

    On a cell phone from the inside of a trash bin while a real surgeon did the work.

    The kitchen door opens and Jack R. Abbott—fifty, scraggly beard, thin, wearing holey green tennis shoes and baggy walking shorts—and middle-aged Doreen—African American, bosomy—walk in.

    The interview on yet? Jack R. Abbott says.

    Get your butts in here! Bessie yells. The show will start pretty soon. You leave that smelly bulldog in your apartment?

    No, Jack R. Abbott says. I tied him up to the tree by Trojan’s grave.

    One good thing about this fucking rain, I guess, Bessie says. His smell has disappeared.

    He got off a good one a while ago, on the way over, Jack R. Abbott says. A gull tried to grab a piece of muffin I threw him at Bel Fornos so he blasted a foul one. The wind and rain took care of it.

    Doreen, Bessie says, I thought you were going to do something about that dog’s butt. Didn’t they teach you that in vet school?

    To fix Winston’s problem I’d have to clean out his whole insides, all the way to his two buck teeth, Doreen says.

    Just like my naked-ass commie son—full of shit up to his eyebrows! Bessie says.

    How’s your son’s liver? Doreen asks.

    Liver? Bessie snarls. He’s gone way past worrying about his liver, unless you call that dangler hanging in front of him his liver.

    Is he ready for the interview? Jack R. Abbott says. I tried to write him a few lines but didn’t finish.

    Add them to your piles of unfinished books and scripts, Bessie says. He’d probably forget them anyhow.

    Jamal—African American, seventeen, buff—walks down the stairs, trying to wake up.

    Get your black ass over here, Bessie yells. Eat some food before your father, Willie the leach, arrives and there’s nothing left.

    The kitchen door opens and Willie Williams—African American, fifty, slightly paunchy—walks in wearing his Berkeley police uniform.

    Am I too late? he says, looking at the food Bessie has placed on the table.

    Speaking of the devil, Bessie says. Never missed a meal here since high school. Glad I got extra this morning, with the others in Virginia City waiting to be interviewed.

    Where? Jamal asks.

    Virginia City is in Nevada, Jack R. Abbot says. It’s where my idol Mark Twain worked on a newspaper and wrote novels.

    It’s where Asia was born and worked as a whore before she shot that bastard Johnny Blood’s pecker off and came to Berkeley, Bessie says. Wish I could have been there to pull the trigger myself.

    Miss Asia a murderer? Jack R. Abbott says. She doesn’t look the type.

    And what type is that? Doreen says, leaning into Jack R. Abbott’s shoulder. You never got past looking at her tits.

    What color are her eyes? Bessie asks.

    Asia has eyes? Jack R. Abbott says.

    The kitchen door opens again and Jefferson—fifty, bearded—and Sylvia—fifty, long gray hair, stoned—walk in.

    The show hasn’t started yet, Bessie says. Sit down and have some breakfast. Shoulda had Jamal’s girlfriend Jazzleen here to help me cook. You’re all putting a strain on my new liver.

    Yours is the best food I’ve ever had, stoned Sylvia slurs.

    Anyone want weed Jefferson asks. Harvested a new crop this morning and the mayor’s not here to scoop it up.

    A sudden, ghastly odor creeps through the cracks in the door.

    Shit! Jack R. Abbott says. The rain has stopped and Winston has fired one off.

    Can’t you take him downwind and tie him to a parking meter or something? Bessie says. The quacks won’t let me have any Jack for a couple more weeks to deaden my nostrils.

    I’ll take care of it, Jefferson says. The smell of skunk will cut Winston’s handiwork. You want to join me, Jack?

    Shit! Bessie says. Nothing like having the whole gang around! All I need now is Ainsley Bassette and my naked-ass commie son here, and my morning would be complete. Thank God for little favors.

    How many Virginia City bordellos you think the mayor has visited? Willie asks Jack R. Abbott. One, two, three?

    All of them, Bessie says. He’s Johnny Blood’s son, isn’t he?

    *   *   *

    It is a bright, clear, and crisp morning in Virginia City, four hours east of Berkeley. The roads from Nevada’s capital, Carson City, and Reno are bumper-to-bumper as the curious try to enter the Old West town to witness the scene of the crime of the century, as it has been labeled by international media. The murder of Johnny Blood, the father of mR. bERZERKELEY, by his daughter the whore has grabbed the public, the airways, and the Internet.

    Asia—a Chinese and white mix, twenties, black hair, handcuffed and dressed in the orange jumpsuit of an inmate—sits in a hard chair inside Madame Bulette’s Saloon. Her top three buttons are undone, exposing her bulging breasts. Her hair blows slightly from a floor fan. All the tables and chairs have been moved in front of large windows overlooking lower Virginia City, consisting of several closed mines and Six Mile Canyon. The room is crowded with men and women sitting on benches.

    The wooden sidewalks outside the saloon and on both sides of C Street are jammed with men and women trying to get a look at Virginia City’s most famous resident, Lily Liu Lu. Four news trucks with satellite booms raised in the air are parked in a lot next to the Bucket of Blood saloon. Storey County sheriffs attempt to control the mass of motorcycles and automobiles that have brought the main drag to a standstill.

    Lady Gretchen—forties, big-boned, oversized breasts—Lily Liu Lu’s friend and bordello associate, sits with her legs crossed ten feet away. Hamilton House boarders Josh, Sarah and Michael sit at the end of the row.

    Bright lights and three television cameras are on and ready. Two young men and two young women, all wearing headsets, move impatiently, looking at the front door and the glass windows jammed with the curious.

    Where is the son of a bitch? one of the men yells into the microphone next to his right cheek.

    Outside a loud cheer can be heard over the motorcycles. Mayor Sain—fifty, gangly, black hair—sits on the back of a white stallion with his arms around a gorgeous brunette wearing a cowgirl outfit, her breasts peeking through cut-out circles and shiny tassels dangling from her nipples. He waves with both arms as the horse weaves through the dense traffic and crushing crowd. Two cowboys wearing red bandanas, black hats, and six-shooters raise their weapons and fire blanks in the air, parting the crowd. The crowd lets the horse through to the wooden sidewalk and the front door. Mayor Sain slides off the back just before the horse lets loose a torrent of feces and piss.

    Guess that’s appropriate, he says, stepping away from the splashing excrement.

    mR. bERZERKELEY! a young female holding a Sharpie yells as she pulls up her top. Can you sign my tits?

    Of course, Mayor Sain says, grabbing the pen. And anything else you have in mind.

    Uniformed Storey County Sheriff Salisbury—fifty, balding, paunchy, wearing a revolver and a belt with mace and a long baton—grabs Mayor Sain by the arm.

    You must go inside now, sir, he says with a firm voice as the crowd chants, mR. bERZERKELEY! mR. bERZERKELEY!

    I want him to sign me too, a middle-aged woman says, blocking the door while she holds her shirt up and exposes sagging breasts.

    On the way out, Sheriff Salisbury yells.

    They all love me, Mayor Sain says.

    That one won’t get out of bed until she reads your cartoon. That’s my wife, Ute.

    Mayor Sain moves through the audience and sits up front next to Asia.

    Thanks for telling me where your place is, sister, he whispers to Asia. River Bottom Ranch—quite creative and appropriate.

    It’s the least I could do for my half-bother, an unsmiling Asia says. Relatives are allowed only one freebie though.

    So many to do and so little time, Mayor Sain says.

    You would have made our father proud, Asia says.

    The son of Lex Barker, of old time Tarzan and foreign movie fame, Alexander Barker—sixty, tall, wearing a toupee, international news personality—enters from across the room to a ripple of applause. Barker sits down and the last touches of makeup are applied to his tanned face by a young, female assistant wearing skin tight jeans. He clears his throat and shuffles through papers. A tall, balding man wearing a headset holds up fingers, signaling five, four, three, two, and one, before pointing at Barker.

    Miss Asia, or should I say Lily Liu Lu, and Mayor Sain, or should I say mR. bERZERKELEY, thank you for agreeing to this interview an hour before Judge Slaby holds a hearing on the murder of Johnny Blood your father. And, we want to thank the Storey County sheriff for allowing this interview to be held in a famous saloon and not in the jail, so that our viewers can get a taste of what the environment in which this murder occurred looks and feels like. Miss Asia—

    That’s Ahh-cee-ahh, Asia says as she nods her head slightly.

    Mayor Sain smiles.

    Let’s get right to it. This bizarre case has drawn international attention to this little, almost forgotten piece of American history. The murder of Johnny Blood, the father of mR. bERZERKELEY, allegedly committed by a whore, a half-sister he didn’t know he had who is also the daughter of the man she shot, has screenwriters scratching their heads and wishing they would have come up with the story. People around the globe want to hear all the details you two are willing to reveal. Who are you? What happened? What have you been doing since the murder? And how did you feel, both of you, when you found out your relationship? Can you tell us your stories on the record? Barker asks.

    I’d be happy too, Mr. Barker, Asia says. It will be my pleasure.

    Me too, Mayor Sain says, smiling at the young makeup girl standing to the side.

    After a break we will get right into the murder of Johnny Blood, Barker says.

    The makeup girl swaggers to the newsman and touches up his sweating face. A man holds up a digital board with time backing down from one minute.

    This is so neat, naïve, Kansas-born, freshman Sarah whispers, her blonde hair hanging over her large breasts. I’m so glad I dropped out of the marine program so I could come with you.

    So am I, twenty-three year-old Josh says leaning into Sarah, muscles rippling through his tee shirt. This is gonna give Michael and me enough cartoon material for at least a year.

    At least, Michael, the mayor and Vice-Chancellor Kris’s son out of wedlock, says, scratching where an ear should be on the side of his face. Maybe even enough to start a new one.

    Tell us about yourself, Miss Asia—or Lily Liu Lu. What would you like me to call you?

    I am Asia. From the moment I shot the dick off Johnny Blood and put one between his eyes, he died and so did Lily Liu Lu.

    I guess they’ll blip the part about his privates, Barker says as he laughs along with the audience.

    Every time I hear that, I have to cross my legs, Mayor Sain says.

    I was thinking the same thing, Barker says. I’ll bet there are a lot of crossed legs around the globe.

    The sound of feet shifting on the wood floor can be heard.

    I understand you are the daughter of a prostitute, Barker says.

    Yes. My mother gave birth to me early after Johnny Blood beat her for telling him he was my father.

    Johnny Blood beat her to death?

    Yes. He was convicted and sent to Lovelock.

    After your birth, who took care of you?

    I was raised by the girls and the madam and grew up in the business.

    Tell us about growing up in the business, Barker says.

    When I was young I brought drinks, food, and condoms to the rooms and swept floors and basically helped everyone. When I started to develop, the girls dressed me in a little red outfit with gold tassels. I would entice the men and the girls would take care of the fucking. It wasn’t long until I was also fucking and became the most desired whore at the ranch. I was making more money than most of them combined.

    You are going to drive the censors crazy, Barker says.

    Sorry.

    How old were you when you started, you know?

    I had my first john at thirteen, and who knows how many after that.

    Thirteen? Isn’t that against the law? Barker asks.

    I developed rather fast, especially on top, and age didn’t seem to matter. I looked and acted the part I was born for, Asia says.

    What about Johnny Blood?

    For years I heard how he beat my mother and other girls at River Bottom and the other places. I swore I would get revenge if he ever came back, and I knew he would.

    So he came back and you shot him?

    One night this staggering, unshaven, derelict of a man dressed in tattered clothes came into the parlor. I thought it might be him but wasn’t sure. One of the girls—Lady Gretchen over there—said it was. A couple of the others verified it was Johnny Blood, the man who killed my mother.

    One camera focuses on Lady Gretchen sitting in the audience, listening intently.

    He knew he wanted me and so did I. He took care of the prelims with the madam while I went to my room. It wasn’t long until the door opened. There he was, naked as a jaybird, pouring beer on my red velvet carpet. He called me a couple of names, chastised my mother, and said he was going to teach me how to fuck—

    There goes that blip again, Barker says.

    I took a pistol from under my pillow and pointed it at him with both hands. He threatened me and said I didn’t have the courage to shoot him. That’s when I lowered my sights and shot off his dick. I fired another one, trying to pick off one of his balls, but his bloody hands covered them up. He fell to his knees and looked at me with anger and fire in his eyes. I let him have it just above his eyebrows, and he fell dead.

    Whew!

    I realized I had to escape, so I climbed out a window, got in my car, and drove away, Asia says.

    This man you shot, Johnny Blood, was allegedly your father. Didn’t that disturb you? Didn’t you feel any remorse? Barker asks.

    He was a drunk, the worst kind of drunk, and killed my mother. He would have probably killed me. I felt relieved. My life as Lily Liu Lu had come to an end. I was looking forward to a new beginning.

    How did you end up in Berkeley?

    I had been studying and completing online courses for a couple of years. I snuck away from the ranch and finished several classes. After I took the SATs and ACTs, I was offered scholarships at several universities. I heard about the Bay Area and San Francisco. Berkeley just seemed the natural place for me to be.

    How did you end up with mR. bERZERKELEY here? Barker asks.

    After I finished my degree I wanted to stay and pursue a PhD. I love science, and there is no better place to be a part of cutting-edge experimentation. I lost my apartment and needed a place to stay. Mayor Sain here knows everybody and everything, so I asked him during a parade.

    A parade?

    He’s the leader of the naked people, and they were marching in the ‘How Berkeley Can You Be’ parade. I joined them, and they let me move into Hamilton House where most of them live.

    Paraded naked? Barker asks.

    Of course, Asia says.

    Is Hamilton House some sort of commune?

    It’s a boarding house just off campus. The mayor lives next door and his mother is our cook. Three of the boarders are here today. Asia pauses and points. "There’s Sarah from Kansas, a freshman who changes her mind about what she wants to be almost every day; Michael, or Mysterious Michael as we call him, who is missing an ear but makes up for it with oodles of personality and artistic talent; and Josh McDermott, Surfer Boy, from Los Angeles, the creator of mR. bERZERKELEY and Veronica’s Lives, which you read every day in your local newspaper. He is also one of the finest artists on the planet. They also do Ham ’n Eggs."

    "So Josh is responsible for the name mR. bERZERKELEY?" Barker asks.

    Yes, but I’ll let my half-brother Mayor Sain tell you all about that, Asia says.

    Thank you for the segue, Barker says as he wipes his brow. Either it’s hot in here or your story has me on fire. I think it’s time for a break, and then we WILL get to mR. bERZERKELEY. Hang on. There’s a whole lot more up next.

    Did you see all those women outside dressed like women did a long time ago? Sarah asks Lady Gretchen while the audience waits for the break to be over.

    You mean like I am? Lady Gretchen asks. She is wearing a long, Victorian-style dress, a girdle that bulges her oversized breasts up and out, lace-up boots, and a hat.

    Yes! It’s so neat!

    Maybe I can find one for you later, Lady Gretchen says.

    I can’t wait!

    You aren’t going to take her out to the bordello, are you? Josh asks.

    Of course, Lady Gretchen says. Might as well give her a peek at where Lily Liu Lu grew up.

    What’s a bordello? Michael whispers to Josh. Is that a whorehouse?

    You got it, Michael, Josh says.

    Maybe we should visit one too.

    Mayor Sain watches as the young makeup girl finishes wiping Barker’s face. I need a little help too, he says to the young girl.

    You’ll never change, will you? Asia whispers to Mayor Sain.

    It’s in my blood, that’s Johnny Blood, Mayor Sain says.

    The young girl walks to the mayor. I’ve got a little sweat running down my khakis, he says.

    You’ll have to take care of that yourself later, the young girl says, tenderly wiping tiny sweat beads from the mayor’s forehead.

    You have a nice touch, Mayor Sain says, looking into her brown eyes.

    That’s what all the girls say, the young girl says as she smiles and walks away.

    Ha! Asia laughs. When’s the last time you did a lesbian?

    The man holding the digital board high raises his hands, signaling it’s time to resume.

    Mayor Sain, Barker says, thank you for agreeing to be a part of this one-of-a-kind interview that has drawn international attention.

    Everyone knows I never miss a chance to get in front of the camera, Mayor Sain says. Naked or not!

    Naked? We’ll get to that. First everyone would like to know a little about you, and I don’t mean about your nudity.

    The way my mother tells it, Johnny Blood knocked her up and left her in Berkeley to raise me alone. Mom took several jobs and finally became Hamilton House cook. I went all the way through Berkeley schools and the university and became a local real estate salesman. I also bought a beer and pizza establishment, The Hole, and eventually went into politics and became the mayor. Other than that, you can read about me in the funny papers.

    "Ah yes, mR. bERZERKELEY. Tell us about that handle?" Barker says.

    Josh over there in the audience—Mayor Sain points to the front row as a camera closes in on Josh’s face—gave it to me when he started drawing those wretched cartoons trying to bring me down during my reelection. After I did get reelected and a short time when the cartoons were stopped, we decided to get them going again to express my frustration with a national political issue: the possible loss of the president’s stimulus funds Berkeley had already spent.

    That was resolved wasn’t it? The cartoons are still running, Barker says.

    "Yes. mR. bERZERKELEY has become such a part of me and the funny papers that the boys over there—Josh and Michael—keep them going," Mayor Sain says.

    The camera closes on Josh and Michael.

    Michael. I understand he’s your son, Barker says.

    Yes, I am proud to say. I didn’t find that out until a couple of months ago. Actually, I didn’t find out until recently that Miss Asia here is my half-sister. The world is very small, isn’t it?

    I also understand that you and Michael recently saved your mother and his grandmother’s life. Tell us about that.

    With Miss Asia’s help, a part of my liver and a piece of Michael’s were attached to mom’s liver and saved her life. We all got out of the hospital a couple of weeks ago. It was truly a miracle, but Miss Asia is full of those, Mayor Sain says.

    Our researchers have noted Miss Asia’s scientific prowess with DNA and stem cells, Barker says.

    She has a brilliant mind. I knew it when I first saw her walk naked in the parade—of course that’s not what I was thinking at the time.

    Now I need to get to the real question: what did you think when you first found out she had murdered your father?

    That wasn’t the first shock. Just before she told Mom, Michael, and I in the hospital about what she had done, she told us she had run the DNA several times and she and I were from the same father, Johnny Blood. I was more shocked that she and I were brother and sister than I was she killed our no-good father. Her little secret about our heredity completely ruined the thoughts I had about the first thing I was going to do when I got out of the hospital.

    What was that? Barker asks.

    Don’t ask, Asia says, her eyes quickly moving upward as she makes a little snicker.

    How did your mother take it?

    Mom? After she heard what Asia had done, she was ready to give her a gold medal. She hated the son of a bitch for leaving her in the lurch a long time ago.

    What about Michael? What about the fact she killed his grandfather?

    I think he wished it had been his mother Asia had gunned down, Mayor Sain says as he chuckles. But you’ll have to ask him that.

    When we return, we will talk to three Hamilton House boarders and a representative from the place the infamous Lily Liu Lu called home here in Virginia City, Nevada, Barker says.

    The man with the digital board holds it high as the makeup girl moves to Barker. Asia and Mayor Sain stand and move to the front row, where Lady Gretchen, Josh, and Michael sit, to exchange seats. A large American Indian man, wearing a feather in black hair pulled tight in a ponytail, moves from the shadows off camera and sits on the bench beside Asia.

    Mayor Sain, this is Chief Eagleheart, my personal bodyguard, Asia says. He was left one night for barter by his father. We were raised together, and he’s been looking out for me ever since.

    Can he look out for your half-brother too? Mayor Sain asks.

    He would have torn Johnny Blood limb from limb if he had known what was going to happen. He was helping one of the others and missed it all.

    Drunken, drippy dick bastard, the chief says. You aren’t like him, are you?

    No, sir, Mayor Sain says with his hands folded on top of his knees. I’m a saint!

    Shit! Asia laughs. You talk like that and I’m going to wet my pants.

    The man with the digital board signals time.

    We have three Hamilton House boarders and Lady Gretchen from the birthplace and residence of Lily Liu Lu. Thank you for agreeing to talk about Miss Asia and the murder of mR. bERZERKELEY’s father. Josh, is it? Where did you come up with that name and the idea of drawing those outrageous cartoons? Barker asks.

    "I was a trained cartoonist coming out of USC and was going to work at a major studio when I got sidetracked by this beautiful young lady and travelled north to Berkeley, where she attended college. I decided to take a break from LA, be a reporter for

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