Vermin from Space: Aye in the Sky

By GRAHAM DEEKS

For Ratrigues, there had to be a much better way to start the day than with an awakening one could only describe as rudewhat with unexpected visitors landing a spacecraft right next to his home.

Even so, what this unwelcome introduction to his early morning heralds is, he feels, quite worth getting up for. He learns that hes part of a select group of friends recruitedsomewhat against their will, it must be saidinto a whirlwind adventure to the far reaches of outer space.

Their destination is the mysterious and bizarre solar system known as Roach 379, where the ubiquitous organisation known as Aye-Aye originated. Mandrake, the first rodent to be introduced into this clandestine society of roaches, has to go on a pilgrimage. Along with some friends selected for moral support, he is also off to this very solar system. Little does he know that there is a far more important reason for his voyage.

The fate of all cockroaches throughout the universe hangs in the balance. What lies at the root of this disturbing calamity? Can Mandrake, the head of the druidic Musculus Medicinale save them?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Dec 22, 2011
• ISBN: 9781426995439

GRAHAM DEEKS

Graham Deeks, born in Cape Town, South Africa, takes his main motivation in life—making people laugh—seriously. Also the author of Table Mountain to Taumarunui and Ratrigues and the Invisible Intelligence, he is currently a laboratory scientist living and working in Taumarunui, New Zealand.

Book preview

Vermin from Space

Aye in the Sky

Graham Deeks

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© Copyright 2011 Graham Deeks.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Printed in the United States of America.

ISBN: 978-1-4269-9542-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4269-9541-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4269-9543-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011916357

Trafford rev. 04/02/2012

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Contents

Dedication

List of Illustrations

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Dedication

To Manuel Perera, my very first boss, who taught me the meaning of respect, tolerance and humility, not that I ever mastered any of those. Regardless, I stand to this day in awe of your masterful grip on the domain of spontaneous humour which exuded from your every pore. God bless you, wherever you now find yourself. I am sure that you have made even His burdens easier for Him to bear.

- - -

List of Illustrations

PICTURE NO 1

(Unexpected visitors at the Rat & Roach)

PICTURE NO 2

(Eyeleen—Head of Room Service)

PICTURE NO 3

(Extremities—The major work force on the Orbitals.)

PICTURE NO 4

(On the bridge and approaching solar system —

Roach 379.)

PICTURE NO 5

(Inri, overall head of Aye-Aye.)

PICTURE NO 6

(Electric Flying Pan Launching Pad.)

PICTURE NO 7

(A trip in the Electric Flying Pan.)

PICTURE NO 8

(Even the submarine resembled a Cockroach)

PICTURE NO 9

(Approaching the Crystal Mining City)

PICTURE NO 10

(Mongoo was as cool as a cucumber.)

PICTURE NO 11

(The Antroids, guardians of the Raw Crystals.)

PICTURE NO 12

(An excursion over the Crystal City on Orbital 8.)

(in a Casserole Commuter Craft.)

PICTURE NO 13

(A tour of the Crystal City by tram.)

PICTURE NO 14

(There was a lot of hissing and bubbling going on.)

PICTURE NO 15

(The second chamber and the Dodecahedron

Conversion Capsule.)

PICTURE NO 16

(After a brief pause the lawn burst open.)

PICTURE NO 17

(It looked like a gigantic, streamlined dragonfly.)

PICTURE NO 18

(Many of the craft closely resembled forms of insect life on Earth.)

PICTURE NO 19

(Morkon arrives on Orbital Six)

PICTURE NO 20

(Extremities Production Line)

PICTURE NO 21

(Zeroach surged ahead.)

PICTURE NO 22

(Mandrake meets the Pockroaches)

PICTURE NO 23

(At the base of the Gigantic Edifice.)

PICTURE NO 24

(This is the life! thought Ratrigues.)

PICTURE NO 25

(The first volunteers move forward to sample the peanut butter.)

PICTURE NO 26

(Taxis had rotating cabins for ease of reversing.)

Chapter One

The Rat & Roach had closed its doors approximately four hours earlier. It was two in the morning, and Ratrigues lay in his shoe box, watching the silhouettes of Ratricia and the little ones as they romped through the many valleys of their very own warm and wonderful dreams. The whole atmosphere was musty and warm. It was just so wonderful to be home. His travel adventures had been spectacular, but he was now enjoying the opportunity to relax and be at home with the family.

Despite the picture of peaceful bliss which lay before him, he felt uneasy and was aware of a strong static buzz in the air. This time it was not the espresso machine. This time there was something very different brewing. It was most certainly going to be a new experience for him.

What is the source? Where is it coming from? It’s probably my imagination, he thought as, slowly but surely, the face of his Ratolex watch began to glow more and more intensely. It was just as well that he still had his Ray-Bans on.

What on Earth is going on? he asked himself out loud as the hands of his Ratolex began to spin erratically.

Eager to find a simple and logical answer, he peered out over the rim of their shrine to contemporary human footwear.

In the dim light, he could see Blatto, Vernon, Ferdinand, Miss Ing, Haydn, Blattelli, and Ian Coggnitto standing in as big a circle as space within The R&R would allow. They had removed all of the tables and chairs from Rug-A, Rug-B, Rug-C, and Rug-D—yes, there were four mats now. Business was booming at The Rat & Roach.

The roaches all faced the centre of the room with their feelers resting on the ground.

This is not a confeelerence call! Their feelers are not touching each other, thought Ratrigues.

It obviously wasn’t an illegal flea-fight, as no one was taking bets and fleas weren’t illegal; just pests.

All of a sudden, the static buzz stopped and the roaches started chanting very quietly in a language that he had never heard before. Never a dull moment with these guys, Ratrigues thought.

Gradually, a faint shadow began to materialise in the empty space between them. It was about the size of a metal, galvanised Cape City Council dustbin lid, and it shimmered with an eerie incandescence. The only difference was that this incandescence was cool—very strange.

It was a craft of sorts. It became clearly visible as the onboard lights outlining its perimeter pulsated backwards and forwards within a pool of yellow and then blue light…

Oh, for heaven’s sake, Jo, switch that melodramatic light show off. We are trying to land this bloody thing! said a voice from well inside the craft. It belonged to a creature that was desperately clutching the ‘steering wheel’ and an intermittently disobedient handbrake.

Whatever it was had not come in via the door or the air vents. It was far too big. It had literally appeared out of nowhere. It created the most spectacular optical illusion as it appeared to be illuminated by black light.

The alien craft hovered about four centimetres above the floor for at least five minutes before coming to rest on the four placemats. The ‘driver’ was probably rummaging for change for the parking meter.

Within seconds of the craft’s settling on the floor of The Rat & Roach, a large flap opened on one side, and a thin, well-feelered head popped out.

Sorry! said the strange occupant. We are having problems with the gravity-induced handbrake.

What sort of problems?

We tried to land during its ‘tea brake’. You just cannot get past union rules.

Thank God it wasn’t said in a Cockney accent. That would have, beyond any doubt, ruined any credibility to the happenings. This was, after all, not a radio programme.

The air was beginning to clear, and the ‘steam’, which was more like an ionic mist, was settling. Ratrigues could now see a more detailed image of the strange craft. It resembled a pie-shaped cockroach in a strange way—it had feelers, hairy landing gear, a dual cockpit resembling roach eyes from the outside, and a few other similarities. Luckily for The Rat & Roach, it didn’t eat floorboards. The strangest aspect was a spare wheel attached to the back of the craft. Why would you need a spare wheel in space, or anywhere, when travelling in a craft like this, for that matter?

Picture%20No.%201%20Unexpected%20visitors%20at%20the%20Rat%20%26%20Roach.jpg

Unexpected visitors at The Rat & Roach.

The craft only landed vertically. It was, therefore, truly spare (the wheel, that is).

On the top surface of the outer perimeter could be seen a series of large semi-transparent domes. These represented the outer surface of the observation domes that were central to each of the individual living quarters inside.

Linked to the outer layer of the craft was a protective shield. This was controlled by an Auto-Tintometer, an apparatus somewhat like the door of a microwave oven. It controlled the amount of light and radiation that could enter the living quarters as the craft travelled through space. The only real difference was that it was adjustable and computer controlled. Due to the risk of radiation exposure, the primary control was by that of computer and could not, under normal circumstances, be overridden.

All of the space roaches looked identical to their earthling counterparts, except for their front pair of legs—which seemed to be put on the wrong way round. They were actually capable of turning these two limbs a complete circuit of 360 degrees, so sometimes they looked normal. Most odd!

The creature had something in its ‘hand’ that looked like a torch. When it shone it downwards, the beam created steps going down. These were not two-way steps like we know on Earth. If the torch shone downwards, the creature could walk down the created steps. The reverse applied when shining the torch upwards. This is quite logical, as the point of origin was in its ‘hand’ and it could hardly walk towards itself. The steps remained intact and independent of gravity until the torch was turned off. For this reason, each of the roaches created his or her own steps—they did not need someone else turning their torch off when they were halfway up or down!

Bloody primitive, thought Ratrigues, Why can’t their torch create a lift instead of stairs?

These creatures were obviously roaches, but they appeared to have halos around their heads. This halo effect was caused by the visible frequency of the transmitters in their delicate ‘headphones’, in effect, it was a kind of miniature aurora borealis or australis.

Ratrigues pinched himself.

No, not the alcohol! he said out loud.

He had only looked away for about ten seconds, during which time Blatto had approached the shoe box.

I am sure that you seek an explanation for what you have just witnessed.

No, I seek an apology. We are trying to sleep. Do you guys realise that it is two-fifteen in the morning?

Blatto knew that this was just a front, so he was not taken aback.

Ratrigues’ curiosity was killing him.

You are awake now, so come with me. I have some very important beings to introduce you to, said Blatto.

The rest of the Ratrigues family slept on obliviously, blissfully unaware of what was to happen over the next few hours.

Ratrigues gave the strangely alien craft a nervous stare.

I hope that I don’t need to get onto that thing, said Ratrigues, who was still afraid of heights. He wasn’t ready to be flown anywhere, if flying is what this thing did.

No, you are quite safe. Just come with me.

What do you wish me to witness?

If you remember, Mandrake has been given the third-most senior position within Aye-Aye. His title is The Third Aye.

Well?

Landing a position of authority like that does not go without a visit to headquarters, be it literally an astronomical distance away. This is especially so due to the fact that he is the first non-roach to be introduced into the organisation. This great honour will be bestowed upon not only Mandrake, but Blattelli as well, although he is a roach.

How does that affect me then? How am I involved in this whole thing? asked Ratrigues.

They require a group of close associates to accompany them on their journey, to provide support for them during their pilgrimage, said Blatto.

Why me?

Blatto knew that Ratrigues was not showing his true colours.

Why this change of heart? What is your worst fear? asked Blatto.

Falling!

Come with me. I shall teach you to overcome this fear almost instantaneously, said Blatto.

They approached the strange craft and walked up to the glowing cabin attendant.

"I shall now hand you over to the local instructor.

Greetings, earthling, said the luminous being.

Now all he needs to say is, Take me to your leader, thought Ratrigues.

Hi.

"Hi. I don’t usually glow like this. I was busy painting the outside of the craft yesterday after an outlandishly laborious job. We had to remove millions of space barnacles from the outer, anterior bough. Removing the ones from the rear of the craft proved to be a stern effort. They really mess up the appearance on our version of sonar.

As a result of the clean-up operation, I am covered with fluorescent varnish, which, unfortunately has a higher affinity for cockroach shells than for the craft itself.

Have you heard of turps? asked Ratrigues.

Are they from Galaxy 7,439,216,999,761,843?

Possibly. We are talking about a universal cleaner, so I suppose they could be from anywhere.

Do you have their telephone number?

Why? Have they reported it missing? rejoined Ratrigues.

You know what I mean, said the fluorescent roach.

You don’t need their telephone number. One bottleful of turps will fix the problem.

The glowing roach looked somewhat confused.

What will happen if I can’t get rid of this fluorescence?

Never mind, said Ratrigues, I am sure that it will reflect well on your CV, and you won’t get lost in the dark. You can also read in bed at night without having to turn the light on, so do not despair.

Ratrigues viewed the huge craft with great reserve.

I wonder why it has such great reserve, he thought.

How do you expect me to climb into this contraption when I have such a terrible fear of heights?

When? Does that imply that there are times that you don’t? What you are scared of, I am afraid, is really above me.

You’ve got it, said Ratrigues, in a nutshell. Anything above you or me is too high.

Come with me, said the astral roach, who had not yet officially introduced himself.

They went right to the top of the craft—with the reluctant Ratrigues trembling all the way.

Don’t look down . . . Don’t look down, he repeated to himself over and over, as his brain tried to deny all current events.

Now, hold this in your paw, said the luminous roach, handing him something that looked like a ballpoint pen.

Now what? asked Ratrigues. This is hardly the time to write someone a letter—unless it’s good-bye.

Now jump, while pressing the button.

Are you nuts?

Just do it, said the creature. You are safe; your time has not yet come.

To save three more pages of pleading and misery, Blatto gave him a God-almighty shove…

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Ratrigues instinctively pressed the button and floated gently to the ground.

A thank-you would be in order, said the strange being, having noticed Ratrigues’ obvious relief.

Wow! That was great! Can I do it again?

In your own time.

Ratrigues’ natural curiosity saw him pull open the end of his miniature safety device in an attempt to establish how this strange gadget was powered.

But these batteries are flat.

They are designed like that to save space.

Blatto eventually stepped forward to end any further embarrassment and promptly introduced Ratrigues to their glowing tour guide. It is important to remember that all the earthly members of Aye-Aye were well acquainted with the space roaches (with the exception of the newest members, Mandrake and Blattelli).

Ratrigues, this is Zeroach.

How pleased do I have to be to have met you? asked Ratrigues.

Time will tell, said Zeroach, who would be a constant travelling companion and guide for most, if not all, of their journey. You just never knew.

Ratrigues held his Ratolex to his ear. It remained strangely quiet.

Just then, at the entrance (or exit, depending on which way you faced) to the craft, they saw Di Sappear and OC Cult moving into the room, down a flight of those strangely created stairs.

Does Mandrake know of your visit? asked Ratrigues.

I’m right here, said a familiar rasping voice. The shape of a still ‘heavily’ underweight, whitish mouse began to materialise in front of them all.

It may be two in the morning, but all of those accompanying us on the flight will be here within the hour, said Mandrake.

Sure enough, shortly afterwards, the others began to arrive.

How come I don’t know about this? wondered Ratrigues.

All of the earthly roaches rubbed feelers with the crew. This was their form of greeting. All of the non-roaches present were presented with something to put on their heads. It resembled a yarmulke with feelers.

Where’s the popcorn, cold-drink, and chips? wondered Ratrigues. It must be almost time to blow out the jelly and eat the candles.

Shortly afterwards, a purple light flooded the inside of The Rat & Roach. Someone had obviously left a purple light tap on somewhere.

We have a long trip ahead of us, said Zeroach. We first need to take all of your dimensions accurately, so that we can prepare your individual intergalactic space suits, helmets, and raincoats.

Raincoats?! exclaimed Ratrigues.

Just a bit of nostalgia value thrown in. You are from Cape Town, after all, aren’t you?

Just then, a bright green orb engulfed each one of them for about three seconds and disappeared back into the craft.

All done! said Zeroach.

Ratrigues had been pretty overawed up until this stage but was beginning to notice a few anomalies.

How come you are preparing all of these items of clothing for us when none of you are wearing any?

We have to satisfy the readers, who are mostly still in the mid-twentieth century. They expect you to be wearing all of this suffocating, claustrophobic clothing. Once we take off, they won’t be able to see you any more, so we will just pack the clothes away until we land back here again, said Zeroach.

Speaking of taking off, continued Zeroach, have all the passengers been briefed on the requirements and preparations for the trip?

No. They have not been exposed to anything like this, so I thought it better for them to hear from the most qualified to explain the proceedings, said Blatto, focusing his gaze with raised, non-existent eyebrows, on Zeroach.

Flattery will get you everywhere, Blatto. Okay, before I explain the proceedings, can we have everyone who shall be on the journey together for a quick briefing, please?

Sorry. I just need five minutes to say good-bye to my sleeping family. Can I post letters from where we are going? asked Ratrigues.

"Yes. We can scan letters into our computer and then intercept an Earth fax line. However, it will be easier for you to send a message via the vibragram system. In space, there is no limit to the distance that a vibragram message can travel, given a short and unavoidable delay. You can complain to God about that if you wish. He is currently working for McDonald’s. It is all in the interest of customer relations.

"In space, when it comes to sending messages (including those in the form of vibragrams), you have the arduous task of working your way through an enormous amount of infrared tape, set up by the Space Bureaucrats. They are literally everywhere, and they are responsible for assuring a high level of aseptic message transferring.

"As far as they are concerned, all messages passing through the intergalactic voids need to be intercepted and checked for viruses before being allowed to reach their destinations.

There is nothing more catastrophic than an inhabited planet catching the flu—the planet that is; not its inhabitants. One sneeze can wipe out an entire civilisation, explained Zeroach.

Okay, thanks. I will see you in five minutes, said Ratrigues, not having really absorbed any of the above. How could he have? It wasn’t in liquid form.

Within six minutes, all were present and ready for their first space lesson.

For the record, those travelling on this intergalactic trip would be: Blatto, Blattelli, Miss Ing, Ratrigues, Rungabu, Morgan, Mongoo, and of course, Mandrake.

Ferdinand, Vernon, Ian Coggnitto, and Haydn would remain behind to man headquarters.

Zeroach welcomed them all on board the craft. He informed them that, although the craft looked relatively small, it was in condensed mode while on the ground. This would change radically once they moved inside. The craft was actually about the size of a rugby field times the inverted square of pi (twenty-two over seven) plus thirteen and a half metres on the perimeter, which folded in on itself. This was an extremely clever design, as it made the toilets a lot closer.

Ladies and vermin, I need to clearly explain to you that travelling through space is very different from anything that you are familiar with. There are a few important things that I need to explain before we get ourselves into position and ready for takeoff. Can you all hear me?

They were certainly a captive audience, as they would not be able to worm their way out of this one.

Yes!

"Right. First of all, what you need to understand is why we are doing certain things to you before takeoff.

For most of the voyage, we will be travelling at 299,791.5 kilometres per second, so don’t stick your head out of the window. To get to this speed takes us about 3.79 seconds. We have been known to do it in 3.78. Either way, this represents a level of acceleration that no organism in its normal state can withstand. According to Einstein’s equation where E = MC², if we can reduce M, being mass, to zero, then we should survive the tremendous acceleration without the complementary nuclear holocaust. We therefore do not wish to acquire zero gravity but rather zero mass—preferably both, should this prove possible."

Vot?

Zero mass equals zero inertia, which is what we need to achieve in order to survive the acceleration. Zero mass also neutralises any effects that gravity may have on us.

Is it true that the universe is expanding with increasing velocity, a point that is extremely hard to explain? asked Ratrigues.

It is my belief, said Zeroach, "that the entire universe, since its conception, has begun to spin, increasing in velocity with time. This is due to a simply explained centrifugal effect. There are currently no known outside reference points to judge this by, but they are there, waiting to be discovered. As all forms of matter move apart from each other (following a centrifugal