The Desires of Her Heart

By Janice King

Jessie Kennedy has learned through many trials and tribulations to listen to the Lord and feels He has led her to Baltimore to work for a large newspaper there. Things seem to fall together well. She meets new friends, good Christian friends, at the church she finds there, and feels she is definitely on the right trackGods track. Until one of her dearest new friends becomes seriously ill. Now she has to accept that this also is in Gods willand has big decisions to make

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 16, 2010
• ISBN: 9781449707200

Janice King

Janice King is a single Christian woman who has wrestled with the difficulties of being single. God has brought her through it and given her such peace she wants to share that victory in Jesus with other singles. She was born and raised in Florida where she now lives joyously.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Jessie walked into the singles’ Bible study with her worn Bible tucked under her arm and let out a barely perceptible sigh as she glanced around the room, trying not to seem too anxious. But she’d just spent almost an entire year in Texas and had gotten so discouraged there when she hadn’t been able to find a church—and really didn’t want to go through that again here in Baltimore. This old church had caught her eye several times on her way to work. It was supposed to be one of the oldest churches in this city she’d lived in now all of two frenzied weeks. A brochure she’d read said it had been built in the 1700s from bricks that had been discarded at the nearby harbor and all the nails used in the construction were handmade. She loved history so all that had really piqued her interest. And when she saw a flyer for the Bible study and learned they had a singles group here, she decided to come check it out. Even if the group didn’t work out, she’d at least get to see inside this historic old church. But Lord, she sighed again as she looked around, I know You want me in a good church—please help me find it.

Moving to a new city and starting over was a little daunting, but Jessie knew the best way to make new friends, friends who shared her values, was at church. She also knew a lot of singles joined groups like this hoping to find Mr. or Miss Right, but that wasn’t why she was here. She thought marriage was important—just not for her. There were too many things to do—and way too many places to go. Besides, being submissive to God was something she really did strive for, but a husband…that was a whole other ballgame. She just hoped she could find the kind of friends she needed here since she figured she’d be living in Baltimore for a while—who knew, maybe forever.

She spied an empty seat at the back of the room near a quiet looking girl who seemed to be sitting by herself, reading her Bible. The girl glanced up as she walked over and took a seat nearby. Hi, she smiled, my name’s Jessie—Jessie Kennedy.

Hi, she responded shyly, I’m Hannah Bennett.

This is my first time here, Jessie told her. This is a great old church. I wanted to come see it anyway so when I saw the flyer for your Bible study, she shrugged and smiled, here I am.

Welcome, Hannah’s smile got a little warmer. There’s coffee and donuts—if you’d like some?

"I would absolutely love a cup of coffee, she sighed thankfully. It’s been a long day and it would really be embarrassing if I fell asleep my first time here," she grinned.

She set her Bible down in her seat and followed the girl to the other side of the room where some people were gathered around a refreshment table. Jessie caught one young woman watching her over the top of her coffee cup as they walked up. She was exceptionally pretty with shoulder length straight blond hair, large expressive eyes and the kind of high cheekbones a model would long for. She had on a pair of slim-fitting black pants with a cute white smocked sweater and a pair of black Manolo flats that looked like they might have cost more than her entire salary so far this week. She was starting to feel a little underdressed in her plain jeans and white tee. She noticed several of the guys were in suits—but then, it was six o’clock, they could have all come here straight from work. But she was still glad she had thrown on the tan cashmere wrap she’d splurged on here in Baltimore. It made her feel a little better dressed.

The woman gave her a warm smile and stuck out her hand, Hi, I’m Andrea. You must be new here.

Jessie shook hands, smiling back. I am. I just moved here from Texas but I’m originally from California. My name’s Jessica—but my friends just call me Jessie. Andrea’s beautiful complexion was flawless—she supposed it helped living in the north and not being out in the blazing sun most of your life. And regular facials, she was willing to bet.

Well, Jessie—welcome! Andrea took her arm and pulled her over to a larger group. Come on over and meet some other people. David, this is Jessie—she’s new to the church. New to Baltimore, too. An alien for sure, Andrea laughed, she’s from California!

Just wait til winter, California girl! You will definitely feel like an alien then! David laughed, shaking her hand. Have you ever lived in the north before? He was definitely good looking—over six feet since he was easily as tall as her brother Kyle—with dark, almost black, close cropped hair and one of those cute chin goatee things.

She shook her head. Nope, born and raised in southern California, she replied. I worked in south Texas before moving here and I have no idea how I’m going to handle the winters. I’ve never driven in snow. I haven’t even bought a car yet. She gave him a nervous look. He assured her she’d do fine and he and Andrea introduced her to a few other people whose names she hoped she’d be able to remember later before the teacher called out that it was time to start. Andrea asked her to come sit with them, but Jessie glanced around for Hannah and saw she’d gone back to her seat. Umm, thanks, but I left my things back by Hannah. Maybe we can talk more after the meeting?

Sure, Andrea said. Some of us go to a café down the street afterwards if you want to join us?

That sounds great—I’d love to, she smiled. Already feeling a lot better, she took her coffee back to her seat by Hannah. The class was starting so she whispered, I was hoping you’d saved my seat. Hannah smiled, making her realize what a pretty face she had with a small pixie-like nose and green wide set eyes. But she wore no makeup and dressed like she wanted to make sure no one noticed her in a tan skirt that came down to her knees and a plaid, cotton blouse with a bulky sweater. Put her in some clothes that were a little more updated, a touch of makeup and she would be really pretty, Jessie mused.

She glanced over a few times and saw Hannah making quite a few notes in her Bible as the teacher shared—a Bible that was already pretty well marked up. The study was in Ephesians, one of her favorite books, and she had a few notes written in her own margins. But this teacher was good and she added a few more as he brought up applications from the scripture she hadn’t heard before. The hour flew by.

After the teacher closed with a prayer and told them he hoped to see them all again Sunday morning, amidst the sound of shuffling papers and scraping chairs, she looked over at Hannah, Some of them were talking about going out for coffee. Are you going?

I don’t think so. I don’t usually go. I’ve got a lot of things to do at home to get ready for work tomorrow, Hannah looked at her shyly. But it was nice meeting you. Maybe you’ll come again?

I’d like to come back Sunday morning—what time do you meet?

We meet here first at nine thirty for our Bible study, then the church service is at eleven.

Sounds great, Jessie said, gathering up her things. Thank you, she smiled at Hannah, it’s hard starting out in a new city and I was feeling a little adrift. I moved here a few weeks ago and haven’t met anyone at my job I wanted to hang around with. They invited me out for drinks a couple of times but I told them I wasn’t interested—that isn’t for me anymore. A shadow crossed her face as she remembered times when she was younger, going with the crowd to singles’ bars, meeting people but never really connecting with anyone—everybody acting like they were having a great time but actually dreading going home to empty apartments. She was so glad God had saved her from that life. I was hoping this would be a good place to meet people who think a little more like I do, you know?

It is, Hannah assured her. I think you’ll like it. I’ve gone here all my life. She’d gathered up her things too. I’ll see you Sunday then? she smiled shyly but had already started towards the door.

Andrea and David were heading their way with several other people as Hannah was walking away. Andrea called out Hannah, want to join us for coffee?

Um, no thanks, Hannah glanced over toward Andrea. I’ve got to get ready for work tomorrow. See you Sunday. She ducked out the door. Jessie watched her leave and made a mental note to make sure she sought her out on Sunday, thinking of how shy she’d been when she was a kid.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention back to the group. We’re going to a coffee shop right down the street, David told her. We usually just walk. Interested?

Sounds great. I’d love to.

They headed out and even though it was only late August it was already cool enough here to make her shiver. And then wondered what she was thinking, this wasn’t cool—cool was seventy-something degrees in California when you pulled your sweaters out. This was cold! She pulled her wrap tighter around her shoulders.

A man she remembered meeting before the class but whose name had completely slipped her mind came up beside her and draped a loose arm around her shoulders. Did I hear you’re from California? he asked. This must be a little chilly for you. I have some cousins in California—August is still pretty warm there, isn’t it?

A lot warmer than this, she said a little wistfully.

You met a lot of people back there in class—I bet you don’t even remember my name, do you? He dropped his arm from her shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets but stayed fairly close as they walked.

No, I have to admit…I have no idea. I’m sorry, Jessie gave him an apologetic look.

He had straight brown hair that looked soft as a little boy’s, was a few inches taller than her five and a half feet and pretty muscular. He must be pretty consistent in working out, either that or he had really good genes. Adam, he said with a grin. Just remember the first man.

Well, Adam, that should make it fairly easy for me to remember, she chuckled.

As they walked along to the café, he told her he was a building contractor—which explained the muscles. Her brother Kyle was a building contractor too, back in California and it kept him in pretty good shape too.

And you’re Jessie—is that short for Jessica? Or were you supposed to be the son your dad always wanted?

No, she gave a short laugh, I don’t think he was looking for another son with two already before I came along. My name’s actually Jessica. I think, though, with two older brothers I was too much of a tomboy to stay a Jessica. They probably started calling me Jessie the first time they had to pull me down out of a tree. And I definitely prefer it to Jessica.

Another woman from the class had walked up alongside them and overhearing their conversation laughed, I don’t see you as being the tomboy type.

She flashed a quick grin, I guess I’ve outgrown dirty fingernails and bare feet—well, maybe not the bare feet. But something tells me I won’t be going barefoot here as much I used to in California!

Well, we do have a few nice days—but I think you missed them for this year, she grinned. What brings you here? I mean, who in their right mind willingly leaves California and moves to Baltimore?

My job, Jessie laughingly replied.

Which is…?

I’m a reporter for the Baltimore Sun.

Wow, impressive! the woman replied.

Not nearly as impressive as it might sound, she told her. I’m only doing obituaries for now, but working for a newspaper in a city this size was a pretty good career boost. I hope I get moved up to real news reporting soon. Maybe they’ll recognize my huge talents before too long, she chuckled. I’m sorry…I don’t think I caught your name either?

Joanna, she said. Nice to meet you, Reporter Jessie! She was a small, spritely girl with an open, friendly face. I work for the great City of Baltimore—in the Human Resources Department. Not all that exciting but it pays the bills.

Well, it’s good to know my new home town is in such good hands.

They’d arrived at the small café and everybody piled inside; Jessie was thankful for the warmth. They looked around for a booth big enough for all of them. Nothing was available so a pleasant but rather tired looking older woman waved them to the back of the restaurant and moved a velvet rope blocking off the back area. Come on back here where there’s room for all o’ you. And you good prayin’ people can pray I don’t forget you’re back here! She laughed and set about getting a large booth in the corner ready for them with carafes of coffee.

Thanks, Hazel, Adam tickled her in the ribs as she walked by. Hazel laughed and slapped him away. He certainly was the touchy-feely type, Jessie was beginning to see.

She was so glad she had gotten herself to the Bible study tonight even though she was exhausted from her new job, new apartment, new everything. She was already feeling better about her move here to Baltimore. Much better than she felt in Texas where she hadn’t been able to find a church or make any real friendships, making her feel more and more isolated from her family in California. And there hadn’t seemed to be any real chance of promotion in her job there so she prayed hard about it and felt God was telling her it was time to stretch herself again. She’d started applying for whatever she found online, but had really been hoping for something a little closer to California. She’d questioned God more than once about taking this job all the way out on the east coast, concerned about it being just about as far away from California as she could have gone. She never got that audible answer—the kind you don’t hear with your ears but your mind hears clear as a bell—but as she kept praying about it, everything fell into place so easily she felt it was the plan God had for her. But she definitely would have to buy some warmer clothes—she honestly hadn’t expected it to be so cold this early in the year and was still shivering from the brisk Baltimore air.

She realized a man across the table was talking to her. I’m sorry, she apologized, I was daydreaming. You were saying…? He looked to be in his thirties, a little older than the rest of the group who seemed to be closer to their late twenties, as she was—she’d just turned twenty-eight this year. He was good-looking though and had a quiet self-confidence about him that was definitely appealing. She may not be looking for one, she grinned to herself, but God certainly hadn’t taken away her appreciation for good-looking men.

I was asking if you’ve seen much of Baltimore? he asked in a charming southern drawl. We’ve got some great museums and theaters… He was holding the carafe over her cup, Decaf?

Thank you, yes. Definitely decaf. She hadn’t noticed him in the class or when they were walking to the café. He was dressed in a suit that looked like it might have cost as much as a couple pairs of Andrea’s shoes. She wasn’t destitute but she certainly didn’t make the kind of money it looked like some of these people made. Maybe that was the difference in living in a large city like Baltimore instead of the small towns she’d lived in so far. But money had never been very important to her. She appreciated being financially comfortable—and had been since her parents had passed away, leaving everything to her and her brothers. Well, actually they’d been fairly comfortable their whole lives—but she didn’t think she’d ever been anywhere near these guys’ league.

I’d love to see more of the city when I’ve got time, she told him. I just moved here a couple of weeks ago, my apartment is still full of boxes and I’ve got my hands full learning a new job. But maybe in a few weeks you can give me some suggestions?

I’d love to, he grinned, deep dimples giving him a boyish appeal.

She might have to be on her guard here. She knew men found her attractive, but she also knew good looks could be a double-edged sword. A pretty face definitely helped open doors and she’d been told more than once she should get a job in television rather than hiding behind newspapers with her slim, athletic figure, hazel eyes, and long, thick—and what she considered on bad hair days—unruly auburn hair. The small smattering of freckles on her otherwise clear skin she assumed came with the red hair—and loving the outdoors—and she usually didn’t bother to cover them up. She’d realized from the beginning though, that most of the people who commented on her looks were men who were just trying to hit on her. Sometimes she attracted men without trying, but she’d gotten pretty good at keeping the opposite sex at arms’ length, preferring to keep them as friends and avoid uncomfortable entanglements.

And just because other people might think she should work in front of a camera, she knew it wasn’t what she wanted. She had wanted to be a newspaper reporter since the eighth grade when her school had held a career day and brought in people from different jobs to talk to her and her school mates about what they might want to do with their lives. She had listened to all of them but had been captivated by the newspaper reporter who worked for their city paper. He quickly got her rapt attention—describing what he sometimes had to do to get his story, spending the night in his car to get interviews then racing against time to get his article written so he could submit it in time to get it printed in the next day’s paper. It sounded like such an adventure, especially for a young girl who had an ongoing love affair with writing and read just about any book she could get her hands on—and one who also wanted to see the world some day. She had tried to talk to her mother about it when she got home from school that day, but as usual her mother was too busy to really listen and her father just told her she was young and would probably think of several things she wanted to do with her life before she finished school. Neither of them ever seemed to take her seriously—then or later. Support at home wasn’t a huge priority in their house—it was amazing she and her brothers had done as well as they had.

Their mother had been a successful opera singer and traveled a lot. She’d been in awe of her since she was a little girl, but never felt close to her mother. Their father taught English Literature at a small university in southern California and always seemed more interested in his students than his own children. The nights he was home, he was usually in his study reading or grading papers. She’d always assumed he’d considered a newspaper reporter much lower in the hierarchy of writing than a true author.

She never lost her dream though and worked on her high school newspaper while she researched which college would be best for her goals. Everything had seemed to fall in place. And now she had arrived—or almost, anyway. She was working for a large newspaper like she’d always dreamed, even if obituaries had never been a part of that dream. Both her parents were gone now and she couldn’t show them she was achieving her goals. But she didn’t think either of them would have been satisfied with anything less than a Katharine Graham.

She was drifting again and knew it was because she was tired. The last two weeks had been mentally and physically exhausting—so many new things to learn at work—so many boxes to unpack at home. She spent another few minutes chatting with her new friends, then excused herself, telling them she needed to call it a night. They all cheerfully bid her goodnight and told her they looked forward to seeing her again Sunday morning.

She stopped at the register to pay for her coffee and when she got to the door, a well-dressed arm stretched out to hold the door for her. The man who had been telling her about their museums was at her side. I hope you didn’t think we were going to let you head out on these dark city streets alone? he smiled pleasantly. I can give you a ride home if you’d like? By the way, my name’s Tom, Tom Jenkins.

Thanks, Tom, but I don’t mind taking the bus. I’ll get a car at some point, but I’m pretty leery of driving on your icy streets. But if you wouldn’t mind walking me to the bus stop… she gave him a grateful smile.

Not at all, Tom replied. It’s on my way back to my car anyway. I can give you some pointers on driving on snow too when the time comes. The most important one is make sure you have good snow tires. He grinned down at her, showing those cute dimples again. He was almost as tall as David—over six feet anyway, she definitely had to look up at him. And definitely boyishly handsome too, with that shade of sandy brown hair that a couple of weeks in California would quickly turn blond. Which probably didn’t happen much here, she shivered when a blast of cold air hit them as soon as they walked outside the restaurant. She pulled her wrap tighter around her shoulders again. She was glad it wasn’t far to the bus stop where there was a shelter.

The buses run on a regular schedule, Tom informed her, falling into step beside her. We won’t have to wait long.

Oh, you don’t have to wait with me, she told him, not wanting to impose on his goodwill. I’ll be fine, I’m sure.

Absolutely not. What kind of gentleman would leave a defenseless young lady standing alone on a dark street?

Well, I appreciate that—and to be honest I would feel better if you waited with me. But… she grinned up at him, don’t think I’m defenseless. I grew up with two pretty rough brothers who used to make me play football with them and I’m a fairly good kick-boxer. I may not win a fight, but I can probably make somebody sorry they started one!

I guess I’d better not underestimate you then, had I? he said, amusement crinkling his eyes.

Her bus pulled up right then so she thanked Tom and told him she’d see him on Sunday. She waved as the bus pulled away. Relaxing back in her seat she was tired, but it was a good tired. She had to admit she’d been trying hard to be anxious for nothing but struggling because it had been a tough week. Baltimore was such a huge city, so different from any other place she’d lived, and she’d been feeling a little disconnected. She’d seen the flyer for the singles’ Bible study at the metro station downtown—and had almost talked herself out of going, coming up with a ton of excuses—too tired, too much unpacking to do… But she’d been praying about finding a church here, not wanting to repeat the church hopping she’d done in Texas. And her Bible had definitely been unpacked—she knew better than to try to start a new life like this and not stay in the Word. Satan would use this time to attack her when her defenses were down and she knew it. So she convinced herself to grab her Bible and head back downtown to the church, tired or not. And what a good decision it had been. She felt so much better!

Leaning her head back against the seat, she reflected on the people she’d met tonight. Andrea, David, Adam—she chuckled to herself, she didn’t think she’d have a problem remembering his name again—Tom, who had been such a gentleman walking her to the bus stop, they had all seemed to be such incredibly nice people. She was definitely looking forward to seeing them all again Sunday.

And absently watching the city stream past her window, she thought about the girl, Hannah, she’d sat with at the Bible study. Thinking how she hadn’t been interested in joining them tonight after the Bible study and wondering if she had family at home, or was she alone too? But they were never alone, God was always with them. She used to think she wanted to be married someday, have kids, all the typical things most girls want. But as time passed and she didn’t meet anyone she had the desire to spend the rest of her life with, God started showing her He would be her husband: Isaiah 54:5: For your husband is your Maker… and Psalm 37:4, her life verse: Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart…. And the apostle Paul had said there were big advantages to being single—he said unmarried women were concerned about the Lord’s affairs, but the married woman was more concerned with pleasing her husband.

It hadn’t been easy, but it had been one of—no, the most life-changing truth she had ever learned as a Christian. Seeing God as her Husband allowed her to feel fulfilled and not see men in her life as the panacea that would fill her need for approval. The high expectations she’d put on the couple of men she’d dated had ended up making the relationships pretty much unbearable. But now her need was filled by God. And she finally had the unconditional love she’d been looking for her whole life. God filled her every need and not only did that make her feel completely content, it made her put less pressure on her friends to fill the void that used to be there.

There had still been times in her life, even after accepting Christ as her savior, that she’d felt alone. She could remember more than once waking up in the morning, feeling the overwhelming burden of the entire day ahead of her and not knowing how she would get through it. But as God walked with her through those hard times, showing her how to lay her burdens on Him and trust Him, He also showed her how to wake up with joy. Sometimes she still imagined God gently shaking her awake in the morning, telling her He had created another new day for her—and knowing He would be right there with her to share it. Just imagine, God, the great Creator of the universe—her loving Savior…and her Husband too. Her lips curved into a smile just thinking about it.

Her oldest brother, Devon, was married and he and his wife, Marsha, had an adorable little daughter and two of the cutest boys in the world for her to smother with love, so she really didn’t feel the need to have children of her own. And she was sure her other brother Kyle would settle down someday and have a family of his own too. Christians didn’t always seem to understand how she felt—the church was so family-oriented. And it wasn’t that she didn’t like children, she loved them, she just had so many things she wanted to do for the Lord and didn’t feel like she needed a family of her own. She had gone on several mission trips when she lived in California and was hooked. And didn’t Paul also say it was good to remain single and serve the Lord with all your heart if you were blessed with that ability? It had been a hard lesson to learn, but when she finally got to the place where she completely trusted God’s plans for her life and left it in His capable hands, she felt such a relief—as if a huge weight had been taken off her shoulders. If His plans didn’t include a family, there was no doubt in her mind about trusting Him because He promised He would never leave her or forsake her.

The bus slowed down and when she glanced out she realized they were pulling up to her stop. She hurriedly gathered up her things, thankful she’d quit daydreaming and didn’t have to walk far in this cold. The driver looked a little surprised when she smiled and thanked him as she got off. She figured not many people bothered to thank him and also realized she was probably marking herself as a small town yokel. She’d need to learn to be a little more sophisticated if she wanted to blend in, she thought with a grin. She walked the short block to her apartment building and let herself through the glass doors into her lobby.

It was actually a nice building but she hoped she wouldn’t be living here too long. She was already missing the privacy of her own home. But she wanted to wait and see what a winter here was actually like before she bought a house. She was brave…but not dumb. As she unlocked her door and walked in her apartment, her good mood faltered when she saw all the boxes waiting to be unpacked. Oh well, she gave a small shrug, I was where God wanted me tonight. Tomorrow’s another day. She washed her face and got ready for bed, set her alarm and read her nighttime devotion. Thinking about her day, she thanked God again for watching over her and must have fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Chapter 2

When the alarm woke her up the next morning, she didn’t think she’d even moved during the night. She must have been more tired than she realized. She laid there for a while, stretching and enjoying the leisure of waking up. One thing she liked about her job was not having to be at the office any specific time—or any specific day really. If she got her work in on time, no one seemed to notice if she was in the office or not. She could do her work in the morning, midnight, whenever she wanted and submit it online. She didn’t need to be there every day, but she also knew if she wanted to get assigned to something other than the obituaries she’d better make herself known to her editor. So she made sure she was in the office a few days a week by ten. That still gave her plenty of time for her prayer time and Bible study and exercise in the mornings. She was going to have to find a gym though since there didn’t seem to be any place for her morning run, plus she wanted to keep up her kick-boxing workouts. She preferred exercising outdoors—but even if she did find a good place to run, she really couldn’t imagining running in snow.

Okay slacker, she prodded herself as she tossed the covers back, get up and get going. She quickly got her slippers on and headed down the hall to her cozy little kitchen and got herself and the coffee going. While the coffee was brewing, she opened her Bible. She had a regimen of reading through it each year and was just finishing the Old