The Last Lap: Sheldon Brodsky’S Insightful Guide to the Joys of Retirement

By MARTIN C. MAYER

How many Sunbelt residents have you ever met who have relocated to the Northeast to retire? Why is the vast percentage of migration between these two areas mostly in one direction?

What is the lure of the Sunbelt? Why does it shine so brightly in the hearts and minds of Northeasterners?

SHELDON BRODSKY (not his real identity) shares some of his own experiences and perspectives on this phenomenon in this humorous tract designed to tickle your ribs while sobering your expectations, many of which could possibly be based upon hearsay or misinformation.

Wherever you plan to retire, his message is that you should not mindlessly migrate but rather
LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP, PROCEED WITH CAUTION,
AND NEVER COMMIT TO YOUR NEW ENVIRONMENT INTRACTABLY!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Jan 4, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466909519

MARTIN C. MAYER

Martin C. Mayer is a lifelong resident of the Garden State who migrated several years ago to Florida after spending sixteen years as a “snowbird” and maintaining residences in both states. He spends much of his retirement time churning out what he perceives to be socially redeeming opuses, most of them in the form of odes and limericks. His previous works include “POETRY OF MIDLIFE CRISES”, a product of early retirement and “THE RECITED SPATES OF LIMERICKA”, a collection of original humorous and social commentary limericks. Mr. Mayer lives in Palm Beach, Florida, is married and is the father to five children. He holds B.A. and J. D. degrees from Columbia University.

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© Copyright 2012 Martin C. Mayer.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Printed in the United States of America.

ISBN: 978-1-4669-0950-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4669-0952-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4669-0951-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011963223

Trafford rev. 04/27/2012

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Contents

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

READER HOMEWORK WORKSHEET SECTION

CHAPTER ONE

THE LAST LAP?

Hello. My name is Sheldon Brodsky, and I am not the typical New York putz who works his tuchas off at some business or profession and then comes to Florida to die.

No siree. I got lucky. Very lucky. I indeed worked my tuchas off for many years as a sole practitioner C.P.A. in the City because, frankly, my defective personality actually enjoyed the grind.

I did not plan to quit or retire, but then I got lucky. A large C.P.A. firm offered me three million dollars for my practice, and I had to make an immediate decision to sell or not to sell.

Three million dollars is a shitload of money. It took me several seconds to make up my mind, and I am ashamed to admit that I hadn’t even researched the Federal and New York State income tax ramifications of my decision when I gleefully signed on the dotted line. Possibly, that does not speak well of me as a talented C.P.A., but frankly, I succumbed to some instant gratification need to change the lifestyle I told myself I enjoyed but probably implicitly hated enough to get away from it rapidly and without considering any of the negative ramifications of my decision.

In truth, that is typically the way I have always done things. I admit that I have a major personality defect which I jokingly refer to as flotsam-jetsam syndrome.

The flotsam-jetsam syndrome is a mutation of a live and let live personality orientation. Because I am kind of a loner, it is difficult for me to relate to others or integrate my own daily comings and goings with those of the people who know me or depend on me. So, I tend to plod onward in the routine which seems to be comfortable while buffering any daily slings and arrows which could possibly deflect me from what I think seems comfortable to me.

My problem appears to be that I give a crap about something only when it is convenient to do so, and if giving a crap causes me discomfort or upsets my routine, I kid myself into believing that I give a crap when I actually don’t. Believing that I do