Mishandled: Still Able to Love Unconditionally

By Ngena Feechi Campbell

Alone, hurt, abused, ignored, and always left behind. Stephanie couldn't remember ever being really loved by anyone except her mother. Then, suddenly her mother dies. Life moves on. Desperate for love, Stephanie stumbles through relationship after relationship
in search of acceptance.
When will the vicious cycle end? Will Stephanie continue to pour out her love to men, who are only capable of taking from her and giving back nothing?

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 15, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456764630

Ngena Feechi Campbell

Ngena is a native Washingtonian who currently resides in Maryland. She is a single parent of three beautiful souls. MisHandled... is the first of a series that Ngena was inspired to write. Her dream is to inspire young girls and women alike to know that while they may be “Mis-Handled” they don't have to allow their circumstance to hold them hostage. They can choose to rise above their past, forgive those they have no control of and more importantly forgive themselves. She believes that forgiveness allows one to live freely and at peace. Then they can love unconditionally

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© 2011 Ngena Feechi Campbell. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 4/12/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4490-5661-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-6463-0 (e)

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Acknowledgements

First, I thank God—without Him I would not be, and my story would not be told. He shaped me and made me over as I poured out my innermost secrets, hidden even from me in my soul. He healed me as I relived my life through these writings. I thank Him for keeping me through all the Mishandling. I praise Him while He kept me during the spiritual surgery He performed as, sometimes; I walked around in intensive care. I bless Him as He keeps me through my recovery.

To my mother—you loved me with all that was in you. I thank God for using you to give me life. Although our time together was brief, you will forever live in my heart. I am grateful for the time we shared; and, I know that you watch over your grandchildren and me.

To my children—I say, Thank you. God blessed me with three unique individuals. You were patient with me as I grew up, and I will always love you with my very life. I now understand how precious each of you are and the greatness God has for you all. It is my duty to cover you in prayer and obedience to God’s will for our lives.

To my best friend—twenty-nine years and running—we have laughed, cried, and fought together. You keep me accountable for my purpose in this life. I thank God that He blessed me and loved me enough to put you in my life.

To my spiritual mother—thank you for all the encouragement you poured into me. Your many lessons of forgiveness helped me to heal from being MisHandled. You believed in me before I believed in myself. I thank God for the strength He showed me through you. I pray that He continues to bless you abundantly.

To my pastor—thank you for the best gifts of all—self-love and introducing me to self-empowerment. I realize what unconditional love really looks like. You taught me to believe in me, and all things are possible if I reach deep within and pull on the strength that God supplies. Taking your classes inspired me to go back to school. I thank God for giving you a word especially for me. Time after time, it seemed that you had permission to be on an authorized wiretap. You allowed the Holy Spirit to speak through you to me and save my life.

TRAGEDY DOES NOT DEFINE LEGACY

A. Renee

How you chose to handle adversity determines where you go next.

Ngena

Chapter 1

Amanda met Ralph at a cabaret when she was three months pregnant with Maurice. They danced together and talked between songs; he even walked to get her a Coke soda twice. She really enjoyed how light he was on his feet. They seemed to be flattered by each other. When the night ended, they exchanged numbers. Ralph called her the very next day. He could hear her coming downstairs — the door to the room where the phone was located seemed to need a little oil—she knocked the phone off the arm of the chair where it rested.

Hello, he said when Amanda finally answered the phone. Ralph spoke with a tone that Amanda found endearing.

She recognized his voice immediately and spoke in one breath, Hello, I apologize for the phone hitting the floor. We really gotta get another cord for it. This one is just too long.

Not a problem. I really enjoyed dancing and talking with you last night, he responded.

Me too, she said.

I know where a cabaret is next week if you would like to go just let me know, he continued.

Uh, Ralph there’s something you should know… I am pregnant, Amanda blurted before she became too afraid to tell him.

Okay, but when we spoke last night, I thought you said you had three children and were not with their father, he responded.

Fathers…There are two my daughters’—Barbara and Jeannette’s—father, Roger, who decided the girls, would be better off with him and his wife. Then there is Diane who’s father’s name is Reginald.

Ralph interrupted, But you said you didn’t have a man. How can he leave you if you getting ready to have his second baby?

He didn’t leave; not on his own, anyway. Reginald was so excited about our new baby that he proposed to me the same night. Two days after I shared the news of my pregnancy, he was killed in a head-on car collision.

I am sorry to hear that; you have my deepest sympathy. He continued, Maybe it’s too soon to ask you out then.

I miss him, of course, but we always agreed if something were to happen to either of us, we would not want the other to stop their life, Amanda voice was quivering as she spoke.

Look, sweetheart, I can tell this is upsetting you, Ralph said. Why don’t we just talk face-to-face? I can pick you and the kids up and we can go to the amusement park. Have you heard of Marshall Hall? You and I can talk while they are on the rides.

Surprised, Amanda responded, You still want to see me?

Now more than ever, he said.

They spent every day together after that, he was at the hospital when she gave birth to a baby boy, she named him Maurice. Amanda, lived in a house with two of her four children Diane and Maurice, Aunt Bessie, Uncle Jimmy, and cousin, Freda-Ann, on Blaine Street, in northeast Washington, D.C. Amanda’s two girls, Barbara, 17 years old, and Jeannette, 16 years old, lived with their father, Roger. The youngest daughter, Diane, 3 years old, and Amanda’s only boy, Maurice, who was just two months old, spent a lot of time with their Aunt Irma, Amanda’s oldest sister.

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Ralph was extremely handsome and it came with a price. He was more than just a ladies’ man; he put play in the word player. Ralph knew just the right thing to say to make the ladies feel special. He would go everywhere with his brothers. They drank some moonshine out of the mason jars they kept in the car trunk. They were sure their mom wouldn’t miss the jars, especially since she had so many. She made sure to keep a good stock to preserve her fruit. Once they finished talking and drinking, they went to meet their women. Amanda knew when he’d been with his brothers; she could smell the women on him. Ralph’s father and mother built three homes on the three acres that Ralph Senior owned in Pomonkey, Maryland, located in Charles County. When he was twelve years old, he left home and moved to Washington, D.C. Ralph was the oldest of eight children. Jean, the first-born girl, followed Ralph by eleven months. Don was eleven months behind Jean. Jack followed Don by one year. James followed Jack by eighteen months. Then Tim came two years later. Another year passed, and then there was Pete. Martha came along four years later and was the last baby born to his mother. Ralph, who his siblings affectionately referred to as Junior, didn’t finish junior high school. At the age of twelve, he decided to runaway from home and ended up in Washington, D.C. After a little more than a year, he visited his parents. His father was proud of him becoming a man and going out on his own. He let Ralph work with him fixing bathrooms and kitchen sinks. He stayed with his Uncle Warren, his dad’s brother, who suggested he go back to school. Ralph agreed it was the best thing for him.

Uncle Warren let Ralph work with him during the day, and drove Ralph to evening school when they were done. Ralph followed directions and picked up on everything quickly. He finished school before he knew it and loved working with his uncle. When he turned twenty years old, Ralph landed a job working at the Navy Yard as a master plumber. As a master plumber, he was able to save up enough money to buy a car and go home more often. When he first started going home it was once every two or three months, and he normally did not get a chance to see all his family at one time. Now that he was older and able to get home more, he realized how much he really missed his brothers. Maybe he was trying to make up for the time he lost with them. He went drinking with them every chance he had. There were always several parties going on any day of the week. Ralph was always the first to step in the lodge, grab one of the women sitting on the side and head to the dance floor. Ralph danced the night away with no regard for time. When he finally got home and stepped foot in the door, Amanda had more than a few choice words for him. How many times was he going to leave her waiting for him? How many more women would he cheat with? Amanda believed she could change Ralph, after all he said he never loved a woman the way he loved her. It was two months since they argued about another woman.

Ralph was coming home every night after his last escapade. He was always looking for ways to make money; he came up with an idea to sell stainless steel pots and pans. Ralph promised Diane, Amanda’s youngest daughter, a trip to the store for some ice cream. First, he had to make one stop. Ralph took Diane with him while he showed Ms. May the new pots and pans he was going to sell to her for a reasonable price. He had Diane wait for him in the living room, while he showed Ms. May the pots and pans. He said the pots and pans would look much better in another room. The bedroom was perfect, the lighting was just right. Diane couldn’t wait to get home and tell her mom. Not even Diane’s favorite chocolate ice cream Ralph gave her on the way home would keep her quiet. Diane wasn’t even out of her sweater before she told her mom everything about her exciting day.

Mommy, mommy, that lady had a pretty house. Her couch has plastic covers like Aunt Irma’s. I had to stay in the living room all by myself while Daddy Ralph and that lady said they were gonna look at the pots in her room.

Oh, really? Amanda interjected.

Diane continued, Yep, I was out there for so long I had to use the bathroom. I went down the hallway and saw the pots at the door. I was gonna knock ‘til I heard all the noise she was making. It almost sounded like she was crying. He kept saying ‘Yes, yes, yes.’ What do you think they were talking about?

Ralph walked in from parking the car just as Diane was finishing her story. He knew by Amanda’s look that something was wrong. Amanda had a very short fuse and was not to be tried too many times. He stood with the door cracked behind him in case he had to run out quickly. He promised he would stop cheating on her with the other women. Amanda saw nothing but red. Before she knew it, she had the largest knife she could grab. Mother***%@!

Before Amanda could get the rest of the words out, Ralph took off running out the door. He came close to having his throat cut; the knife may have even taken his head completely off. Amanda knew he was younger than she, but he was so mature for his age. He could be so much better if only he would stop running with his brothers. Amanda was convinced his brothers were the